BHB 18

“I’m going to talk with him for a bit before going in, so you go in first.”

Do Youngjae quietly nodded and stepped back, carefully closing the door to prevent any sound. Once the third party was gone, Yeowon discarded the nearly burnt-out cigarette in the ashtray and irritably entered Lee Taegang’s house. Yeowon had made the decision that it was better to have the conversation inside than to make a scene outside.

Lee Taegang, who had followed Yeowon inside, slammed the door shut and stood face to face in front of the narrow entrance. With the suddenly shortened distance, Yeowon had to lift his head to look at Lee Taegang. His direct gaze was stark. In an instant, as the external noise disappeared, a heavy silence descended. In the quiet, only the faint sound of their shallow breaths resonated between them.

It had been a while since they’d been this close. They used to be so comfortable and at ease at this distance, but now there was tension in the air. It felt like more than just the aftermath of an argument. It was a tension marked by a strange trembling as they became acutely aware of each other. However, Yeowon deliberately ignored it and met Lee Taegang’s steady gaze directly while calmly gathering his words.

“…I know I went overboard the other day and said some things that upset you.”

“…”

“But you have to admit—you’ve been acting weird lately.”

Yeowon spoke softly with an expressionless face. He didn’t want to raise his voice or escalate this into another fight. He just wanted to dispel this awkward atmosphere that had been lingering for the past few days. He only wanted to return to how things were before with Lee Taegang.

“Really, don’t interfere with your life?”

“…”

“You really want me had nothing to do with your private life, who you sleep with, what you do behind my back?”

Only then did Yeowon deeply realize how hurt he was by this fact. He felt more than disappointed – he felt angry at him for drawing a line that had never existed before and pushing him out of his boundaries. Yeowon looked at Lee Taegang directly, unable to hide his distorted expression of hurt.

They were close enough for their breaths to touch each other’s skin. The house was dark, with only the sensor light at the entrance providing illumination. Under the reddish sensor light, he could see Lee Taegang’s wavering pupils. Seeing this unusual side of him, Yeowon felt that peculiar vulnerability he sometimes showed. Like a small child who had been beaten by his parents when he was young. Whenever Lee Taegang showed even the slightest sign of weakness or vulnerability, Yeowon’s heart would sink deeply with concern.

Yeowon briefly regretted perhaps pushing him too hard at that moment. Yes, there might be things he really doesn’t want to talk about and wants to keep hidden. Just as he was about to take a step back, thinking he might have been too emotional and stubborn…

“Taegang, I just…”

That’s when he realized Lee Taegang’s face had come right in front of him. The moment he noticed, his lips were suddenly blocked. His body was roughly pushed back, his back hitting the wall hard. Fortunately, his head didn’t hit thanks to Lee Taegang’s large hand blocking it, but that wasn’t the important thing.

“Mmph!”

Yeowon stared blankly at Lee Taegang, who was kissing him with his face turned slightly aside, his eyes wide. At the sound of their saliva meeting, and his t0ngue sliding opportunistically between his surprised, parted lips, Yeowon unconsciously gripped his shoulders tightly. Though this wasn’t Yeowon’s first kiss, such aggressive movement was new to him.

With the explicit kiss devouring his lips and the hot sensation of his t0ngue exploring his mouth as if searching for its place, Yeowon finally came to his senses and roughly struck his shoulders with his gripping hands. It was far from a gentle blow. Yeowon pushed him away, feeling his insides twist with nausea, but Lee Taegang quickly wrapped one hand around his waist to keep him from falling and applying even more force to the hand that held the back of his head to prevent him from pulling away. Caught in his grip, Yeowon floundered helplessly. He fought back, striking his shoulders and twisting his body.

“Mm—mmph!”

As Yeowon tried to close his gaping mouth and gesture for him to stop, Lee Taegang was relentless. He followed every movement, licking Yeowon’s lips, inserting his t0ngue, and svcking greedily.  Their saliva coated each other thickly, but all Yeowon could think about was getting out of Taegang’s grasp as quickly as possible.

“Haa…”

Taegang shoved his t0ngue deep into Yeowon’s mouth, as if he were trying to l1ck all the way to his throat. His movements were unabashed, invasive, and so forceful they felt terrifyingly unfamiliar. Yeowon shoved Taegang away again, this time with as much strength as he could muster.

Finally, Taegang’s massive frame backed off by a single step. Taking that momentary gap as his chance, Yeowon tried to move away, but his balance faltered, and he stumbled to the ground. He didn’t even notice the pain of the fall as he scrambled to crawl away. But before he could move any further, his body was turned around.

“Stop…! I said stop!”

It was the first time Yeowon’s voice sounded so desperate, so fragile to his own ears. Despite his frantic plea, Taegang paid no heed. He dropped down over Yeowon and forcefully pressed his lips against Yeowon’s again. Yeowon shook his head, trying to reject him, but Taegang didn’t budge. Instead, he devoured Yeowon’s lips, stubbornly chasing after every turn and twist to keep their mouths locked together.

“You crazy bastard—mmph…!”

“Ha…”

Taegang’s heated breaths brushed against the edge of Yeowon’s lips, and the primal sound of it made Yeowon’s fingers tingle with unease.

“Han Yeowon… Yeowon-ah.”

Taegang whispered his name with an almost blind desperation, as though he couldn’t see anything else in the world. He bit down on Yeowon’s lips and dragged his t0ngue up the side of his cheek, leaving a wet trail in its wake.

“Do you know why I sleep with Jeon Chae-min?”

The sudden mention of a name made Yeowon recoil with even greater disgust. Of all times, why would that name come up now? He glared at Taegang, his face crumpled in indignation. But Taegang, seemingly oblivious, looked down at him with an expression strangely soft, almost affectionate. He loudly svcked on Yeowon’s lower lip before grazing his teeth along his jawline.

“If I didn’t sleep with anyone…”

Taegang trailed off as he peppered Yeowon’s chin, the corners of his mouth, and his cheek with kisses. His actions were deceptively tender, as if they belonged to lovers. But his grip on Yeowon’s face was anything but gentle—he held him firmly in place, forcing him to stop avoiding his advances.

“I felt like I might end up r4ping you.”

The words hit Yeowon like a thunderbolt. His face drained of color as he stared up at Taegang in shock. But before he could even process what he’d just heard, Taegang leaned down and kissed him again. The unrelenting kiss was suffocating, smothering, and Yeowon twisted and thrashed in protest. He clawed at Taegang’s hands, trying to free his face from his grip, and leaned back to create distance. But each time he tried to escape, Taegang grabbed him again, dragging him back into his reach. His mouth bit and licked at every inch of Yeowon’s face before his t0ngue forced its way between his lips again.

“Han Yeowon…”

With a voice dripping in yearning, Taegang murmured his name as he continued his 4ssavlt. His t0ngue slid past Yeowon’s lips, probing and twisting as saliva mixed between them. The lewd sound of their mingling fluids filled the air, obscenely loud, and made Yeowon’s skin crawl. Then, Taegang began to tug at Yeowon’s coat with rough, urgent hands, his eyes wild with a feral intensity. It was the gaze of someone who had completely surrendered to his instincts—a predator consumed by lust.

“Stop… stop it! Mm—stop!”

Yeowon’s voice cracked, pale with fear, as he refused the hands digging into his clothes and scrambled forward on all fours. But before he could get far, a heavy hand clamped down on his calf, pulling him back. Taegang dragged him closer, pressing his lips to Yeowon’s again, hungrily l1cking up the saliva that had spilled over during their struggle. Then, with one violent motion, he tore Yeowon’s shirt open beneath his coat. The sharp sound of fabric ripping filled the air as buttons scattered to the floor.

The noise jolted Yeowon, and without hesitation, he lashed out, kicking his foot into Taegang’s stomach.

“Haa… You… fvcking bastard…”

Only then did Lee Taegang stop moving. Yeowon gasped for air, wiping the saliva off his lips with the back of his hand. That short moment felt like an eternity. His hands trembled with fear and terror, as if he was really going to be eaten.

For the first time, Yeowon fully grasped the overwhelming difference in strength between them. Though they were both men, today it became painfully clear just how powerless he was in comparison. It felt like he was plummeting through the void of space. To be nearly 4ssavlted by his friend—a friend who was more important than anyone else, someone he had always considered as close as family—was a reality Yeowon couldn’t comprehend.

Yeowon steadied his breath, stood up, walked over to Lee Taegang who sat slumped, and slapped his cheek with all his might. Lee Taegang took the hit without dodging or looking at him. Even when hit with a fist, he merely turned his head without making a sound. Yeowon raised his fist again with all his strength but unconsciously hesitated at the sight of Lee Taegang staring at the floor like a lifeless doll. Instead, he forced out words crushed with anger.

“What is this… what kind of fvcking…”

Yeowon could still feel the movement of Taegang’s tongue in his mouth. It felt like the hot sensation was stimulating every nerve in his body. His fist, clenched white-knuckled, trembled.

“Why such…!”

Yeowon trailed off, biting his lip hard. Until then, Lee Taegang couldn’t lift his head. Angered by how he sat there like a victim, like something broken, Yeowon turned and quickly left the place.

Putting his removed coat back on, he returned home and headed straight to his bedroom, ignoring the companions in the living room. Locking the door and slumping down, Yeowon recalled his own disheveled state. His skin showed through the torn shirt, and his lips and face were still wet. He could vividly feel the merciless force that had torn his clothes.

“Fvcking bastard… son of a b1tch…”

Yeowon roughly wiped his lips while chewing out curses. Then he hurriedly threw off his clothes and headed to the bathroom. He stepped under the shower without knowing if the water was cold or hot and tried to steady his breathing. Yet his eyes shook violently at the sensation that wouldn’t disappear. Lee Taegang’s fierce breathing against his skin. Those eyes rippling with pure lust. As soon as these vivid sensations replayed in his mind, his lower abdomen grew heavy. Yeowon looked down with a horrified expression at the dizzying sensation like insects crawling over him.

His face turned pale the moment he saw his own lower half beginning to respond. Soon after, as his nose stung and his eyes grew hot, Yeowon let out a groan while running his hands over his face. It felt like falling endlessly into an abyss with no bottom.

**

The first thing Yeowon did the next morning upon waking up was change the password to his house. Then he just holed up inside. He didn’t go to school. Messages and missed calls piled up, but he didn’t even look at them.

Occasionally he could hear someone entering in the door password. But when the door wouldn’t open, they started banging on it loudly. After pounding for a while, it went quiet. The next day, he heard the sound of the door password being pressed again, followed by the harsh noise of someone trying to force the door handle open as if to break it. Yeowon, trapped in the bedroom, tried hard to ignore it.

Yeowon didn’t need to wonder who it was, and he had no intention of opening the door. He was angry at Lee Taegang, but more than anything, he just needed time alone. Rather than sorting out his thoughts, he wanted to avoid the confusing situation for a while. Besides, he had no idea how to face Lee Taegang if he saw him. He didn’t have the confidence to confront him.

After three days of seclusion, Yeowon checked his phone. The messages were endless, and there were countless missed calls. Most of the messages were from classmates asking why he wasn’t coming to school or acquaintances inviting him out for drinks. The majority of missed calls were from Taegang. The number showed how persistently he had tried, but seeing it only made Yeowon feel more conflicted.

Yeowon tossed the phone back in a corner and headed to the kitchen. Having starved all day,he rummaged through the shelves planning to cobble together some kind of meal. But all he could find was a can of tuna with chili, a carton of spoiled milk, and some expired convenience store kimchi.

Usually, Taegang and he would go grocery shopping regularly, but they hadn’t been together lately so he’d forgotten. Yeowon let out a deep sigh and thought about ordering delivery, but changed his mind as he reached for his phone. He didn’t feel like having a big meal, so he put on a coat. He wanted to get some fresh air and have a can of beer with a cup of ramen in front of the convenience store. It had been exactly three days. He couldn’t take the stifling atmosphere any longer.

Having also run out of cigarettes, Yeowon grabbed his wallet and opened the front door for the first time in days. The electronic lock chirped cheerfully as it disengaged.

He left the building and headed to the convenience store. He bought several types of canned beer and some light dried snacks instead of cup ramen. After paying, he was about to head home but decided to sit at one of the parasol tables in front of the store. He casually opened a can of beer right there.

Yeowon downed one can in two gulps and chewed on a piece of beef jerky. The shock from that day still hadn’t faded. The s3xual fear and intimidation he felt from his friend. The weight and strength of Taegang’s body pressing down on him. And above all, those eyes he’d never seen before.

Taegang’s eyes were gleaming with a manic look, like someone dying of thirst searching for an oasis. From beginning to end.

Recalling that moment sent chills down Yeowon’s spine again, and he gulped down another can of beer.

The most absurd part, though, was the thought that crept unbidden into his mind that if he hadn’t left, if Taegang had pushed a little harder, Yeowon might have just given in and slept with him. Taegang’s sudden kiss and rough touch were surprising and confusing, but not repulsive.

That’s why Yeowon was so confused. If it had been purely disgusting and unpleasant, he could have just cursed at him, beaten him up, and been done with it. Then he could have just never seen him again. But…