GBH 95

During lunch break, Song Yi-heon reflected that the only manual skill he possessed was throwing punches. He was confident in breaking things, but had no talent for creation. Standing a step back to appreciate the panel that the manga club had laid out on the floor to use as a partition during the festival, Yi-heon put down the flat brush in his hand and apologized.

“Hey, um… I’m sorry.”

Certainly, when the manhwa club student had offered him the brush to try painting, the panel had been filled with lively cartoon characters. But after Yi-heon’s brushwork, they had been reborn as some dark, murky monstrosity.

The student who had unwittingly suggested the brushwork trembled.

“No, it’s okay. I mean… we can fix this. Probably…?”

“Yeah, Yi-heon. Don’t worry. We can fix it.”

A female classmate who had brought Yi-heon along also hastily grabbed a brush. From behind them, Yi-heon hesitantly made a new suggestion.

“If it doesn’t work, I’ll buy a new one so you can draw it again, um…”

With less than two weeks until the festival, redrawing wasn’t feasible. As Yi-heon hesitated, manga club members returning from lunch rushed over to the panel with exclamations.

“What’s this? What happened? Why is the panel like this? Who did this?”

Yi-heon, the guilty party with no words even if he had two mouths, was pushed back.

“…”

Yi-heon lingered nearby wanting to help, but was left idle as the club members formed a human barricade to prevent approach while focusing on restoring the panel. Feeling awkward standing there like a sack of borrowed barley, he quietly left the club room to buy some drinks.

He was about to go down the stairs past the library next to the club room. He narrowly avoided colliding with someone who popped out from the opposite corner. After helping steady the swaying stack of books the other person was carrying, he recognized the familiar scent and crown – it was Choi Se-kyung. Yi-heon wrinkled his nose.

“Why are you here again?”

Thinking summer vacation wasn’t enough, Yi-heon was disgusted at the thought of being followed even at school.

“Are you still following me around?”

“Your self-consciousness is excessive.”

The gentle eyes peeking over the stack of books smiled in rebuke before handing over the books. Se-kyung took half the books back from the bewildered Yi-heon who had reflexively accepted them. As Se-kyung went ahead, Yi-heon followed with an “Oh.” Se-kyung opened the library door with his foot and stepped aside to let Yi-heon enter first.

The library they entered was also in disarray, with students gathered at tables cutting and pasting colored paper, presumably preparing for the festival. Too busy with their scissors, the students didn’t notice Se-kyung’s entrance. Without calling to them, Se-kyung set down the books he was carrying on a mobile bookshelf.

“The library club members asked for help because they’re busy with festival preparations.”

After placing the books he’d taken from Yi-heon on the mobile shelf and shelving the returned books piled on the desk, the mobile shelf was full. As he pushed it, the wheels of the shelf, weighed down by books, made a creaking noise.

“So you’re in the library club?”

“Yeah.”

“Right, you like books.”

Yi-heon assumed, recalling the huge bookshelf in Se-kyung’s room. But Se-kyung’s fondness for reading was for a different reason.

“It’s quiet.”

He really hates anything noisy. Yi-heon found it strange that someone like that had followed him around every night throughout summer vacation. Pushing the mobile shelf Se-kyung was pulling from behind, Yi-heon said, “It’s amazing that you said I’m not noisy.”

“I never said you weren’t noisy.”

“You bastard.”

Se-kyung’s soft laughter dispersed among the dust floating in the air. Other students were absent, likely busy with festival preparations. As they pulled the shelf deeper into the stacks, the voices of the library club members gathered at the tables grew fainter.

The unoiled wheels rolled laboriously through the quiet aisles. As Yi-heon pushed the mobile shelf from behind, Se-kyung found places for the returned books.

“Can you hand me the Korean novels there?”

Se-kyung held out his hand while scanning the shelves, but turned to look at Yi-heon when there was no response. Seeing him checking the wall clock, he asked:

“Are you in a hurry?”

There was still plenty of time before lunch break ended to help Se-kyung and leave. Yi-heon grabbed a bunch of books from the section Se-kyung had indicated and handed them over.

“No. I can stay for a bit. There’s nothing to do even if I go back now. I messed up the drawing the manga club kids made.”

“Oh dear.”

Se-kyung raised his eyebrows sympathetically.

“You’re lucky to have escaped alive after causing that accident.”

Having never participated in a festival except for an elder’s 60th birthday party in the only tile-roofed house in his childhood village, Yi-heon couldn’t grasp the situation. He understood he had done wrong by ruining the kids’ carefully drawn picture with irreversible strokes, but he wasn’t sure if it was a life-threatening mistake, so he asked:

“Is it really that big a deal?”

“Yeah, it’ll be trouble if you go back to the manga club. Stay here and help me organize the shelves instead.”

Even though Yi-heon was out of touch with today’s youth, he wasn’t fooled by Se-kyung’s obvious exaggeration. Finding Se-kyung’s half-hearted attempt at lying in a gentle tone endearingly pathetic, Yi-heon decided to help with the shelf organization as Se-kyung wished.

“Let’s finish organizing this and then apologize together.”

“Okay.”

As they reached the shelves for philosophy books and classics while organizing returned books in order, the quiet library grew even more silent. Being an unpopular section, new books with no signs of being opened had faded to yellow. Yi-heon, trying to help Se-kyung, ended up just pushing the mobile shelf as he didn’t know the book arrangement rules. Having built his life experiences of loyalty and compassion with his fists, he had no connection to books other than workbooks.

Even when he had free time, he was always busy playing ball and had rarely been to the library. Before he knew it, Yi-heon had abandoned the mobile shelf and was exploring the bookshelves. The musty smell of old paper stung his nose.

The unevenly packed books created a bumpy line. Through the gaps between the shelves and books, Se-kyung’s mouth was visible, and their eyes met when a shelf emptied. Their footsteps echoed as they walked the same space on opposite sides of the bookshelf. The creaking of loose floorboards added to the faded peace like gentle dust.

As they neared the end of the shelves, Se-kyung’s lips moved as he inserted the last book.

“I want to kiss you.”

There was a faint sound of wood splitting from the misaligned edge of the bookshelf Yi-heon was holding. Pretending to be unfazed, Yi-heon warned, “You’ll lose your teeth.”

“My teeth are strong though.”

Se-kyung quickly leaned his upper body to the side of the bookcase and opened his mouth with an “Ah.” He even showed off his even teeth by pulling at the corners of his mouth. With his bangs grown long enough to cover his eyebrows and round eyes, he looked every bit the innocent nineteen-year-old boy.

“When will you give me an answer?”

And the characteristic of a nineteen-year-old was being direct. Se-kyung’s clear eyes held Yi-heon, preventing him from avoiding the question.

Yi-heon had clearly rejected him when he first confessed, but Se-kyung asked again because their relationship had undergone a big change during the summer vacation. Se-kyung had discovered Yi-heon’s true identity over the summer and had become a source of support. Yi-heon had poured out his resentment over his unjust death in Se-kyung’s arms. With Se-kyung being the only one who could understand, Yi-heon had shamelessly burst into tears despite the significant age difference.

As Se-kyung became his only confidant, the age gap became irrelevant.

Yi-heon, aware of this change, could no longer push Se-kyung away thoughtlessly. He didn’t want to push him away either. Apart from the fact that studying with Se-kyung improved his grades, he enjoyed the time spent with Se-kyung, who showed pure passion in unexpected areas.

However, dating was a different matter entirely. Se-kyung should be having a normal relationship with someone his own age. While Se-kyung was unaware of the normalcy he should be enjoying, Yi-heon saw the privileges unique to each age group. He couldn’t let Se-kyung give up the youthful freshness that he, a man old on the inside despite his teenage appearance, couldn’t imitate.

“We can’t. Let’s stay friends.”

As he rejected him, Yi-heon picked at his hangnail, afraid of losing even their friendship.

Knowing Se-kyung’s feelings, asking to remain friends was selfish. Se-kyung’s support during the summer vacation wasn’t out of pure goodwill. He had constantly expressed his sincerity, and arranging meetings with Shim Su-jin or Choi Myung-hyun was his way of trying to impress the person he liked.

Yi-heon wanted to maintain their bond until his original self returned, even while exploiting Se-kyung’s feelings for him. Despite knowing it was selfish, he hoped to keep their connection.

Because Choi Se-kyung was lovable, unique, and…

A slight dizziness overcame Yi-heon, and he held onto the bookshelf for support. He felt a little short of breath and loosened his tie as his pulse seemed to tighten. Trying to hide these physical changes from Se-kyung made him feel nauseous, as if his insides were twisting.

Unlike the first rejection, which was so bewildering he barely remembered how he handled it, this rejection was particularly difficult. As if gravity had doubled, Yi-heon struggled to straighten his back, and Se-kyung smiled.

“I’ve been rejected.”

That was the extent of Se-kyung’s reaction. Without any lingering attachment like asking for reconsideration or explanation, Se-kyung cleanly backed off. Although it was what he had wanted, strangely, as Se-kyung put a period to the matter, Yi-heon found himself struggling to breathe, feeling a tightness in his stomach.