GB 48

Bad habits are easier to pick up than good ones.

He had learned about masturbation and began to realize his sexual desires were bursting forth like a dam breaking.

That was a really troublesome thing because Haero’s object of desire was none other than Yoon Moo-hwa.

He tried to think of someone else, but there was no one, and if he forcibly tried to focus on anyone, or even just the sensation, his desire would fade away.

Haero’s desire was conditional, and even under those conditions, it was an incomplete thing that easily died down.

What should he call this, which flared up frequently but subsided so easily?

Thanks to that, Haero endured and endured, but in the end, at the climax, he would seek out Yoon Moo-hwa.

“Ah, hyung.” Haero shuddered and trembled.

Closing his eyes was a habit. Then the empty chair was no longer empty. Yoon Moo-hwa was sitting there, telling him how to touch himself, where to stroke. Telling him everything, one by one.

As the foreskin of his penis peeled back, Haero also began to realize how humiliating it was.

Yoon Moo-hwa didn’t seem excited at all. Even though it was only once, it was enough to know. Only Haero was stripped bare, while he didn’t even flinch, just watched. Waiting and teaching, as if watching a child take its first steps.

And he would reach his climax calling Yoon Moo-hwa’s name.

The first habit was a scary thing.

“Yoon… Moo-hwa…!” Haero exclaimed, stretching out his toes.

The t-shirt, which had been sucking like someone’s tongue, was already soaked and had long been spat out.

Haero sighed, leaning his head completely against the wall, the exhaustion deepened by his uncomfortable feelings.

“Hyung.” His voice was more subdued, but still more moist than usual, and lingered with a hint of wanting something. “Yoon Moo-hwa….”

He couldn’t blame Yoon Moo-hwa. He didn’t want to be that cowardly. Haero, filled with self-loathing, covered his penis with his hand as it began to rise again.

Yoon Moo-hwa stood in front of Haero’s room, quietly, without moving, listening to his name leaking out from beyond the door. He held an electronic cigarette in his hand. He had bought it after teaching Haero how to masturbate and had been using it frequently lately. Only the tips of Yoon Moo-hwa’s motionless fingers occasionally tapped it. Mostly when Haero’s moans suddenly grew louder, his fingers would twitch.

He must be young, Haero was groaning harshly like a young animal experiencing its first heat. That’s why he taught him how to masturbate properly so he could figure it out on his own without getting hurt.

If you ask if he didn’t think Haero would keep calling his name after that….

“This is troublesome.” Yoon Moo-hwa muttered.

Haero wouldn’t have heard him.

The other side soon became quiet again. He must be exhausted. Perhaps because it was still unfamiliar, he seemed to lack stamina in this regard. How much correlation was there between virility and stamina?

He didn’t know. Worrying about that too would not be helpful to Haero.

Yoon Moo-hwa stood in front of the door with a strange expression, and left when he could no longer hear any sound.

The next day, Haero greeted Yoon Moo-hwa with a nonchalant expression, as if he hadn’t done anything.

On the surface, Haero didn’t seem to connect his actions of masturbating while calling Yoon Moo-hwa’s name to him in any significant way, nor did he seem to think about it seriously. Haero still thought that he had simply buttoned the first button wrong and developed a bad habit.

He had to think that way.

In fact, he was struggling with all his might.

“Haero, did you hear what I said?”

“Huh?” Haero reacted a beat late.

“I saw your schedule. I don’t think I’ll be able to see you next time I come home. I’ll be out on the sea then, unless something comes up.”

The “something” he was talking about usually meant either discovering and rescuing a large number of marine refugees, or the ship breaking down so badly that it couldn’t be fixed with emergency repairs at sea.

Wishing for either of those things to happen was a very cowardly and wicked thing to do, so Haero nipped those thoughts in the bud and swallowed them.

But still, he was disappointed.

“Really…? I guess it’s still hard to meet.” Haero muttered.

He was very disappointed, but Yoon Moo-hwa’s expression didn’t change.

It had been like that since some point. If he had to pinpoint it, it was probably after he became a formal cadet.

Unlike before, there was a clear sense of distance. There was an invisible but palpable line firmly dividing them. Like the barbed wire separating the civilian port from the military port.

He thought he would get closer to him now that he was a cadet, but he was still no different from a child tiptoeing and peering at him from beyond the barbed wire.

“Don’t cause trouble and behave yourself. Every bit of trouble can become a big problem during your cadet years.” Yoon Moo-hwa advised as they finished their meal.

‘Don’t cause trouble?’ 

Who was it that made him stand out at the entrance ceremony?

Haero hadn’t brought up that story yet.

Instead, he was working hard as if he were dead, as much as he had unintentionally stood out. That was also why he had rejected Tan Shui’s repeated requests to hang out without a moment’s hesitation.

“What trouble? It’s not like I’m going to fight with kids at my age.”

“Twenty is still a baby.”

Yoon Moo-hwa, who was twelve years older than him, said that, so he had nothing to say.

“There are plenty of guys on the ship who are fighting even when they’re old. Be careful.” Yoon Moo-hwa had a strange silence, as if he was about to say something more. “Be careful who you make friends with.”

“You were just teasing me for not having any friends?”

“That’s why I’m telling you to be careful who you make friends with from now on. Tan Shui seems like a conspicuous type, but he doesn’t seem to have any big problems. Still, don’t get too involved.”

“Okay….” Haero replied absentmindedly, then suddenly raised his head, wondering if he had ever told Yoon Moo-hwa about Tan Shui.

But Yoon Moo-hwa, who had a sailing schedule today, was already coming out of his room with his dress cap and jacket.

With their farewell imminent, he couldn’t ask him in detail if he had ever mentioned Tan Shui. Besides, Haero had to return to the dormitory today as well.

As if he had already said all the nagging he needed to say, Yoon Moo-hwa went to the front door and used a shoehorn to slip his foot into his shiny shoes.

He was going to leave without looking back, with a dry farewell, and disappear. Haero became anxious. It felt like they were playing tag with an unbridgeable distance between them. And now it wasn’t even easy to meet.

So, without realizing it, he expressed his anxious feelings with his whole body.

“……”

Haero grabbed Yoon Moo-hwa’s back as if he was going to pounce on him and hugged him tightly.

His arms wrapped firmly around his waist and his cheek pressed flat against his back looked almost desperate.

“Haero?”

But Yoon Moo-hwa didn’t understand Haero’s feelings and acted as usual.

No, he was more heartless than usual.

“Why? Are you worried about something?” Yoon Moo-hwa gently pulled Haero’s arms away. 

He didn’t stop there, he pushed Haero away.

Haero realized it too. That Yoon Moo-hwa was rejecting him now.

He was confused.

Haero was only twenty years old. He was sensitive to other people’s small actions and easily hurt. Besides, being rejected by Yoon Moo-hwa, of all people, was too big of an event for him.

“It’s something that happens every time I go out, so don’t worry. Don’t cause any accidents, and make good friends.” Yoon Moo-hwa turned around and tapped Haero’s cheek with the tips of his index and middle fingers.

“If there’s anything urgent, send a letter by fax. If it’s not really urgent, a regular letter is fine too.”

“…The reply.” Haero smiled weakly. The corners of his lips were trembling. “You can’t reply, can you?”

“I’m busy. And I’m out on the sea.”

It was a well-known fact and a familiar answer, but today it felt disappointing and stinging.

Yoon Moo-hwa was about to leave the house as it was, but he clicked his tongue without Haero hearing him and turned around. Then he wrapped his hand around Haero’s head and pulled him close.

It was his lips. His lips were about to touch.

Haero closed his eyes, thinking that Yoon Moo-hwa was going to give him a kiss on the forehead like he used to do sometimes when he was young.

But at that moment, Yoon Moo-hwa hesitated. Hesitating, he pressed his forehead against his instead of his lips. Something hard touched and then fell away instead of something soft and squishy.

“Good luck, Cadet Haero.”

And he left with only one word of encouragement, which was all it was, and disappeared.

Dazed, Haero couldn’t leave his spot for a long time.

The common curriculum that new cadets had to take once a month often included admonitions about the strict rules that cadets had to follow.

Everyone dismissed it as nagging and listened with one ear and let it out the other, but today Haero couldn’t do that.

The gist was this.

Statutory law and the military change most conservatively. The academy strictly prohibits relationships between cadets. Demerits will be given if inappropriate romantic behavior is discovered on campus or in the dormitory.

After class, Haero had no one to ask, so he had no choice but to approach Tan Shui.

“Why can’t we date? Everyone’s doing it anyway.”

Tan Shui looked at Haero with pity, who, despite his high academic drive and decent intelligence, was strangely naive about the world. However, the look was more pitying than contemptuous, so it wasn’t rude.

“Well, everyone’s doing it secretly. The instructors know about it, too. But they don’t want us to make it obvious. And, well, it’s a bit much even between classmates, but dating upperclassmen is even more of a problem. Let’s not get involved in anything like that, you and I. Got it?”

He wasn’t even thinking about it, but he’s already filming a drama.

Before the talkative Tan Shui could stray down another path, Haero quickly followed up with a question, “Why not with upperclassmen?”

Tan Shui stared at Haero, wondering if he was really asking because he didn’t know.

‘Isn’t he close to Colonel Yoon Moo-hwa? Is it just a sponsorship kind of relationship? How can he be so clueless?’

Tan Shui generously decided to enlighten the young soul who seemed prone to wandering off track.

He lowered his head, put his mouth to Haero’s ear, and whispered, “Well, there have been cases where people have used their rank to coerce relationships, so we need to be careful. How do you know if they coerced or not, and how do you prove it?”

“It could easily become sexual harassment using authority.” Yoon Moo-hwa’s words flashed through Haero’s mind.