BHB 62

The exhibition Jeon Chaemin brought him to wasn’t by a famous major artist, but it was more legitimate than he expected. There were enough people to form a line to enter, and the high ceiling visible upon entering along with the dark lighting fitting the concept was quite impressive. While mostly young women were present, there were occasionally couples or groups of men as well. Chaemin listened intently to the curator’s explanation, focusing on the works with frightening intensity. Although Yeowon wasn’t particularly interested, he didn’t want to disturb Chaemin’s immersion, so he quietly followed behind.

To Yeowon’s eyes, they were just “photographs” in the literal sense. It seemed a young man was the artist, but Yeowon couldn’t tell which parts he should look at or what he was supposed to feel. As he glanced at Chaemin, who was staring intently at the photos with an indecipherable expression without much conversation, he suddenly found his demeanor fascinating. Yeowon followed suit, furrowing his brows and narrowing his eyes to examine the work closely. But no matter how much he looked, he couldn’t understand.

There were photos of ordinary objects, seascapes without horizons, and occasionally faceless back views or male nudes. When Yeowon saw the exposed male nudes, he unconsciously cleared his throat and averted his gaze, but Chaemin viewed even those explicit photos with profound interest.

There was one photo that Chaemin particularly lingered on – it was of a smiling couple. Only their smiling mouths were visible, which felt peculiar, but Chaemin’s eyes welled up with tears as he looked at it.

“… Are you crying?”

Weak to people’s tears, Yeowon couldn’t hide his bewilderment and stammered. More precisely, weak to the tears of those smaller and weaker than himself, he awkwardly looked around for tissues with a troubled face. Lacking the sensitivity to carry a handkerchief, he had nothing to offer.

“Ah… no.” Chaemin, seemingly embarrassed, hid his face and scratched his forehead. 

Yeowon ended up quickly approaching the information desk where a staff member was sitting and grabbed a few tissues before returning.

“Here.”

Chaemin looked at the tissues held out in front of him before raising his head to gaze at Yeowon.

“Why are you crying over this?” Finding it strange that a man would cry over such a thing, Yeowon blurted out awkwardly.

“Sorry.”

“No need to apologize.”

Chaemin smiled faintly at Yeowon casually uttered words and took the tissues to wipe around his eyes. Then, looking back at the artwork, he spoke in a rather nonchalant voice, unlike his embarrassed demeanor moments ago, “It’s boring, isn’t it?”

“… Well, not to that extent…”

“I’m sorry. Maybe we should have gone to a movie instead.”

“It’s fine, it’s kind of fresh in its own way.”

While it was boring, those words were sincere. Yeowon absolutely hated art galleries and exhibitions, but the feeling that it was fresh was genuine. It was amazing that one such photo could gather so many viewers, and Chaemin shedding tears over a subject Yeowon couldn’t understand was fascinating.

“You know, each artist has something they pursue.” Chaemin continued speaking without taking his eyes off the work, perhaps to pique Yeowon interest or to provide a brief explanation. His beautiful voice blended well with the soft background music of the exhibition hall.

“This artist was an orphan from birth, so he felt a lot of loneliness. He was introverted and had no friends when he was young. So he always wondered what happiness was, what it meant to have a full heart. Curious about that, he randomly photographed things that could be happiness, people laughing and enjoying themselves. Sometimes it was objects, sometimes nature, sometimes people.”

“…”

“Even though he took photos in search of happiness, to me they look so lonely and bitter.”

“…”

“I don’t think this person will ever find it. Even when he takes photos of smiling people, they look sad, don’t they?” Chaemin pointed at the photo he had been looking at with tears in his eyes and smiled awkwardly. 

While Yeowon was not particularly perceptive, he clicked his tongue briefly as he looked at Chaemin’s awkwardly smiling face.

It was a bitter sigh, thinking this person isn’t ordinary either. Whatever the reason, unable to do what he wanted due to parental opposition, and born with a sexual orientation different from others – homosexuality – it was clear as day that his life wouldn’t be smooth sailing.

Yeowon leaned forward towards the work Chaemin had pointed out. He observed and examined it closely, but he couldn’t see where the loneliness was buried or why it was sad. 

‘Is this why they say art is difficult? 

After all, appreciation varies from person to person, so it’s not easy to have the same understanding and empathy. 

After looking for a long time, Yeowon finally shared my own interpretation, “If he’s only looking for grand happiness, I guess that could be the case.” While Yeowon had zero interest in art, he wanted to respond to Chaemin’s bitter interpretation. “They say misfortune, happiness, and luck are all relative, but if this person thinks everything he sees is misfortune, as you said, senior, isn’t that a bit stupid?”

“…”

“So many people come to see it.”

“…”

“If he really doesn’t understand even when there are people crying over it, you should stop liking him now.” Yeowon casually blurted out while glancing at the photo from afar. “Stupid guys aren’t attractive.”

It wasn’t just to comfort Chaemin, who was overly immersed. It was simply Yeowon’s impression after hearing Chaemin’s interpretation.

Chaemin quietly looked at him with eyes reddened from the tears that had unconsciously fallen. The refreshing smile, the cool scent that had tickled Chaemin’s nose since they met, and even the considerate words casually thrown out while pretending not to care. Suddenly, Chaemin stroked his reddened neck and swallowed hard, suppressing his swelling breath. 

Meanwhile, Yeowon walked past that work with casual steps, viewing the photos with the same indifferent eyes as before. Yeowon pursed his lips as if seeing something strange, frowning at times, and occasionally yawning briefly out of boredom. 

Chaemin now quietly followed behind, observing Yeowon instead of the photos. Following in Yeowon’s footsteps, he secretly bit his lip hard and tightly gripped the tissues Yeowon had given him in his hand. In the end, unable to throw them away, he put them in his pants pocket.

**

The sky was smearing into sunset. As darkness began to settle, signaling the time, they came out of the building. People feeling the lingering impression of the exhibition bustled around. It was chaotic outside the building, almost to the point of feeling noisy. Amidst the bustle, a gentle voice rang out clearly.

“Thank you for today.”

At Chaemin’s polite words, spoken with his hands clasped together, Yeowon let out a bewildered laugh.

“Is this a habit?”

“Huh?”

“You say thank you every time you open your mouth.”

“Ah…”

“We had to do this for the assignment anyway.”

“You’re not really interested in assignments, though.”

Struck by the truth, Yeowon flinched and awkwardly scratched near his cheek. He avoided Chaemin’s clear gaze and clicked his tongue.

“Someone who barely attends classes wouldn’t be interested in assignments.”

“… Well, I do them when I have to.”

“Thank you. You still went along with it to avoid causing me trouble.”

At the ticklish gratitude, Yeowon uncomfortably rubbed his nape. “Ah, enough. Stop saying thank you.”

There was much to be grateful for. Yeowon frowned, finding Chaemin’s overly polite behavior cringeworthy.

“I’ll prepare the presentation separately. Don’t worry about the rest.”

“Why would you do that alone?”

“Because you at least went along with it…”

“I don’t do freeloading. If I fail, I fail alone. I won’t drag others down with me.” Yeowon’s eyebrows twitched, annoyed at Chaemin’s offer to take on everything as a gesture of consideration. 

Seeing Yeowon’s immediate irritation, Chaemin let out a deflated laugh. 

Yeowon raised his eyebrows, puzzled by Chaemin’s constant smiling. “What’s so funny?”

“I don’t know. I guess you’re interesting.”

“Huh?”

“You’re both irresponsible and responsible.”

At this contradictory statement, Yeowon thought for a moment and then nodded slightly, feeling it wasn’t wrong.

As their short small talk ended, a sudden silence fell between them. Only then did Yeowon freshly realize that Chaemin was an awkward companion and hesitated for a moment. He was about to consider whether to part ways like this or have a meal before parting when Chaemin broke the silence first.

“Do you want to… have dinner?” His question was cautious, as if he had been contemplating the same thing.

“I’ll treat you. There’s a good place nearby.” Chaemin added, attaching conditions as if hoping for Yeowon’s acceptance. 

Seeing the expectation in his eyes, Yeowon hesitated very briefly before responding in his usual indifferent tone, “Why treat me again? You already showed me the exhibition, so I should buy dinner.”

“But I was the one who suggested meeting.”

“It’s fine. I don’t usually let others treat me.”

If someone insisted on treating, he’d let them, but generally, he avoided being treated by others. This applied to both friends and lovers alike.