LM 68

Kwon Siyul, who had been quietly snuggling with Woo Hyunse while wiggling his toes, suddenly raised his head as if he had just thought of something. Woo Hyunse, who had been resting his chin on Kwon Siyul’s crown and playing with his hair, lowered his chin to meet his gaze.

“Hyung, have you heard any news about Yuwon?”

“Nothing detailed yet. Why?”

“I had a dream yesterday, and I’m feeling uneasy about it.”

“What kind of dream?”

Dreams usually became hazy with time and were forgotten even if you tried to remember them, but this one stuck to him like glue and wouldn’t fade away. The cool air touching his nose tip felt like the damp fog he experienced in the dream’s reservoir, making him rub his arms and bite his lip.

“There was a reservoir behind the mountain at our orphanage. It’s a place where people rarely visit…Kwon Yuwon was walking into it. I tried to call out to him to come back, but no sound came out of my mouth. I’m a bit worried after that dream.”

“That is concerning.”

The expression on Kwon Siyul’s face darkened. Woo Hyunse slowly stroked Kwon Siyul’s back with his warm hand.

“They say dreams are the opposite, so don’t worry too much. I’ll let you know right away if I hear anything.”

Woo Hyunse was kind and gentle. The sharp memory of their first meeting had long since been pushed aside and dissolved by new memories. He was the person who grounded Kwon Siyul and kept him anchored.

How could one not love and endure for such a person?

The words rose from his stomach, up and up, settling on the tip of his tongue. He opened his mouth wanting to spit them out, but just like in the dream, no voice came out. It was strange, even though it wasn’t a nightmare, and no one was secretly listening.

Instead of confessing to the other man, Kwon Siyul stretched out his arms and hugged Woo Hyunse tightly. Even though that large frame couldn’t entirely fit in his embrace, he strained to contain Woo Hyunse in his arms.

He wanted to let him know somehow. That the place Woo Hyunse occupied in his heart was this enormous. That even though it might be insignificant, he liked him this much, and maybe even more than this.

* * *

Perhaps if he went to the inn, he could find a clue about where Kwon Yuwon had disappeared to. As soon as his day off came, Kwon Siyul visited the inn after a long time of being away. Even though quite some time had passed, the luggage left in the room remained exactly where it was. Not a single item was out of place.

Then again, how much would there be to steal from a life that had drifted into a place like this? Kwon Siyul waved his hand in front of his nose as if to chase away the musty smell and opened the window. Even though it was only the size of a palm, once the smell escaped through the window, it became much easier to breathe.

When Kwon Yuwon left him behind, he had taken all of his clothes with him. Knowing this, but still hoping to find a clue or something, Kwon Siyul turned the drawers upside down and checked behind the wardrobe. He even lay flat on the floor and swept under the drawers with a long ruler, but all that came out were clumps of gray dust.

Coughing at the rising dust, he sat down dejectedly. Given Kwon Yuwon’s personality, it was unlikely he would have left anything behind, so in the end, it was just unnecessary trouble to keep looking.

The cold winter air filled the room. Kwon Siyul closed the window and sat leaning against the wall. As he sat quietly resting, memories of lying around and clowning around with Kwon Yuwon came flooding back. Memories of lying over there watching TV, or spreading out a small table to share ramen, such trivial memories.

“…”

In the past, he had rarely felt lonely no matter where he was. Partly because he stuck to Kwon Yuwon like needle and thread, but more so because he wasn’t the type to feel loneliness. However, lately, he often felt empty and hollow inside.

It was especially so on nights when he couldn’t see Woo Hyunse before going to sleep. Even though the room was warm enough to walk barefoot, being alone in the spacious house made his heart feel chilly as if abandoned in the middle of a vast plain.

Kwon Siyul ran his hand through his hair and looked at his phone. That night, as he had said, Woo Hyunse had dropped Kwon Siyul off at home and gone back. He wanted to act spoiled and ask if Woo Hyunse could stay with him until he fell asleep, like last time, but he held back.

Afraid that if he clung to his clothes, Woo Hyunse might grow tired of him, Kwon Siyul decided to just simply let him go. Kwon Yuwon, who had never even had a lover, used to pretend to know, saying that intuiting when to back off was the key to a long-lasting relationship.

This was his first time experiencing such emotions, and he couldn’t figure out how far he could push, how much he could reveal, or where he should back off. There wasn’t really anyone he could ask for advice. He could pretend to ask the bartender casually, but that would only work once or twice—if he did it too often, he’d eventually be caught in the act and would have to keep his mouth shut.

He didn’t want to be found out by others, especially not by the manager. He couldn’t even imagine what expression Manager Kang Jiwon would make the moment he revealed, “I’m now in that kind of relationship with your ex.”

…I want to hear his voice.

It had become a chronic condition. Whenever he had a moment, Woo Hyunse would come to mind, and he’d miss him. He was afraid to send photos in case the same incident as before happened, so he picked up his phone, thinking he should at least send a text message.

At that moment, the phone rang. The number on the screen was one he’d never seen before. Usually, he wouldn’t answer unknown numbers, but his instinct told him to pick it up. He pressed the call button and held it to his ear. Only breathing came through from the other end.

“…Kwon Yuwon.”

That was enough to know who it was. Kwon Siyul’s eyes widened. He was about to open his mouth wide to shout and ask where he was, but Kwon Yuwon spoke first.

“Kwon Siyul, you need to hide somewhere safe for a while.”

“What?”

Caught off guard, Kwon Siyul asked back in bewilderment. There was a ‘ding’ sound of a coin dropping on the other end. It was a public phone.

“Things have gone wrong.”

His head throbbed. Kwon Siyul pressed between his eyes with his index finger and thumb. Deep wrinkles formed between his brows.

“You bastard, I told you not to do anything dangerous…!”

It wasn’t that he trusted Kwon Yuwon. When he had confessed about the pig’s good offer, he should have read the hidden meaning in his slightly stiffened lips and blank gaze. He should have tied him up tightly at the inn, but he had been distracted elsewhere, thinking Kwon Yuwon was capable enough to take care of himself. How incredibly stupid of him.

“Where are you? Tell me quickly, and I’ll come right away.”

“No. You’ll get hurt if you come. I’ll handle this myself…”

“Kwon Yuwon!”

He cut him off, calling his name. The other side fell silent for a moment. Kwon Siyul roughly rubbed his face.

“I know you don’t trust me, and I know you’re worried I might get hurt, but please at least tell me why. I need to know what’s going on and how things are unfolding. Are you really going to keep this up without saying anything? You really…Am I your friend or not, Yuwon?”

He tried to speak as calmly as possible, but inevitably, his voice trembled. Kwon Siyul wiped his reddened eyes roughly with the back of his hand. He thought he had felt relieved after seeing him last time, but that wasn’t the case now. An unknown anxiety had been lurking underneath their very lives the whole time.

Kwon Yuwon inhaled sharply at Kwon Siyul’s self-deprecating final words. His following exhale trembled slightly.

“…I stole some drugs.”

It felt like he’d been hit on the back of the head. His head was actually throbbing. Kwon Siyul couldn’t even close his mouth, which was currently agape. It was an unwritten rule in this world. You didn’t mess with someone else’s drugs. If you do, losing a hand is a stroke of luck, and most of the time, it’s synonymous with being found dead in some mountain or sea soon.

“Are you crazy? What on earth were you thinking…”

Curses rose to his throat. Although he usually trusted and covered for Kwon Yuwon’s actions, this went beyond what he could normally handle. His voice trailed off, choked with emotion.

“I didn’t steal them to sell. I had a purpose, and according to the plan, they shouldn’t have found out…Shit. Anyway, it’ll take some time to resolve this, so hide somewhere as safe as possible. The orphanage won’t do. We gave them all our old addresses when we handed over our information. The inn is out too. Stay with a friend I don’t know…Anyway, stay somewhere I don’t know about.”

“Why don’t you just turn yourself in? It might be safer to be with the police.”

“Even if I’m in custody, I’ll probably be killed by their people. I need to take care of everything first. I have a way, so don’t worry about me.”

“How can I not worry when the situation is like this?!”

He shouted in frustration, but Kwon Yuwon laughed heartily as if something was terribly funny. After chuckling for a while, he abruptly stopped when Kwon Siyul called out his name in a low voice.

“Kwon Siyul, do you remember when we got our fortunes told? We went together because they said it was accurate.”

“…Yeah.”

It was an abrupt change of subject, but Kwon Siyul listened without saying anything. It was sometime after they had left the orphanage—someone at work had told them about a fortune-teller who had recently received divine powers, so they decided to visit on a whim. They were greeted by a gentle-looking woman adorned with gold necklaces, bracelets, and earrings. Looking at Kwon Siyul, she started rattling off predictions even before he could tell her his birth date.

‘You may not have luck with parents, but you have luck with a spouse. Your spouse will be a dragon, a dragon. They’ll give you the dragon’s pearl and everything. You may not have parental luck, but your friend here is the same, and your luck with people isn’t bad.’

‘What about money, not just a spouse? Will I make money?’

‘Huh? No. I’m telling you, your spouse will bring money, houses, buildings, everything. Grandma says you can live like a nobleman.’

‘So I can’t make money myself?’

‘No. Your money luck isn’t great. But things will be smooth sailing from now on, right? How nice that you have a fate where you won’t go hungry even if you don’t work. It’s about upper-middle if we divide it into upper, middle, and lower. They say even bought hardships in youth is good, but isn’t it better to have good luck in middle and late life rather than early life?’

That was how she concluded it. Disappointed by the lack of money luck, he couldn’t remember much of what was said after that. He was just left with regret for wasting money on what must be a scam.

“That woman told me I had a really long lifeline. She said even if people tried to cut it from all directions, I’d dodge like a mouse and live a long time. I believe that. Of course, I should, we paid 100,000 won for it.”

“…”

“So, Kwon Siyul, take care of yourself first. You know me, right? I’m Kwon Yuwon. I’m the kind of person who could survive and return even if a plane crashed and I fell into a jungle.”

“Yuwon…” Siyul called out, almost like a sigh. 

“Yeah?” came the gentle reply. 

If it was Kwon Yuwon, there was an unfounded belief that he would persevere through any crisis, no matter how big. Kwon Siyul believed in him.