GB 59

Seon Ikhyeon gritted his teeth. It was better when he was so quiet it was stifling. 

Yoon Moo-hwa becoming talkative was truly unpleasant. “It seems you’ve already heard from the former major, but did you already know about Haero’s feelings for me?”

“…I didn’t know. But if those feelings are real, I do know that you’re probably the first person Haero has ever liked.”

Because that kid really wasn’t interested in anyone else, just like someone else I know.

Seon Ikhyeon swallowed his bitter words.

“Right. That’s the problem.” Yoon Moo-hwa poured alcohol until the glass overflowed. Then, not caring that it wet his hand, he precariously picked it up. “That’s the problem,” he repeated.

He was in a state where he probably wouldn’t answer even if asked what the problem was.

He kept muttering the same phrase, “That’s the problem,” while endlessly drinking.

It seemed he would get severely drunk for the first time in a very long while. This level of dishevelment was unprecedented.

Yoon Moo-hwa had no intention whatsoever of becoming Haero’s first love. That was truly a dreadful thing.

He got drunk in a very unpleasant mood.

In the midst of his hazy dizziness, Seon Ikhyeon asked, “So how many days has it been now?”

Yoon Moo-hwa replied halfheartedly, “Don’t know. How many days has it been?”

Of all times, it overlapped with his stay at the base for service evaluation. He was spending the evaluation period with a lazier and more relaxed attitude than ever before. Having too much time was the problem. Too much time was the problem.

“Haero would really like seeing you like this, Colonel.”

At this sarcastic remark, Yoon Moo-hwa burst into laughter. “Seon Ikhyeon, do you think I care about such words right now?”

“Really, what will you do if Haero really quits school and comes here?”

“……”

Yoon Moo-hwa’s hand, raising his glass, stopped in mid-air.

“Then, will you accept his feelings? Even though you don’t like him? Truly, if you do that, you’d be doing something cruel.”

Deep, dark eyes gazed into the distance.

“I don’t do cruel things to that kid.”

“What?”

“I might be cowardly and act nastily, but I don’t act cruelly…”

‘Isn’t that the same thing?’ Seon Ikhyeon’s expression showed he couldn’t understand. But Yoon Moo-hwa didn’t need Seon Ikhyeon’s understanding. 

What he needed wasn’t this. 

What he lacked was…

* * *

Haero entered Yoon Moo-hwa’s private residence with a backpack. Fortunately, as he had hoped, his iris information was registered in the security system.

‘Even though I didn’t know at all that you had set up a separate house here. If Yejin noona hadn’t told me, I would never have known.’ Haero sent a silent reproach towards Yoon Moo-hwa.

His information was perfectly registered in a house whose existence he didn’t even know. There were even two pairs of indoor slippers. Haero slowly looked around the quiet interior where the owner had not yet returned. He thought there would be no signs of life at all, but surprisingly, there were some traces.

The household appliances looked so pristine that it seemed they might never have been used, but only the clothes thrown on the sofa indicated that someone lived here.

It’s unlike Yoon Moo-hwa. Haero had never seen him carelessly throw his clothes around like this.

“……”

Haero gathered the clothes one by one and draped them over his arm. As he was taking them to the laundry room, he suddenly buried his nose in the clothes.

He had hoped, but there was no lavender scent. Having been carelessly strewn about after being taken off, all smells had disappeared, leaving only the scent of fabric. And following faintly, the smell of ship engines, or perhaps the sea.

Even that could be his imagination.

Haero stood for a long time with his eyes closed, face buried in the clothes.

Beyond his closed eyes, time flows backward.

“I hear Moo-hwa is injured.”

Yoon Sang-won’s speak in a stiff voice.

―He’s being transferred to the hospital. There’s no time for questions. Listen carefully. They say he’s severely injured, to the point where one eye might need to be removed. It’s an injury sustained during combat with pirates.

Underlying his voice was a subtle hostility. Hatred and disgust could be felt. 

While listening, Haero unconsciously gripped his shoulders.

―He’s with his aides now.

“When, when can I go? I can leave right now!”

―Since it’s an injury from combat.

Haero had already sensed it then.

―It might be better to come after the surgery is over. I’ll send someone to match that timing.

Yoon Sang-won hesitated for a moment, then added, “I’m sorry.”

It was the first and last apology he ever made to Haero.

Whether it was an apology for telling him to come later or for something else was unclear, but that night Haero stayed up all night.

He didn’t sleep, eat, or drink. Much later, the one who came to get him was Yoon Moo-hwa’s aide, whom he had only seen a couple of times. His expression was complicated.

“Hyung…”

To him, who hesitated upon seeing Haero, he had asked like this.

“Is Moo-hwa hyung badly hurt?”

“……”

“Does he want to see me?”

At Haero’s dejected voice, the aide rubbed his forehead, then sighed deeply and nodded.

“He called your name first.”

“……”

“He said not to cry too much and to come carefully because it’s okay. So I’ll take you carefully.”

The aide, as promised to Yoon Moo-hwa, took Haero carefully and safely. Haero couldn’t keep Yoon Moo-hwa’s request. He cried too much, and when Yoon Moo-hwa heard about it, he laughed awkwardly and eventually refused Haero’s visits. He saw him very briefly each day and sent him away often.

It was like that then too.

Not that he didn’t cry. He just cried where his hyung couldn’t see, where he couldn’t be seen.

Haero opened his eyes. Yoon Moo-hwa’s clothes were crumpled in his hand. He felt something strange in his hand. Not just because the fabric was wrinkled, but as if something else was mixed in.

Sniffling with his nose tingling from thoughts of the past, Haero rummaged through Yoon Moo-hwa’s pockets. It was amusing that even in this situation, he thought he should prevent a disaster from occurring due to foreign objects like receipts during laundry.

Sniffling and chuckling, what he found and pulled out was, as expected, paper. But it wasn’t a receipt. Haero unfolded the fairly large-sized paper without thinking.

And the moment he saw the contents written on it, Haero was back in the corridor in front of Yoon Moo-hwa’s hospital room.

“Why? I want to go in. I can visit, can’t I?”

“You can’t.” The nurse’s expression showed reluctance.

“It’s difficult because you’re not family.”

The paper in Haero’s hand, the one he had taken from Yoon Moo-hwa’s clothes, was adoption paperwork.

* * *

Yoon Moo-hwa showed no surprise at seeing Haero in his house. As he entered, adjusting his tie knot, he merely glanced at Haero sitting motionless in the living room, without saying a word.

The house was dim, and it had been raining for an hour. Yoon Moo-hwa’s shoulders and head were completely wet. Unsure where he had been, Haero unconsciously sniffed, searching for the lavender scent. But all he could smell was wet earth.

“……”

Haero also didn’t greet Yoon Moo-hwa.

Yoon Moo-hwa headed straight for the master bedroom. Haero followed him after hearing rustling sounds.

He paused briefly when he sensed Haero entering as he was undressing, then resumed taking off his clothes.

Haero saw Yoon Moo-hwa’s scarred back. Although it was too dark to see the detailed shapes of the scars or the muscle definition, it was vivid in his mind. He wasn’t seeing with his eyes, but with his memory.

“Have you been drinking?”

Having been silent all this time, Haero’s voice was hoarse.

“A little.” Yoon Moo-hwa answered briefly, “I’m going to shower. Go outside.”

“Suddenly? I’ve seen your body many times.”

“Yes, suddenly. And you’ve never seen me completely naked.”

“That’s why I came in.”

Yoon Moo-hwa chuckled after a moment at Haero’s bold words.

He turned his back to Haero and was about to remove his underwear, but then headed to the bathroom.

He roughly tossed his wet clothes into the basket in front of the bathroom door and closed it. There was no sound of it locking.

Haero stared at Yoon Moo-hwa’s wet clothes in the laundry basket for a long time. They still only smelled of rain, not any strong shampoo scent.

Now he vaguely understood what an unfamiliar shampoo scent might mean.

‘Had he been with someone else then too?’

Had his feelings been rejected from the very beginning?

Haero crumpled the adoption application in his pocket. Then he undressed. Instead of putting his clothes in the laundry basket, he scattered them on the floor before entering the bathroom.

It was more like barging in.

Yoon Moo-hwa was standing under the water with his eyes closed.

He looked a bit tired. With fatigue showing, making his face appear more in line with his age. His flawless, handsome looks from his 20s had once been impressive, Haero felt desire for the slightly fatigued Yoon Moo-hwa in his 30s.

It was separate from his resentment. His grudge was a different story.

And simultaneously, it was the same story.

Yoon Moo-hwa, opening his eyes for a moment, rubbed his face upon seeing the naked Haero staring at him intently. Then he brushed back his wet hair.

“I’m tired. If you come in to fight, go back out. If you can’t sleep, I’ll warm some milk for you.”

‘Does he still think I’m a 14-year-old child?’

Even when he barged in naked, he still saw him as just a child who would fall asleep with warm milk. 

Haero stepped boldly into the shower stall. It was large enough for three adults, but due to Yoon Moo-hwa’s size, it felt just right.

Yoon Moo-hwa looked down at him. His eyes, covered in fatigue and alcohol, were worn out. He had forgotten to remove his eye patch, and the black cloth stuck to his face.

“Don’t you know what it means when someone comes into the shower naked? I came to wash. Not to fight with you.”

At this bold answer, Yoon Moo-hwa slowly leaned against the tile wall. Leaning sideways, he tilted his head and moved aside. As if saying, ‘go ahead and wash.’

Haero, about to push forward stubbornly, turned his body and was greatly flustered by Yoon Moo-hwa’s exposed dick.

‘His’ was in an erect state.

It was a size and shape he had never seen in any media, not even among his peers. Glistening wet with water dripping down, it looked endlessly obscene.

Noticing Haero’s gaze, Yoon Moo-hwa muttered slowly in a voice devoid of any humor, “Ah. It’s because I’m tired.”

Haero’s heart began to pound.

It was too much stimulation for the freshly blooming twenty-year-old Haero. The dick of the person he liked, and erect at that.

Now the Yoon Moo-hwa in his dreams would gain concreteness and torment him even more persistently.

Haero bit his tongue painfully, trying to endure the tightening in his lower abdomen. He hadn’t come in to be swept away. He turned the level all the way to the right, showering in cold water. It sobered him up instantly.

“Are you crazy?” Yoon Moo-hwa turned the lever back as the cold water hit his shins and feet.

Haero looked back at him, brushing his wet hair.

“Have you come to your senses?”

‘He asks if I’ve come to my senses when he’s the one who asked if I was crazy.’ 

Yoon Moo-hwa brushed back his hair too, looking annoyed. “I’m going to say something important now. Listen carefully. You can’t be drunk for this.”

“Go ahead.”

Yoon Moo-hwa reached for a towel. As he was about to wrap it around his waist, Haero snatched it away and threw it outside. 

‘Why cover up? I wanted to see that.’ Haero looked at Yoon Moo-hwa’s dick, then back up at his face.

“I don’t want to be your brother.”

Yoon Moo-hwa’s eyebrows furrowed.

“I’ve never lived like your brother or anything like that. I’ve never seen it that way. It’s the same for you, isn’t it? I understand you went to the trouble of bringing adoption papers, but there won’t be any need to use them.”

Yoon Moo-hwa frowned, as if hearing about adoption papers for the first time. Is it because he’s drunk?

But for whatever reason, he won’t let it slide today. No matter how intricate his lies are, no matter how callous his truth is, he’ll throw himself at it.

“You seem to think that if I really become your brother, all these annoying issues will be covered up. It’s not like that. It’ll get more complicated.”

Haero swallowed hard. His hands trembled with tension. He put his hands behind his back, clenched his fist once, then stretched it out and reached for Yoon Moo-hwa’s chest. 

Yoon Moo-hwa flinched as Haero’s cold hand touched his wet chest.

“I don’t just admire you, you know.”

“……”

“I don’t dream about having sex with someone I merely admire.”

“Haero, take your hand off.”

“I dreamed about having sex with you.” Even knowing that Yoon Moo-hwa couldn’t back away because of the wall behind him, Haero felt joy as if he had cornered him. “Do you still think I’m confused about my feelings?”

“Haero.” Yoon Moo-hwa called out in a low, cracked voice, “What are you doing right now?”

“You’re drunk, aren’t you?”

“I asked what you’re doing. Take your hand off.”

“I’m trying to take advantage of you while you’re drunk.”

“Don’t make me restrain you. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Don’t want to hurt me, hope I won’t be in pain, stay safe, that it’s for my own good.” Haero muttered rapidly, as if disgusted. 

All things Yoon Moo-hwa had said to him. For his sake. Out of care for him. 

Shaking his head, Haero lifted it suddenly and cried out desperately, “You’re already the one hurting me the most. Don’t you know that?”