GB 70

Yoon Moo-hwa stood up, took the package, and opened it. The contents weren’t visible from Haero’s side.

“No. You shouldn’t have looked.”

‘What’s this about? Then why did he ask?’ 

Haero made a sulky face.

“The items arrived properly.”

“…”

“Do you have any other business?”

When Yoon Moo-hwa asked, Haero knew he was being shooed away in a petty manner, but pretended not to notice and asked, “If I’m curious, will you show me?”

Yoon Moo-hwa let out a mirthless laugh. “No. That’s not allowed.”

“How petty…”

“What? What did you say, Lieutenant?”

“Nothing. It was a slip of the tongue.”

Haero opened his eyes wide, brazenly. Those round eyes made one’s anger dissipate even as it rose. Like a cat that pushes things off to fall, as if to say ‘what are you going to do about it?’

“One word of such a mistake could cost a life in a place like this. Be careful.”

Why is he being so rigid today of all days? Haero found Yoon Moo-hwa’s mercurial attitude difficult. He couldn’t understand it at all.

“I’ll correct myself. May I leave now?”

“Wait a moment.” Yoon Moo-hwa glanced out the round window in his room. To Haero, it looked like the same seascape flowing by.

However, it must have looked different to him, as Yoon Moo-hwa beckoned Haero with his hand. As if bewitched, Haero’s feet moved. Standing next to him, the scent of pencil shavings grew stronger.

Following his gaze out the window, a whisper flowed into Haero’s ear.

“Because you’ve entered a place where one word of such a mistake could cost a life.”

“…”

“Be careful.”

“… Is that advice for your brother, or for your subordinate?”

“You should ask for permission before questioning.” Yoon Moo-hwa smiled faintly. 

Haero was truly irritated by how handsome Yoon Moo-hwa was. He was so annoying that Haero wanted to hit him, but one look at his face made such thoughts vanish.

Haero had boarded and prepared for Yoon Moo-hwa to thoroughly ignore him. At first, he certainly thought that was the case. If anything, the more he was ignored, the more his resolve strengthened, so it was fine.

But since the shower room incident, Yoon Moo-hwa’s attitude has been very subtle. It was confusing. A cautious heart, wary that he might be gently coaxing Haero back to being the young Haero of the past, fiercely clashed with a love-starved heart that wanted to give in to his gentle touch.

He had endured that terrible pain and even undergone surgery to prevent seasickness, but it was useless. He felt so dizzy just standing in front of Yoon Moo-hwa.

“Haero.” Yoon Moo-hwa softly called out to Haero, who looked like he might cry. “Can’t I even tell you to be careful?”

“…If you’re saying that you’re hoping for that kind of relationship, you can’t. No, don’t.” Haero murmured in a choked voice, “You seem to want to pretend nothing happened and go back to how things were then, but I don’t. If you ignore my determination… my efforts all this time without even acknowledging them…”

In the end, it seems he wants to cover everything up, pretend nothing happened, and go back to how things were before. No. That’s really too much. 

With emotions welling up, Haero raised his lowered head and asked, “When will you truly see me?”

“…”

“Do you expect the sky to fall or the sea to suddenly dry up? Just treat me like an ordinary lieutenant. Treat me the same as your other subordinates. Am I still just your young brother, unchanged from before? That’s even more terrible.”

“The same, you say.” Yoon Moo-hwa said with an unwavering expression, “I’ve given you opportunities different from others.”

Haero bit his lip hard before releasing it. For that moment, Haero’s expression was devoid of emotion, as if wiped clean. It was a coldly beautiful face. Not the face Yoon Moo-hwa knew.

“I gave you the opportunity to give me those opportunities first. And when I saved you, I wasn’t Haero then, I was just myself. I was Number 8.”

“…”

“So don’t act so high and mighty. Do you know why I neither erase my tattoo nor deny my past? It’s because…”

“…”

“It’s the time when I met and saved Yoon Moo-hwa.”

Haero doesn’t deny his past. He doesn’t deny growing up in a marine criminal group’s base. He can’t erase that fact. It was a crucial time for Haero. It changed everything.

Despite mustering great courage to speak, there was no response from Yoon Moo-hwa. 

Haero felt deeply hurt and angry. No, his feelings were hurt. It still hurts, no matter how much he’s trained for four years.

“… May I leave now.” Haero asked first in the end. 

Gritting his teeth as he spoke, Yoon Moo-hwa looked at Haero for a long time before saying “Yes” and turning his gaze to the desk. The sound of papers flipping could be heard. 

Just like that day at school when he had said those harsh words.

Back then, his brother left first, but not this time. Haero turned his body. That’s when Yoon Moo-hwa called out to stop him with an “Ah.”

“Romance is forbidden on board.”

Haero whipped his head around at the sudden words holding him back.

Yoon Moo-hwa was already seated again. He picked up a pencil, realized the lead was broken, clicked his tongue, and took out a new one. Another statement with indecipherable intent. Even such small words make Haero helplessly waver.

“Does that only apply to me?”

“Ask questions only when I allow it. It’s an order. You may go.”

Haero gritted his teeth indignantly. Only the delicate sound of pencil sharpening spread between them. Haero turned on his heel and strode out of the captain’s quarters.

Just before closing the door, he thought he heard a sigh-mixed voice saying, “I told you, you’re not cut out to be a soldier.”

* * *

In the infirmary, there was a sailor with an injured hand. The medic was wrapping a disposable bandage around the wound. Haero waited for the sailor to leave, fidgeting with his arms crossed, leaning against the supply cabinet. 

The moment the treated sailor closed the door and left, Haero urgently asked the medical officer who was leisurely reading a newspaper, “Is romance forbidden on our ship?!”

“What? There’s no such thing.”

At the reply that suggested he’d never heard of such a thing, Haero ground his teeth thinking, “As expected.”

“It’s not like people won’t do it just because it’s forbidden.”

“Well, if it’s forbidden, they might get caught.” The medical officer chuckled. Seeing Haero’s puzzled look, he shook his head as if Haero didn’t know anything. “Do you know how many hidden spaces there are on this ship? They’re all packed tight. Being confined for 6 months, it’s impossible not to develop feelings.”

While wrapping the bandage, he revealed a few spots. Even while seething, Haero carefully organized and remembered these spots in his mind. Might he and Yoon Moo-hwa use them someday? Yoon Moo-hwa probably doesn’t know about such secret spaces. That stuffy, narrow-minded man. But if he knew, he’d be angry in his knowing way…

“Many people get married too. I married a fellow sailor myself.”

“Really?” Haero’s eyes lit up as he pulled up a chair and sat close.

The petty officer suppressed a laugh as he looked at the rookie lieutenant who could be his son’s age if he had made a mistake very early. Right, this is the age when they’re very interested in such things.

“Is your spouse on the same ship?”

“My wife left the ship and is working as a maritime pilot now. Our dream is to retire together in about 6 more years, move deep inland, build a house, and live where there’s no smell of salt from the sea. I’m sick and tired of saltiness now.”

“Then don’t you meet very rarely? How do you cope with missing each other…?”

Haero, fully engrossed, wore a gloomy expression. Guessing that he might have broken up with a lover due to voyages, the petty officer consoled Haero.

“You get used to it. We trust each other… and seeing each other occasionally makes it feel like we’re always newlyweds.”

Hearing the embarrassed laughter, Haero gazed enviously at the shining ring on his hand.

After a moment’s hesitation, Haero carefully began, “What’s the mentality of someone who does whatever they want but tells me not to date?”

Whether Yoon Moo-hwa had been living alone or doing whatever he wanted, Haero couldn’t understand the mentality of saying romance was forbidden when it wasn’t. Haero’s perspective was a bit narrow, unsuited for group life. Not having friends might be the problem.

“Well, obviously…” The puzzled medical officer muttered, “It’s string-along behavior.”

“Pardon…?”

“No, but you’re saying he’s openly showing signs of dating? He’s blatantly stringing you along like that? Is he treating you well at least?”

The medical officer smiled at the dumbfounded Haero. It was even more amusing to hear such questions from someone who seemed like they would never be strung along themselves. Gossip tends to be much more stimulating when heard on the vast sea rather than on land.

“Surely it’s not someone on board?”

“No!” Haero answered immediately, “It’s not!”

“Ah, right? Of course… You should dump someone like that quickly. Shall I introduce you to someone else? I know a good guy in the Marines. He has a nice personality too.”

Haero shook his head, looking dejected. However, the petty officer, seeming to pity him, actively took his side, saying to let him know anytime if he changed his mind, and that there was no need to be fixated on such a jerk when he could be popular.

Jerk…

Haero nodded with a depressed face, then stopped.