GB 73

That was a question he was asking himself, not Alyosha.

—What right? You’re that Baby’s older brother!

“I’m not really his brother. If it’s not on paper or by blood, I’m just an older acquaintance.”

Moreover, they haven’t been in contact for over two years. It’s even less than an acquaintance. Yoon Moo-hwa rubbed his forehead with his thumb while holding the cigarette. He tormented his forehead until it turned red.

—Are you going to leave it like that? If so, you might as well date him.

“That’s excessive meddling. It’s not your business.”

—I’m saying this because he’s like a younger brother to me too. If you’re going to be like that, I’ll take him and take responsibility myself.

“Responsibility?” Yoon Moo-hwa asked back as if throwing a punch. He laughed coldly, “You talk about responsibility? I thought you were the one with loose morals.”

—He’s your brother, so I’ll treat him respectfully. Like a gentleman.

“Cut out that nonsense about being a gentleman of the sea.”

His voice was fiercely growling. The atmosphere became so tense that it wouldn’t have been surprising if Yoon Moo-hwa suddenly grabbed Alyosha’s collar if they were face to face.

Alyosha thought for a moment and then scoffed, I didn’t know the great Yoon Moo-hwa could be such an idiot in this situation. Your current behavior is disrespectful to him. Have you been treating him like this all along?

“I don’t know why you or other people think you can comment on us. I’m tired of this now, so hang up. It’s a waste of secure satellite time.”

—Was there anyone who didn’t know that kid only had eyes for you? Don’t you know why no one touched him whenever he came to parties? Because he was a minor? There were other minors at the parties too. The guardians restrained those kids because they respected Haero’s feelings.

“…”

“But now, you’re not respecting him even as much as a stranger would.”

Yoon Moo-hwa stubbed out the cigarette that was burning at his fingertips. He leaned forward as if facing Alyosha and spoke ominously.

“What I’m doing now is respect.”

“Hardly. You’re just protecting yourself.”

“…”

—Yoon Moo-hwa, we all know you’re not exactly great boyfriend material. Sometimes it was chilling to see how you acted towards the kid you call your brother. You’re afraid of disappointing him, aren’t you?

Gu Yejin and Seon Ikhyeon all said the same thing.

—If you keep acting so ambiguously, I’ll take care of it myself.

“You?” Yoon Moo-hwa laughed coldly. “What are you to him?”

—At least I know how happy he was by your side and how much he liked you…!

Yoon Moo-hwa ended the call without another word.

He leaned back in his chair and chain-smoked. The papers spread out on the desk were full of invitation cards with subtle intentions for marriage meetings. Yoon Moo-hwa stubbed out his cigarette on the names of senders he didn’t even know.

As the room air became acrid, he turned his chair and activated Haero’s familiar biosignal. The GPS signal was faintly detected. It wasn’t accurate due to being on a ship.

“…”

Yoon Moo-hwa, who had been quietly watching this while tapping on the desk, muttered, “Everyone acts as if they have the right to say something about him.”

He knows Haero. He’s not the type to choose such a method. Even if by a one in ten thousand chance he did choose that path, it would be because he’s short on money, not because he’s lonely. His loneliness isn’t something just anyone can fill.

Right. He must be short on money. There are many ways to support him. He can make Haero eligible for scholarships. Of course, he’d do it secretly, erasing his own name so thoroughly that not a trace could be felt.

If he still meets other people after that, it will become Haero’s experience.

As experiences accumulate, naturally his heart will move on.

‘But if not.

If you still chase after me despite everything…’

Yoon Moo-hwa swallowed a soft sigh and rolled Haero’s name in his mouth.

‘If you still chase after me despite everything…’

* * *

He picked up the satellite phone. There was no need to look up the number. Abusing his position, he connected to a secure line and called someone who had now become the dean of the military medical school and still wielded considerable influence in military medical circles.

The man, who had retired as an honorary major general, gladly received the call from Yoon Moo-hwa, son of Yoon Giyoung with whom he had a connection, and with whom he had briefly shared an operation 15 years ago.

—Oh, Brigadier General Yoon. What’s this about? A secure line?

“Please speak comfortably. You can even call me Moo-hwa like before.”

Yoon Moo-hwa, skillfully breaking down the other’s guard by mentioning their old friendship, tapped the desk slowly and smiled. After exchanging pleasantries and inquiring about family, he finally got to the point.

Yoon Moo-hwa pretended to be casual as he naturally brought up the subject. “Actually, I think I’ll need a medical officer on my ship. Not right away. At the earliest in a year, or generously within two years. I’m shamelessly contacting you for help. I hear there are quite a few outstanding students, and one of them caught my eye. If they agree to a long-term operation, would it be possible to assign them to my ship as a top priority?”

—Oh, you heard such rumors? It’s an honor, but I wonder if there’s anyone who would want a long-term operation. Do you remember the name of the student you have in mind?

Yoon Moo-hwa spun his chair. Frost had formed on the round window. They were passing near the Antarctic Sea. Looking at the crashing waves, Yoon Moo-hwa called that name for the first time in a very long time.

“Haero. I believe it was Haero.”

Silence flowed over the phone.

He must already know Haero. He has to.

He must have heard the rumors too. He would have angrily defended him as someone he knew whenever baseless talk surrounded him, but unfortunately, it was no longer baseless. Things had already happened, and his mind must be racing. He must be wondering how Yoon Moo-hwa knew Haero was there and with what intention he was requesting his assignment to his ship.

But the easiest path has already been set.

—Nice name. If it’s a request from our Moo-hwa, whom I’ve known since he was young, I’ll keep it in mind.

‘Have you ever listened to me? Have I ever won against you? I no longer try to think about what’s right. Because that’s all I’ve been thinking about until now. To the point of utter exhaustion. I didn’t even try to look deeply into my own feelings. I deliberately ignored them. The fortunate thing is that there’s a time limit to this. Everything depends on Haero.

I did what I had to do. That’s how I’ve lived, and it’s the same for Haero. At that time, my role was to push you away, even if it hurt you. Even if it seemed hypocritical to create a world with only one choice, I had to give you time. During that time, I couldn’t look into my own heart or emotions. “I” wasn’t important. I couldn’t allow myself to do that.

What matters is if you still choose to pursue me despite everything…’

The delicate balance held together by surface tension is just looking for an excuse to overflow. I was like a fool who couldn’t take a step forward, pouring all my attention behind me while walking ahead. What am I waiting for? What have I belatedly realized, and since when have I been waiting there with time frozen?’

“If what I’m doing isn’t respectful, then what is it?” Yoon Moo-hwa asked himself, not expecting an answer.

‘I had to keep my emotions closed off. From the moment I brought Haero, I never tried to look into them. If that time limit depended solely on you, if I gave you the key when you left…

All qualifications and rights belong to that child. The moment I decide instead of them, our relationship and all the time we’ve built becomes contaminated. It’s damaged and corroded. Even its meaning becomes rotten and crumbling.

But Haero, if even after I let you go, if you’ve experienced everything and seen enough of the world to be satisfied, and you still come to steal me away…

If you still chase after me despite everything…

Haero, then…’

* * *

Two years later, on the night Haero boarded his ship, Yoon Moo-hwa went to the infirmary and checked Haero’s personal log. There were numbers listed that seemed to be names and room numbers. He slowly read through the numbers that had been steadily added even after that night a year ago when he had taken action. As if engraving them in his mind, very persistently.

‘If you still chase after me despite everything…

You’re too fearless and too pure. That blindness is even violent.

But no matter what, the fact that you’re still pure and young doesn’t change.

On the other hand, I…

On the other hand, I’m not the good person you think I am. Rather, I’m very far from it.’

The time limit has expired. Haero finally boarded his ship. Yoon Moo-hwa felt as if everything he had stopped for 4 years was moving again. When he spotted Haero among the crew members, he found himself standing up and smiling without realizing it, because this wait had come to an end.

‘If you hadn’t come back, it would be different, but you finally returned. We became strangers for 4 years, and now it’s time to make the decision we had postponed. If you’ve come to steal me away, I must respond to that.’

Sometimes, though Yoon Moo-hwa really didn’t want to admit it, he thought Haero was truly pirate-like. That child came in as they pleased, opened everything up, took it out, and left. Yoon Moo-hwa didn’t even think about organizing what Haero had messed up, just scooped it all up and forcibly locked it away. Even knowing that once something is broken, it can never be new again, and that emotions that have flowed out once don’t disappear just by ignoring them.

The lock that would never have been opened if Haero hadn’t returned was finally undone, and his heart that he had imprisoned inside rushed out before he could even examine its shape.

He’ll probably often ask himself. Wouldn’t it have been better to starve this heart to death?

An immoral, unconscionable, and shameless heart.

But above all, a heart that won’t necessarily be beneficial to Haero’s life.

A harmful heart.

The choices he’ll make from now on will likely be full of dishonor.

‘I met him today.

You cornered me onto a ship with nowhere to run. Not knowing that you too can’t escape from here. You came back to me without knowing who had prepared this path.

I met you today.

You weren’t the only one waiting.’

Yoon Moo-hwa closed Haero’s diary dated today and left the infirmary.