BHB 88

When Yeowon returned after having a casual drink with Kim Myungjoo, it was already late at night. As he entered the house with heavy steps, he saw Taegang’s shoes by the entrance. It seemed he was home. The living room lights were on, and the TV was also on, with busy sounds coming through.

As Yeowon walked into the living room, Taegang, who had just finished showering, shook his wet hair and turned his head toward the sound. 

When their eyes met, his eyebrows twitched as he asked in his usual manner, “What were you doing coming home so late?”

These familiar scenes felt unusually distant today. Before, Yeowon thought these moments were simply peaceful, but today they felt particularly remote, and fear suddenly lurked in a corner of his heart. In that instant when Yeowon couldn’t answer, Taegang’s father appeared on the TV screen. The image of him smiling benevolently as if he’d won an election. And the strange feeling that kept coming whenever he looked at Taegang suddenly felt exhausting. This troubled state seemed to continue endlessly.

“…I was meeting Kim Myungjoo for a bit.” Yeowon avoided Taegang’s gaze while casually throwing off his jacket. Then he sat on the sofa and leaned back deeply.

“Why meet again? You just saw each other recently.” Taegang criticized naturally while drinking water. 

Yeowon, still leaning against the sunken sofa back, replied as if annoyed, “What do you mean ‘again’? I just see him when I want to.”

“You wanted to see Kim Myungjoo?”

“It’s just a figure of speech.”

“So you did want to see him, right?”

Yeowon shot an irritated glance at Taegang for his persistent questioning on a strange point. Annoyed that a simple conversation wasn’t being taken simply, Yeowon retorted, “Don’t be so annoying.”

“You’re being temperamental the moment you arrive.”

“You’re the one provoking me.”

Seemingly irritated as well, Taegang threw his wet towel aside and approached Yeowon, looking down at him quietly.

“What is it now?”

“What?”

“Why are you upset again?”

“I’m not upset.”

“Hide what you’re hiding.”

“Why are you annoying me then? You started picking at my words first.”

While Yeowon so troubled because of someone… The fact that he himself seemed completely unbothered was irritating. Just picking at strange details.

“Is that really all?”

Unlike Yeowon childish irritation, Taegang asked calmly. It was a penetrating question, as if he knew that wasn’t all there was to it. Yeowon lowered his sharply raised eyes and let out a silent sigh. His mood and thoughts were all a mess because he didn’t know what to do right away.

The things Taegang needed to be careful about going forward, the potential threats, and what his parents might do next. And this strange feeling that made him irritated and queasy whenever he looked at Taegang kept confusing him endlessly.

It was all because of sex. It seemed wrong to have recklessly tumbled together like that. From the beginning, this was a situation where they didn’t know what would happen if their relationship was discovered by others. They were crazy enough to kiss in the university lecture hall, have sex in the school screening room, and even have car sex in the school parking lot.

“Hey, Taegang.” Yeowon called him, setting an uncharacteristically serious tone. 

Taegang’s eyebrows twitched at the subdued call. He waited for Yeowon’s next words without answering.

“Let’s… you know.”

“…”

“That thing…”

Finding it embarrassing to say out loud and wondering if he should just speak so directly, Yeowon hesitated for a moment before speaking again, “Can we stop?”

Taegang’s shadow over Yeowon didn’t waver at all. Unable to look at his face, Yeowon added, “…doing that thing.”

“…”

“How about we stop?”

It was something he had been thinking about the entire way home. He felt they had done enough, and that “thing” seemed to be distorting his rational thinking. He didn’t know physical desire could make a person so stupid. That’s why they had been going at it like animals at school.

It was a fact he had overlooked from the beginning. His own carelessness that made them act without caution now felt terrifyingly frightening.

“Haven’t we done enough already?” Yeowon opened his mouth as cautiously as possible. 

Bringing up such an issue seriously was extremely difficult from the start. But there was still no answer to the words he had finally managed to utter. Finding the silence stifling, Yeowon’s gaze, which had been fixed on the floor, slowly rose. The ceiling light created a backlight, casting a dark shadow on his face.

“Hey, when someone’s talking, you should answer…”

“Why?”

“What?”

“I said why.”

His pressed voice sounded unusually serious, and Yeowon hesitated momentarily before slowly opening his mouth.

“Just, it’s kind of… weird.”

It was a ridiculous excuse. If it was weird, he shouldn’t have started it in the first place. It felt like running away with an absurd excuse after fully indulging in something. But it was difficult to find a proper reason. He extremely disliked him getting involved in his family affairs, and he couldn’t directly convey this confusing emotion that could be misunderstood in different ways.

“You were going to quit someday anyway.”

“…”

“You just started out of curiosity…”

Before his carelessly spoken words could finish, Yeowon suddenly felt his collar being violently grabbed. He gasped for air as his throat constricted. Feeling instantly threatened, he instinctively gripped Lee Taegang’s wrist roughly.

“…What are you doing?”

Yeowon’s eyes narrowed sharply at the violent action. The same was true for Lee Taegang. His bulging eyes looked like they were about to roll. He inadvertently recalled Kim Myungjoo’s words. That Lee Taegang with his eyes rolling was terrifyingly scary. Seeing it up close like this, he couldn’t agree with Kim Myungjoo’s opinion. Rather than scary…

“Is that all you have to say?” Lee Taegang’s voice trembled slightly at the end. 

He thought he might have misheard, but the large hand gripping his collar was also shaking subtly.

“…Because it was going to end anyway?”

“…”

“Because it was just a trivial curiosity anyway?”

Lee Taegang’s voice rippled with intense emotion. He had expected some resistance, but not this kind of anger. He wasn’t even sure if this was something to be angry about. Even though his words weren’t wrong, he had a strangely distorted face as if he had been hurt by him.

“…Let go and let’s talk.”

Yeowon tried to maintain his composure, barely holding back as he gripped his wrist firmly.

“Fuck, you’re treating me like a complete idiot.”

“What?”

“Always doing whatever you want.”

“…Stop it.”

“Curiosity? Fuck. Who are you taking for a fucking moron?” Lee Taegang was unusually agitated. It was rare for him to show such behavior in front of him. 

So Yeowon, in his confusion, blinked his eyes urgently before retorting in a dejected voice, “…Are you done talking now?”

“No. I’m not done.”

“Hey, Lee Taegang.”

“If you say it’s over, am I supposed to obediently follow like an idiot?”

“Hey, calm down, let’s just talk—”

“I clearly told you before, the term is until I get bored.”

At this unreasonable persistence, the anger that had been suppressed by Yeowon’s astonishment finally erupted. Every word he spat out was infuriating, “Fuck, am I some kind of male prostitute? Am I supposed to service you until you want?”

“You want that? Should I pay you?”

“You bastard…”

“Could you even quit in the first place?”

“What?”

“The way you come every time I stick my dick in.”

“Ha, you’re really crazy. Hey, come to your senses. If you don’t want to die.”

“Don’t pretend. Oh, should I show you now?”

He smiled strangely and used the hand that had been grabbing his collar to roughly tear the t-shirt he was wearing. Yeowon gritted his teeth at the aggressive touch and grabbed his arm roughly again.

“Stop it.”

“Fuck, just because you say stop, do I have to stop?”

“Take it easy, you crazy bastard!”

But despite his threat, Lee Taegang just laughed lightly and continued to tear his clothes apart. More than being scared by the overpowering force trying to pin him down, one part of his heart ached. His actions, which seemed to disregard him, suddenly brought a surge of sadness that made his lips tremble, as if he had been hurt.

“Why? you like it too.”

With a twisted voice, his body fell onto the sofa, and his waistband was grabbed with an oppressive force. Before his pants could be fully removed, Taegang’s merciless hands dug inside.

“Just recently you got all heated up and did it yourself.”

“…”

“That’s right. Fuck, you came at me first. Because you wanted my dick. Huh?”

His eyes are really rolling. Yeowon, intimidated by Lee Taegang’s gaze looking down at him with reddened eyes, let out a weak laugh and roughly kicked his abdomen. Although there was a difference in size, it wasn’t to the extent that he couldn’t confront him.

With a rough friction sound, Lee Taegang fell below the sofa, and Yeowon stood up without even fixing his loosened waistband. He was about to kick him as he fell to the floor, but he hesitated and instead slammed his foot on the floor.

“Why are you acting like this, you really—!”

Yeowon couldn’t understand his irrational behavior that seemed so out of character. From the beginning, it was all for his sake. Because he was worried about Lee Taegang. He wanted to quit because he was concerned that continuing this might cause harm. If someone were to discover their relationship, Lee Taegang would be the one most adversely affected.