BHB 103

There was a limit to how wildly one could behave. Moreover, they weren’t rebellious teenagers anymore.

“Let go.”

Taegang seemed determined to push the situation to its worst as he roughly shook off Yeowon’s arm. Then he grabbed Chaemin by the collar and threw him to the ground. With just one gesture from Taegang, who was twice Chaemin’s size, Chaemin fluttered weakly and tumbled to the floor.

“I said stop it!”

“Don’t try to stop me.”

“Damn it, won’t you come to your senses?”

“Why? Are you going to protect that bastard in front of me too this time?” Taegang’s eyes, as he asked fiercely with his head tilted, seemed vacant. “Why do you always protect other guys in front of me?”

“…”

“Makes me want to kill them all, really.”

His grinding voice felt more sincere than ever before, momentarily taking Yeowon’s breath away. Feeling that if he didn’t stop him, he wouldn’t leave Chaemin or anyone else alone, Yeowon grabbed Taegang’s shoulder again. However, Taegang once more shook off his hand painfully, and with the rebound of that force, Yeowon roughly turned Taegang around and slapped him across the face.

SMACK!!! 

Though he hit him with his palm, the sound of impact resonated as if he had swung a fist. Simultaneously, the surrounding commotion quieted down. With his head turned 90 degrees, Taegang stopped his beast-like rampage. Yeowon’s right hand, which had struck Taegang, trembled slightly. Though Taegang was the one who got hit, it was he who felt a constricting pain in his chest. The situation was like that. No, he had been feeling that way watching Taegang act like a madman. It was hard to watch him behave this way.

“…Please come to your senses.”

Taegang had been acting like a time bomb about to explode lately. He acted like someone who couldn’t be reasoned with, who drove situations to the point where they couldn’t be stopped, and Yeowon fully realized today that his behavior was now because of him. He was the one making him that way.

“Unfortunately, I am in my right mind, right now.” Taegang countered without averting his gaze even slightly. As if sarcastically apologizing for being in his right mind.

“Is this what someone in their right mind would do?” Yeowon asked back, furrowing his eyebrows. He tried to stay as calm as possible without falling for his provocation.

“Stop nagging. I’ve endured everything until now. Wanting to kill Baek Seungha, wanting to pass around that fucking Jeon Chaemin to other guys.”

“What…”

“I endured it because of you. Damn it, I’ve been living with so much restraint!”

Taegang’s indignant demeanor was fierce, but to Yeowon, he just looked like a child throwing a tantrum. An incredulous laugh escaped him. His behavior, like an unchained beast, seemed to have abandoned all reason.

“Ha…. So what? What more do you want to do? Beat this person to near death right here?!”

His tone also rose at his pathetic behavior. Even if it might provoke him further, it was necessary to view the situation objectively. Even if they somehow managed to silence people now, in this era, a single internet post could spread nationwide without much difficulty.

What he needed to be most careful about right now was the media and what people would say. Words, when not conveyed directly by the person themselves, could be distorted and could grow in unimaginable ways.

He was worried about this even at this moment, but Taegang was behaving so thoughtlessly. No matter how angry he was, this situation was wrong. There was no need to show this ugly scene to others.

“Don’t blame me for your stupid behavior.”

Yeowon threw words of criticism without hesitation at him, who was still raging without reason. He was pathetic. He felt like going crazy at how pathetic he was.

“Don’t make me regret even being friends with you.”

His bitten lip tasted of blood in his mouth. The turmoil inside him felt more bitter than the taste of blood.

At that moment, a twisted smile escaped softly from his lips. “Ha,” a low, seemingly deranged sound made Yeowon’s eyes waver slightly.

“… Do you regret it?”

Yeowon, who had expected an indignant response, flinched at the unexpected reaction. He expressed exactly how he saw him now.

“You’re ugly right now.”

“Do you regret being friends with someone like me?”

At that moment, strangely, the dozen or so years he had spent with him flashed before his eyes. He stumbled slightly at the cliché but rapid montage. Yeowon let out a hollow laugh and wiped his mouth. Shock upon shock made him feel like his own mind was slipping away.

“…Yes.” He wanted to end this situation quickly now. Further exchanges of hurtful words were meaningless. Yeowon spewed words recklessly as they came to his mouth. “I fucking regret it. I want to quit everything, friendship and all.”

“…”

“Stop liking me too, now.”

“…”

“You’re really such a nuisance, damn it. What the hell is all this?!”

A complete mess—Chaemin in disarray, this place turning from a festive atmosphere to chaos in an instant, himself losing a friend he had spent so much time with, and above all, Taegang who seemed utterly broken. Yeowon shook his head in disgust and blamed him.

Coldly turning away from him, Yeowon, as if having regained his senses, gave a frigid command to Chaemin who was sprawled on the floor unable to do anything.

“Get up.”

If he couldn’t stop Taegang from going all the way, the best choice was to at least get Chaemin out of this mess.

Disheveled hair and a split lip. His disordered appearance from head to toe made him look like he had been dragged through the mud. If Taegang was in that state, at least Chaemin should come to his senses, but seeing him stupidly looking up at him made his anger rise.

“Didn’t you hear me say get up?!”

Chaemin, who had been acting like a different person, froze pale as soon as he saw Yeowon. And he hurriedly gathered the photos of him scattered on the floor that he hadn’t yet picked up. Desperately, as if he didn’t want them to be seen.

“If you want to get beaten to death by this bastard, just keep sitting there.”

When Yeowon added harshly, Chaemin shook his head saying no and awkwardly stood up.

“Yeowon…”

Unlike when he was confronting Taegang, the way he called his name anxiously, just like usual, was repulsive. But right now, his only thought was to separate Chaemin from Taegang. Yeowon grabbed Chaemin’s arm and pulled him somewhat violently to make their way through the crowd surrounding them. That’s when it happened.

“I told you not to protect him.” Taegang ground out his words with suppressed fury. 

Unconsciously, Yeowon gripped Chaemin’s arm more tightly. “Just stop it. Do you think I’m doing this because I want to?”

“I’m not done yet.”

“How much more do you want to do here?!”

“After even taking a knife for him, have you actually developed feelings for him?”

“Only you would sleep around.”

“What’s the big deal about that? You were easy too. You slept with me even though you didn’t feel anything. You slept with me because it was a hassle. It was nothing to you, right?”

Because of his low voice, Chaemin, who was the only one besides Yeowon who heard those words, covered his mouth with trembling hands, unable to hide his shock.

“Ha…”

A low, hollow laugh escaped his lips. Easy? Was it easy for him? For him, it had been a last resort. It was a desperate final measure to keep Taegang, and he had to endure the humiliation of his values being turned upside down. It was the most confusing experience of his life. Easy? He was different from him. That sex, that intimacy—it might have been nothing to Taegang, but not to him. He had wanted to be with Taegang so badly that he even did that.

‘Because I liked you too. Because there was no one better than you in the world. Because no one was more precious to me than you.’

His heart pounded viciously. It seemed to be heading toward the very end. As if he and he could never go back to the way they were. Now he had to accept it. That he and Taegang had already grown too far apart. That it might be irreversible. Bearing this in mind, Yeowon expressed his anger with all his might.

“No.” Yeowon looked straight at him. And gathering all his disgust and hatred, he opened his mouth, “It wasn’t easy at all. It was fucking filthy and horrible.”

“…”

“I shouldn’t have done such a thing with you in the first place.”

“…”

“You begged so much, I thought if I gave it to you a few times, you’d satisfy yourself and leave.”

He chewed each word, raising his voice. Because he wanted to hurt Taegang. Because he couldn’t control his vile intentions, only terrible words spilled out. At the same time, his movements stopped. Taegang, who had been frozen stiff, who had been baring his teeth like an enraged beast, calmed down as if becoming detached.

“Why? Don’t tell me you had expectations just because we slept together a few times?”

“…Han Yeowon.”

“Don’t tell me you thought I might feel the same way as you?”

Suddenly, he remembered Baek Seungha’s words apologizing to him. As the image of him responding so maturely surfaced vaguely in his mind, he saw himself overlapping with it, reacting in exactly the opposite way.

“Wake up from your dream, Taegang.”

“…”

“No matter how much you do these things behind my back…”

Anger, resentment, betrayal, and his mixed feelings of love and hate for him were driving him crazy.

“It’s never going to happen.”

Taegang’s black eyes wavered. 

‘Ah, so this is his weakness.’  The thought suddenly occurred to him. ‘This is what hurts you.’ 

This is what gets a reaction from someone who never flinches at any words, like a wooden statue. 

‘I can really hurt you with this.’ Such thoughts vaguely came to him. ‘Ah, this guy… he really likes me that much.’

Taegang’s fist loosened silently. He let out a faint breath, barely audible, and slowly wiped his face. “…I never expected anything.”

His increasingly miserable voice touched a spot near his heart.

“Not once.” Taegang, who had been so excited his chest was heaving, looked at Yeowon with frost-cold eyes. An eerily static atmosphere enveloped him. “…That’s why I messed with them. The people around you.”

“…”

“The guys you liked, the guys who liked you. All of them, so they wouldn’t even dare.” He smiled a bitter, hollow laugh as if confessing a sin. 

Watching him as if spellbound, Yeowon could only spit out a twisted smile of his own. “…Those things you did weren’t normal.”

Even if those words were his true feelings without a shred of falsehood, now they sounded like nothing but cowardly excuses. He was just sick and tired of this whole situation, of all these events that had come this far. Both Chaemin, who was sitting on the floor trembling, and Taegang, who claimed all this was because of him. 

Yeowon let out a distorted sigh and stared at him pitifully. “You should have just said something to me instead.”

“…”

“Who knows?”

“…”

“I might have felt sorry for you and dated you once.”

Words once spoken could always be taken back. If the other person was Taegang. Because he always accepted even his nonsense and let it slide. Because they were like that with each other. But now he knew they could no longer be that way with each other. Taegang’s eyes, which had been rippling without reason, calmed more than ever before and lost their light.

Impure emotions clouded his vision, and Yeowon couldn’t bear to look. Hatred overcomes affection, betrayal loses consideration, and anger abandons understanding, ultimately making things irreversible.

Just like himself now.

He walked without looking back. Everything felt so fucked up, and as Yeowon just kept walking, parts of his body were trembling as if on the verge of explosion. Heat rose throughout his body until even his eyes and head felt hot. To the point where he wanted to lose even the thread of reason he was barely holding onto and go back to destroy everything right away. The exploded emotions would not easily be subdued. Uncontrollable feelings surged up, causing blood vessels to rise in the corners of Yeowon’s eyes.

However, the sound of someone following behind him kept him from being absorbed in those thoughts. He had already noticed the urgent footsteps of the unwelcome visitor. Standing in front of his car, Yeowon turned his head, his mood greatly disturbed. 

Finding it difficult to match his pace, Chaemin opened his mouth hastily while breathing heavily, “Ye-Yeowon, this… I’ll, I’ll explain.”