BHB 131

Yeowon dropped his arm off the bed. His body collapsed onto the bed as if he might die any moment. Perhaps because of that, he felt something leaking between his buttocks.

“Shit…” Yeowon cursed while fumbling between his buttock cheeks. 

His fingertips came away covered in sticky fluid. After confirming what it was, Yeowon glared at Lee Taegang, who was smoking while resting his head on his arm next to him.

“…You have no decency.”

He couldn’t remember how many times they’d done it. He knew they’d done it twice on the bare floor in the living room, then again on the way to the bedroom, and then again in the bedroom, but everything after that was hazy. So he couldn’t tell how many times he had ejaculated inside him. They had rolled around in such a frenzied state that it seemed insane, and by then, the outside had turned pitch black. And they had arrived here in the afternoon while the sun was still up.

“My stomach kind of hurts.”

When Yeowon grumbled irritably, Taegang put his cigarette in his mouth and quietly replied, “I’ll take it all out.”

After saying that, he bent down and nuzzled his neck. Though they had been clinging to each other like animals for hours, his small affectionate gesture still felt unfamiliar, making his body twitch.

Yeowon put the cigarette in his mouth, looking slightly embarrassed. “Next time, just wear a condom.”

That should have been obvious, but strangely, whenever they were in this situation, the thought didn’t occur to him. It was sex where they just kissed, rubbed their dicks together, and penetrated recklessly. Only the ruthless sexual desire to connect manifested itself. Yeowon felt this way despite generally being sexually reserved.

“…I said I’ll take it all out.” Taegang lay on top of Yeowon’s back as he lay face down, embracing him from behind. Subtly showing his dissatisfaction.

“It feels like I’m the only one losing out.”

“You like it when I come inside.”

“When did I ever!”

“The third time. When I came, you came too.” Taegang said this with an unchanged expression and a casual voice while continuing to nuzzle his face and body. Despite Yeowon shrugging his shoulders and gesturing for him to move away from the sticky contact, Taegang didn’t budge.

“…Don’t make things up.” Yeowon actually couldn’t remember. This was the first time this had happened, panting while their bodies were so entangled that he couldn’t properly remember.

“Fine. Let’s say that’s true.” Taegang, seemingly not interested in insisting, casually replied and then planted kisses here and there with smacking sounds. Once on his shoulder, once on his neck, and once on his temple. It was so ticklish that it felt like a slimy object was passing over his body one after another.

“…Ah, move away a bit.”

It wasn’t that he disliked it, but his heart felt ticklish, making his body feel ticklish too.

“…No.”

Yeowon found even that response unfamiliar. Taegang’s completely unrestrained attitude was strange and unfamiliar, and whenever that happened, he felt as if dozens of feathers were brushing against his skin.

“…It’s hot.” Yeowon cleared his throat and murmured. But their bodies pressed even closer together.

“…Me too.” Taegang agreed but didn’t stop his nuzzling. 

Yeowon burst into laughter at his behavior that seemed completely out of character, but his face was pleased. However, he soon wiped the smile off his face and stubbed out the half-smoked cigarette in the ashtray. Then he turned his head toward where Taegang’s face was.

“I’m still not over it.” He faced Taegang’s languid face right in front of him.

“I know.”

“I really hate resolving fights with sex.”

“…I didn’t know that.”

“That’s why. Remember it.”

Taegang’s face became quite serious. It was a face that showed annoyance at learning something he truly didn’t know.

“I wasn’t trying to resolve it with sex.”

But soon he added in a low voice. Yeowon felt strange as his calm tone kept giving him a sense of affection.

“I just… had no choice but to do it.”

“So, why suddenly?”

Taegang slightly wrinkled his brow as he looked at Yeowon’s indifferent face, which looked at him as if he knew nothing. A face that always looked like it knew nothing, even though all the blame was on him. Taegang looked at that face briefly as if finding it vexing, then let out an inaudible sigh.

The image of his worrying about covering his face during their fight, putting a hat on him. And that refreshing face that ultimately gave in and smiled no matter what happened. A face that would look handsome to anyone.

“…Don’t smile so freely around others.”

“…What?”

“Just don’t smile.”

“…You’re saying strange things again.”

“I’m not just saying it. Don’t go around smiling so much.”

Yeowon exhaled dejectedly at the sudden remark and looked strangely at him. Even that face appeared endlessly handsome and beautiful to Taegang’s eyes, so he kissed him at the corner of his eye. Smack. Smack. While messily pressing his lips against him, he repeated similar words.

“…I definitely told you.”

“…It’s weird. When you say things like that, it really… sounds like we’re dating.”

“There you go talking nonsense again.”

“What?”

“We are dating, fuck. I’m saying we’re dating.”  Taegang growled, raising his eyebrows while keeping his lips on his face. 

Yeowon swallowed dryly with an embarrassed expression. “Ah shit, I know… I know…” Yeowon’s ears began to turn red. “…It’s just not familiar, suddenly dating like this.”

When his shyness became evident, it was Taegang’s turn to hesitate. Seeing his ears, nape, and cheeks flushed red, Taegang let out an excited breath. He couldn’t win, that was his first thought. Taegang pressed his body against him, resting his forehead on his shoulder. Then he softly asked a question that suddenly came to mind.

“…Since when?”

“What?”

“…Since when did you like me?” As he asked this, Taegang embraced Yeowon’s waist. 

Yeowon’s eyes darted around at the unexpected question. “What are you saying?”

“Tell me.”

“Ah… that’s gross.”

Yeowon refused, but Taegang persisted, clinging to him.

“Hurry up.”

Knowing that he would persist until he told him, Yeowon finally clicked his tongue, awkwardly smacked his lips, and with difficulty began to speak, “…At first, I was confused.”

“…”

“Whether I just didn’t want to lose you as a friend. Or if I really couldn’t give you to anyone else.” Yeowon continued speaking as nonchalantly as possible while lying face down, “I think I didn’t want to admit it. Because simple relationships of liking or disliking were meaningless to me.”

Even as he spoke, he rubbed his nape in embarrassment, but Taegang shifted his body from on top of his to face him, as if wanting to hear more. It became even more embarrassing, but Yeowon tried to speak again, avoiding his intense gaze.

“For me, it was something more.”

“…”

“Beyond just liking or disliking you, something much greater.”

“…”

“I wanted to believe it was a relationship that no one could ever tear apart or break.”

In truth, he had been more obsessed with Taegang than anyone else. Claiming they were friends, family, something even more, he had been hypocritically binding Taegang to him.

“So when you said you liked me, it made me strangely angry.”

Yeowon, having forgotten his embarrassment, stroked Taegang’s hair while reminiscing about the past. Examining each of his handsome features one by one, suddenly realizing they were truly him, he added, “I thought… I wouldn’t have broken what we had for something as simple as liking someone.”

That’s why he couldn’t easily admit that he liked him. They were already something greater than that. But looking back, it was stubbornness, his own fantasy. Perhaps he had trapped him in his trauma. He had considered his relationship with Taegang as something so grandiose. Like a fortress wall that not even a million armies could break down. But it was all useless. No matter how much he insisted on it alone, it was all pointless without the other person’s involvement.

“Fuck. So fucking pathetic.”

In reality, it didn’t matter who Taegang slept with or dated, whether he had deceived his or not. He had simply been jealous. Jealous of the relationship he had formed with someone other than him. And not wanting to admit that, he had gotten angry, thrown tantrums, and been stubborn. He had never acted maturely.

“Ha… this is so embarrassing.”

Having said everything he wanted to say, Yeowon became embarrassed again and turned his back to him. Too ashamed to look at his face, he roughly rubbed his face with his hands, when he strongly embraced him from behind. Taegang’s face appeared over one of his shoulders. He was so close that he could feel his breath on his ear.

“…If you die first.” And then unexpected words flowed from Taegang’s mouth, “I’ll swallow everything of you, bones and all.”

His low voice, which seemed to be neither a joke nor nonsense, pierced his ear directly.

“I’ll make sure no one can have you, even in death.”

“…”

“You’re right, we are something grand. Something extraordinary too. That’s why I’ve been fixated on you for nearly half my life.”

He couldn’t tell whether it was his quiet sincerity or the strength of his arms around his waist that made it hard to breathe. But Yeowon forced a deflated laugh and retorted, “…You crazy bastard. You’re good with words. What happened to all that talk about letting me go?”

“Did you believe that?”

“So you were just saying it?”

“…I thought pretending to let you go would make you feel better.”

“…Bullshit.”

“And then I’d probably just keep following behind you anyway.” He spoke slowly in a monotone voice, “Following behind you for a lifetime, just like I’ve done until now.”

Yeowon held his breath at the subtle feeling that made his toes tremble, wondering why those words sounded like such an intense confession.

“So fucking pathetic.”

He said the exact same words as Yeowon had and nuzzled his nape.

In that moment, he felt emotions weighing heavily within him. A feeling of emotions settling. A strange feeling of intense exchange. With this unfamiliar emotion, Yeowon suddenly thought that everything would be okay. The conviction that his thoughts had not been wrong. He physically felt that they truly had a grand relationship that no one could tear apart or separate.