TIN 127

The announcement from the speaker was enough to heighten my already unsettled feelings. Placing one hand on the window and looking out, I could see natural scenery through thickly grown trees. Though the sea wasn’t visible yet, the flowing river sparkled in the sunlight.

“…”

Now, really, soon we were going to arrive at the sea. Not long until I would see the vast ocean spread out, not just water flowing through narrow passages.

“It looks like we’re here.”

Kei got up and gathered his belongings. He retrieved his carrier from the shelf and straightened his clothes. Following his lead, I collected my bag and hat, put on my sunglasses, and then Kei extended his hand to me.

“Let’s go.”

As Kei had suggested we pretend to be traveling together until leaving the station, I received his escort even while disembarking. The first-class passenger exit was full of particularly formal attendants who bowed deeply to each departing passenger.

“Thank you. Have a pleasant journey.”

Naturally, no one looked suspiciously at me accompanying Kei. They all offered polite greetings with friendly smiles and tones and even offered to carry Kei’s luggage to the station. Kei declined all these offers and led me forward.

“It’s fine. I have a separate secretary.”

Even until we left the station building, my nerves showed no signs of calming down. Whether excitement or indigestion, an inexplicable emotion made my fingertips cold. Despite being one step away from the sea I’d longed for so much, anxiety outweighed the joy.

The outside air was more humid than ever. The muggy wind differed in temperature from the city but wasn’t particularly unpleasant. The damp air, different from the rainy season, evoked very old memories.

‘My baby…’

This kind of wind blew in that embrace that held me too. That warm, cozy touch. The scent of the sea carried on the contrasting breeze. I slowly recalled the memory of the woman who kissed my forehead, smiled gently, and called my name.

‘Our…’

“Executive Director.”

The fantasy was broken by a man waiting for Kei in front of the station. After handing his bag and carrier to the man, presumably his secretary, Kei checked a nearby parked car and sent him ahead.

Then he looked at me with his hands in his pockets.

“Bada.”

“…Ah.”

I couldn’t help but make a stupid sound. The way he addressed me suddenly felt strange. 

Fortunately, he didn’t seem to notice my reaction and spoke naturally.

“I’m heading to the hotel from here…”

His hand pointed toward a black sedan where his secretary stood waiting. I unconsciously followed his gaze before looking back at his face. Through the sunglasses, I could see him wink and smile.

“Want to come along?”

“…To the hotel?”

“No, don’t misunderstand, it’s not that kind of suggestion.”

Kei waved his hand in embarrassment. Though the location was a bit suggestive, he probably had no impure intentions. If that was his aim, he would have already made a move on the train.

“You came to see the sea, right?”

During the train ride, I had shared my general story. That I was indeed running from Joo Do-hwa,, and my final destination was the sea. Kei had listened quietly before asking, ‘What will you do when it’s time to return?’

I hadn’t answered that question. I never intended to return in the first place.

“If you go straight down this road, you’ll find the sea…but you can see it from my hotel too.”

The hand that had pointed to the car now indicated the opposite fork in the road. At the intersection in front of the station were signposts with place names and a few tourists. Most were traveling by car, but I would have to walk quite a distance from here.

“You need a place to rest too.”

“…”

His gentle words left me at a loss for words. While it might be different in my old neighborhood, homelessness wouldn’t be easy by the sea. Looking like a beggar certainly wouldn’t be acceptable, and with my money running out, finding lodging wouldn’t be easy either.

“I’m just asking casually. Don’t feel any pressure to accept.”

He added softly, but I wasn’t naive enough to believe those words. His hand that had reached toward me before returning to his pocket, and his awkwardly lowered gaze, showed only one thing.

Besides, hadn’t I already seen his lingering attachment with my own eyes?

“You should remove that photo from your wallet before making such suggestions.”

I saw it when he took out his ID, my face, cut small from a flyer, tucked inside his wallet. He surely wasn’t planning to report me, so the reason for carrying my photo was obvious.

“How can that be casual, Kei?”

“You have good eyes…You saw that?”

At my quiet words, Kei silently smiled, as if he wasn’t particularly caught and hadn’t tried to hide it in the first place. There weren’t many responses I could give to that.

“I put the watch in your bag.”

At the word ‘watch,’ Kei’s eyes widened. He belatedly looked down at his hand, then gazed at his bag already carried away by his secretary.

“I used it carefully, but excuse any minor scratches.”

“…Ha.”

Though Kei had learned sleight of hand while dealing with money, he was no match for me. I secretly put the watch he told me to sell in his bag. Of course, after restoring the watchband I had shortened by two links, I couldn’t ask for more when I’d already received more than enough help.

“The hotel…I can’t go. You saw me throwing up earlier.”

Meaning I couldn’t pay the price like before. Just kissing made me feel like throwing up, if I sensed any stronger pheromones, my stomach would more than turn. Even if Kei didn’t want that from me, that was all I could give.

So now I could only be satisfied with directly giving the farewell I had once given alone.

“Live well.”

“…”

At my final greeting, Kei laughed as if in disbelief. He didn’t argue back, nor try to stop me again. He merely shrugged his shoulders with an unburdened expression.

“Yeah, you too.”

***

A complete farewell was something you could sense instinctively without trying. Like when I left the child’s home, like when I left the alley I’d lived in for half my life, and like when I parted with Kei at the intersection. You realized in the moment of turning your back that this was a moment you could never return to.

It took about 30 minutes to walk from the station to the sea. Though not a great distance, it felt longer than all the days I’d lived until now. Whether that was because of my aching ankle or my racing heartbeat, I wasn’t so sure about it.

Fortunately, or perhaps I should say, fortunately, there was no sight of those dreaded flyers in this neighborhood. Since I was the only one walking along the well-maintained sidewalk, I took off my tight shoes halfway and walked barefoot.

As I dragged my throbbing right foot along, a cool sea breeze began blowing from the distance.

“…”

My pace gradually quickened. At some point, I was half-running toward the sea. Forgetting the pain in my legs, I ran forward looking only ahead.

‘…Going to the sea.’

‘…’

‘The sea…I missed the sea so much.’

I felt choked up. The breath that had risen to my chin escaped my lips. My wish, which I had confessed to Joo Do-hwa, and my lifelong desire were fulfilled.

“…Ha.”

The open horizon filled my entire view. The sound of waves calling “whoosh” was sweeter to me than any music. The warm sunshine, the sparkling ripples. The same scenery I had shared in my childhood.

“Ah…”

For now, I wasn’t even aware I was running away. I dropped my hat on the ground and roughly took off my sunglasses that were blocking my view, holding them in my hand. With each step toward the sea, my long wig swayed in the ocean breeze.

Soft sand wrapped around my feet. The lukewarm seawater gently caressed my swollen right foot. Though my skirt hem was getting wet, such things didn’t matter at the moment.

“Ha, haha…”

The laughter that finally burst out came from the emptiness of this whole situation. Even as overwhelming emotion rushed in enough to make my chest ache, my current state was too ridiculous.

“Huh…”

I had reached the sea.

Finally, I could see the sea.

With a feeling like I might half cry, my face contorted. Thanks to choosing a path with few people, I was the only one existing on the vast shore. There was no need to worry about someone seeing me with disheveled hair like a crazy person.

That’s why…That’s why I impulsively removed my contacts while rubbing my constantly dry eyes. Why I decided without hesitation to remove another mask that had been nothing but annoying all day.

“They said it was fine to wear them long…”

I slowly blinked my stinging eyes. Tears rolled down my cheeks and dropped onto the seawater.

The black contacts on my fingers were ones I bought the day I purchased the clothes and wig. A product promoted by an actress who Kei said looked like me, who looked like Yoon Ji-soo. As if possessed by something, I went into the store and bought them just in case, my last protection.

“Ha…”

Finally feeling refreshed, I looked down at the seawater with a hollow laugh. My face was faintly reflected on the calm surface.

The eyes within were unmistakably blue.