BHB 10

Either way, Yeowon knew he didn’t really have a reason to be this angry with Taegang. But he had long since lost his grip on reason. The forceful grip on his wrist, the unapologetic, unflinching gaze—everything about Taegang was setting him off.

“Disgusting.”

He glared at Lee Taegang with eyes narrowed in anger. The alcohol made him even more heated. It was easier to get worked up in this state.

“I didn’t know you were such a filthy bastard that you’d even fvck other men.”

In that moment, Lee Taegang’s calm eyes darkened. Feeling certain he had landed a blow, Yeowon felt like he had won. Of course, a painful sense of self-loathing came with it. But he only thought about not wanting to lose.

“Are you done?”

“…”

“If you’re done, get out.”

Yeowon coldly snapped as he roughly pushed away his hand gripping his wrist. He immediately slammed the bedroom door shut and sank down to the floor. He clutched his head and bit his lip hard.

Yeowon hadn’t wanted to say such things, but it was too late for regrets. And his pride wasn’t so low that he’d apologize right away either. Though he knew it was a cruel thing to say, he didn’t regret it. The initial sense of betrayal he felt towards Lee Taegang made his head spin.

Still sitting, Yeowon hugged his knees to his chest and buried his face. He couldn’t gather his thoughts, overwhelmed by a dirty feeling he himself couldn’t clearly define.

Soon after, he heard footsteps moving away. As the sound of footsteps faded, there was a beep and the mechanical sound of the door opening and closing. It meant Lee Taegang had obediently left the house. Yeowon’s shoulders flinched at the faint sound, but he had no intention of following after him. He felt sorry but also intensely hated him. Lee Taegang, who seemed to have gleefully rolled around with Jeon Chaemin in the meantime, now felt utterly repulsive to him.

To the point where he felt abnormal himself. With a complicated expression, Yeowon let out a long, heavy sigh, more troubled than ever before. He couldn’t understand his own actions.

**

This was the first time in his life that Yeowon had felt such a sense of betrayal from Lee Taegang. If he’d ever felt it before, it was only briefly when Lee Taegang occasionally had a close group of friends. But even that was temporary. After all, he was always the one closest to him.

It had been the same with Yeowon’s ex-girlfriends. Even if they flirted with other guys or got close to a senior, he never felt like this. His girlfriends often got tired of his indifferent attitude and left him first, but he never pretended to feel something he didn’t.

Yeowon was transparent. When he was angry, he showed it; when he disliked something, he disliked it; when he liked something, he liked it. He was a predictable person, to the point where others found him simple. He was bad at hiding his emotions, and even worse at telling convincing lies.

In contrast, Lee Taegang was skilled at concealing things. From the start, his trademark was those cold eyes that made it impossible to know what he was thinking. He always had an expressionless face, and he was the only one who could read any emotion in his impassive features. His usually unsmiling, emotionless face that rarely showed feelings was prone to being misunderstood by others, but he didn’t care how others saw him. He had arrogantly thought that as long as he knew him, as long as he alone understood him well, nothing else mattered.

But after this incident, he realized. He truly didn’t know Lee Taegang at all. Yeowon was quite shocked by how he didn’t even blink when he caught him. He thought he would at least look flustered and make excuses, or show some sign of embarrassment. But Lee Taegang admitted it immediately with an impassive face and instead questioned him,  asking why he was angry.

Thankful it was the weekend, Yeowon couldn’t leave his bed even though the sun was high. His troubled feelings hadn’t dissipated even after a night had passed. In a word, it felt shitty.

Ah… I shouldn’t have said that though.

‘Disgusting.’

That one word spat out in anger, kept bothering him unpleasantly. Sure, they’d fought many times, cursing each other as bastards and sons of b1tches, but this kind of personal attack was a first.

“Stupid bastard…”

Yeowon muttered curses as he buried his face in the pillow. As the effects of alcohol wore off, he gained the ability to look at the situation more objectively. If he hadn’t been drinking, he wouldn’t have said those words.

Tormented by the kind of regret only pathetic people feel, it took Yeowon a full hour before he finally got out of bed. He didn’t have much to do on weekends anyway. He would usually go for a drive to the outskirts of Seoul with Lee Taegang or play the new VR game they bought at home. Or he’d work up a sweat at the nearby gym or go to the PC bang he used to frequent to the point of being sick of it in high school. Almost all of his time was spent with Lee Taegang.

Today, he had nothing to do. He wasn’t shameless enough to brazenly contact Lee Taegang after fighting like that yesterday, and right now he felt he should distance himself from him. If they met, he thought he might lose his temper again and say more hurtful things.

After showering, Yeowon immediately messaged Do Youngjae.

[What are you doing?]

The reply came in less than 5 minutes.

[Hanging out with my girlfriend.]

Tsk. Yeowon clicked his tongue and quickly typed on the keypad.

[OK. Have fun.]

Then he threw his phone back on the bed and flung himself down as well, but another message notification sounded.

[You want to hang out together? I’ll invite my girlfriend’s friend too and we can pair up.]

It was a slightly tempting offer, but Yeowon didn’t have the energy to face and hang out with someone he didn’t know. He had vaguely thought about going to a PC bang or having a drink with Do Youngjae.

[No thanks.]

After sending the brief reply, Yeowon buried his face in the pillow again and recalled last night’s events.

More precisely, Lee Taegang’s face.

Sometimes he wondered if Lee Taegang ever got hurt. He was the kind of guy who wouldn’t shed a tear even when beaten and kicked out by his parents as a child. Of course, there was that one time they hugged and cried together, but nothing like that ever happened again. And he never showed signs of being hurt or upset when breaking up or falling out with girlfriends either. He was just always nonchalant, as if asking “When did I date who?”

That image of Taegang’s darkened eyes flashed in Yeowon’s mind again. Had that been the look of someone hurt? But would something like what he said really hurt Taegang? The guy who didn’t even flinch when his own parents abandoned him?

Whether it was hurt or whatever, it was certain his words had struck a blow. He instinctively felt it, and childishly thought again that he had won.

Not like I’m a kid anymore.

Yeowon turned over and lay spread-eagled. He stared at the ceiling with a somewhat blank expression and let out a long sigh.

“I should apologize.”

This time it was clearly his fault. But he didn’t have the courage to apologize. In fact, he didn’t want to do it right away. The image of that fresh kiss mark still lingered in his mind, and he wasn’t mature enough to digest those emotions and apologize casually.

Yeowon fell asleep again without even drying his hair. There was nothing else to do but sleep. It felt like puberty had hit. Like he was going through a turbulent period where everything was irritating and frustrating. A very late puberty, it seemed.

**

When he opened his eyes, it was already the middle of the night. Both outside the window and in the bedroom, only a quiet darkness had settled. Yeowon slowly got up and perched on the edge of the bed. As he sat there with a slightly dazed look, not fully awake yet, his carelessly tossed phone rang with a notification. When the screen lit up, a feeble light cut through the darkness.

“Hello?”

Answering the phone without checking who it was, Yeowon’s voice was still groggy with sleep.

“Ah, you answer the phone so late. Trying to act busy now that you’re in college?”

It was a familiar voice. But unable to place it immediately, he checked the caller ID to see the three characters spelling out Kim Myungjoo. A classmate he was close to in high school, almost as much as Do Youngjae. He partied harder than he did as a student and now worked as a manager at a club in Seoul’s bustling district.

“Why, what is it?”

Yeowon answered irritably, his voice still thick with sleep.

“What do you mean ‘what’? Come out. I’ll get you a room today.”

Having worked steadily since he was twenty, Kim Myungjoo had climbed up to the position of manager overseeing one club, with a decent connection. So occasionally he’d snag a good spot and invite his to the club. He’d get a spot worth hundreds for free, and Kim Myungjoo would boost the club’s business – a win-win for both.

“Bring Lee Taegang along. I’ll set aside a good bottle of alcohol too.”

At the sudden mention of that name, Yeowon gradually woke up, his eyes growing clearer.

“We fought. Can’t go together.”

“Again? You guys never change even as you get older, huh?”

“What do you mean ‘again’?”

“Playing dumb, I see. You two were always fighting over nothing…”

“I’ll bring someone else. I can’t take him.”

Yeowon cut off Kim Myungjoo’s rambling.

“Are they good-looking?”

Hearing the question that prioritized company profits now that he had a position, Yeowon grabbed his e-cigarette and took a long puff before answering in a low voice.

“Well, more or less. Some college kids.”

“Ah, I see. Okay. Call me when you’re nearby.”

Yeowon smoothly made plans and hung up. After sleeping so much, he had nothing else to do anyway. After taking another shower, Yeowon reached out to his classmates. Not many would refuse free drinks. Even Do Youngjae, who said he was hanging out with his girlfriend, eagerly agreed to come.