BHB 113

“If you’re up, come eat.”

It was Lee Taegang, who seemed to have been watching him while leaning against the doorway. 

‘Eat?’ 

Only then did Yeowon realize that he had been starving since last evening. Moreover, the sight of Lee Taegang preparing a meal for him right after he woke up felt strange. Yet this had been their daily routine just a few months ago.

When Yeowon blinked with a dumbfounded face, Lee Taegang disappeared down the stairs without saying anything more. Yeowon got up sluggishly, scratching his flattened hair. Lee Taegang’s attitude was also unfamiliar—slamming the door when he left last night, and now preparing breakfast in the morning.

Slowly going downstairs and navigating the complex interior toward the dining room, a spicy aroma stung his nose. The smell was strong enough to guess the menu roughly from the staircase.

“What’s this? You said to come eat.”

When Yeowon bluntly threw out the words, Lee Taegang briefly retorted while setting down a freshly cooked pot of ramen on the table.

“Just eat.”

Well, right now even ramen was a feast. Besides, Lee Taegang had been making excellent ramen since high school. Quite unlike what he’d expect from a rich boy.

“How many packets?”

“Five.”

“…Well done.” Yeowon muttered as he quietly sat at the table. “…Eggs?”

“Five.”

“Well done.” 

He nodded with satisfaction as he picked up his chopsticks. Despite his gruff attitude, Yeowon slurped the noodles ravenously as if he hadn’t eaten for days. The saying that there’s no fighting hunger was accurate. Whether the atmosphere with Lee Taegang was uncomfortable or not, Yeowon mindlessly stuffed the ramen into his mouth. In fact, he had been without appetite for quite some time, but today he was strangely hungry, and the ramen tasted exceptionally good.

Watching Yeowon eat as if possessed, Lee Taegang put down the utensil he was about to pick up, took an unopened bottle of water from the refrigerator, and poured it into a cup.

“Eat slowly.” His tone was like a mother scolding his son, but the gesture of providing water was the opposite of his tone.

“You eat quickly too.” Yeowon said, waving his chopsticks while not having fully swallowed the food in his mouth.

“I got it, so don’t talk while eating. You’ll choke.” Lee Taegang added one more comment with furrowed brows.

The nagging.

Yeowon lightly ignored him and focused on eating. Lee Taegang seemed to be eating too, but in reality, he was the only one eating properly. Occasionally he felt his steady gaze, but he deliberately focused more on eating.

In the end, there was food left over. Before, they could have managed six packets between them. Grimacing as if his stomach might burst, he tried to clear away what he had eaten, but Lee Taegang suddenly snatched the bowl and utensils from his hands. 

“I’ll do it.” 

When Yeowon briefly tried to stop him, he lightly replied that it was fine and then silently took care of the dishes as well.

It seemed like subtle kindness, but this was actually normal for him. It was always Lee Taegang who took care of meals first, and it was Lee Taegang who did all the unpleasant tasks while pretending not to mind. It was always Lee Taegang who cleaned up after troubles, and it was Lee Taegang who would take revenge if he got hit in some confrontation. Yeowon stood blankly at the island counter, silently watching his broad back as he washed the dishes.

“…Do you come here often?” Since it didn’t seem like there was a resident manager, Yeowon asked a casual question while looking at his back.

“Occasionally.”

“That cousin of yours must be really something. Even the bathtub has AI features that recognize people.”

“…He is impressive. He got almost all of grandfather’s fortune.”

“Grandfather? The one who was abroad?”

“Yeah. He was extremely fond of that cousin.”

“What about you?”

“I barely even saw the old man’s face a few times.”

The sound of dishes clinking peacefully echoed. The sunlight pouring in on this cloudless, beautiful day was also brightly illuminating beyond the window. Yeowon felt strangely uplifted. For some reason, this atmosphere, which felt like returning to everyday life, made his heart flutter.

“But isn’t it unfair for him to give all the wealth to just that one cousin?”

“That’s why the other family members don’t get along very well with those people from that household.”

“Ah…”

“Even that cousin’s parents don’t particularly like him.”

“The rich are complicated.”

“Lee Taejoo is desperate to tear him apart just at the sight of his face.”

“But it’s interesting. It’s the first time I’ve heard you consistently calling someone ‘hyung’ (older brother).”

Lee Taegang paused momentarily, as if thinking of something, and let out a small forced cough. “…Because he’s a scary bastard.”

“I think it’s also the first time I’ve heard you say someone is scary.”

“When I was 10, I didn’t call him ‘hyung,’ and with a smiling face, he set grandfather’s hunting dog on me.”

“What? Isn’t he insane?”

“…After that, it became a habit… This is why early education is important.” Lee Taegang muttered in a seemingly serious tone. 

Yeowon was about to flare up at the absurd statement, but seeing how unlike him it was, he let out a faint, silent laugh instead. Though laughing, his face quickly darkened, and he unconsciously stared at the window connected to the dining room.

Having left Seoul and putting all that had happened behind them, it felt as if nothing had happened, but he knew too well that wasn’t the case. 

After a moment of contemplation, he finally spoke again, “…How long do you think we can stay here?”

They had come all this way to hide without a plan, but this was ultimately a fugitive life with an end. Being discovered was just a matter of time, and if this childish escape ended, no one knew what would happen to Lee Taegang.

“…I don’t know. It wasn’t part of the plan.” After quite a lengthy consideration, Lee Taegang gave an ambiguous answer.

“Then what was the original plan?”

Suddenly he recalled Lee Taegang complying with Choi Youngdoo. What wasn’t part of the plan was clearly his taking Lee Taegang and running away yesterday.

“To do what those people wanted me to do.”

There was no emotion in Lee Taegang’s voice. It was a docile answer, but it sounded like he had given up everything.

“Even now? Even if you caused trouble, they could easily cover it up themselves. Using that to threaten you…”

“It’s not just because of that.” Lee Taegang, who had been turning the water, finally looked back. At the same time, Yeowon met his black pupils that felt gloomy. “…Because I thought you wouldn’t see me anymore.”

“……”

“You left home, quit school, so I thought you wouldn’t see me again.”

It was a flat voice without any inflection, but Yeowon’s fingertips twitched. A pain like an ice pick stabbing him settled near his heart. The subtle guilt he had felt while disappearing revealed its form.

Yes, he thought the fault was Lee Taegang’s, but he had anticipated that his actions would be a considerable wound to him more than anything else. He felt like he was confirming proof of that with his own eyes. He had wanted it but hadn’t wanted his casual revenge to affect him so deeply.

“…Because I really thought you abandoned me.”

His matter-of-fact way of speaking felt even more intense.

“……”

Yeowon just pressed his drying lips together tightly.

“Then there’s no need… to stay in Korea either.”

Each answer was blindly given. His answers, suggesting he could easily give up his life because of him alone, felt heavy. Yeowon gritted his molars with his jaw tensed. 

Deliberately ignoring these feelings, he spoke as if grumbling, “Does it make sense to act that way over something like that? What am I to you?”

“Exactly. What are you to me?”

“……”

“What are you to me, that I don’t want to live without you?”

It was a statement that precisely penetrated his core. A deep realization spread through his body like ink diffusing. With that one casually uttered sentence, his feelings toward him, their weight, were fully conveyed. His attitude that nothing mattered without him, those words saying life without him had no meaning, piled up like heavy weights.

He thought he had fully felt his feelings of liking him, but apparently he was far from understanding. That wasn’t all there was to it.

“…Don’t be stubborn. Are you saying you’d accept everything those people want because of me?”

“Why? Does it burden you?”

“……”

Yeowon, hit strongly in a vital point, flinched and furrowed his brow. 

Lee Taegang, who immediately recognized that his feelings felt like a burden to him, nodded slightly as if he had expected it. “Don’t worry.”

“……”

“I’m not asking you to take responsibility.” Lee Taegang took out bottled water from the refrigerator and drank it straight. “If that had been my intention, I would have forced myself on you from the beginning and done as I pleased.”

He said the outrageous words casually while checking the boiling electric kettle and pouring it into a cup. His series of actions were calm and gentle. Like his usual self.

“…Drink.”

What he offered was tea with a tea bag. Pushing a cup full of moderate warmth toward him, Lee Taegang also carefully took a sip of the steaming tea. 

Yeowon looked somewhat blankly at his natural movements and asked as if entranced, “…Why didn’t you do it then?”

It was truly a question that came out without thinking. The primal question of why he hadn’t done so earlier if he had been holding back all this time escaped without him knowing.

“Why didn’t you do it sooner, then.”

“……”

“After doing everything you wanted all this time, why couldn’t you even speak up?” Yeowon gripped the hot cup tightly and looked at him steadily. 

Lee Taegang’s expressionless face came into view. Looking at him straight on in the bright light, Yeowon could clearly see. That he had lost a lot of weight, and that unhealed wounds were still visible as faint bruises around his mouth. Clearly, one of them was from the punch he had thrown at the festival. At the sight, Yeowon’s jaw involuntarily tensed. He learned for the first time what it felt like to have one’s insides burning.