BHB 115

“That’s why you shouldn’t wear slippers here.”

Near the beach, wearing slippers posed a risk of injury. One could hurt their foot on sand particles, or as happened now, small pieces of glass or shells hidden in the sand could pierce the skin.

“I just wore them because they were there.”

“…Fortunately it’s not a serious injury.”

“I know. It doesn’t hurt much.”

“But you still got hurt.”

“You’re overreacting.”

“It’s not just this time.”

“What isn’t?”

“Getting hurt. Acting like it’s nothing when you get hurt. That’s really fucking annoying.”

Carrying him and kneeling on the ground to examine his foot over just a small piece of glass in his foot seemed excessive, but all these actions ultimately came down to one reason.

“…Hey, Lee Taegang.” At his soft call, he felt his characteristic gaze looking up at him. “…Do you like me that much?”

His previously indifferent eyes were now distorted with irritation and worry. Now that he knew everything, he could see it all. If he had seen this Taegang before knowing, he might have just thought he was the same as always. They had always been like that. They might have considered such behavior normal because they were so special to each other.

But now it was different. Now that he knew everything, he finally saw it all. It suddenly felt stupid that he hadn’t noticed something so obvious until now.

“…Why didn’t I know any of this?” Yeowon quietly murmured, looking down at Lee Taegang as if talking to himself. 

He could have known from that yearning expression when he desired him, but why? Why hadn’t he realized earlier? Perhaps he had viewed Lee Taegang through a one-sided fantasy. That he was a friend who would be there unconditionally, the only person who would stay by his side forever. He might have blocked what was visible because of that fantasy, that greed.

“…Because I hid it.”

“Even though Seungha knew, and even dumb Kim Myungjoo had noticed it?”

“Forget it. What does it matter now?” Lee Taegang replied dismissively, but suddenly a thought occurred to him. 

They had been together for such a long time, and if Lee Taegang had liked him all that time. If he were Lee Taegang. If he had been in love with Lee Taegang for over 10 years…

“…If it were me, I think I would have hated it.”

“What are you talking about?”

“If I had liked someone for so long, been by their side for so long. If they truly never noticed even once.”

“……”

“I think I would have really hated it sometimes.” Yeowon let out a hollow laugh and continued a bit playfully. 

But Lee Taegang didn’t respond. Whether he was avoiding it, didn’t want to talk about it, or was embarrassed, Yeowon couldn’t tell, but Yeowon could see he was evading the answer.

“…Stand up if you’re okay.” Lee Taegang rose and turned his head. 

More precisely, he avoided Yeowon’s gaze. Once again, an uncomfortable atmosphere crossed between them. Since his foot didn’t hurt at all, Yeowon stood up and walked slowly. Lee Taegang again moved ahead of him, but he walked in a way that kept them no more than two steps apart.

Although he still seemed to be deliberately trying to avoid him, Yeowon felt consideration in his effort to match his pace somewhat. Yeowon was about to call out to him again, but they had already reached the villa. He felt a sudden regret, but he was planning to talk more over dinner anyway.

Back in the villa, after putting the bags full of groceries on the table, Lee Taegang immediately tried to go upstairs. 

Seeing this, Yeowon urgently asked, “Aren’t you going to eat dinner?”

When he asked just in case, Lee Taegang replied without even looking back, “You eat first.”

Yeowon stood blankly, quietly staring at Lee Taegang as he went upstairs. At his attempt to avoid even dinner, his feelings, which had begun to ease, started to twist again.

‘I don’t understand. He says he likes me. Shit, he made a fuss about liking me, but why does he keep trying to avoid me in this weird way?’ 

Yeowon couldn’t understand his feelings.

With an irritated face, he roughly started taking out and organizing the things they had bought, then suddenly stopped and fiercely glared upstairs. No matter how he thought about it, it was vexing. In fact, he should be the one avoiding him since the festival day issues weren’t fully resolved, and even though he wanted to avoid him, he had worried and agonized because of him until he finally came here, but seeing him act like this made him increasingly angry.

Moreover, he was the one trying to resolve things. Being together made him forget all the previous incidents. He only saw Lee Taegang in front of him, and earlier, his heart had wavered at the sight of him worrying about him while pretending not to. Once again, he was the one being swayed by him.

Deliberately making loud thumping sounds as he climbed the stairs, Yeowon roughly flung open Lee Taegang’s door first. But finding it empty, he twitched his eyebrow and then loudly opened the next room’s door, not knowing what was inside.

“Hey, you—!”

Yeowon could see the massive bare back of someone who had just taken off their shirt. Yeowon, who had initially flinched at the half-naked appearance and was about to turn away, found his pupils trembling fiercely.

“…What is that…?”  voice, cut off momentarily, continued to break intermittently as it leaked out, “What is that…?”

Large bruises criss crossed his back, scattered all over. Seeing that they were still reddish and bluish, they were clearly recent injuries. Moreover, they weren’t just simple bruises but marks from being struck with a blunt weapon. Yeowon couldn’t mistake it. He had been hit before and had experienced many bruises and scars himself. Lee Taegang’s entire broad back seemed destroyed, covered in bruises.

“…You were beaten?”

It had been a long time since he had seen such remnants of violence. Probably the first time since high school. After going to college, he had lived separately, so Taegang Lee rarely had conflicts with people at home.

“Damn… just how much…”

A clean face didn’t mean everything was fine. Yeowon urgently turned Taegang’s body to check his stomach and chest. Sure enough, nothing was unscathed.

“You’ve been enduring all this?”

Yeowon’s lips trembled as he barely managed to speak, “…What were you beaten with to get bruises like this? 

A bat? Or a golf club? You must have broken several bones…”

“Stop it.” Taegang brushed off Yeowon’s hands, which were frantically examining various parts of his body, and put his shirt back on. He responded coldly, distancing himself from Yeowon who was drawing closer, with a resolute expression. “…Get out.”

“What?”

“Get out, I said. Can’t you see? I need to shower.”

“…Is that all you have to say?”

“What else? Should I boast about being beaten?”

“…Did you go to the hospital?”

When Yeowon asked cautiously, Taegang responded dismissively with a faint, sardonic laugh, “You don’t die from breaking a bone. Besides, it’s not the first time.”

“Why do you just take it? Why do you endure all that? You’re not a child anymore. With your mountain-like build, you can’t even beat your aged father, so you just stupidly endure all that beating?” His voice unintentionally rose, feeling both angry and frustrated at his nonchalant attitude.

“It ends faster that way.” Unlike his agitated state, Lee Taegang responded with detachment. As if these situations were so familiar that they weren’t surprising, as if they weren’t important at all.

“That’s why you should have been careful. I kept telling you to be careful. The timing wasn’t good, and I kept…!”

“I’ve been watching myself for over 20 years. Getting hit like this isn’t even scary anymore.” Taegang narrowed his eyes and cut off Yeowon’s increasingly agitated words. A strange glint appeared in his eyes as he gazed directly at Yeowon’s anxiously shifting gaze.

“What I’m afraid of is—!” Having unconsciously raised his voice, he looked down at Yeowon’s confused eyes and lowered his voice calmly again, “You know.”

“……”

“…That you might not see me anymore like this.”

“……”

“That you might have really abandoned me.” Then, turning away his intense gaze, he added as if it didn’t matter, “That’s all. This kind of thing doesn’t scare me one bit.”

His blind statement and attitude suggesting that he alone was more important than anything else made his heart flutter again. At the same time, he felt resentful of what he had done despite claiming to like him so much.

“…If that’s how you felt, then why did you do it?”

“What?”

“……”

“Did I mess with the people around you?”

He brought up the uncomfortable topic without seeming to care at all. Yeowon bit his lip and glared at him in response.

“Because I thought I could never have you.”

“……”

“Because you’d be satisfied with keeping me as that fucking friend, both before and in the future.”

His meaning was in line with what Taegang had said on the festival day. The statement that he had never expected anything. That detached answer now made sense. Taegang truly never thought they would become that kind of relationship.

“If I can’t have you either.”

“……”

“All sorts of pathetic people are going after you. How could I just watch?” He answered proudly, but he looked as if he had really given up everything. 

As if it didn’t matter anymore that his sordid feelings were now exposed. As if everything was now over.

“I could do worse things. Sleeping with other guys? That’s nothing to me.”

“…That’s nonsense. You just… betrayed me—.” Yeowon stammered, unable to hide his confusion. 

But before he could finish speaking, Taegang interrupted, “I betrayed you a long time ago. Since I went crazy liking you. I never even thought of you as a friend to begin with.”

“Then—!” Yeowon raised his voice abruptly as the conversation became increasingly heated. In the moment of rising excitement, Yeowon took a deep breath and lowered his voice calmly once again, “…Why are you avoiding me after coming this far?”

Minimal conversation that was unavoidable because they were together. And besides self-deprecating confessions where there was nothing left to hide, the guy seemed to be making efforts to minimize his words and even the number of times he faced him.

Although he couldn’t understand his behavior—claiming he liked him so much, continuously stirring him with his withheld confession, yet trying to hide in the opposite direction—he asked as calmly as possible. It was obvious that if he just raised his voice emotionally again, they would end up fighting, saying things they didn’t mean.

“

You keep subtly avoiding me.” Yeowon looked directly at him without avoiding his gaze. 

After a brief moment of tension about what annoying answer he might give, an unexpected response came, “…I’m giving you space.”

He turned his back and ran his hand through his hair. 

“Ha.” 

After letting out a long sigh like an exclamation, he spoke in his usual dry voice, “Anyway, all this from me must be really burdensome and disgusting to you.”

Though his tone was as casual as usual, it was really unlike him to say such things.