BHB 122

Yes. He’d done it because they were friends. But this time, that wasn’t it. Just as he was about to say this, sounds of movement came from outside the door. Both of them reacted swiftly, turning their heads toward the door. 

Thinking they couldn’t waste any more time, Taegang returned to the main point, “…Go quickly now. People might come soon.”

Then he took the hesitating Yeowon to the door, grabbed the handle, and said firmly, “I’ll tell a staff member, so use the back door. There’s an elevator that only staff use, take that…”

Though the conversation wasn’t over, Taegang paused briefly after speaking urgently and gazed intently at Yeowon. 

As if he had something else to say, he hesitated before a cautious voice emerged, “…You’re not hurt anywhere?”

It was a question he barely managed to ask after holding back for so long. 

Before Yeowon could answer, he continued, “…This won’t happen again.”

Taegang frowned deeply, averting his gaze.

“…What do you mean?”

“…You won’t get tangled up with those people anymore.”

“…”

“I’m letting you go.”

Taegang forced the words out to Yeowon, who looked slightly stunned. His hand on the door handle was trembling. Then a calm, heavy voice settled between them.

“…I’m sorry.”

“…”

“For holding onto you forcibly all this time.”

In truth, Taegang felt extremely guilty about Yeowon being harmed in this situation. And he had decided to end things, believing his one-sided feelings had ultimately caused this disaster.

Even before this incident, Yeowon had already rejected his feelings several times. Moving out and quitting school was Yeowon’s answer, and even when Taegang persisted, Yeowon ultimately avoided him. In an already uncomfortable situation, he had nearly died because of Taegang.

The image of his parent’s employee using violence against Yeowon, and Yeowon nearly being hit by Choi Young-doo’s weapon, was vivid in Taegang’s mind. If he had been even a little late, it would have been Han Yeowon lying in the hospital bed instead of Lee Taegang. All entirely because of him.

“…Now hurry…”

Considering it an inevitable choice since Yeowon had shown such disgust at his confession, Taegang opened the door and tried to push Yeowon out. But the half-open door slammed shut with a bang, and suddenly Taegang found himself grabbed by the collar.

“You’re stubborn to the end, aren’t you?”

Yeowon, his face completely contorted, pushed him against the wall and exhaled roughly. Taegang’s face cracked with bewilderment at the sight of Yeowon’s furious expression.

“…What?”

Yeowon’s chest heaved with his rough breathing. His grip on sanity was precarious, pushed to the edge by Taegang’s selfish behavior, first claiming to like him on his own terms, and now deciding to end things just as arbitrarily.

“You do whatever you want, secretly liking me and doing all sorts of things behind my back.”

“…”

“And now you’ve decided to give up on your own, so I should just get lost?”

“…You know that’s not what I meant.”

“I…!” Yeowon, who had burst out with an agitated voice, bit his lip to calm his emotions.

“I… shit.” Yeowon hesitated, swallowing a curse. “I… came because I wanted to see you.”

And then, with his jaw clenched, he spoke with difficulty, “…Because I fucking missed you so much.”

“…”

“Damn it, I thought I was going to die from worry, and I thought I was going to die from missing you.”

Despite his rough words, his emotions had reached their peak, as if he might soon shed tears of frustration. Taegang’s expressionless pupils also noticeably trembled.

“I… like you too.”

“…”

“Friend or whatever, family or whatever…”

“…”

“I came because I like you too.”

He had wanted to say it more smoothly, but it wasn’t easy. Nothing was ever easy.

“I know I’ve said a lot of bullshit to you…”

“…”

“So I feel kind of embarrassed and sorry and all that.” Yeowon continued, unable to look directly at Taegang.

“But regardless of all that.”

“…”

“I felt like dying at the thought that something might happen to you.”

“…”

“I thought I’d go crazy at the thought of never seeing you again.”

“…”

“I was upset that you might be hurt because of me.” He conveyed his feelings honestly and straightforwardly, just as they were. “So cut out all this crap about ‘letting me go’ now.”

Yeowon exhaled deeply, trying to calm his excited emotions. There was much more he wanted to say, but he had clearly expressed what he needed to. His heart felt like it would burst, but the frustration that had always been there like a lump was completely gone. Strangely, despite his relief, the other person remained silent.

A quiet stillness descended heavily between them. Yeowon trembled with tension as the thick silence made even the brief moment feel like an eternity. When the silence became unbearable, Yeowon was just looking up at him while wiping his embarrassed face.

“Could you at least say something, mmph!”

Before he could finish, his lips were sealed. Taegang cupped his face with his hand that wasn’t in a cast and crashed their lips together. Very urgently, breathing heavily, he rubbed their lips together and opened his mouth.

Momentarily frozen in shock and surprise, Yeowon accepted rather than avoided the sudden, desperate kiss. Though hesitant at first, he couldn’t resist the overwhelming kiss and the sound of breathing. 

Taegang’s hand trembled slightly as it held Yeowon’s cheek, and he planted clumsy kisses that seemed unlike him. Their teeth collided, and their tongues slipped and awkwardly intertwined. Throughout it all, Taegang desperately held onto Yeowon’s face, afraid he might pull away.

“Hah…”

He mixed their tongues, slid down to take Yeowon’s lower lip between his, and placed short kisses on his chin and jawline while letting out deep breaths. The deep sigh coming from deep within, the profound fullness, could be felt directly in his trembling, tense breathing.

“…If you’re saying this because you’re confused, tell me now.” He asked in a cracked voice as he frantically rubbed his lips against Yeowon’s lips, chin, and around his neck. 

Still unable to believe it, he asked seriously, and Yeowon let out a wet, half-laugh along with his rapid breathing. “…You’re talking nonsense again.”

“…I’m not joking.”

“Neither am I, you know?”

He looked insistently with eyes mixed with distrust, tension, and trembling emotion, and kissed him once more. Like someone seeking confirmation because they couldn’t believe it.

“…I didn’t mishear, did I?”

At his deep voice muttering as if to himself, Yeowon twisted his eyes and grabbed him by the collar.

“No, you didn’t.”

“…”

“I like you.”

“…”

“…I, like you too.”

Even saying it boldly didn’t eliminate the awkwardness. It wasn’t easy to suddenly confess feelings to someone who had been like a friend all his life. Taegang, who was speaking with trailing words, grasped Yeowon’s hand that was holding his collar and spoke with eyes that couldn’t shake off the anxiety.

“If you take it back later, you’re dead.”

“Ha.”

“No, I mean I’ll die.”

It was a heavy voice that made it clear he wasn’t joking. Taegang was saying such serious words as if they were natural. Like someone who would carry out exactly what he said, without a trace of falsehood or playfulness.

“You really…” At the threat of killing himself, Yeowon let out an incredulous breath. “…We haven’t even properly started, and you’re already saying things like that?”

“…Shit.” Taegang swore with a voice welling up with emotion, and his hand, as large as his face, trembled again and again.

He was uncharacteristically anxious. The confusion-filled emotions were clearly visible on his face. Seeing him act so unlike himself over a single confession, Yeowon felt his hammering heart fully and opened his arms. Placing the guy’s face against his chest, he laughed refreshingly. 

Then he spoke with vigor, “…Would a man go back on his word?”

At the same time, he felt the strength in the arms embracing him. The force around his waist was so strong it almost took his breath away. Even in that rough strength, he could feel the guy’s affection, making a foolish smile escape. His heart was beating crazily, but amusingly, he couldn’t tell whose heartbeat it was. Both their hearts were beating rapidly where they touched.

The strength of the embracing arms conveyed deep relief and a sense of security. And his chest swelled with a feeling of fullness that seemed to fill his empty insides. While feeling this much affection, what had he been so afraid of to turn away? He felt like going crazy at how stupid and pathetic he had been. He would have liked Taegang no matter what he did, and he could never have let him go no matter what. After all, he was the one who was more obsessed with the guy than anyone else.

“…I’m sorry.” Yeowon whispered as if to himself, embracing him more tightly. 

Now that they had come this far, he felt sorry about everything. For not recognizing it earlier, for pretending not to know even when he did, for saying harsh words in anger, for Taegang being hurt because of him.

“Stop talking nonsense.” Taegang bit out the words without letting go of him. 

A laugh escaped at the amusing sight of him speaking harshly while holding him so tightly it was suffocating.

“What nonsense did I say?”

“Don’t say you’re sorry.”

“…It’s just how I feel, what can I do?”

“I haven’t done any better.”

“…”

“I’m more of a bastard, so don’t say things like that.”

Taegang said so without even knowing what Yeowon was apologizing for. Covering Yeowon’s mistakes with his own. Who did right, who did wrong, these things weren’t really important. In the end, what mattered was that all those mistakes and bad deeds were committed because they liked each other.

“That’s right. You’re a bastard.” Yeowon buried his face in Taegang’s nape and whispered quietly again. Then, carefully stroking the bandage wrapped around his chest, he said, “Never think about taking a hit for me or protecting me again.”

Taegang answered by not answering.

“If you do it again, I’ll really kill you.”

“…”

“And then I’ll kill myself too.”

He absolutely wasn’t making this up. At his extreme threat, Taegang slightly separated himself and looked down at him irritably.