BHB 26

Yeowon let out a soft, wry chuckle as he fidgeted with his glass, memories of that first encounter suddenly flooding back. It had been an impressive encounter for him. He never imagined the infamous figure from those wild rumors would turn out to be such an easygoing person. He’d expected someone far more violent and menacing, given how even the spineless Youngdoo, who’d grovel before anyone stronger, wouldn’t dare utter a peep against him.

“I never thought you’d end up going to college,”

Yeowon’s wandering mind returned to focus upon hearing Seungha’s voice. He was the same as before, Yeowon thought as he saw him downing his drink in one go.

“Yeah, who’d have thought? A troublemaker like me,” Yeowon agreed with a wry smile.

“You were a troublemaker indeed. Always charging in regardless of who you were up against, hot-tempered and reckless, with a nasty attitude…”

“Ah, if we’re talking about back then, you weren’t much better, hyung.”

“Honestly, your temper was worse than mine.”

“We could argue about this all night.”

They exchanged playful banters about the old days, the perfect ice-breaker for the awkward atmosphere.

“Still, it’s good to see.” Seungha smiled softly as he poured more alcohol into his empty glass.

“I worried about what you’d do after graduation.”

Yeowon nodded in acknowledgment. It was a fair concern, given how he’d either slept or goofed off during classes, never picking up any practical skills.

“To be honest, I barely made it to college,” he admitted, his expression souring at the thought of Taegang.

“I got swept up because of Taegang. Studied until my nose bled all through senior year. Barely scraped by. It’s a miracle I got in at all.”

Even with his intense studying, it wasn’t easy to raise his grades enough to enter Seoul university in such a short time. Despite Taegang’s skills as a tutor and his knack for predicting exam questions, Yeowon’s poor grades and mediocre test scores had left him with little hope. But he’d squeaked in at the very bottom of the waitlist, leaving him in a daze at his unexpected success.

Of course, Taegang could have gone to a better school, but he’d chosen to apply to the same university as him. While they ended up at the same place, lately he’d been questioning even that. Had they been too close? What was the point of it all? These doubts plagued him constantly.

For Yeowon, university held little meaning. He sometimes wondered if he should have pursued physical education instead, given how little he cared for his current major. It was a choice dictated by his test scores, but he realized that without Taegang, he’d have no attachment to this place at all.

“Taegang…” Seungha’s gaze intensified as he muttered the name.

“You know him, right?”

“…Yeah, I do. You two were inseparable back then.”

“That’s right. You mentioned him as soon as you saw me earlier.”

Seungha’s face darkened slightly, but Yeowon didn’t notice as he continued.

“But things aren’t great between us lately.”

Yeowon forced a smile, his displeasure evident.

“Did you fight again?”

It was a question he’d heard countless times. Anyone who closely knew them or even those who casually knew them would inevitably ask if they were fighting again. It spoke to how often they fought, but Yeowon had never found the question as tiresome as he did now. Before, it had been a trivial inquiry, but now their prolonged conflict had become unbearable. For the first time, he truly felt they might be irreparably broken.

“It’s amazing how you two stay so close despite always fighting,” Seungha observed.

“…I’m not so sure anymore,” Yeowon replied, his tone noticeably different.

Seungha’s eyebrow twitched, sensing the change. “Did something happen?”

Knowing how Yeowon usually brushed off such questions with a casual “We will be okay soon,” Seungha probed gently, sensing something was off.

Instead of answering directly, Yeowon downed his drink in one go. It was his seventh consecutive glass.

“I don’t even know,” he finally said, laying bare his thoughts. “Something happened, I think… but I can’t make sense of it.”

Yeowon spoke with uncharacteristic seriousness. He knew something had shifted between him and Taegang, but he couldn’t pinpoint the root cause. He felt swept up in Taegang’s sudden change in attitude and the unfamiliar sides of Taegang he hadn’t known before.

“Sounds like something serious happened,” Seungha mused.

“…”

“Not that I know much about it.”

Seungha tapped his glass, hesitating. He looked like he was debating whether to speak. Yeowon watched him curiously, his brow furrowing slightly.

“I’ve always had this thought,” he finally said.

“What thought?”

“That Lee Taegang… is not a good match for you.”

Yeowon’s frown deepened at his cryptic words. As he tilted his head in confusion, Seungha shook his head and changed the subject.

“Still, it’s good to see you’re doing well.”

“…You’re not doing too badly yourself, considering how suddenly you disappeared.”

Yeowon nodded in agreement, his tone light but pointed.

“About that… I’m sorry. Were you very surprised?”

“Surprised? That’s putting it mildly. Do you have any idea how much I looked for you?”

“…You looked for me?”

“I couldn’t sleep for days, worrying about what could have happened to make you drop out and vanish like that. I spent nearly a year searching, waiting for any word from you.”

Yeowon’s words came out in a rush, as if he’d been waiting to say this for a long time.

“Whether you’d borrowed from loan sharks, or been scammed… Or maybe you’d committed fraud or something. Even so, you were someone who would at least leave a message before leaving, but you disappeared without a trace, so completely that no one knew anything, so I…”

The memory clearly still affected him. Yeowon bit his lip, taking a deep breath before continuing.

“Anyway… I was worried. A lot.”

He summarized his feelings in one line, not wanting to ramble more.

Seungha’s expression hardened, his eyes wavering. He lowered his gaze, breaking eye contact. After a moment of silence, he slowly began to speak.

“…My father died.”

It was clear he’d been debating whether to share this. Yeowon froze, caught off guard.

“He was worthless, but when he died… it broke me.”

“No…”

“He was useless, weak… just drank all the time.”

“…”

“But when he died, my world went dark.”

Yeowon knew Seungha’s family situation had been dire because of his incompetent father. With his mother gone early, his father was the only adult figure, but he couldn’t hold even day labor jobs for more than a day. He drowned his inadequacies in alcohol. Like many children thrust to the edge by absent parents, the impact was profound.

“Why didn’t you…” Yeowon began, shock giving way to a surge of anger. The fact that he’d shouldered such a burden alone stung his already hurt feelings.

“If something like that happened, you should have said something!”

While Yeowon had never lost a parent and lacked a strong bond with his own, he could understand the magnitude of losing a parent at such a young age. Especially for someone who was already working to support his siblings, often sleeping at school due to exhaustion.

Learning of his circumstances now, he felt a mix of hurt that he hadn’t confided in him and sympathy for what he must have endured alone. His words came out charged with emotion.

“If I had known, I could have…”

“You would have done something, I know,” Seungha cut in calmly.

“I know you’re the type who would have tried to help.”

“…”

“That’s why I hated it.”

“…”

“I despised the idea of being pitied, of receiving help.”

He delivered these harsh words with a light smile, causing Yeowon’s eyes to twitch.

“That’s… a bit harsh to hear.”

“What kind of senior would I be, living off my junior?”

“Even so-“

“I might be poor, but I have my pride.”

“…”

“I knew you’d want to help. That’s why I liked and cared for you.”

“…”

“But I didn’t want to receive it.”

His face was devoid of any humor now. His blunt rejection of kindness suddenly reminded Yeowon of Taegang – his fiery eyes as he sneered, “What family?”, his cold, hurtful demeanor. He saw the same in Seungha now. Those two…

“…Everyone’s so desperate to draw lines,” Yeowon muttered bitterly, reaching for the bottle.

It was always like this. The people he wanted to care for wholly seemed to want anything but that. And it wasn’t easy for him to give affection in the first place, especially when it seemed unwanted. His parents who gave birth to him, Taegang whom he’d been with for so long, and now the only senior he’d uniquely looked up to.

What he’d expected to be a pleasant reunion had unexpectedly turned heavy. They continued to refill each other’s glasses, but the weighty conversation didn’t resume. Seungha seemed to hesitate, as if wanting to offer some explanation, but ultimately held back. Yeowon didn’t press further. Too much time had passed to dwell on the hurt he’d already expressed.