BHB 4

“Hey, hey! Why are you crying? Wait a second.”

Yeowon paced around, not knowing what to do, flustered by the tears visible in Lee Taegang’s eyes. Even when they fought so hard as kids that their faces swelled up, or when they were scolded by their moms and got beaten with sticks, he never shed a single tear—he was always so nonchalant.

Yeowon felt like he might cry too. It seemed he had harbored the same resentment that Taegang had felt towards him. Though he had pretended to naturally drift apart, he realized he understood Taegang’s feelings, and tears welled up in his own eyes.

“You, you didn’t look for me either…!”

Yeowon shouted, embarrassed by his tears and wiping them away roughly with his sleeve before they could fall.

“I didn’t go because I didn’t want to see you with those bastards.”

Taegang responded quietly, frowning at his own tear-filled eyes.

“Me too. Those goody-two-shoes bastards are fvcking annoying.”

When Yeowon retorted without backing down, Taegang finally let out a faint laugh. At that sound, Yeowon continued. He really hated those show-off model students. He said he couldn’t even go near their class because it made him angry to see them surrounding Taegang. It was an honest feeling he had never expressed before. As he spoke, he realized: So that’s how it was. I had been feeling hurt.

He had felt just as upset and hurt as Taegang.

Yeowon gazed at Taegang, who was mingling with the group in the distance while resting his chin on his hand and recollecting distant memories. Taegang had changed so much since he was 15. He had grown incredibly tall, and his shoulders had broadened like a foreign swimmer’s. His face was still pretty, but his features were much more defined now. His jawline looked smooth and strong. And casually touching that jawline was senior Jeon Chaemin, sitting next to Taegang.

It was an image he had never seen before as a set. Was that why it was more shocking? Yeowon was observing them with a calmer expression than before.

“Hey, did you really fight with Lee Taegang?”

Today, he just wanted to drink alone quietly. So he sat at a table away from the noisy group. But Do Yeongjae and other classmates naturally took seats at Yeowon’s table.

Yeongjae sat next to him and casually put his arm around Yeowon’s shoulder, as if out of habit. It was something he had never been conscious of before.

“What’s wrong with him today? He was spaced out during class earlier too.”

Yeongjae frowned at Yeowon’s blank expression as he silently put popcorn in his mouth. But Yeowon still didn’t answer, only staring at Taegang in the distance.

“When you went to the cafeteria alone earlier, I nearly pissed myself. Lee Taegang was so scary.”

Yeongjae continued talking whether Yeowon was listening or not. He poured beer into glasses skillfully and called the staff to order several side dishes. Other classmates who had just arrived started gathering at the table one by one. They began to show interest in what Yeongjae was saying. When the topic was ‘Lee Taegang’, everyone, regardless of gender, was intrigued.

“Why did Han Yeowon and Lee Taegang fight?”

Jo Suchan, who was as talkative as Yeongjae, chimed in.

“Seems like they did? He spoke really rudely to Taegang earlier.”

“What did he say?”

“Told him to get lost, I think. Right?”

Yeowon finally turned to look at Yeongjae with an incredulous laugh. He had an outstanding ability to make up stories.

“When did I tell him to get lost?”

“I think you said something similar…”

Not remembering clearly, Yeongjae frowned before changing the subject.

“Anyway, that’s not the important part. The thing is, Han Yeowon left first, and Lee Taegang was standing there looking really scary.”

“He always looks scary even when he’s just standing still. Look at his size and all those tattoos covering his body.”

Jo Suchan replied, nodding towards where Taegang was. Frustrated by the bland response, Yeongjae raised his voice.

“God, you’re so dense. I’m telling you, he was looking at Han Yeowon like he wanted to tear him to pieces! Didn’t you see, Yeowon?”

“He can’t kill me.”

At Yeowon’s off-topic response, Yeongjae sighed briefly as if giving up.

“Anyway, you did fight, right? Why did you fight?”

“What fight? I just got annoyed one-sidedly.”

Yeowon replied halfheartedly, clearly annoyed by the persistent questioning. It seemed like they would keep asking for a week if he didn’t answer.

“Taegang must’ve done something to piss you off.”

That was correct. Absolutely right.

Yeowon glanced at Yeongjae with a look that said he had hit the nail on the head. By then, Yeongjae was clinking glasses with the other classmates and downing his beer.

Everyone else seemed carefree and happy, oblivious to his feelings. His classmates huddled closely together, and Lee Taegang was having drinks among the seniors. He was the only one troubled. Feeling so down that the chaotic noise seemed distant, Yeowon abruptly stood up.

“Why, are you going to the bathroom?”

Do Youngjae, who was aggressively eating the newly arrived side dishes, asked. Yeo-won replied in a tired voice.

“I’m leaving first.”

“What, already? The food just came out.”

“It’s fine.”

“Hey, you need to have a drink with the seniors too. You’ll get marked again if you leave?”

“Tell them I’m sick.”

After giving a half-hearted answer, Yeowon left the bar and entered the smoking alley. He took out a cigarette pack from his coat and put one in his mouth. Then, he skillfully lit it with a cheap pink lighter from the bar.

He had learned to smoke in high school. Not being a particularly diligent student, he had tried alcohol and cigarettes plenty before becoming an adult. He had planned to quit after being discharged from military service, but it wasn’t easy. Life wasn’t that hard or bitter, yet here he was.

From a young age, he had a knack for these things that bad for the body. Ramen, hamburgers, pizza. Unhealthy foods. Alcohol, cigarettes, fights. Things one shouldn’t do. But Lee Taegang was worse than him. He hung out with even more delinquent friends and never backed down from a fight. He often had wounds on his face and frequently engaged in inappropriate relationships with girls.

When his parents threatened to send him abroad for his delinquency, Taegang showed up one day covered in tattoos. Well, it was actually half of his upper body, but that alone was enough to shock his parents. He also grew out his hair. In clear defiance of his parents who always prioritized neatness, he grew his hair long enough to reach his shoulders. The long hair gave him an obscene aura, enhancing his rebellious image. He had truly beaten his parents at their own game.

Yeowon had started smoking following Taegang’s lead. He didn’t try to stop the badly behaved guy. Besides, despite his actions, he always did what he needed to do. Even though he claimed not to study, he always scored in the upper ranks on mock exams.  What could one possibly say to someone who managed everything so effortlessly? As long as he took care of his own business, nothing else mattered.

That’s exactly how he felt as he puffed on his cigarette. What did it matter to him if Lee Taegang slept with women or men? After all, Taegang was someone who could take care of himself better than anyone. Yeowon might feel a momentary sense of betrayal, but there was no reason to be troubled all day over this.

Yeowon tilted his head back with a complicated expression and blew out smoke. Just then, he heard someone entering the alley. He didn’t bother turning to see who it was. It didn’t matter who it was.

“Leaving already?”

But it turned out to be someone more unexpected than he thought, causing him to swallow the smoke he was about to exhale. Cough, cough. As he turned his gaze while coughing, he saw Jeon Chaemin standing there with a cigarette between his smooth fingers. Even just standing there, he seemed to exude an almost wicked allure. This was an impression he had from the first time he saw him.

“Are you okay? Looks like I startled you by speaking suddenly.”

His gentle and affectionate voice resonated like a soft breeze. It almost felt ticklish to the ears. Yeowon, who had been coughing, waved his hand to indicate he was fine.

“Ah, no. I’m okay.”

Having finally calmed down, Yeowon threw away the cigarette he had been smoking. Suddenly, it had lost its taste.

“I’ll be going first then.”

Yeowon wanted to avoid being alone with Jeon Chaemin as much as possible. It was difficult to face him calmly, having recently realized that senior Chaemin was gay and involved with Lee Taegang.

“Why are you leaving so early? We haven’t even had a drink together yet.”

“…I’m not feeling too well.”

“The others wanted to drink with you too.”

“…With me?”

“Yes. You haven’t been back from your leave for long, right?”

“Well, yeah…”

“Everyone was curious about you. You’ve been famous since you were a freshman.”

Yeowon looked dumbfounded at these unexpected words. He couldn’t understand what he was saying.

“Why me?”

“Why? Because you’re handsome.”

“…Pardon?”

“Yeowon, you’re handsome. You’re just overshadowed by Gang-i a bit, but there are many people interested in you.”

More than the compliment about himself from his lips, the affectionate way he called “Gang-i” struck his ears intensely. That endearing way of calling Lee Taegang made the back of his neck feel stiff. Gang-ah. It was the familiar nickname he would use only occasionally when alone with him. Something he couldn’t bring himself to say in front of others out of embarrassment.

The heat he had just managed to calm seemed to flare up again.