BHB 41

“Help my ass….” A faint, self-deprecating laugh was heard. 

Wondering if he had misheard, Yeowon detached himself from Taegang and stared at him intently. But with no streetlights nearby, all he could see was Taegang’s shapeless face hidden in shadows. His expression was completely invisible.

Taegang, who stood up first, nodded briefly towards the entrance as he spoke, “Go inside.”

Yeowon, sitting dazedly, looked up at Taegang with unfocused eyes. “Aren’t you coming in too?”

When Yeowon asked curiously, having assumed they’d go in together, Taegang hesitated and then looked down, his face still hidden in shadows. While his face wasn’t clearly visible, his attire was distinctly noticeable. 

Yeowon blankly scanned the outfit that made Taegang look like a different person and let out a deflated laugh. “You look handsome today, our Taegang.”

Although far from being an adult, Taegang’s physical development was advanced, his height and build already far superior to most adult men. Even wearing a setup unsuited to his age, Taegang wore it well, as if it were made for him, involuntarily drawing a smirk from Yeowon.

“If you go around like this, everyone will be head over heels–hey!”

Yeowon dusted off his backside as he stood up, naturally leaning against Taegang while caressing his face. Touching that sturdy body always felt comfortable and reliable.

“Let’s go in together. I want to sleep with you.”

When drunk, Yeowon often acted childishly. He had a habit of being clingy even when sober, but it intensified when intoxicated. Though not exclusively with Taegang, it was more pronounced with him. Subconsciously, he felt more comfortable with Taegang.

It was the same now. Yeowon immediately leaned his swaying body against Taegang and whined. Taegang sleeping over at Yeowon’s house was common, so he spoke without hesitation as usual, but he felt Taegang’s body stiffen at the contact. Yeowon looked up at him quizzically with drowsy eyes. Though they used to be about the same height, since entering high school, Taegang had surpassed him, so even standing together like this, he had to look up.

“Can’t you? Do you have to go home?”

Taegang was silent for a moment before swallowing and speaking, “Go inside.”

At the firm response, Yeowon pouted disappointedly and tapped Taegang’s shoulder. “Fine, you jerk. I’m going in.”

Leaving Taegang who wouldn’t come over, Yeowon staggered away. The disappointment from the rather firm refusal was short-lived. All he could think about was getting inside quickly and collapsing on the bed.

As he opened the gate-like front door, an unpleasant metallic sound rang out. It was a grand sound, almost too much for a house where one sleeps and lives alone.

“Han Yeowon.”

Hearing Taegang’s call just before he entered, Yeowon immediately stopped and turned around. He turned back happily, thinking Taegang might have changed his mind, but Taegang was just standing firmly in front of the gate.

“What, man.”

As Yeowon responded with a deflated laugh to the voice that somehow felt solemn, Taegang hesitated again. Frowning at the subtly different behaviors from usual, Yeowon finally sensed something odd.

“You today…”

“Why did you hide it?”

“What?”

Just as he was about to ask if something had happened today, Taegang was quicker, “I heard from Kim Myungju.”

“Ah….” Understanding the intent of the question, Yeowon nodded slightly with a face of deep realization, “Why? It’s obvious.”

“……”

“I was worried you might run away from that place and collapse somewhere. Don’t I know your stubbornness? If you don’t want to go, you absolutely won’t.”

“Do you want me to live as those people want again?”

“… Are you crazy? Do you think I want to see you getting beaten up again?”

Finding the direction of the question absurd, Yeowon frowned deeply as he retorted, “Of course I don’t like it, man. I hate your parents.”

Even in his drunken state, Yeowon was clear about this opinion. He disliked Taegang’s parents as much as his own. They were people who felt chills just from eye contact. It was creepy enough that they would inflict such ruthless violence on their own child. But that was from his perspective, and to Taegang, they were parents regardless of what kind of people they were. Also, he knew how impressive they were, how much influence they had. Regardless of what kind of people they actually were, he was well aware of how they could shape Taegang with their position and influence.

“Looking at what you did today, it seems like you’re telling me to do exactly that.”

The voice that escaped with a dejected sigh was tinged with bitterness. During the hours he waited for Yeowon in front of his house, such thoughts had occurred to him. Encouraging him to go to that gathering, deliberately not revealing his own location. It was as if Yeowon was telling Taegang, “That’s your place,” as if reminding him not to forget.

“That’s not it…” Yeowon scratched his head, unable to hide his embarrassment. “Am I crazy? That’s not what I meant. It’s not like that … it’s just sometimes….”

Yeowon hesitated for a long time, as if struggling to speak, “Sometimes, I wonder if it’s okay for you to be like this with me … I know damn well you’re fucking smart, incredibly impressive, but you came to this delinquent school just following me. Sometimes I just … wonder if your mother is right, if you’re ruined because you’re mixed up with someone like me … Ah fuck, how do I say this.”

Yeowon stammered, struggling to continue, then clicked his tongue with an irritated expression, “Ah fuck, I’m talking shit because I’m drunk …. Anyway, forget it, sometimes I think like that, sometimes …. Usually, it’s good. It’s fucking great now. I like that you’re living however you want, I like that you’re hanging out with me … I fucking love it like this.”

“……”

“Like now, just like this … I like it like this. That you’re so close to me. That you’re my best friend.”

Han Yeowon’s face, breaking into a grin as he concluded, was that of a playful boy of that age. They say drunken words are sober thoughts. There wasn’t a shred of lie. Normally, he couldn’t say such embarrassing things, but it was truly sincere. Han Yeowon had a deep affection for Taegang, whom he had known since he was 7. He was a friend he had known longer than his own parents, his only support closer than anyone else.

That’s how time worked. The time spent knowing him had made Taegang’s existence larger than anyone else in Yeowon’s life. Even when they were briefly apart, Yeowon always cared about Taegang. Even when separated, he always watched and peeked, regretting the distancing relationship. That’s why he was satisfied now. He loved it just as it was now, closer than anyone, friendly, comfortable, and reliable. Even if it was selfish, no one filled the place beside him like Taegang did.

“Okay.” The corners of Taegang’s mouth, who had uttered a brief response, lifted slightly. It wasn’t clear if he was smiling or not. Half his face was persistently hidden in shadow.

But Yeowon believed that he must have smiled. That Taegang surely felt the same way as him.

**

Yeowon jolted awake, eyes wide open as if from a nightmare. Gasping for breath as if suffocated by the scene from that time that suddenly appeared in his dream, Yeowon rushed to the living room and hurriedly gulped down cold water. He was puzzled by the sudden recollection of that time when he had thought Taegang would surely feel the same as him. No, perhaps the timing was good. The thought that Taegang might have been different from him even back then only occurred to him today.

Confused by the overlapping images of Taegang masturbating using him as material and the faintly smiling young Taegang, Yeowon threw himself onto the sofa and tilted his head back. He just felt that the situation was going to shit. Taegang’s seemingly reckless behavior as if he no longer intended to hide anything, Taegang mixing bodies with another guy, his constantly angry appearance.

It was all just headache-inducing.

Yeowon unconsciously got up and headed to the dressing room. He stood in front of the full-length mirror, closely examining his appearance. He spent quite a long time rubbing his face and even checking his build and body, but he couldn’t for the life of him understand why someone like him would arouse Taegang.

He had often been told he was handsome, but never that he was pretty. His body, while slightly smaller than Taegang’s, was still more muscular and robust than the average adult man, not the kind of body one would want to embrace sensually. If it were Jeon Chaemin, he could understand it a hundred times over. At first, he couldn’t even comprehend that it was another man, but now, if he compared himself to that person, Jeon Chaemin made a hundred, a thousand times more sense.

To begin with, that bastard had that kind of relationship with Jeon Chaemin.

No matter how he thought about it, Taegang was clearly crazy now. Was it rebellion? Or maybe Taegang was confused about his sexual orientation. Right, all the people he had dated until now were women. He had heard that many people realize their sexual orientation late. Maybe he was confused himself and was just taking it out on Yeowon. Yeah. This wasn’t something to get angry about now. If Taegang was struggling, he should comfort him. Although he was angry … Now he was even worried about Taegang. No, was he scared? Maybe he was afraid that if he couldn’t accept the twisted Taegang, their relationship would end in that twisted state.

Yeowon rubbed his face and then kicked a nearby innocent shelf hard. This caused the knick-knacks on the shelf to topple over, cluttering the floor. He had been like this for days. The dressing room, bedroom, and living room were in such a messy state that anyone who saw it might think a mentally ill person lived there. This was inevitable because calling the housekeepers to clean the house was Taegang’s job, and cleaning up after the careless Yeowon was also Taegang’s job, so in his absence, the house naturally fell into this state.