BHB 48

“Should I just back out?”

At least three or four times a day, he would mutter to himself and hurriedly search for Taegang’s number on his phone. Each time he hesitated, but for various reasons. As mentioned before, he didn’t want to go back on his word, and more importantly, while Taegang’s outburst that day seemed spiteful, in retrospect, it also felt somewhat desperate.

‘Was he always so hung up on sex?’

When hanging out with old classmates, Taegang didn’t particularly enjoy lewd talk, and although he had several girlfriends, he never boasted about his sexual exploits. But Yeowon knew Taegang slept around because every time he came home, he smelled of different shampoos or shower colognes. Not only that, Taegang always carried condoms in his wallet or coat. His condom boxes were even scattered around his house, so it was easy to tell how much he enjoyed his sex life.

And yet, such a guy … Moreover, while he clearly had Jeon Chaemin… That was what irked Yeowon the most. It was strange how Taegang could shamelessly demand this of him while having another partner. 

‘What would happen if Jeon Chaemin found out about this?’

Even if they weren’t in a relationship, it would be more than enough to feel disgusted if your partner slept around with others.

Just thinking about Jeon Chaemin made Yeowon feel uneasy. It would be better if he was mean, but when he remembered his innocent eyes looking at him and his bright smile, he felt guilty. But then again, it felt awkward to bring up Taegang and Jeon Chaemin. It seemed like picking at a scab. Yeowon also thought there was no need to involve anyone else in something that would end once Taegang got bored of it.

Surely, Taegang would get bored quickly. Yeowon could attest to that after 20 years of being by his side. He never had a girlfriend for more than half a year, and he didn’t even have any food he consistently liked. The sports team he supported would change before you knew it, and he didn’t show particular interest or enjoyment in any music or movies.

Taegang never liked celebrities either, and even the cigarettes he smoked changed frequently. There was nothing consistent about him if you looked hard enough. As Yeowon’s thoughts reached this point, he saw hope. Yes, he just had to endure for a little while. Once that short period passed, it would be like it never happened, and things would go back to normal without affecting their relationship.

After finishing his self-rationalization, Yeowon changed into sportswear and went jogging along the Han River to clear his cluttered mind. He ran and ran without thinking about anything. He ran until sweat poured down like rain, obstructing his vision, and his lungs burned, his heart aching. Only when he felt his legs trembling did he stop running, but frustratingly, his mind didn’t feel any clearer.

This was the first time in his life he had worried so much. Since when had he lived such a complicated life? He used to live simply, liking what he liked and disliking what he disliked, never holding onto anything. Suddenly, he realized how much he liked Taegang. Not in a sexual way, but Taegang as an independent entity, and how irrationally attached he was to him.

Accepting this about himself seemed to calm his complicated feelings somewhat. Whether it was because he could now understand his impulsive actions, or because he didn’t deny that Taegang was someone he didn’t want to lose, he wasn’t sure. But one thing was certain: even if he regretted what was to come, it wouldn’t be as regrettable as drifting apart from Taegang. Any regret or self-loathing would be better than the sense of loss from losing him.

**

After finishing a series of lectures, they sat around a table at a meat restaurant with a group of friends. 

While putting some vegetable side dishes in his mouth, Suchan casually asked, “Your face has healed a lot, hasn’t it?”

It was a time when the incident that had been a hot topic at school was dying down, much like Yeowon’s fading wounds.

Some of the seniors involved in the incident took a leave of absence, as if by agreement. Those who couldn’t take any more leave avoided Yeowon’s group, watching their steps even from afar. There was nothing good about being noticed, and rumors spread faster than expected, growing and gaining details as they spread far and wide.

It turned out that Chaemin wasn’t the only one who had been harassed by that group, knowingly or unknowingly. Several posts targeting them appeared on the university’s anonymous community board. Thanks to the victims who, encouraged by this incident, anonymously exposed their misdeeds, the senior group couldn’t even show their faces properly. Not only that, it was revealed that they had committed various atrocities, such as freeloading on team projects and forcibly taking others’ assignments for money, among other things. Apart from sexual harassment, several other issues came to light, eventually leading to them being summoned by professors.

On the other hand, Yeowon’s reputation was improving. Although some opined that violence wasn’t the answer, the majority felt that those guys deserved the beating. Moreover, the fact that Chaemin, who was revered as a kind and beautiful senior by both female and male students, was the victim, made the impact even greater.

The incident grew bigger than expected, but Han Yeowon, the person directly involved, didn’t have the luxury to pay attention to such things. He wasn’t the type to care much about his reputation among others anyway.

“Wow, even our professor was worried about Yeowon’s face. He said, ‘What happened to that handsome face?’“

“Has your face healed a lot?” Youngjae, sitting next to Suchan, suddenly remembered and said with a disgusted expression. 

Soon after, the ordered meat arrived and was placed on the grill. The savory smell instantly pricked their noses.

However, Yeowon was only focused on his wounds healing process,  which meant that day was approaching … that day.

“Except for some bluish tint, it looks fine, doesn’t it?”

“Oh, don’t worry. It’ll heal quickly. This guy’s been busy checking his precious face all the time lately.” Youngjae laughed unpleasantly at Yeowon’s recent habit of frequently checking his face with a camera. 

While this behavior of scrutinizing his face as if he had developed some kind of appearance complex didn’t suit the usual Yeowon, on the other hand, Youngjae could understand if it was about Yeowon’s looks. It was natural to take care of such an uncommonly handsome face. After all, it was a face rarely seen even in the heart of Seoul with its incredibly dense population.

“Hey, Yeowon. Why didn’t you become a celebrity?” Youngjae asked seriously, suddenly curious, while putting a piece of fully grilled pork belly in his mouth. 

While Taegang could be excused due to his personality, Han Yeowon, despite his temperament, generally got along well with people and had looks suitable for being a celebrity. No, more than suitable. If he received celebrity makeup and had his hair neatly styled, he could stand shoulder to shoulder with top male actors. Moreover, even though he could be fiery at times, his personality wasn’t bad overall.

“That’s right. Sunbae, you must have been street-casting a lot.” Yoona, sitting next to Yeowon, chimed in. 

Everyone seemed unexpectedly curious, waiting for his answer in attentive postures. 

Yeowon, who had been checking his face, frowned as if displeased by the unexpected question, “I’m tone-deaf.”

“Wow.”

“No way.”

“Crazy.”

To the successive reactions, Yeowon closed his mouth with an indifferent face.

“Did you audition?”

Yeowon hesitated, then rubbed his temple with a despairing face as if recalling an embarrassing past.

“Oh shit, he really did. That’s hilarious.” Suchan laughed, even clapping at the vivid reaction. 

Yoouna also burst into laughter, seemingly unable to easily imagine Yeowon auditioning.

“If you’re tone-deaf, you could be an actor instead of a singer.” Youngjae persisted. 

Yeowon sighed deeply and clicked his tongue briefly, “They made me read a few lines of dialogue, then suddenly gave me fare money and sent me home.”

“Ah…” Everyone sighed at the disappointing result.

“But you auditioned.”

It was natural. As Yoona said, he had been street-cast countless times. At first, he wasn’t interested, but after being approached so many times that it became tiresome, he wondered if he really had potential. Out of curiosity, he went to the biggest company among those that had cast him and auditioned. But whether as a singer or an actor, they seemed to see no hope in him and sent him away, expressing their regret profusely. Well, he wasn’t disappointed. It had just been simple curiosity for him too.

But then, a few days later, they contacted him again. It was an offer to at least do a photo shoot if nothing else. However, Yeowon didn’t dwell on things without prospects. He politely declined, and eventually ended up here. Of course, Taegang’s influence accounted for 80% of this outcome.

When Taegang found out later that he had gone to an audition alone, he laughed as if it was ridiculous, but also nagged him not to even think about such things. His advice that it would just complicate life was part of why Yeowon rejected the photo shoot offer.

“Oh, right. I met Chaemin sunbae earlier, and he wants to have a meal together later. Says he wants to treat us to thank us.” Youngjae suddenly remembered and spoke, pointing at Yeowon with his chopsticks. 

Yeowon glanced at the now empty grill and ordered four more portions from the waiter.

“Why bother with a meal again.”

“Come on. Honestly, it’s worth at least one meal.”

“Don’t exaggerate. Getting worked up and fighting isn’t something to be proud of.”

“You should learn to accept treats sometimes instead of always paying. It’s because you always act like a sucker that those seniors hung around trying to mooch off you and picked fights.”

“Ah—, enough nagging. Yoona, please shut Youngjae up.”

“You’re talking a lot for someone who gets treated the most, Do Youngjae sunbae.” Yoona immediately covered Do Youngjae’s mouth. 

As Yeowon nodded in satisfaction at the successful attack, a familiar figure caught his eye.