BHB 67

At some point, Lee Taegang started keeping women around him, dating them ostentatiously and engaging in public displays of affection without hesitation. While this behavior seemed unfamiliar, as a fellow man, Yeowon also felt supportive. Back then, meeting many women was considered a measure of masculinity. In their hormonal teenage years, the only interests of boys who had given up on studying were delinquency and girls.

At first, Yeowon congratulated him like a friend, then felt a bit envious, and later even experienced a strange sense of disappointment. This was because Lee Taegang started spending less time with him after getting a girlfriend. That disappointment rolled around in his chest like gravel, but back then, he wasn’t solely fixated on Taegang’s existence. Yeowon had friends all around him. There were dozens in their group alone, and he was also close with juniors and seniors, so he didn’t think he felt too disappointed… but after hearing Kim Myung-joo’s story, Yeowon suddenly recalled the things he had done.

Whenever Yeowon expected to spend more time with Taegang after he broke up with a girlfriend, he would soon find someone else. Then Yeowon’s expectations would crumble, and he’d go around expressing his disappointment everywhere. He’d pick fights at karaoke places frequented by kids from the neighboring school they didn’t get along with, hit people ten times instead of once, and bully cocky juniors under the guise of disciplining them when he would have normally let it slide.

“I was a real bastard,” Yeowon sighed, recalling the past. Having lived a life of delinquency, he probably hadn’t been aware of his spiteful actions.

“Self-reflection?”

“Shit, you startled me.”

Suddenly hearing a playful voice behind him, Yeowon instinctively clenched his fist and turned around. Behind him was Baek Seungha, who had taken off his helmet and was shaking out his flattened hair. 

Surprised by the sudden appearance, Yeowon blinked blankly for a moment and let out a small sigh. “What’s with you? You scared me.”

“Why are you so surprised? You almost hit me.”

“Isn’t it normal to get hit first when you pop up behind someone?”

“Oh ho, now that you’ve graduated, you think you can talk back to your sunbae?” Baek Seungha laughed heartily as he sat down across from Yeowon. He then carefully observed the green bottle in Yeowon’s hand, which had no side dishes, and let out a short sigh, “How old are you to be drinking soju straight from the bottle already?”

“Sometimes it’s a hassle to pour it out.”

“You really learned how to drink the wrong way.”

At Baek Seungha’s laughter, Yeowon let out a deflated chuckle and rolled the bottle.

“Stop nagging.”

“Why is it a hassle?” Baek Seungha asked playfully as he gulped down the energy drink he had bought from the convenience store. 

Yeowon didn’t retort and just smiled weakly. 

Noticing the slightly different atmosphere than usual, Baek Seungha immediately put down his half-empty drink can and stared intently at Yeowon. “… Did something happen?”

Even if they hadn’t seen each other’s faces for a long time, he could still read the mood of someone he used to be close with. Baek Seungha carefully asked in a tone feigning indifference. Yeowon, who had been aimlessly rolling the soju bottle on the table, was silent for a moment, seemingly deep in thought at the question.

“Well, if you’re drinking soju straight from the bottle….”

“Sunbae.” Yeowon cut off Baek Seungha, who was muttering to himself out of embarrassment.

“What is it?”

“… Um…” Yeowon hesitated uncharacteristically, unable to easily open up.

“What’s with all this hesitation?”

“Well… you know…”

“What?”

“… Have you ever… you know… experienced something like… unrequited love?”

“What?” Baek Seungha, who had been taking another sip of his drink, spat it back out. He stared at Yeowon with wide eyes, unable to hide his surprise at the unexpected question.

“Is that surprising?”

“Well… kind of?” Baek Seungha tilted his head, responding with a bewildered expression. “It seems like it’s the first time you’ve done something like this.”

“What do you mean by ‘something like this’?”

“… Dating? You know, love?”

“Ugh.”

Yeowon pretended to gag in disgust, even though he had asked the question himself. But he was genuinely curious. This was his first time experiencing unrequited love. He thought he had liked people before, but the discomfort, complexity, heat, and fullness he felt because of Taegang were emotions he had never experienced with anyone else. He couldn’t tell if realizing these feelings now was late or early. All he knew was that he had been overwhelmed by these intensely burning emotions.

“Who is it?”

At the sudden probing question, Yeowon’s lips curled inward for a moment.

“… What good would it do you to know?”

“I’m curious. Han Yeowon having an unrequited love?”

“Who said it was me?”

“Isn’t this about you?”

“No, it’s not.”

“Even if it’s not, it’s still interesting.”

“What is?”

“Just you asking about this kind of thing.”

“… What’s the big deal about this?”

“It’s not a big deal. But for you… it seems like you’re not interested in this kind of thing.”

Unable to gauge the meaning of ‘this kind of thing’ he was referring to, Yeowon narrowed his eyes.

“How should I put it…” Baek Seungha thought deeply for a moment, then casually stroked his chin. “It’s like… being focused on one person?”

“… Are you saying I’m a player?”

“It’s not quite like that, more like you seem uninterested in people.”

Yeowon looked at Baek Seungha quizzically, having never heard such an assessment before.

“Even when you had a girlfriend, you didn’t seem very interested.”

“…..”

“Even when you were chasing after me saying you liked me, it didn’t seem to have much significance.”

“… What?”

“So I was a bit surprised. When I heard you were looking for me after I disappeared.” Baek Seungha let out an embarrassed laugh as he fiddled with the empty can.

“That’s too much. I really liked you back then.”

“Yeah, that’s it.”

Yeowon’s eyebrows furrowed at the assertion, which seemed to hit the mark.

“You say you like someone, but that ‘like’ never seems to carry any weight.”

“…..”

“So when even a shred of interest in the other person disappears, it feels like you’ll turn away immediately…”

“…..”

“You have a peculiar ability.”

“…..”

“You make people anxious.” Baek Seungha smiled his characteristic playful smile, not avoiding Yeowon’s quizzical gaze. 

For a moment, Yeowon froze like a broken machine, not knowing what to say or how to react. He had heard similar things from his girlfriends too. That even though they were dating because they liked each other, it seemed like only they were invested.

When he told his friends about this, they would laugh it off, saying it was because he was just a jerk. But now, it hits differently. Although Baek Seungha was smiling playfully, neither his voice nor his gaze seemed like a joke. Was it because the night air turning to dawn was cool, or because the surroundings were quiet due to the late hour? He could sense a bitterness in Baek Seungha as well.

“I’ve experienced it too.” And suddenly, he answered. It was the answer to the question asked long ago. Baek Seungha answered cleanly and stood up, picking up the helmet he had placed on the table. “Unrequited love.”

He then playfully ruffled Yeowon’s hair, who was standing still with his words caught in his throat, and said a brief goodbye. “See you later.” Affectionately.

Yeowon blinked blankly, watching Baek Seungha put on his helmet and ride away on his motorcycle until he disappeared in the distance. Words that tried to come out just circled in his mouth, making his lips twitch. He felt strange. He tried to blame it on the sentimental mood or the cool air, but Baek Seungha’s words that he seemed uninterested in “that kind of thing” lingered unpleasantly in his mind.

**

The biggest villain during school days wasn’t the guys from the neighboring school who always picked fights, nor was it the student affairs teacher who watched us closely with a “you die, I die” attitude once caught.

“Alright, open your wallets.”

It was Choi Youngdoo, who would come down to the juniors’ floor for no reason and try to assert unnecessary authority.

“Ah, that bastard’s here again.”

Kim Myungjoo, who was coming up from the store eating a melon-flavored ice cream, frowned as if he had seen something unpleasant. Yeowon was equally annoyed. The guy would come down when he was bored to pick fights or steal money from the kids. And only when Taegang wasn’t around.

“How did that bastard know Taegang wasn’t here today?”

“Who knows, damn. He’s a ghost, a ghost. No, isn’t he a stalker?” He replied, biting half of the ice cream that was still hard and hadn’t melted yet.

“Let’s just go to the roof. It’s a headache if we get into a fight again.” Kim Myungjoo turned away, shuddering as if avoiding dirty excrement. 

But Yeowon stood still, carefully watching Choi Youngdoo line up the kids and take their wallets.

Seeing that Yeowon wasn’t following and was standing like a statue, Kim Myungjoo urgently spoke up, “Don’t needlessly get involved again. Don’t you remember the last time when you confronted him, and that bastard brought even the third-year seniors, and we almost got screwed?”

Kim Myungjoo tried to pull Yeowon’s arm to stop him, sensing his rebellious look, but someone bigger than Kim Myungjoo wouldn’t budge.

“Hey, Han Yeowon. Listen to your hyung, okay?”

“What hyung.” Yeowon snorted and headed in the opposite direction of where Kim Myungjoo was going. More precisely, towards Choi Youngdoo, who was bullying innocent juniors in front of his class.

“Hey, Han Yeowon!” Kim Myungjoo shouted quietly from behind, but Yeowon went straight ahead. With the wooden stick from the already eaten ice cream in his mouth.

“Damn poor bastards. What’s 3000 won, you little shit? If I find anything else when I search you, it’s 100 lashes for every 100 won, you fucking bastard!”

One of the reasons Choi Youngdoo was vicious was that he targeted innocent kids. Even though the school was famous for being full of delinquents, not all students were thugs. There were kids who studied hard even if they weren’t smart, and many students who just attended school normally. Choi Youngdoo picked on only these kids, bullying them and stealing their money.

Han Yeowon approached right behind Choi Youngdoo and quietly looked down at him, whose line of sight was lower than his own. Choi Youngdoo, who had already emptied the wallets of all the bills, was now hitting the heads of the smaller kids with the empty wallets.