BHB 86

-I saw them together before too. What’s going on, are they getting back together? 

Do Yeongjae asked with interest, completely unaware that Yeowon and Taegang were sleeping together. 

It was always a problem. When a decent woman and man are merely together, people get curious and misunderstand. Well, that made sense. Despite how inseparable he and Taegang were, only a tiny minority might have that kind of misunderstanding about them. And even then, it was just mocking teasing… 

As Yeowon thought this, his face darkened slightly as he remembered Baek Seungha from yesterday. He had accurately pointed out the nature of their relationship. Though presumptuous, he was the first person to precisely identify and question their relationship.

“How would I know?”

-If you don’t know, who would?

“Stop annoying me so early in the morning.”

-What did I do? 

Do Yeongjae expressed his innocence at his sudden irritation.

“Anyway, I’m hanging up. I’m busy.”

-Busy? You just woke up.

He was perceptive.

“I’m going to eat and watch soccer. I’m busy.”

-With exams less than a week away, you’re the only one in our department who’s busy with leisure.

“… Will I get expelled if I fail everything?”

-You just won’t be able to graduate, idiot.

“Ah.”

-As if you’d actually worry about that.

“I said I’m watching soccer. Bye.”

-Hey, hey, wait a moment.

“What now?”

-Aren’t you really worried?

“About what?”

-I told you, the whole school is talking about you.

“… So what?” Yeowon asked in a genuinely confused tone. He couldn’t understand why he kept talking as if something major had happened.

-No, seriously. The rumors about you are really bad.

“So what am I supposed to do? What’s the use of what strangers are saying?”

-What if you really get sued?

“What, will I go to jail?”

-Hey, I’m being serious. Why did you really do it? You might get angry easily, but you’re not the type to get that worked up.

Do Yeongjae persisted in asking, clearly not understanding. True, he had never beaten someone badly enough to hospitalize them during college. Even Yeongjae seemed genuinely surprised and wanted an explanation from Yeowon. 

Feeling his genuine concern, Yeowon sighed briefly. “I was in a bad mood.”

-So you beat someone up?

“No. I was drinking because I was in a bad mood, and that bastard took photos of me without permission.”

-What, secretly? Like hidden camera stuff?

“He secretly took pictures and posted them on his SNS. Called me a ‘fucking f4ggot.'”

-What??? Really??

“He’s very interested in me.”

‘That bastard really crossed the line. Was he also the one who caused trouble in the lecture hall before?’

Do Yeongjae seemed so dumbfounded that he couldn’t continue, just letting out speechless sighs.

“I’m starting to think he might actually like me.”

-… You’re crazy. He probably just dislikes you.

“Love and hate are just a fine line apart.”

-Insane narcissist.

“Tell the others that.”

-Tell them what?

“That he was following me around because he liked me.”

‘You’re really crazy.’

Do Yeongjae laughed in disbelief. 

“Let’s make him a ‘fucking f4ggot.'”

After hanging up as if venting his frustration, Yeowon slumped on the sofa. He had a feeling the matter might become bigger than expected, but his face remained expressionless. He showed no intention of resolving the situation, nor any signs of urgency.

He admitted he had acted emotionally. Even though the other person had provoked him, it wasn’t something that warranted such a strong reaction. He felt pathetic for losing control and getting angry like a teenager.

The problem started with his unsettled feelings. He couldn’t understand why, after being with Taegang for years, he was suddenly feeling this way. It felt like his emotions were flowing in the wrong direction. And yet he had said it himself—that he was like family, like a brother, like a friend, someone he couldn’t live without—going around saying such things…

His relationship with Taegang seemed absurd. After all these years together. Thinking about it, this all started when they began having sex. Originally, Taegang and he were friends. Someone he would continue to be with in the future, yet inappropriate feelings kept intruding. Is this what naturally happens when bodies intermingle? From that point, he found himself wanting to control Taegang with impure emotions, while childish jealousy consumed His rationality.

Yeowon stared at the ceiling and exhaled a long sigh. Along with that sigh full of lament came deep regret.

Maybe he should just stop.

He felt they’d had enough sex anyway, and it had all happened almost like a mistake, caught up in the moment. Perhaps it was time to end it.

He wondered if his desires had driven him crazy. If he stopped, would he return to normal? The only difference between before and now was that—having sex like madmen. 

Why had he accepted it in the first place? 

Yeowon struck his head harshly, His face contorted with irritation.

School was the same way. He occasionally wondered why he was bothering with academics that didn’t suit him, especially now that he was nearing graduation.

Maybe he should just drop out. Perhaps learning a trade would better suit his personality. He had followed his friend like a sheep. Back then, he thought he would die if separated from Taegang. Having been together since the end of middle school, he vaguely felt they would drift apart if he went to university alone. Though many friends had drifted away regardless of university, the thought of it happening with Taegang made his throat dry and his stomach tighten.

Now that they had reached the point of having animalistic sex, the reality hit him even harder. Painfully realizing how dependent he was on Taegang made his current situation seem truly pathetic.

“But where is he and what is he doing now?” He grumbled discontentedly while unconsciously checking his phone, seeing no messages from Taegang.

Taegang has been absent more frequently lately. He knew his schedule by heart and was aware he had no classes at this time. Of course, even after more than ten years together, they each had their own time, but recently he was gone more often than usual.

He didn’t want to pry, but suddenly remembered the wound he had seen on him recently. Perhaps he had more reasons to visit his family home. Though they lived as if cutting ties, he knew it was impossible to completely ignore family. He still attended family gatherings once a year, despite his reluctance. Taegang’s father was already a popular politician and had recently been discussed as a potential presidential candidate. He knew that during such important periods, they would keep tighter control over Taegang, though he never mentioned it to him.

His deliberate silence meant he didn’t want to talk about it, and Yeowon respected his opinion enough not to interfere in his family matters. But he was always worried. For someone who feared nothing, his parents were the only thing that frightened him. They were unpredictable people, so he lived as quietly as possible with Taegang. That was partly why he had followed him to university—to live with him in a way that wouldn’t catch their attention or upset them.

As these unpleasant thoughts entered his mind, Yeowon’s mood rapidly worsened. He got up to wash and clear his thoughts. Just then, his phone vibrated briefly. He checked the message with an indifferent expression.

[Did you get home safely last night.]

Another message arrived immediately after he read it.

[Sorry for upsetting you.]

The messages from Baek Seungha reminded him of last night. It had been a troubling night for many reasons, one being the uncomfortable topics he had brought up. He was also puzzled. Why had Baek Seungha raised those topics, and why did he and Taegang show such hostility toward each other?

Yeowon hesitated to reply but skillfully typed a message and sent it immediately.

[Let’s talk again next time.]

He clearly had something he wanted to say. Recalling how he had been unusually probing, Yeowon’s curiosity grew.

After sending a casual reply, Yeowon headed to the bathroom without hesitation. He was filled with the urge to cool his complicated emotions with cold water.

“Why did you ask to meet up first for once?”

***

Yeowon frowned at Kim Myungjoo, who was eyeing him with surprise.

“You’re treating me like a cold-hearted bastard again.”

Unlike the days when he had many friends, now the people he could meet were limited—either university classmates or the few high school friends he still contacted, like Kim Myungjoo and Jin Youngchae. Today, feeling sorry for disappearing without a word recently, he had reached out first, planning for a casual drink during the quiet time before opening.

“So what’s the sudden occasion, coming to my workplace?”

“Sorry for leaving suddenly last time.”

“Sorry? You’re saying sorry?”

“And I’m bored.”

When he answered honestly, Kim Myungjoo laughed knowingly, saying he’d expected as much.