BHB 89

But before Yeowon could finish speaking, Lee Taegang relentlessly pressured him. Whether his pride was hurt or something else, he was losing control and crossing lines. 

‘Did he think I was a joke because I gave him everything he wanted? I gave him what he asked for, let him have his way when he wanted to be inside me, and now does he think I’m just some worthless hole he can use however he pleases? What is sex that makes him belittle and pressure me like this? What is that thing that makes him…’

Yeowon couldn’t even curse or throw a punch through the burning betrayal and emptiness that reached his eyes. If he followed his heart, he would have grabbed him by the collar and fought him to the death long ago, but now he had neither the thought nor the will to do so. More than anger, an indefinable sadness overwhelmed him.

“To go this far…”

His head felt like it would explode from the incomprehensibility of it all, yet part of him felt like he’d been doused with cold water. Yeowon couldn’t finish his sentence and painfully rubbed his face. He had much to say but couldn’t organize his thoughts, and didn’t want to speak right now anyway. He just found Taegang disappointing and couldn’t stand to look at him. To control his rising anger, he roughly messed up his own hair while giving him a cold stare.

“…Cool your head.”

Yeowon left just those words, then kicked open the front door wearing only a discarded T-shirt and hailed a taxi without a destination. Looking at his still-trembling fingertips, he bit her lip roughly. His threats were unfamiliar to him. Those eyes that had lost all reason, that vicious approach—all of it was a first.

Yeowon stroked his tired face and barely swallowed his unending trembles. Sadness washed over him again, bringing heat to the tip of his nose. Though he’d lived a seemingly hopeless life, being driven into such a hopeless situation was also a first, and he had no idea what the wise choice would be.

“What is it?”

When the front door clicked open, he saw Do Youngjae’s surprised face. His gaze was full of confusion as he looked him over, having arrived without warning.

“Let me stay just one night.” Yeowon asked quietly with a tired expression. 

He knew it was extremely rude to barge in like this in the middle of the night, but he had no choice since he left his wallet and phone behind. There weren’t many people who would take him in when he showed up out of nowhere.

“Suddenly?”

“Just so you know, I don’t have taxi fare either, so the driver is waiting downstairs.”

“What?”

“Please pay my taxi fare too.” Yeowon asked with an awkward face. 

Youngjae seemed flustered by the unexpected situation but didn’t pry persistently. He just went back inside to get his card. “Just come inside for now.”

“Are your mother and father here?”

“They’re not. They went on a trip.”

Yeowon took a deep breath, thinking it was fortunate, then obediently went inside as he said. Youngjae’s house was different from him and Taegang’s. It felt more like a place where people lived, filled with the domestic scent of adults’ care.

Yeowon felt an inexplicable comfort in this place that wasn’t his home as he caught his breath. He was clearly angry, but strangely, his heart hurt more. More than anger, the pain of having a corner of his heart torn made him more exhausted.

“Hey, what happened?”

Youngjae, who had just finished paying, came inside. He took him to his room and sat him down, as he stood there awkwardly. Knowing he wasn’t someone who would randomly show up asking for a place to stay, Youngjae looked very surprised.

“What is it? I’m dying of curiosity. What happened that you can’t go home and you’ve shown up looking like a beggar?”

Yeowon let out a hollow laugh at the “beggar” comment and answered calmly, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. Stop being ridiculous and tell me quickly.”

Curious about his story, he pulled up a desk chair, sat opposite him, and his eyes gleamed with interest.

“I fought with Lee Taegang.”

“Again?”

“I know, right?”

Why did they keep fighting like this? Even hhe was getting tired of it now.

“Why do you two have so many things to fight about?”

“I thought I knew Taegang better than anyone.”

“And?”

“But now I feel like I know him least of all.”

“What does that mean?”

“I could have sworn I knew everything about Lee Taegang. But in reality, there was too much I didn’t know.”

“Well, they say you can know ten fathoms of water, but not one fathom of the human heart.”

Youngjae still had questions but offered a consolation that wasn’t quite consolation, seeing how dejected he looked. He knew too well that seeing Yeowon downcast wasn’t an easy thing.

“You two are quite peculiar.”

Yeowon, who had been quietly staring at the floor, slowly raised his head at Youngjae’s casual remark. It was something he’d been hearing several times lately.

“I mean, seriously. How do you two have so many things to get angry and upset about? Both of you don’t care about anything else, but with each other, you’re so… harsh? You know what I mean?”

“…”

“I’ve never seen guys fight this often before, seriously.” Youngjae shook his head as if he couldn’t understand it at all. 

At that moment, a phone vibrates loudly. Since his phone wasn’t in his hand, the owner of the vibration could only be Youngjae. His shoulders tensed momentarily after checking his phone.

“…Lee Taegang is calling?”

Showing him the screen displaying the three characters of Taegang’s name, Youngjae looked flustered. 

Yeowon let out a short sigh before answering, “Don’t answer it.”

“… Really?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m not going to get caught in the middle between you two, am I?”

“Don’t worry. Do you have any cigarettes?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah. Over there on the desk.”

“I’ll just smoke one.” Yeowon grabbed a cigarette and a lighter and went outside Youngjae’s villa building. 

He suddenly felt suffocated, as if he felt pressured by Taegang’s behavior of calling even Youngjae. What was this all about? He also felt uncomfortable thinking he might be causing trouble for Youngjae.

It was warm during the day, but still chilly at night. It was weather that still required a coat, but Yeowon was wearing only a single T-shirt. He hadn’t thought to bring a coat, and he couldn’t stand the sight of him anyway, so he had no choice.

Not even feeling the cold night air, Yeowon took a deep drag of cigarette smoke. Though he hated the sight of him, he kept thinking about how he had kicked him away, which bothered him. To push away someone his size, he had to kick pretty hard, so it must have hurt. Maybe he shouldn’t have kicked him. Maybe he shouldn’t have hit him. But it was a necessary choice to get away from that situation.

Yeowon unconsciously touched her his where it had reddened from being grabbed by the collar earlier. He kept rubbing it with his hand while exhaling smoke deeply. He thought smoking would help clear the tightness in his chest, but it wasn’t working.

“Han Yeowon?”

At that moment, a dark figure walking from a distance called his name softly. Just as he suspected, the black figure quickly approached and revealed himself under the streetlight.

“I thought I was seeing things. What are you doing out at this hour?”

As soon as he saw Baek Seungha, he remembered that he lived in the basement of Youngjae’s building. He hadn’t expected to run into him at this timing at all.

“Just… visiting Youngjae.”

“Ah. Youngjae.”

“… Looks like you’re just getting home.”

“Just finished work. But is something wrong?”

“What do you mean?”

“No, you seem upset… what’s that on your neck?”

Baek Seungha’s face, which had seemed somewhat pleased by the unexpected meeting, showed a glimpse of a smile that quickly disappeared. In the light of only the streetlamp, Seungha had noticed the red mark on Yeowon’s neck.

“Who were you fighting with?”

Not wanting him to see, Yeowon instinctively covered his neck with his hand and avoided his gaze. “It’s not really fighting… just, you know.”

“Who is it this time?”

“I told you it’s not like that.”

“It looks like it’s going to bruise. You’ve been getting hurt a lot lately.”

“… Are you worried about me?” At his rather serious tone, Yeowon let out a deflated laugh and responded playfully.

“Yeah. I didn’t expect you to still be getting hurt like this all grown up.”

“This isn’t even considered an injury. Doesn’t even count as one.” Yeowon’s smile faded bitterly as he continued to smoke. 

Each time he exhaled, it seemed like a deep sigh, causing Baek Seungha to look at him with concern and ask again, “Who did you fight with that’s got you so upset?”

“Do I look upset?”

“You look extremely upset.”

“…I guess I really can’t hide anything.”

“You just figured that out?”

Yeowon only gave a weak laugh at his playful retort. He wasn’t in the mood to laugh, but he was simply too exhausted, letting out another deflated laugh before staring into space again. 

Baek Seungha asked once more, “Is it Lee Taegang again?”

Despite not having seen him for quite some time, he knew well. His mood, the cause of his bad mood, everything.

“… How did you know?”

“I told you before. He controls you. I noticed that you only show emotions this strongly because of Lee Taegang.”

“…”

“Even in high school, you had particularly extreme mood swings when you fought with him.”

Was that so? Hearing from others always reveals aspects of herself he didn’t know. It made him realize how much of a significant presence Taegang was to him, both then and now.

“Is he the reason you’ve been looking so upset lately?”

It wasn’t wrong. Not long ago, he had shown a pathetic side of himself in front of Baek Seungha, so he couldn’t deny it.