GB 106

With Haero crying so hard he could barely open his eyes, Yoon Moo-hwa clenched his teeth.

He was lovable. Unbearably lovable, and that tore at Yoon Moo-hwa’s heart.

He had laid out a path for Haero to come back. It was cowardly and dishonorable. When he realized that Haero would inevitably walk that path and return to him, Yoon Moo-hwa accepted everything. He endured it even though it meant tarnishing his beliefs and all the time they had built together. Since that was his burden alone, he couldn’t be honest with Haero. Did he truly not know that the young man was being hurt like this in the meantime? Even after their conversation in the engine room storage, he hadn’t realized Haero still felt this way.

Then suddenly, it occurred to him that Haero’s boldness, that personality that sometimes recklessly charged forward, might be because he was too scared, too worried, too insecure… He felt overwhelmingly guilty. The very actions he had chosen to avoid hurting Haero had become reasons for Haero to hurt himself.

“So you think I’m the kind of bastard who gives in because I have no choice.” 

At his bitter mutter, Haero nodded. Then, as if to say that wasn’t quite right, he shook his head repeatedly. 

Yoon Moo-hwa let out a hollow laugh, clenched his fist, and spoke in a low, harsh voice, “When you rush in regardless of how much you hurt yourself, how could I—!” 

“Are you saying you had no choice because I kept pushing myself on you?!” 

“How could I not love you and endure it!”

The cabin feel strangely silent. Haero’s eyes widened.

He had tried not to face it. The thought that Yoon Moo-hwa had accepted him only because he had persistently thrown himself at him for years. That’s why he had fixated on such childish words. Even after hearing “let’s date” and feeling thrilled, he couldn’t sleep at night because he worried this too had been extracted from Yoon Moo-hwa semi-forcefully.

In truth, more than those words or cute phrases like “I want to be your boyfriend,” what he had wanted to hear was Yoon Moo-hwa’s raw, honest feelings like this.

And the way it happened wasn’t how Haero had imagined. He never dreamed it would be with Yoon Moo-hwa giving up and letting go of everything.

Haero looked up at Yoon Moo-hwa. His expression showed dismay at the words he couldn’t take back. He rested his hand on his brow bone, placed his other hand on his waist, and turned his head to the side. 

“Damn it…” Yoon Moo-hwa’s voice was filled with embarrassment. But soon, as if he had made some decision, he turned back to Haero. His voice was still low but had softened, having lost its earlier intensity, “How… how could I not love you and endure it, Haero.” 

“I, I thought you… that you had no choice but to—” 

“I had no choice.” Yoon Moo-hwa muttered. “I had no choice but to give my heart to you… How could I refuse? How could I…”

Yoon Moo-hwa bit his lip. His cheeks and neck had turned slightly red. Haero was entranced by the sight.

“How could I endure it without becoming trash.” As if giving up everything, as if finally letting everything go, Yoon Moo-hwa smiled bitterly.

His wasn’t the heart that started this first. But it had inevitably grown deeper. He knew this would be his last. That this child would steal everything from him completely. And that he would willingly give his all…

“So…” Slowly dropping his head, Yoon Moo-hwa embraced Haero tightly. He didn’t want to show his expression. He didn’t want to appear weak to Haero. The remaining sense of being a guardian held him back.

“So please take care of yourself, Haero… From now on. Please. Okay?”

Surprised into stopping his tears, Haero looked dazed. He felt the strong scent of pencil wood, Yoon Moo-hwa’s powerfully beating heart, and body temperature so high it felt hot, and slowly regained his composure.

He was embarrassed enough that his entire body could turn bright red. He couldn’t bear to look back at how childishly he had behaved. Tonight he might end up kicking his blanket in frustration.

But now… right now. Haero embraced Yoon Moo-hwa.

He still couldn’t answer the request to take care of himself. What could he do? If rushing in recklessly was his way of loving, he would rush to Yoon Moo-hwa again and again. If that sea that harmed him was Yoon Moo-hwa, his heart wanted to die in those waters, even if he was shattered by the waves.

Haero whispered in a small voice, “I’m sorry for always disobeying you and causing you trouble.”

Yoon Moo-hwa laughed softly. That wonderful, pleasant voice said, “It’s okay. As long as you understand.” “……” 

“I won’t make things difficult for Haero anymore either.”

Even if he couldn’t reveal his heart completely, he decided to let go enough for Haero to feel secure. 

‘Because we’ve ended up on the same ship now, it’s too late to hide things out of concern for Haero.’

✼✼✼

Fortunately, they passed the Cape of Good Hope in broad daylight. Thanks to this, Haero and the crew were able to see this very ancient landmark.

Cape Town’s beautiful strait had changed significantly as sea levels shifted. Even though the lighthouse was more than half submerged, the lamp section remained, standing guard over the sea like a symbol.

Haero was overcome with emotion at having completed 70 percent of the voyage. For a first journey, it had been remarkably uneventful.

“This voyage seems particularly smooth. Don’t you think so?” a sailor exclaimed excitedly, apparently sharing the same thought.

However, as soon as those words ended, the atmosphere instantly grew cold. The chilly, sinking air wasn’t just from the winds coming up from the Antarctic Sea.

“Hey… do you know the three things you should never say on a ship?”

“Uh, what?”

“One: ‘We don’t have many customers today.’ Two: ‘We don’t have many patients today.’ Three: ‘This voyage is easy.’ You idiot.”

Haero let out a nervous laugh watching the sailor who was making threatening gestures at the air with his widely opened eyes.

While organizing his chest, he thought of Yoon Moo-hwa.

After that fight, the two had grown considerably closer. It was as if both had abandoned their last shred of pride, and the distance between them suddenly vanished.

Haero often imagined Yoon Moo-hwa with a reddened neck, flustered and frowning. That large man, significantly older than himself, seemed incredibly cute in those moments. If he had any talent for drawing, he would have sketched that expression. Lacking such skill, all he could do was make a special effort to recall Yoon Moo-hwa’s face whenever he had a spare moment, trying not to forget it.

Yoon Moo-hwa had confessed. He seemed to like him to death. Having moved beyond just “liking,” he was now completely his. At the thought of having captured Yoon Moo-hwa’s heart, Haero kept smiling brightly, and the medical officer observed him carefully.

“Lieutenant, you seem to be in a good mood.”

The officer tried to probe several times. However, surprisingly, Haero didn’t give in easily.

“I’m happy because we’ve completed more than half of the mission without any major injuries.”

Once again, Haero deflected appropriately.

But that answer wasn’t entirely correct either.

“Oh my, you shouldn’t say such things even when the pilot is aboard. You shouldn’t talk about the mission until we’ve all disembarked. It’s bad luck.”

Haero was momentarily confused, thinking he’d been called unlucky, but then understood the context and calmed his startled heart.

It seemed that keeping their relationship secret required considerable effort, given it wasn’t just romance between officers but with the captain. Because of this, he became somewhat sensitive to passing remarks, his heart racing quickly.

“For sailors, superstition is religion. It’s not for nothing that fishing boats still send out rice offerings to the sea before departing.”

“I’m sorry. I won’t say ‘what if’… no, I won’t even say ‘what if.'” Haero made a zipping motion from one corner of his mouth to the other. 

The medical officer nodded seriously without a hint of a smile. “Getting back safely is the top priority, isn’t it? ‘When I return, I’ll propose,’ ‘When I return, I’ll name my child,’ ‘When I return, I’ll never board a ship again’ – these things are absolutely forbidden.”

Haero nodded along with an equally serious expression.

This was an even more important issue for Haero. His lover was on the same ship. Wasn’t it most important that they both return alive?

He turned back to his desk.

Somehow his chest felt uneasy and nauseous. Like some current was approaching, Haero kept having to brush down his arms as they prickled with goosebumps. While thinking of Yoon Moo-hwa.

✼✼✼

Had the sailor’s words become a seed, or had the medical officer’s warning come true? As the sun began to set westward, the sea conditions started to deteriorate.

The swells were rising. Going out on deck was prohibited, and all exterior hatches were closed.

The waves visible from the bridge were literally as big as houses. No, houses would look small in comparison. Enormous waves fiercely attacked, so large they obscured the sky. An even bigger problem was the small chunks of ice mixed in the cold sea.

With the thumping sounds and the rocking waves, all the sailors were exhausted. The vibrations were so intense they had to tie themselves down to sleep. In the infirmary, books finally tumbled from the shelves, leaving the medical corpsman’s fingers bruised purple.

Then at some point, those severe waves began to calm down. It was because they were approaching the coast. They would soon pass the Cape of Good Hope. As they got closer to the African continent, the next danger was no longer the waves but pirates who would jump out like guerrillas from ghost archipelagos that appeared after hiding.

“We’ve never passed through here without incident.”

No one knew when the battle station’s announcement would come. Everyone changed from their regular duty positions to combat duty positions.

Meanwhile, on the bridge, they were reorganizing their formation after receiving distress signals from fishing boats.

“Distress signal coming in on channel 13. It’s suspected to be a pirate ship. They’re boats modified to look like fishing vessels, four in total, with iron bars attached to the current side confirmed.”

Yoon Moo-hwa’s squadron was in the closest position. Since they couldn’t ignore a distress signal, after confirming the number, they quickly dispatched one first-class and one second-class ship from the right side of the formation. And with the reduced numbers, they changed from surrounding the merchant vessels in an escort formation to placing the flagship at the very front and another ship at the very back.

“Distress request coming in on channel 12! One of the fishing vessels that just escaped the pirates’ threat reports a serious injury. The person fell on deck, and is unconscious with rapid blood loss. It’s critical.”