GB 53
by Emerlyn‘We.’
How powerful that word is. In an instant, it can make us comrades, conspirators, accomplices, or even family from lovers. That word sounded especially sweet when spoken by Yoon Moo-hwa. Apart from the incident, Haero was overwhelmed by each small expression that he would normally take for granted.
“As long as it’s not us, you don’t need to worry. It doesn’t look like you’ll be losing any hair over this.”
Yoon Moo-hwa’s smile scattered briefly and then disappeared. It was a fake smile to begin with.
The car was filled with an awkward tension.
“As long as it’s not us, Haero.”
It sounded like he was slowly impressing this upon Haero.
Just sort out your feelings. Then we won’t have any problems.
“I’ll have my brother make a correction to the article… no, I’ll have it taken down.” Haero felt thorns growing inside his throat. As if he had drunk a lot of salt water, a spicy pain filled him to the tips of his hair, and he wanted to thrash about wildly.
“I’ll have them correct it, saying nothing like that happened. Haero, you won’t have to worry about anything in the future.”
Haero moved the back of his hand from covering his lips to his eyes. His round chin, like gravel, was all contorted from biting his lips tightly.
Seeing this, Yoon Moo-hwa approached Haero and fastened his seatbelt for him.
Haero, who had slid completely down in his seat as if he wanted to sink, looked much smaller than his usual height, making him look like Number 8 when they first met.
Yoon Moo-hwa slowly looked at Haero’s pale hand covering his eyes as if not wanting to see him, his trembling chin, and his lips, then quietly returned to his seat.
* * *
Despite the delicious smell tickling his nose, Haero had no appetite.
Not expecting to come to a restaurant after such a phone call, Haero felt out of place, like someone suddenly dragged out of bed and thrown into a restaurant.
Even though he was wearing his formal uniform for going out, he felt like he was in pajamas and everyone was staring at him. He was already used to the attention he got when going around with Yoon Moo-hwa, but today was different.
Yoon Moo-hwa, noticing that the quality of the gazes was different today, muttered, “I think I chose the wrong place.”
Yoon Moo-hwa said, turning a plate of neatly sliced duck meat towards Haero, “Maybe we should have gone to an old restaurant for kimchi stew or jajangmyeon today?”
That would have been better. At least there, they wouldn’t have felt those patronizing gazes that seemed to know everything about them.
Haero was becoming more confused and unsure about everything.
The duck meat was being chewed in his mouth, but he couldn’t feel the juices or texture, it was like chewing on a wet sponge.
“You should eat the asparagus too, Haero.”
Yoon Moo-hwa was sternly telling him not to be a picky eater as if nothing had happened, and it was clear that for him, truly nothing had happened. Whatever happened, happened only to me.
“You’ll get indigestion like that.”
Not knowing how time was passing, Haero just mechanically brought food to his mouth, chewed, and swallowed repeatedly until he was scraping an empty plate.
With his attention focused elsewhere, Haero was about to bring an empty fork to his mouth when Yoon Moo-hwa grabbed his wrist, finally bringing him back to his senses.
“You’ll get indigestion, Haero.” Yoon Moo-hwa held out a glass towards Haero.
It was the glass he had been drinking from. Delicate bubbles were rising up.
Haero stared blankly at the movement before slowly turning the glass.
He could see a very faint mark of Yoon Moo-hwa’s lips.
Even though he knew it wasn’t right to do this in this situation.
His shoulder throbbed. It was where the tattoo was.
Haero swallowed and took the glass. He put his lips where Yoon Moo-hwa’s lip mark had been.
Their lips had never directly touched. Very rarely, under the guise of affectionate pecks, his lips had only ever touched Haero’s forehead.
“If that incident keeps bothering you … there’s no need for that. There will always be nonsense talk in the future.” Yoon Moo-hwa nonchalantly brought meat to his mouth. “Just say it’s not true. Like always.”
Even knowing these words weren’t meant for him, Haero found it hard to simply brush them off.
“Are you… talking about the article right now?”
“…”
“I’m asking if you’re only talking about that article.”
“Besides the article, what else is the problem?”
“…”
“There’s no other problem, is there?”
‘He knew.’
Haero had a feeling Yoon Moo-hwa had caught on. His nail-hitting tone especially suggested so. The usual Yoon Moo-hwa would have asked what was wrong instead.
Haero unknowingly clenched the fork in his fist. A bad habit from when he hadn’t yet learned table manners surfaced.
“If you say it’s not true, does everything become untrue?”
Yoon Moo-hwa would feel wronged, not understanding why he was getting angry.
Knowing this, Haero asked again, “I’m asking if saying it’s not true makes everything disappear.”
Yoon Moo-hwa stared at him blankly.
He didn’t ask what Haero was talking about. His gaze, which had been on Haero’s heaving throat, moved down again.
“It should.”
“…”
“If not, then what?”
“… I don’t think I can eat anymore.”
“Alright. Then stop eating.”
Even though Haero leaned back in his chair like a sulking child, Yoon Moo-hwa didn’t scold him. He seemed angry too. Lately, their conversations often went off-track like this. As dishonesty crept in and lies began, they kept missing the point and only circling around the edges.
“I want to ask you something.” Haero, who had been silently lowering his hands and turning his head towards a pillar, suddenly turned to Yoon Moo-hwa and asked, “Why did you set up Kids Lock?”
“You unlocked it? Who unlocked it for you?”
His unflustered response was unexpected.
Haero leaned forward and spoke, enunciating each word, “That’s not what’s important right now.”
“It is important to me.”
Somehow, it felt like he couldn’t win a single word. It was frustrating, like talking to a wall. Had conversations with Yoon Moo-hwa always been like this?
“You’re particularly annoying today. You clearly understand what I’m saying, but you’re not telling me anything.”
At Haero’s voice tinged with hurt, Yoon Moo-hwa briefly raised and lowered the corner of his mouth.
The Yoon Moo-hwa that Haero knew was like the moon seen by humanity. Only one side was visible. He had carefully selected only the parts he thought were safe to show Haero, and in front of Haero, only his gentle sides that would keep Haero safe were drawn out.
But recently, that wasn’t the case. Lately, he was constantly irritated and on edge.
It’s hard to explain. But the balance had been disrupted. He could pinpoint exactly when. The night Haero became an adult under the sky where the drone show unfolded. That very night. The naive night when he finally entered the military academy, asserted his right to sexual self-determination, and gave drunken kisses.
Haero had slipped out of his control.
“All parents have to let their children become independent at some point.”
‘But we’re not parent and child. Yet why is separating you so unpleasant to me? So difficult?’
‘I didn’t want to act like this as much as possible either. I know I’m being childish. The worst part is that I don’t feel like changing my methods. Even a slight change in direction can alter the course.’
“A friend unlocked it for me.”
“Which friend, Tan Shui?”
Haero glared at Yoon Moo-hwa with narrowed eyes. “I never told you about Tan Shui.”
“…”
“How did you know?”
Yoon Moo-hwa wiped his lips with a napkin and quietly stared at Haero.
‘Haero, you don’t know. What kind of training I’ve received.’
“There’s no way I wouldn’t know everything about you.”
‘How far I can push you. And at the same time, how well I can lie.’
“Just like when you longed for me while I was in that cave, too injured to do anything, I have my own cave too, Haero.”
Haero swallowed dryly.
“Is that where you don’t grow up?”
“…”
“If it’s going to be like this, why did you give me a name? You should have just kept calling me Number 8. Or is it Number 1? To you?”
“Haero, watch your words.”
‘You say you know everything about me?’
In the end, Haero avoided Yoon Moo-hwa’s gaze. Afraid that his gaze might see right through to his heart.
He too had only just realized these unripe emotions. Nevertheless, he knew his world was composed of them. The moment they were discovered, everything would shatter.
It wasn’t the shattering he feared.
‘At least, I want to break it with my own hands.’
It seems I can’t hide that I’m from Pirate Island after all. The thought that it’s better to destroy it with my own hands than to have it taken away.
Haero asked through gritted teeth, mocking himself, “Are you afraid of me growing up? Why? What do you think will happen if I grow up?”
“You look like you’ve got indigestion. If you’re not going to eat, let’s just get up.”
The conversation, like walking on thin ice, ended without head or tail.
Yoon Moo-hwa’s arrogant claim that he knew everything about Haero irritatingly proved true. Haero had indeed gotten severe indigestion.