GB 93

Everyone breaks up and gets back together, cheats and gets engaged. The tone suggests this is all too normal. Yoon Moo-hwa has participated in so many operations that Haero can’t even count them all, so he must be quite used to it by now.

‘Has Yoon Moo-hwa experienced such things too?’

“They say they’re madly in love, that they can’t live without you, but soon forget and move on with their lives.”

He looked truly cold-hearted. He seemed completely uninterested in others’ similar love stories, only examining Haero’s hand.

“I’ll have to ask the laundry specialist to erase that.”

‘As if washing your dirty hand was more important than such trivial matters.’

Haero felt a pain in his chest. It took a moment to realize he had been hurt.

‘No, why?’

Yoon Moo-hwa hadn’t broken up with him, nor had he spoken poorly of those people, yet Haero was, yes, hurt.

“Isn’t there anything else we can do separately?”

So Haero ended up meddling in a way unlike himself.

Yoon Moo-hwa stared blankly at Haero. Worrying about such things will only exhaust your heart. 

He slightly furrowed his brow and gave his own advice, “Time will solve the problem, so the lieutenant doesn’t need to worry. If you can’t even manage personal emotions, you should leave the ship.”

“Quit.”

Haero recalled Yoon Moo-hwa’s voice telling him to quit the navy, cold and ruthless and businesslike.

Why did that memory surface now, of all times?

“What’s wrong?”

Whether Haero had lowered his head without realizing it, or if it showed on his face, Yoon Moo-hwa, who had been consistently businesslike and indifferent, suddenly changed his expression and moved away.

“Are you sick?”

The expression, voice, and gaze of concern were no different from usual. Haero quietly met Yoon Moo-hwa’s eyes and fiddled with his eye patch.

Few people would allow someone to casually touch an area where they’ve been injured. Especially Yoon Moo-hwa, who was sensitive to others’ touch. Contrary to Haero’s misunderstanding, Yoon Moo-hwa was not accustomed to skinship and even felt some aversion to it.

But he was docile under Haero’s touch. 

Haero gently removed the eye patch. There was an artificial eye, devoid of any warmth.

But artificial eyes have their advantages too.

Haero looked at both of Yoon Moo-hwa’s eyes alternately. The color and temperature of both eyes were exactly the same.

If Haero could have seen Yoon Moo-hwa’s artificial eye when he pushed him away, would things have been different from the start?

Haero’s face softened gently. He smiled and whispered as if sharing a secret, “Do you know? Artificial body parts are programmed not to lie even if they malfunction.”

But there’s no need to dwell on past events. If he had been stuck in the past, he wouldn’t have made it this far.

Haero’s heart, which had momentarily wavered, calmed again. In the eyes that others avoided, calling them inhuman and cold, Haero found reassurance instead. Perhaps it’s because of how they were raised differently. For Haero, the standard of “being human” had always been Yoon Moo-hwa.

* * *

After their first intimate encounter, Yoon Moo-hwa always maintained boundaries.

When the bell rings 15 minutes before wake-up, all crew members must move immediately, and if Haero were seen coming out of the captain’s quarters at such times, things would surely get complicated. As rumors spread, the longer the relationship continued, the more troublesome it would become for Haero. If the relationship ended badly, it would be the opposite.

Haero accepted Yoon Moo-hwa’s boundary-keeping attitude, which was sometimes disappointing, as a sign that he wanted to maintain their relationship.

Yoon Moo-hwa seemed to worry that his heart might turn to someone new after passing the first love phase, but that’s nonsense. If anything, Haero was worried about Yoon Moo-hwa. As far as he knew, Yoon Moo-hwa was practically inept at anything other than work, unable to do anything when people surrounded him with blatant interest to the point of being burdensome, only waiting for Haero.

“I wonder how you managed without me.” Haero murmured, touching the scar on Yoon Moo-hwa’s eyelid.

He was sleeping quietly after their lovemaking.

Was that why when Haero discovered Yoon Moo-hwa on the terrace on the day of the New Year’s party, he was really surprised. He had thought Yoon Moo-hwa wouldn’t attend such events anymore without him.

At the same time, he felt hurt. Wondering if he had come with someone else, Haero wanted to check the guest list, but without Yoon Moo-hwa as his background, he was nothing and couldn’t even do that.

If it hadn’t been for the part-time job where catering work and strict confidentiality were the most important conditions, he wouldn’t have even been able to set foot on the premises that night. It was truly a night of many sorrows.

“Why don’t you ask how I’ve been doing all this time?” Haero swung his legs back and forth as he lay on his stomach. His fingertips were still tracing the air around Yoon Moo-hwa’s eyes. He rested his chin on his hand and mumbled, “Are you not curious at all, or is it because I ran away so it doesn’t matter, or…”

Or…

This is probably an absurd thought, the least likely possibility, but what if Yoon Moo-hwa already knows everything about how he’s been living all this time?

But soon Haero scoffed, dismissing it as a ridiculous delusion.

Yoon Moo-hwa isn’t that kind of person. He may say he won’t let Haero see other people, but that’s just the sweet nothings that everyone whispers when they first start dating. It was always like that in dramas, movies, comics, and novels.

Above all, Haero, who had lived with Yoon Moo-hwa for 10 years, knew best that he wasn’t obsessive about anything. He easily gave up on whatever it was, and even when Haero carelessly lost things that seemed to be his prized possessions, Yoon Moo-hwa brushed it off as no big deal.

From the beginning, they had always touched land briefly, barely having time to set foot, and even when they left for the sea, they always ended up returning. For Yoon Moo-hwa, whose job was to leave, there would be nothing to regret.

‘That’s foolish. If I worried about everything because of lingering affection, I couldn’t be on my ship.’

It would be more plausible if he said something like that.

Haero chuckled, “It doesn’t suit my ship.”

He imitated Yoon Moo-hwa, lowering his voice as much as possible and even adding a scratchy sound.

But it’s not even close. Finding his own voice amusing, Haero tried to cover his mouth and swallow his laughter, when an arm suddenly flew in and pulled him into its embrace. He was helplessly swept away, as if caught in an unexpected current.

“What’s so funny? What was that just now? Are you making fun of me?” Yoon Moo-hwa asked in a husky voice. When Haero nodded, he chuckled softly and murmured, “You must have been really angry then…”

“Just angry? I was terribly upset.”

“…”

“Really a lot… You really seemed like an old-fashioned military man.”

Yoon Moo-hwa’s deep, muffled laughter burst out. It sounded so nice that Haero was afraid that memory would end up being packaged as a fond recollection.

That won’t do. Haero clenched his fist, renewing his determination.

“I’ll really make my mark and make you regret saying those things then. Honestly, you regret it now, don’t you?”

Yoon Moo-hwa chuckled. It’s a precious sound that can be heard thanks to him not being fully awake, “Do you want to punish me? If Haero needs it, I’ll do it. Regret.”

“What… Never mind. That kind of thing…” Haero gently pushed Yoon Moo-hwa away. 

Yoon Moo-hwa, who had casually draped his arm over Haero’s lean but firm body, playfully pushed him to the side again.

“Am I the type that’s a bit lacking in expression…”

Yoon Moo-hwa’s artificial eye looked down at him. Unaware that he had just taken another picture of himself staring intently at Haero with his hair all messed up and stored it in his memory, Haero mumbled.

“You don’t have any secrets from me, do you?” For some reason, Haero ended up asking that. 

Suddenly, the conversation with his mentor came to mind as well. He really doesn’t know why. Is it the magic of dawn?

Seeing Haero’s eyes waver in surprise at his own question, Yoon Moo-hwa tilted his head. Curling his body to trap Haero’s and with his eyes sparkling, he looked mischievous as if playing a very naughty prank.

“Now that I think about it, Haero doesn’t trust me?”

‘Why?’ 

At that moment, Haero couldn’t answer.

* * *

There’s a temporary port of call in Madagascar. After escorting a merchant ship bound for India, they came straight down without stopping. Even considering the maximum possible delay, the arduous journey past the Cape of Good Hope was always pressed for time.

It was evening when they entered port in Madagascar. Against the backdrop of the setting sun, giant baobab trees painted a picturesque landscape.

Until three years ago, when piracy was at its peak, the naval port and base in Madagascar had changed flags several times. And for the past three years, Haero stood under the flag of the allied forces that had been fiercely defending that position. He zipped up his jacket in the evening temperature that briefly felt hot before quickly cooling down.

The smoking room set up on the middle deck was bustling with people. Haero discreetly slipped in after quickly glancing to confirm Yoon Moo-hwa wasn’t there. Though not a heavy smoker, the long voyage made him crave self-destructive pleasure.

However, due to Haero’s awkward sociability, there was no one he could approach to borrow a cigarette. The medical officer said he had quit smoking 10 years ago.

After hesitating, the person he finally found was So Eunpa. He seemed to have already smoked one and was on his second. Haero approached hesitantly. Only UDT members were around him, and for some reason, their gazes fixed intently on Haero before pretending not to notice and looking away.

“Could I borrow a cigarette?”