GBH 115
by Emerlyn“You, why, then quietly…” The body stammered, seemingly unable to understand.
Relieved that it didn’t seem upset or angry about being secretly watched and followed, the soul released its lip that it had been nibbling. Though usually shy and uncomfortable around others, often biting its nails, the soul showed no signs of awkwardness despite knowing a different soul occupied its body.
This was thanks to experiencing happiness for the first time in its life while following the body for the past year.
Not only was there no need for revenge, but also no need for inexplicable self-reflection while biting off all its nails, nor for tension to the point of physical pain. There was no one yelling, no one inflicting violence for no reason. If anyone did try to bully, the body would give as good as it got.
Careful not to touch the body, the soul savored the peace. The physical body in reality was loved and enjoyed life. Just watching was enough to convey that fullness.
It was a time of happiness in non-existence.
The smiling soul conveyed its remaining gratitude to the still confused body.
‘Thank you for taking care of mom.’
This was something the fragile, young Song Yi-heon could never have done. Hiding alcohol and flushing pills down the toilet didn’t bring Song Min-seo back to normal. Song Min-seo needed someone to control her fits and depend on. When she had fits, her son could only hide in a corner, trembling and waiting for time to pass, unable to do anything.
‘Please check on mom occasionally to see if she’s doing well.’
The soul didn’t know how to express hostility. It endured and endured, even if its tender flesh was torn by the hostility it swallowed. Even in its last moment, it worried about its loved one rather than feeling anger towards those who had bullied it. It could leave without worry now that the mother it had been concerned about until the end was recovering.
‘I’m going to leave now.’ The soul, moving its lips, was clear without a trace of soot.
“What…” The body realized the reason for its confusion.
The soul that said it had been by its side all along had waited to say goodbye. Not to reclaim its body.
The soul had no intention of returning to the body and continuing life. Song Yi-heon’s original life wasn’t really living. It was enduring. It was playing tug-of-war with life in a difficult and burdensome reality until the day came when it wouldn’t open its eyes.
It didn’t want to return to the life it had barely escaped.
The soul believed that the self that jumped from the pedestrian overpass had died at that moment. It had no intention of reclaiming the body. If someone could live in the body, the soul that should live should be that of the person who died trying to save it, not itself.
“No… No, you can’t.” But that wasn’t what Kim Deuk-pal wanted. The body hastily pulled back the blanket to stop the soul. “This, this is your body, it’s yours, I, I’m not trying to take what’s yours…”
Touching Song Yi-heon’s soul would do it. No one had taught this, but it was knowable. It was an instinct only those who had lost their body could have. If they just brushed against each other, if they just touched Song Yi-heon’s soul, each soul would find its rightful place.
“Live. I’ve made it so you can live…”
It had started with wanting to be a fence for Song Yi-heon’s pitiful life. Kids needed protection, and he wanted to protect a child who had never been cared for. He wanted to show that even in this harsh world, there was at least one person for you. He wanted to make a place for Song Yi-heon, who wanted to hide in a locker where no one could see.
That’s what he wanted to do inside Song Yi-heon’s body.
The body was desperate to grab the soul. Its wide, frantic eyes wavered aimlessly, trying to pull in excuses to persuade the soul.
“Se-kyung is also looking after you so you can live well-“
‘Choi Se-kyung.’
‘I should at least say goodbye to Se-kyung. If I just disappear, he’ll be hurt.’
At the thought of Se-kyung, the body froze in the posture of leaving the bed. As if understanding the hesitation, the soul nodded.
“…!”
The body, almost rolling out of bed, stretched out its arms to grab Song Yi-heon’s soul. Just as the hand cutting through the air was about to touch the white soul, the soul pushed off the floor with its heel. As the chair wheels slid, the body’s hand sliced through empty air.
The child’s clear smile signaled the end.
‘Thank you for saving me. I’m sorry.’
And before it could be caught, ensuring it couldn’t be caught, the soul vanished. It was a moment both brief and long. The soul, with nothing to burn, erased its existence briefly, but left a long, explosive aftermath for the body left behind. Song Yi-heon, standing emptily, suddenly sat down. But soon, overcome by pain too intense even to sit, he collapsed to the floor.
“Ah…”
The sense of loss when body and soul are severed, which he had experienced once before, overwhelmed him. Unable to bear the sense of loss and pain as if part of his body had been torn away, the body trembled like an aspen tree. But this pain was nothing compared to the guilt of having taken even the body from that pitiful child.
“Ah, uh, huu…”
He stubbornly raised his head and kept wanting to droop. The chair where the soul had sat was empty.
Gone.
It really was gone.
That child had left. That child, who had never known protection or love, had finally given up even its own body and left.
“Ugh… Ah…”
His throat choked up. Only groans like an animal’s howl came from his distorted mouth. Tears formed at the tip of his nose as he lay face down, shaking, dripping onto the floor. His nails left white marks as they scraped the floor, breaking. In the midst of loss and guilt, there was only one person he could think of.
“Se-kyung…”
Only Choi Se-kyung. Only Se-kyung could understand this situation, and could know the heart-rending pain. He wanted to see him. Se-kyung needed to know too. That the child had left, Choi Se-kyung needed to know that too.
His legs, as he stood up staggering, moved forcibly without strength. His buckling knees hit the floor. With his legs stuck, he stretched out his arms, scratching at the wooden floor to crawl, then leaned against the wall to stand up limping. The light in the hallway came on as the automatic sensor detected movement. His stumbling steps through the hallway missed the stairs and stepped into empty air. His body, pitching forward, missed the wall and tumbled down the stairs.
His body, hitting the edges of the stairs as it rolled, stopped at the landing. Like a corpse, the sprawled body lay motionless, then heaved its chest and coughed. A phone he didn’t remember picking up lay nearby. The automatic sensor, unable to detect the fallen Song Yi-heon, turned off. In the darkness, groans indistinguishable from sobs spread.
“Ah, ah… Agh…”
Curled up on his side, he clawed at his heart as if in agony.
“Se-kyung…, Se-kyung…”
He could think of nothing but meeting Se-kyung. He writhed in pain that felt like his whole body was being sliced. Floundering in sticky tears and pain, he crawled across the landing. He tumbled down the remaining stairs and limped.
He didn’t even have the presence of mind to put on shoes. When he flung open the front door thoughtlessly, the outside, lashed by heavy rain, was as dark as if he had fallen into a deep sea. The fierce rain soaked his entire body, making it hard to breathe. The rainwater rising between his toes splashed as if he were running through water.
Song Yi-heon ran. Towards where Choi Se-kyung was, holding his heart that felt like it would burst, he plunged into the downpour like a deep sea.
It was a night of rain so heavy it seemed the sky would tear. Just like that day of the accident a year ago.
* * *
Although they had exchanged good night greetings and ended the call, Se-kyung didn’t fall asleep. He felt both sorry for and endeared by Song Yi-heon trying to keep the conversation going while half-asleep, and had a romantic side that could pretend to sleep if it meant his loved one could rest comfortably.
Se-kyung turned the pages with wide-awake eyes. He had chosen a novel intending to read lightly after taking the college entrance exam, but the love story between a man and woman was just boring. Still, it wasn’t as incomprehensible as before. When psychological descriptions that overlapped with his feelings while chasing Song Yi-heon at the festival appeared, he read with concentration.
However, when the story entered the lovey-dovey dating process, Se-kyung closed the book without hesitation. He didn’t want to know about other people’s love stories, and he himself was in the midst of a special love no less than a novel.
Instead of the boring novel, he picked up his phone and scrolled through the photos he had taken with Song Yi-heon. A gentle smile lingered on Se-kyung’s lips.
Not knowing when the real Song Yi-heon would return, the two had decided to spend as much time together as possible.
That was why Song Yi-heon’s disappearance for 3 hours a day was building up dissatisfaction. Every minute and second apart was precious, yet Song Yi-heon disappeared for 3 whole hours without telling where he was going. From the duffel bag he carried around, it seemed like he might be exercising…
As Se-kyung was diligently scrolling through photos while swallowing his dissatisfaction, his phone vibrated and the screen switched to an incoming call. Reading the caller ID, Se-kyung answered with curiosity.
His lover, who should have been sound asleep, was calling.
“Yes, Yi-heon. Aren’t you sleeping?”
[…..]
But no voice came from the other end. Only the sound of pouring rain was vivid, as if it could be felt on the skin. This was only possible if he was out in the rain without an umbrella.
“What’s wrong?” Suspecting that Song Yi-heon was out in the rain, Se-kyung quickly stood up from his chair and asked urgently.
[…..]
“Where are you? Tell me. I’ll come right now.”
Song Yi-heon mumbled something, but it couldn’t be heard over the rain. But it was clear that something was wrong. Se-kyung, about to grab his coat and leave, stopped abruptly at the next words he heard from the receiver.
[…Gone.]
Song Yi-heon’s breath trembled.
[That child… is gone.]
Mixed in with the pouring rain was a wail.