GBH 120 END

[Kim Deuk-pal 197X. 6. 19. – 202X. 12. 28.]

“December 28th…”

Se-kyung’s bangs swept in the cold wind as he was lost in thought. December 28th. The night he lost the real Song Yi-heon. The Song Yi-heon he lost had run through the rain to meet this person. Se-kyung found the fate that had flowed to today strange, but couldn’t be entirely happy about it.

Song Yi-heon was pushing the tree trunk planted behind Kim Deuk-pal’s grave with his foot. The tree didn’t budge at his attempt to check if it was deeply rooted.

“Nice tree.”

The tree, which came up about his solar plexus, had its base covered in snow, making it impossible to guess when it was planted. However, Song Yi-heon knew the tree was planted when Kim Deuk-pal’s remains were buried.

His subordinates had kept the promise of a tree burial. It was a promise he had made like drunken ramblings, but they hadn’t forgotten. Perhaps because he had repeated the same drunken request every time he drank. At least twice a year, during holidays, he would say the same thing, so those listening must have grown tired of hearing it.

The subordinates he had personally taken in all had their own unfortunate stories. He would call out those who had no hometown to return to and would just scratch their behinds watching holiday specials in their rooms, and treat them to meat.

Kim Deuk-pal, having cut ties with his family, said they should live as a family together, and when he died, they should give him a tree burial. He said he would die first and embrace them all, so they shouldn’t be called rootless or without origins anywhere.

He knew he would die first as he was the oldest, but he didn’t expect to leave so soon. The ironic fate was bitter, but irreversible, so all he could do was laugh it off.

A bouquet of lilies was placed on the marble in front of the tombstone. The lily petals were still moist, suggesting his subordinates had visited not long ago.

Pushing the bouquet to the side, Song Yi-heon placed the drinks and snacks he had bought. He took out a strawberry-flavored Chupa Chups from the container, placed it there, and put the container on the ground.

Stepping back to take it all in at once, he realized he had laid out only snacks that Kim Deuk-pal would never have touched in his lifetime. A hissing laugh escaped him, but it was okay because these weren’t prepared for Kim Deuk-pal, but for the departed Song Yi-heon. The hem of his coat fluttered as he stood with his hands in his pockets. In contrast to his black clothes, his pale white face had lost weight in the past few days, making his jawline more defined.

The only improvement was his complexion, which had become more relaxed due to his change in mindset. He called out to the vanished soul.

“Song Yi-heon.”

The real Song Yi-heon wouldn’t be able to hear as his soul had vanished. But he had come all this way to ease his own heart. Calmly, as if not to startle a child, he conveyed the words he should have said on the night Song Yi-heon’s soul departed.

“When you’re bored or don’t want to be alone, come here. The guys who come here occasionally, though they look rough, are kind-hearted.”

He added that although they were often misunderstood due to their fierce looks, they weren’t bad guys.

“Your mom told me not to interfere, but…”

Song Min-seo had told him, as he struggled, that she should be the one feeling guilty. She had drawn a line with the unfamiliar man and told him not to take away what she should do. He couldn’t show his sadness, at least not in front of Song Min-seo.

As time passed, and he occasionally forgot the guilt he had consciously suppressed, he could look straight at the body given by Song Yi-heon in the mirror. The boy in the mirror was gaunt, just like when they first met. Song Yi-heon’s appearance, which he had hoped would be happy, had become pitiful as he abstained from food and drink for days.

Whether this body would become a scarlet letter or a gift depended on him. He couldn’t disrespect the departed soul by mistreating Song Yi-heon’s body. He had to live so that Song Yi-heon’s body wouldn’t become a scarlet letter. He couldn’t avoid it by sinking into sadness.

“If you ever feel lonely… wait.”

He tilted his head back. The sun was particularly good today, and as he looked directly at the bright sky, his eyes stung. Closing his eyes, which shone transparently with shallow tears, he spoke as if letting his words drift on the wind.

“Let’s go together, mister.”

The winter wind brushed his cheeks. A wind that wasn’t entirely cold enveloped him and reached high into the sky.

Unlike in the city where they couldn’t hold hands due to the crowds, there were no watching eyes in the memorial park, so the two walked hand in hand. Having come a long way, they were reluctant to return immediately, so they took a walk around the area and then walked along the rice paddy ridges after leaving the memorial park.

Except for the occasional passing car, the wide fields were desolate. Song Yi-heon walked looking at the ground to avoid falling off the narrow ridge, and announced, “I can’t meet you like before.”

Se-kyung stopped. As they were holding hands, Song Yi-heon soon stopped too. Connected by their outstretched arms, they looked at each other. Se-kyung’s black hair swayed in the wind. As their held hands began to loosen, Song Yi-heon gripped tighter to not let go.

“I’m going to focus on preparing for the practical exam. I can’t meet you because I’ll be practicing at the academy all day.”

Until now, not knowing when Song Yi-heon’s soul might appear, and wanting to spend a lot of time with Se-kyung, he had minimized his time at the academy. But now that he had decided to live with this body, there was no need to be impatient about time to meet Se-kyung.

That’s what having a guaranteed tomorrow meant. He could prepare for the future, not just today.

Se-kyung also gave an answer that could only be given with a guaranteed tomorrow, “I’ll wait.”

Their tightly held hands were hot. Song Yi-heon grinned and asked for Se-kyung to be in his future, “Yeah, please wait for me.”

They walked again without a particular destination. Since they would be together without having to leave, their aimless steps were not anxious. Se-kyung swung their joined hands.

“Can’t you just tell me where you applied?”

“Nope, can’t do that.”

The youth on the brink of twenty walked along the long-stretched rice paddy ridge as if advancing towards their future. Occasional laughter slid across the frozen ground.

* * *

About a month has passed since the new year began. During that time, Se-kyung and Song Yi-heon had failed in their attempt to go to Bosingak to hear the New Year’s Eve bell (there were too many people; it was more noise than Se-kyung could handle), and their plan to go to a hotel ended up as just an attempt.

Although he became an adult, Song Yi-heon’s practical exams weren’t over, so his life wasn’t much different from that of a student preparing for exams for a while. Se-kyung took care of him like a parent supporting an exam-taking child, something he had never experienced himself. He went to pick him up when the academy ended, made sure he always had hand warmers, and his massage and sports taping skills improved day by day.

Perhaps appreciating his efforts, Song Yi-heon finally took Se-kyung to the practical exam venue he had been trying to keep secret. He entered the exam room hugging Se-kyung tightly, and came out with a pale face. He said he thought he had messed up the exam, and Se-kyung drank with him that day.

The pub employee spent a long time comparing the ID he received with Song Yi-heon’s youthful face. It didn’t seem to be a fake ID, but Song Yi-heon, with his nose red from holding back tears, looked like a mere boy. Contrary to the employee’s worry about whether he could even open a bottle properly, Song Yi-heon drank soju like water.

The reactions of newly turned adults in bars typically fell into two categories. Some awkwardly passed drinks back and forth, grimacing at the alcoholic taste of soju, while others, not knowing their alcohol tolerance, tried to show off blatantly.

However, the youthful Song Yi-heon neither grimaced nor showed off. He poured soju and filled glasses like the bitter figures of our fathers. He drank as if this soju was nothing, as if he knew that the bitterness of soju was sweet compared to the bitterness of the world.

As he kept downing soju without any side dishes, Se-kyung occasionally put some dried pollack in his mouth. The pub employee had never known that dried pollack could be such a sad fish. What story could make someone chew tear-soaked dried pollack so sorrowfully?

Unable to read the intuitive sadness of a failed exam attempt from Song Yi-heon, who was drinking soju with middle-aged bitterness, the pub employee, out of sympathy, made sure the basic side dishes didn’t run out.

Meanwhile, Se-kyung, hardened by a total of 12 years of education, comforted him saying that you never know about exams until the results come out. He said it was too early to jump to conclusions, as sometimes everyone does poorly when the exam is difficult, but Song Yi-heon was convinced he had failed and kept crying while pouring soju.

“Damn, I, really, really tried to live well this time… It’s not even a 7th grade this time… This time, I really, really tried to do well… 7th grade, sob, what’s the use of trying hard… Shit, this dirty world…”

Repeating similar repertoires while drinking, Song Yi-heon became completely drunk. Se-kyung, not understanding why Song Yi-heon kept mentioning 7th grade, tried to stop him from drinking more.

Still, it wasn’t bad. Se-kyung easily carried Song Yi-heon on his back as he kept trying to lie down on the street as if it were his bedroom. While taking Song Yi-heon home, they slept together in one bed, and Se-kyung freely bit and sucked on Song Yi-heon’s soju-flavored lips.

The taste of alcohol on his lips was indeed sweet.

The next day, Song Yi-heon had to wake up with a hangover-splitting headache and swollen lips like a carp, but Se-kyung greeted a fresh morning that smelled of alcohol.

Besides that, as time passed with small incidents and accidents, today, heavy snow was falling outside. The white garden covered in snow was reminiscent of a snow country, and inside, warmth from the boiler circulated.

The housekeeper was preparing food for the upcoming Lunar New Year next week. Today, she had prepared a basket full of ingredients to make dumplings and freeze them, and Se-kyung, who had come to visit, helped like family. The actual son of this house, however, was holed up in his second-floor room and didn’t come down.

“Oh my, Se-kyung makes such pretty dumplings. If you have a daughter later, she’ll be really beautiful. They say the first daughter takes after her father, you know.”

“All children are beautiful.”

Se-kyung smiled like a fresh flower and folded the dumpling pleats more beautifully than flowers. From his deft fingertips, the dumplings were shaped as uniformly as if made by a machine. Steam billowed in the kitchen, and the housekeeper brought a bowl of freshly steamed dumplings.

“Ma’am, please eat some dumplings and then continue.”

Song Min-seo only glanced at the steaming dumplings and continued making them. The rough and ugly dumplings that looked like they were made by a child were all made by her.

Used to her lack of response, the housekeeper quickly turned her attention to Se-kyung.

“Se-kyung must be busy preparing for university admission too. You’ll be commuting from home to Korea University, right?”

Se-kyung had received news of his acceptance to Korea University’s Business Administration department a few days ago. He received hearty congratulations from family, relatives, and friends, and even the housekeeper prepared a dinner table that seemed to sag under the weight of the feast in celebration.

“Yes, I’ll be commuting.”

His family had already picked out a car for Se-kyung to drive, he just needed to get his driver’s license. Se-kyung couldn’t help but smile as he remembered taking the driver’s license written test with Song Yi-heon recently. Even the driver’s license test wasn’t ordinary for Song Yi-heon.

“I wonder when Yi-heon’s results will be out. He must be the most stressed, but we can’t even ask him.”

The housekeeper worried about Song Yi-heon’s college admission results, speaking on behalf of Song Min-seo who never opened her mouth. Led by Se-kyung’s acceptance news, news of acquaintances’ children being accepted to universities was coming in, but oddly, there was no news from this house’s son.

The housekeeper, who had been supporting Song Yi-heon’s exam preparation with nutritious meals, was deeply curious about the exam results. She was contemplating whether to ask casually while bringing dumplings, keeping an eye on the stairs coming down from upstairs.

Suddenly, there was a loud thumping from the ceiling, and urgent footsteps came down the stairs the housekeeper had been watching. He was coming down so hurriedly that he jumped down two or three steps at a time, flailing his legs in the air.

“…!”

As if teasing Se-kyung who had jumped up from his chair, Song Yi-heon, though staggering, landed on the stairs like a circus performer, not dropping his laptop. He was in such a hurry that he leaped down the last 5 steps or so in one bound.

“I, I…!”

Song Yi-heon panted, seemingly too excited to speak. As if his body was too small to express his current state, he kept bouncing towards the dining table, constantly enlarging his wide eyes, open mouth, and arm movements, trying to express something.

“I…!”

Finding it impossible to speak, he took a deep breath. He shouted at the three pairs of eyes frozen by the sudden commotion, as if bursting the air he had gathered.

“I got accepted…!”

On the laptop screen he held out was an acceptance letter. 

[Name: Song Yi-heon. Department: Physical Education. We hereby notify that the above student has been accepted for the 202X regular admission. President of D University.] 

Even the square seal stamped next to it. The eyes of those reading the document image grew wider and wider.

Facing their surprised looks, Song Yi-heon confirmed this wasn’t a dream. The pain in his cheeks and arms, sore from pinching himself so much, turned into a thrill.

Song Yi-heon, teary-eyed with joy and emotion, clenched his fists, stretched both arms towards the sky, and shouted in exultation.

“I’m going to university-!”

– The End.