GBH 51

A first-year girl student coming out of the library looked up due to a box blocking her view. When two tall third-year seniors couldn’t open the door while carrying large boxes that filled their arms, the girl held the door open for them.

“Thanks.”

As Se-kyung entered the library with a smile in his eyes, the girl’s cheeks turned red. Hong Jae-min followed, pretending to vomit at Choi Se-kyung’s back.

The library was structured with reading tables on the left side of the spacious desk at the entrance, and bookshelves on the right. Se-kyung went behind the desk to put down the box, and also took the box Hong Jae-min had placed on the desk and set it on the floor.

A library club student who had been shelving returned books spotted Se-kyung and rushed over.

“Oh, senior! What brings you here? Are those boxes for us?”

“Yes, I heard they’re new books.”

Se-kyung found a box cutter and opened the boxes, taking out the new books. The library club students who had been organizing bookshelves gathered to attach pre-prepared labels and barcodes. Meanwhile, Hong Jae-min looked around the unfamiliar library. He had rarely visited, usually just sleeping at his desk even when he came to school.

“It’s been ages.”

Though he had only intended to help move the boxes and leave, Se-kyung called him as he placed new books on the desk.

“Jae-min, could you help with this too?”

“Why should I?”

Hong Jae-min glanced at the new books, which included a literature collection series. Se-kyung murmured as if troubled.

“Should I call Yi-heon instead?”

“Hey, you deliberately mentioned calling Song Yi-heon earlier too, didn’t you?”

The teacher’s office he had seen when leaving the counseling room was full of guys desperate to get close to Choi Se-kyung. Asking Song Yi-heon for help instead of those guys clearly meant he had other intentions. It didn’t make sense to call Song Yi-heon when library club students were already here.

Se-kyung stared at him for a moment, then whispered so only Hong Jae-min could hear, with a kind, angelic white smile:

“You’re not completely stupid after all.”

“What?”

Hong Jae-min doubted his ears, hearing a statement that didn’t match his benevolent smile. Se-kyung came around the desk and handed him the collection series. Staggering under the weight of over ten books stacked like a tower, Hong Jae-min belatedly came to his senses and followed Choi Se-kyung. He was heading towards the new book section, carrying the rest of the new arrivals.

“Hey, what did you just say? Are you crazy?”

“This is a library. If you don’t want to get kicked out, lower your voice.”

“You bastard…!”

As a loud voice that shouldn’t be heard in a library burst out, the library club members behind the desk stood up. Hong Jae-min bit his lip at their hostility, clearly wary of his delinquent-like appearance. If he caused a disturbance, he would be the one kicked out. Exercising maximum patience, he hissed at Choi Se-kyung in a lowered voice.

“Have you lost your mind? Did you get shot in the head?”

Se-kyung ignored Hong Jae-min’s shoulder bumps and shelved the new books, sorting them by genre. As he arranged books of the same genre by author name, he quietly called out to Hong Jae-min.

“Jae-min-ah.”

“Shit, don’t call my name.”

“I’m really curious about something. Do you live without thinking?”

The monotone was more irritating than outright insults. The angry Hong Jae-min tried to grab Se-kyung’s collar, but his hands were already full with the book collection. The square new books weighed heavily on his palms.

“I don’t understand.”

After organizing books for a while, Se-kyung met Hong Jae-min’s eyes. His brow furrowed seriously, as if he truly couldn’t comprehend.

“Aren’t you sorry to Yi-heon?”

“…What?”

“After bullying him like that, don’t you feel sorry for happily running to him just because he’s being a bit nice to you now that he’s changed?”

Given Se-kyung’s position with his back to the desk, only Hong Jae-min could see his face, so he didn’t hide his contempt. Usually, Choi Se-kyung would smile and give in even when insulted to his face or when other guys approached his with ulterior motives. Hong Jae-min froze, startled by the aggressive attitude from Choi Se-kyung, whom he had regarded as capable of nothing more than cunning tricks.

“Don’t you remember bullying him? How can you look Yi-heon in the face? Don’t you have any shame or conscience?”

Se-kyung’s coldly sharpened eyes rebuked Hong Jae-min.

“If you feel even a little sorry towards Yi-heon, you should get lost.”

“…Who are you to tell me to get lost or not.”

Hong Jae-min, who had been taking it silently, snapped back in anger. Se-kyung’s words were right. Jae-min had felt it too. Whenever he saw the changed Yi-heon’s straight back in the classroom, it overlapped with the image of Yi-heon’s thin back that he had kicked at the incinerator. He was anxious about whether it was okay for him, as a school violence perpetrator, to act like nothing had happened while being with the changed Yi-heon.

However, in Jae-min’s view, Se-kyung had no right to criticize either.

“You think you’re so great? You just watched when Yi-heon was being bullied…”

Jae-min tried to drag Se-kyung down to his level. Avoiding, blaming others, denying, getting angry… He wanted to see Se-kyung’s smug face distort, but Se-kyung calmly admitted his own fault.

“You’re right, I only watched.”

At best, he had prevented money from being stolen and made one anonymous report. Se-kyung knew his mistake of being a bystander, and he also knew that warning Jae-min like this would be presumptuous if Yi-heon saw it. However, while searching for the original Yi-heon, his anger towards Jae-min had grown as much as his self-blame.

He couldn’t forgive Jae-min for trying to get close to Yi-heon so nonchalantly, unaware that the bullied Yi-heon had run through rainy streets in his pajamas. While he felt uncomfortable when other guys touched Yi-heon or had excessive physical contact, this was a different level of anger.

“But you can’t.”

Se-kyung grabbed Jae-min’s shoulder. Momentarily shocked by the strength of his fingers digging into his shoulder, Jae-min swallowed hard as he faced Se-kyung’s black eyes that were dilating and glistening. His reflection in Se-kyung’s black eyes looked like prey frightened in front of a predator.

As the glistening black eyes came closer, and his reflection in them grew larger, Jae-min swallowed dryly and raised the book collection he was holding.

“You can’t be forgiven even if you beg for a lifetime. You shouldn’t even set foot near Yi-heon’s seat. Don’t even try to repent. If you feel even a little sorry for what you’ve done, disappear from Yi-heon’s side.”

“…I found Yi-heon first. Don’t act up just because you’ve gotten a bit close to him. I’ve known him for much longer. Damn, I’ve been with that guy for two years. I know Yi-heon better than you do. What do you know to be making such a fuss?”

While he should have been remorseful for the school violence he had committed, Jae-min boasted with made-up claims, unwilling to admit that he had been intimidated. He disguised one-sided bullying as friendship and bragged about the time spent tormenting Yi-heon as time spent together.

“That’s not how you should describe it. It must have been a terrible time for Yi-heon, being persistently bullied for no reason for two years.”

Suddenly, a possibility occurred to Se-kyung, and his brow furrowed.

“Don’t tell me…”

To Se-kyung, the fake Yi-heon was special and precious. Even when separated for a moment, he would fidget with his phone, wanting to see him and contact him. Even while studying together in the same space, his gaze would naturally drift to the fake Yi-heon. When he saw him solving problems with a serious expression, he felt the urge to poke his side. If the fake Yi-heon hadn’t been determined to improve his grades, Se-kyung would have poked his side every ten minutes.

If he twisted this emotion like wringing out a towel, he could guess why Jae-min had bullied Yi-heon for the past two years.

“Don’t tell me, you bullied Yi-heon because you liked him?”

Hong Jae-min couldn’t deny it. He hadn’t been aware that he liked Yi-heon, but after experiencing the changed Yi-heon not bending to his will, he missed the Yi-heon he used to bully. Even if not the trembling reaction from just raising an arm, there were times when he desperately wanted to see things like the pink lips pressed together or the dejected shoulders.

It wasn’t ordinary longing. Even the dull and ignorant Jae-min knew that much. When Se-kyung discovered the hidden affirmation in Jae-min’s hesitation, he let out a laugh full of disdain. His voice, which had been lowered to intimidate Jae-min, broke helplessly.

“Wow… that’s the worst.”

Se-kyung couldn’t hold back his successive bursts of hollow laughter and stepped back, putting distance between them as if avoiding filthy sewage. Upon realizing that Yi-heon had suffered school violence and run through the rain in his pajamas for such a reason, his eyes, distorted with a mix of laughter and shock, soon poured out contempt.

“You’re really disgusting, Jae-min.”

“Y-y-you…!”

Even Jae-min, who had been retorting well until now, stammered in shame this time.

Jae-min’s way of fighting was to raise his voice louder when at a disadvantage and to rage furiously to silence the other person. However, Se-kyung’s condemnation was so icily cold and strict that it made even acting out shameful.

Se-kyung’s criticism, devoid of any humor, made Jae-min feel ashamed of his very existence in the world, to the point where he couldn’t dare to get angry. Trembling as he suppressed his anger, he finally couldn’t stand being bested by that annoying Se-kyung and threw the literature collection he was holding.

The sharp edges of the new book, fluttering its pages as it flew, struck Se-kyung like a beak. The corners of the newly published book were angular and stiff, delivering an impact like being hit with a chisel. Se-kyung staggered from the multiple impacts to his chest.

“Ugh…!”

“Senior!”

The library club members who had been watching from the corner of their eyes rushed over. They circled around to support Se-kyung, avoiding Jae-min who was stomping out as if to break the floor.

Although he exaggerated his fierce, rough gestures, Jae-min safely exited the library and unclenched his fist that had been tightly gripped from tension. His pulse raced rapidly in the veins visible above his collar.

“What kind of eyes…”

It wasn’t because he had hit the well-backed Se-kyung, but because the emotionless gaze of Se-kyung, devoid of any humor, had given him goosebumps.

* * *

As soon as the mind-numbingly boring history class ended, the students in the class collapsed onto their desks and fell asleep. Kim Deuk-pal stretched out long.

“Ah, my bones ache.”

The growing pains were still ongoing, with his joints still aching. Muscles stretching, joints aching… The late growth spurt was accompanied by clamorous pain, but fortunately, a massager was always on standby. He turned his chair and raised his aching leg.