GBH 61

The door closed, and the sound of Song Yi-heon’s slippers faded as he went outside. Jae-min, who had been pretending to sleep, opened his eyes slightly. There was no way he could sleep in the same room after what Choi Se-kyung had done to him. Hong Jae-min glared at Se-yeong sleeping on the floor as if he wanted to kill him. Se-kyung’s sleeping face, hugging the pillow Song Yi-heon had given him, with his long eyelashes fanned out, looked angelic, but Jae-min had experienced firsthand that it was just a facade.

“Fvcking devil…”

He wanted to kick Se-kyung, who was sleeping soundly after making sure he couldn’t sleep, but the dizzying memory of hanging out the window still lingered. Hong Jae-min got off the bed, not wanting to spend even a second more with that bastard. He left the room and followed in the direction where Song Yi-heon’s footsteps had disappeared. When he went downstairs, only the dining area with the table was lit. His eyes, accustomed to the darkness, squinted.

“……”

Song Yi-heon was studying. He had spread out workbooks, reference books, and a study planner widely on the table and was scribbling with a mechanical pencil. He was making up for the study time he had lost looking for Hong Jae-min today.

Hong Jae-min thought Yi-heon hadn’t noticed his arrival due to his concentration, but Yi-heon spoke while underlining a problem:

“Help yourself to anything in the fridge.”

He assumed Jae-min had come down because he was hungry. When Jae-min didn’t move, Yi-heon looked up as he switched to a colored pencil for grading and pointed out the direction.

“Over there. The kitchen.”

He had many pages to grade from problems he had solved during school breaks. Hoping all the problems he had worked hard on were correct, Song Yi-heon graded with renewed focus. Seeing only red circles on one side of the workbook, he took a moment to appreciate it contentedly.

“Why are you being nice to me?”

As Yi-heon was turning the page to continue grading, Jae-min, who he thought had gone back to the room, suddenly interjected.

“I’ve never been nice to you.”

After drawing only circles, Yi-heon frowned as he had to make an X mark just when Jae-min spoke. This seemed to Jae-min like he was angry, making him feel a twisting in his stomach like when he used to get scolded by his mother as a child.

“…You looked for me.”

“Don’t make me repeat myself. Graduate from school. That’s all.”

“Then what about fighting together, feeding me, and letting me sleep here? People don’t usually do that. Weren’t you worried, or thinking about me, so you looked for me and brought me home…!”

Hong Jae-min struggled to assign meaning to Song Yi-heon’s actions. His desire to influence Yi-heon and be special to him remained unchanged from before. Jae-min hoped that Yi-heon’s actions, which had deeply moved him, came from genuine feelings.

“You talk too much.”

But Song Yi-heon only showed signs of annoyance at being disturbed while trying to concentrate on studying, making Jae-min feel intimidated. However, he didn’t back down. At least Jae-min had a lot to say. To discuss the feelings buried deep inside, he needed mutual consent, but unfortunately, Song Yi-heon wasn’t curious about Hong Jae-min. He didn’t want to know about Jae-min’s inner thoughts.

“You’re being a nuisance.”

With the June mock exam coming up soon, he had no time to listen to Hong Jae-min’s whining.

“If I tell you the reason, will you come to school?”

The implication of ‘I’ll tell you, so eat and get lost’ was irritating, but Jae-min wasn’t in a position to argue about that.

“…Yeah.”

“It’s because I pity you.”

In case Jae-min didn’t understand, he added in detail:

“I pity the sight of you ruining your life with your own hands.”

The cold night air cut into his skin. Feeling humiliated but afraid that resisting would only make him look more pathetic, Hong Jae-min turned to go back upstairs, his nails digging into his palms.

“Hey.”

Jae-min brightened at the call. He hoped for some lecturing or nagging, feeling guilty about Song Yi-heon’s harsh words, but Hong Jae-min’s wish was impossible to realize in reality.

“Choi Se-kyung is sleeping well, so go in quietly.”

“…”

“Don’t think about doing anything stupid while Choi Se-kyung is sleeping.”

Until the end, Song Yi-heon was only worried about Choi Se-kyung. Even if he accepted being treated coldly himself, Choi Se-kyung didn’t deserve special treatment. Firmly believing that Song Yi-heon was being deceived because he didn’t know Choi Se-kyung’s true nature, Jae-min burned with determination to reveal the truth.

“That bastard tried to throw me out the window…! He was about to push me out while toying with me, but when you came, he dragged me back into the room! He’s just pretending to be nice to you while playing innocent!”

Despite explaining with spit flying, Song Yi-heon was indifferent.

“So what?”

Thinking he hadn’t understood, Hong Jae-min raised his voice in frustration.

“He tried to kill me by pushing me from the second floor!”

“Seeing as you’re not dead, I guess Choi Se-kyung went easy on you.”

He listens to that guy well. As Song Yi-heon muttered nonchalantly, Hong Jae-min’s temper flared.

“Hey, damn it! Aren’t you bothered at all that someone almost died? Would you react like this if it happened to someone else?”

“Of course not.”

If Song Yi-heon had caught Choi Se-kyung trying to push Kim Yeon-ji or another classmate out the window, it would have been Se-kyung getting thrown out. But the one Se-kyung scared was Hong Jae-min.

“You’ve done worse things to me.”

“…”

“How many times do I have to say I’ve never forgiven you?”

“…”

“Pretending not to know doesn’t erase what happened in the past. Do I have to teach you even this?”

There was a limit to overlooking things out of pity or sympathy. His past life was as a gangster, not an orphanage director. He had tried reforming twisted guys a few times, but he wanted to stop trying to reform his enemy at this point.

“Go to sleep.”

Hong Jae-min didn’t budge, lost in thought.

“Song Yi-heon.”

“Haa-.”

Wanting to concentrate, Song Yi-heon sighed deeply from the bottom of his stomach as he was interrupted again. As if for the last time, he put down his mechanical pencil with a clack and looked at Hong Jae-min with his arms crossed.

“…I’m sorry.”

Hong Jae-min apologized, feeling more anxious than when he was pushed from the second-floor window. When Song Yi-heon didn’t accept the apology, thinking it wasn’t enough to apologize for the past violence and bullying in one word, Jae-min hastily added:

“I’m sorry for hitting you, and for bullying you too. …Can’t we get along well?”

Like with Choi Se-kyung. Even if he couldn’t study hard or pay attention in class well, they could go to the school store together during breaks and hang out after school…

If Song Yi-heon would just allow it, Jae-min was confident he could get along better than Choi Se-kyung. Lately, conversations with Song Yi-heon seemed to flow well, and he could handle his rough behavior. Song Yi-heon would easily adapt to and find interest in hanging out on the streets at night. Hong Jae-min was confident that after just a few days of awkwardness, Song Yi-heon would become closer to him than to Choi Se-kyung.

Song Yi-heon, with his arms crossed, tapped his own forearm. Thinking it was a rejection, Jae-min felt like he’d fallen into cold water, but when Song Yi-heon made a “hmm” sound, he felt like he was melting in warm water.

Jae-min went from one extreme to another with Song Yi-heon’s small reactions.

“It’s not that it’s impossible… it’s more like this.”

Jae-min’s expression, which had darkened at the negative word, brightened. The fact that it wasn’t an outright rejection seemed to indicate he might give him a chance. Though not a positive answer, it was a moment when hope gleamed in Hong Jae-min’s eyes as he discovered a possibility. Song Yi-heon slightly raised the corner of his mouth.

“I don’t want to.”

In that moment of speaking, Song Yi-heon was as resolute as if his soul had returned.

* * *

One Heart Mental Health Clinic. The hospital logo in Gulim font was embedded in the wall behind the reception desk. The hospital that Choi Se-kyung’s family doctor had referred them to was a small, cozy place. Soft classical music played in the space filled with the scent of diffusers.

While Song Min-seo was being treated for alcohol and drug addiction by her primary doctor, Kim Deuk-pal saw that what was eating away at her was the depression she harbored. If it could have been cured with medication alone, Song Min-seo wouldn’t have been clinging to the chairman. Her sober mind, free from the effects of alcohol and drugs, only brought frustration at the unsatisfying reality.

Recognizing that thirst, he asked Se-kyung to find a hospital famous for counseling.

Worried about sending Song Min-seo alone, Song Yi-heon made the appointment for Saturday morning and came along. While Song Min-seo went into the counseling room, Song Yi-heon sat on the waiting room sofa, memorizing English words. He had memorized about two pages when Song Min-seo came out after finishing her counseling. She just passed by Song Yi-heon, who came to support her, and pressed the elevator button. Song Yi-heon hurriedly finished paying just before the elevator arrived, and a patient who had been seen at the same hospital got on the elevator with them.

The middle-aged woman, who had been glancing sideways unusually often, recognized Song Min-seo.

“Excuse me… Did you used to act in dramas a long time ago?”

Since Song Min-seo had been a briefly popular actress who disappeared long ago, the woman asked with some doubt. It was like a miracle from a novel, seeing a star from her memories, whom she had watched on a cable TV rerun yesterday, appear in front of her today.

She’s pretty for an ordinary person. The middle-aged woman, expecting the incident to end there, waited for Song Min-seo to deny it with an embarrassed smile.

Song Yi-heon tried to cover for her while handing her sunglasses.

“You must be mistaking her for-“

“That’s right.”

Ding-. The elevator stopped at the parking lot floor. Leaving behind the surprised middle-aged woman and Song Yi-heon, Song Min-seo put on her sunglasses and got off the elevator.

In the car on the way home, Song Min-seo stared endlessly out the window. A subway train passed over the Han River, where fish scales glittered. She couldn’t remember how many years it had been since her last outing. It had been a long time since her sober mind was clear, and since maintaining a clear mind wasn’t difficult.

Her memory had shortened due to long-term medication and alcohol use, so she couldn’t remember the content of the counseling at the hospital, but she didn’t feel bad. She wondered why she hadn’t come for counseling earlier, to the point where even she found it strange.

Her thinking ability, shortened like her memory, couldn’t properly connect cause and effect. She would suddenly come to her senses to find things had already happened. Just as she had been brought to the hospital this morning by her son’s hand, Song Min-seo didn’t know why her son was showing her pictures of male celebrities who were currently rising in popularity.

Her son, who used to bite his nails until they bled when in the same space, was now sticking close to her, holding out his phone. The men in the photos Song Yi-heon was scrolling through were either handsome or decent-looking. After quietly looking at the photos, Song Min-seo asked:

“Do you like men?”

Not understanding what she meant, Song Yi-heon blinked his clear eyes.