LM 102

Even after the car had completely disappeared, Kwon Siyul stood completely rooted to the spot. His mind was in chaos, unable to process what had just happened. Only the pain remained vivid in his mind. His cheek burned, and his split lip stung. When he wiped his philtrum with his hand, dried reddish-brown blood clung to his skin.

He had been dragged away by men, met Woo Hyunse’s family, and then…

As he slowly recalled the events, he opened the envelope in his hand. It turned out to be all checks. The numbers printed were substantial. One, ten, one hundred, one thousand… ten thousand. There were five checks in total.

50 million won.

A sum he’d struggle to earn even working himself to death for years happened to be the price for this violence. It was also the price for never seeing Woo Hyunse again. The curse-like threat to destroy every place he set foot in if they met again echoed in his ears.

“…”

Kwon Siyul hadn’t cried when he was slapped or kicked in the stomach. Only now, alone, did his dry eyes slowly begin to well up. A sniffling sound escaped him right then.

The envelope in his hand crumpled. Kwon Siyul raised that hand to rub under his nose. Though he hadn’t even blinked, the tears that had gathered in his eyes grew heavy and fell in large drops down his cheeks.

He could endure the violence. He could bear the criticism and disparagement. He might even have been able to get past the threats. But all of that combined was weaker than one thing. The order to never see Woo Hyunse again, even by chance, was the final dagger that cut off Kwon Siyul’s breath.

The next day, Kwon Siyul became seriously ill. He hadn’t wanted to take time off if he could help it, but he couldn’t lift a finger. Kwon Siyul barely managed to contact the coffee shop and barbecue restaurant and spent the whole day lying in bed.

It took several days for his body to gradually recover. Scabs formed over his wounds, and the greenish bruise between his side and stomach had faded considerably.

He decided to pretend he hadn’t heard the offer to move into the officetel. The two of them were broken up now. And that wasn’t the only reason anymore. He could no longer meet Woo Hyunse. He hadn’t planned to see that face again originally, but if chance allowed, if Woo Hyunse were to give him a wedding invitation, he had thought to use that as an opportunity to see him just one more time.

But now all that was water under the bridge. The person who had inflicted violence on him had the power to crush him. The envelope he’d been given and the amount inside were proof enough of that. Who in the world would give such a large sum as consolation money? Even if he reported it to the police and demanded compensation, he wouldn’t receive that much.

Furthermore, he doubted the police would even get involved. Bitterly, Kwon Siyul understood the logic of power. He was no innocent hothouse flower. Though not old, he had lived a life experiencing far more hardship than protection, from the orphanage up until now. Just seeing the high walls of the mansion, he knew that someone like him was not in a position where he could dream of seeking revenge or reporting to the authorities.

More than anything, Kwon Siyul was worried about Kwon Yuwon. He didn’t care if something happened to him. But if the blade was pointed at those around him, that was a different matter. Kwon Yuwon’s life was already eventful enough. He didn’t want to add to his burden.

He just had to give up Woo Hyunse.

Just one thing.

A bitter smile crept onto his lips. He covered his face with both hands, pretending to rub it.

He had walked out of that house of his own accord and told Woo Hyunse with his own mouth never to see each other again. Wasn’t that enough? What more did they want him to do? He was trying hard to fold away his feelings, but were his efforts just futile struggling? Was the lingering attachment so clearly visible to others’ eyes?

“I’ll be stepping out for a moment.”

Taking advantage of a lull in customers at the barbecue restaurant, Kwon Siyul stood up from his seat. Everyone else seemed too sprawled out to care about where he was going.

Kwon Siyul exited through the back door into the alley. The dark, narrow street was empty. He pulled out the cigarettes he’d bought at the convenience store before work. Whether by coincidence or intent, it was the same brand Woo Hyunse smoked. Calmly, he unwrapped the packaging and put one in his mouth.

It was the first time he’d smoked since learning from Woo Taeju. His gesture of turning the lighter flint was extremely awkward. After just sparking the flame three or four times, he barely managed to light the cigarette.

He tried to inhale deeply and exhale after a beat like Woo Hyunse did, but ended up coughing violently. It was like this the first time he’d put a cigarette in his mouth too. Back then he’d vowed never to smoke again, but things were different now.

Wiping away the tears that had formed, he put the cigarette held between his fingers back in his mouth. Since he couldn’t see him anymore, he wanted to at least get used to this scent.

He took out his phone. Opening the call log, there were several missed calls from a familiar name. Kwon Siyul stared silently at that name.

“…”

He slowly stroked over it with his finger. He had deleted all the photos he’d taken until now. All that remained was just this number and the name left in his contacts. It felt like if he erased even this, the thread-thin chance of meeting Woo Hyunse would completely disappear from the world.

Even so.

There was no other way. He had to block and delete it.

“…Just after I finish this cigarette.”

Surely the time it takes to smoke one cigarette would be alright? Kwon Siyul stared at that name as if trying to burn it into his memory. It wasn’t like a call would come in just from doing that.

The gray ash on the unsmoked end of the cigarette grew long. The time it took for one cigarette to burn down seemed cruelly short. Steeling himself that he must delete it now, he raised his finger to the screen.

At that moment, the screen changed and the phone vibrated. It was a call. Seeing the “Woo” that appeared, Kwon Siyul startled greatly, dropping the cigarette that he was holding. He grasped the phone with both hands in a fluster. Looking with wide eyes, it wasn’t Woo Hyunse, but Woo Taeju.

Kwon Siyul’s stiff shoulders slumped. What on earth had he been hoping for? Hiding his look of disappointment, he pressed the call button. A cheerful voice on the other end called out, “Siyul hyung!”

He should have been on edge just seeing someone with the Woo surname after being suddenly dragged off and beaten, but Kwon Siyul was rather glad to hear from Woo Taeju. It was like seeing Woo Hyunse’s shadow.

“Hyung, have you been well? Can you talk for a moment now?”

“Yes, if it’s brief.”

He opened the back door and checked for activity inside the restaurant. Perhaps because it was before dinner time, it was still quiet.

“Hyung, I…Do you want to meet once before I go study abroad?”

“Ah.”

He might not have known before, but now he really couldn’t go. He had to cut off everything related to Woo Hyunse. He bit down on his lower lip, then Kwon Siyul spoke with difficulty.

“I’m sorry. I’ve been pretty busy with work lately, so it’s hard to make time.”

Silence came over the receiver. Kwon Siyul tapped the cigarette ash off with his fingertip and tossed it into the empty can used as an ashtray.

“You know I’m working two jobs, right?” 

“But it’s not just that, the bar staff are coming too.”

“The bar staff?”

“Yes. Like the dinner we had last time. Just casually having a drink like that.”

Meeting Woo Taeju alone might have been burdensome, but it seemed it might be okay if it was with the bar staff. But Kwon Siyul soon collected himself and shook his head. If he was going to cut ties anyway, it was better to cleanly wrap things up with the bar staff too.

“I don’t think…”

“It’s really hard to coordinate everyone’s schedules. You’re busy these days too, right hyung, like everyone else?”

“…”

“Hyung, can’t you please make some time? Hye-na said she misses you too.”

Woo Taeju cut him off before he could even finish a sentence. The last words pricked Kwon Siyul’s conscience. Even before being dragged to Woo Hyunse’s family home, he’d rarely properly answered the occasional messages, saying he was too busy. He’d suddenly gone off the grid, so it was understandable if the others felt hurt.

Kwon Siyul missed the bar staff from time to time too. Looking back, they were the kindest and most caring people he’d met in all his workplaces so far.

If it’s just seeing their faces briefly, wouldn’t that be okay?

“…When is it?”

Kwon Siyul asked hesitantly. Woo Taeju, who had sounded dejected, brightened and raised his voice.

“They said they’ll close the bar early and come! I’ll text you the place and time.”

“Okay then.”

“Alright. See you then, hyung.”

A text arrived as soon as he hung up. Kwon Siyul memorized the address and time written in the message repeatedly before lowering his phone. At the same time, the back door opened and an employee poked their head out.

“Siyul, a customer’s here. Come in quickly.”

“Okay. I’ll be right there.”

Before going in, Kwon Siyul unconsciously fiddled with his ear. As if to show they were relatives, there was something similar about Woo Taeju’s voice to Woo Hyunse’s.

He thought he could hear a low undertone beneath the cheerful voice. Kwon Siyul soon shook his head vigorously. But once recalled, the voice gently washed over his inner ear like the sound of waves in a seashell.