LM 23

Why was Woo Hyunse putting him in such a position? Kwon Siyul flopped down sideways, reaching toward his pillow and fumbling around for a while. When he felt his phone, he pulled it closer and turned on the screen. Woo Hyunse hadn’t contacted him after turning his insides into a wasteland. As if last night had been nothing more to him than an autumn night’s dream.

Kwon Siyul put down his phone and stared at the ceiling. Even on the yellowed wallpaper, Woo Hyunse’s face seemed to flicker across it. This ghostly phenomenon would probably continue as long as he lay in his room. Since his shift started in the afternoon, he couldn’t continue comfortably lounging in his room any longer.

It would be better to go out and spend time elsewhere. Kwon Siyul rubbed the outer corner of his eye and crawled out to the bathroom. Standing up and walking was only possible when one had strength in their body. Woo Hyunse had completely drained his energy, leaving him without the strength to stand on his own two feet.

Though he left the inn boldly, he actually had nowhere to go. Hanging out at a cafe was fine for an hour or two, but after that, he’d end up feeling unwelcome. After filling his empty stomach with a convenience store triangle kimbap, he figured he might as well go to work early rather than wander around aimlessly with no designation in mind.

Due to the early hour, the hall was empty. To calm his troubled mind, Kwon Siyul put all the chairs on the tables and thoroughly cleaned every corner of the shop. He meticulously wiped down the shelves and decorations with a cloth, vacuumed the floor, and even danced with the mop as his partner.

“Siyul, you’re early?”

The bartender came in as Kwon Siyul was lowering the chairs. Thanks to him, the chairs were neatly arranged next to the tables. The bartender straightened the rest of the bar area that Kwon Siyul hadn’t touched and took out the glasses. Though they looked spotless to Kwon Siyul, the bartender lined them up and wiped each one with a dry cloth. It seemed almost like a hobby to him.

“Need any help with that?”

“I’d appreciate that.”

Kwon Siyul scurried behind the bar and stood next to the bartender. He grabbed a dry cloth and carefully held a thin glass, taking care to be careful not to break it.

Some say cleaning makes you feel refreshed, but that saying didn’t seem to apply to Kwon Siyul. His worries were so deep that he kept sighing while wiping the glasses. Even when he shook his head to clear his mind, sorrow quickly clouded his eyes once more.

“Something troubling you?”

The bartender asked kindly. Kwon Siyul looked up at his face and fumbled with his words. If he could, he wanted to grab even a passerby and pour out his troubles to them.

“I’ll listen. Tell me about it.”

The bartender was known for his good counsel. There were quite a few regulars who came just to chat with him. He was quite tall, though not as tall as Woo Hyunse, and had a reasonably handsome face, though again not quite like Woo Hyunse’s. His words and actions matched his gentle personality.

Looking at him, Kwon Siyul could understand why people confided their troubles in him. Normally, he would have denied having any problems, but he was starting to feel suffocated inside. No amount of cleaning or walking could alleviate it. After hesitating for a moment, Kwon Siyul finally opened up, saying, “Well, you see…”

“This is actually about my friend. We’re as close as family, so I’m worried too. But is it okay to talk about a friend’s issue…”

“I don’t know who this friend is anyway, so it’s fine to talk. I won’t tell anyone else.”

Encouraged by the bartender’s trustworthy words, Kwon Siyul gained the courage to speak further. He didn’t notice the slight smile in the bartender’s narrowed eyes.

“Well, it’s like this. My friend has been seeing someone lately. They’re not dating, and it’s not even really a ‘thing’…Just someone they eat with and spend time with when bored. But suddenly, this person asked my friend to sleep with them.”

“Oh…That escalated quickly.”

“My friend had no intention of dating or anything…But couldn’t refuse.”

“So let me get this straight, they don’t want to date but couldn’t refuse.”

“Yes. They’re thinking it over. The person said they’d wait for an answer.”

The bartender held a cleaned glass up to the light before setting it down again. He picked up another glass and continued the conversation casually.

“Does your friend like this person?”

“No, I don’t think so. Actually, I’m not sure. …I haven’t talked to my friend in depth about it.”

“If they didn’t refuse on the spot, your friend might have some feelings too.”

“No, no, that’s not it.”

The bartender glanced at Kwon Siyul, who kept insisting that was the case. Feeling suddenly nervous, Kwon Siyul hastily added, “That’s what my friend said.”

“Then tell your friend to follow their heart. The best thing is to sleep with someone you have a connection with, but if it’s ambiguous, going with what feels right isn’t bad either.”

“Still, people shouldn’t live carelessly with their bodies. If you sleep with everyone who wants to, that’s…It doesn’t seem right.”

“Why? Aren’t your friend and this person both adults? Who’s going to point fingers at consenting adults sleeping together?”

Kwon Siyul opened and closed his mouth, wanting to argue but unable to find the right words. As the bartender said, who would criticize adults? As long as it didn’t seriously violate social norms, it would be an innocent matter.

“These days, many people check their sexual compatibility before dating, Siyul. Tell your friend not to worry too much. Sometimes it’s okay to act without thinking too much.”

His head only became more confused. Kwon Siyul just kept endlessly wiping the already squeaky clean glass.

“If they don’t want to, they can just say no. There’s nothing difficult about refusing or agreeing. Just keep it simple and honest.”

Suddenly, the conversation by the river flashed through his mind. Woo Hyunse’s voice saying he was being honest. Kwon Siyul found it both hard to understand and fascinating how Woo Hyunse could express his desires so uninhibitedly, wondering what kind of life he had lived to make him the person he was today.

“Is that the right answer?”

“There’s no single right answer in this world. It’s just one of many paths.”

More than anything else, the idea that there was no single correct answer happened to resonate with Kwon Siyul. It was just one of many choices. It sounded like he didn’t need to feel burdened over this whole thing.

The bartender put down the glass with a gentle smile on his face. Kwon Siyul held up the glass he had polished endlessly, examining it in the light. The clean glass, free of even fingerprints, sparkled. Though he hadn’t reached a conclusion yet, his worries seemed lighter, just like the stains that had disappeared from the glass. Indeed, the Creator hadn’t given people mouths for nothing.

“Thanks, hyung. I’ll pass it on to my friend.”

Forgetting that he had beaten up that very mouth before coming to work, Kwon Siyul grinned broadly. His face, showing neat teeth, was as fresh and bright as a wisteria in full bloom in early summer. It had the power to make those around him smile too.

“Sure. Tell that ‘friend’ to come visit the bar sometime. I’ll treat them to a drink.”

The bartender added mischievously at the end. Kwon Siyul laughed naively and picked up the next glass and began polishing.

Despite saying he’d give him time, Woo Hyunse was waiting for Kwon Siyul at their usual “chance” meeting spot—the outdoor table of the convenience store—before a day had even passed. He was resting his chin on his hand, with a yogurt drink in front of him like bait to lure Kwon Siyul over. He slowly spun the bottle, his finger on the cap.

It was impossible not to take the bait. Not just because of the drink, but because Woo Hyunse’s presence was too heavy to simply ignore and pass by. Kwon Siyul was about to cover his face with his hood and run away but stopped abruptly and turned when he felt the familiar gaze piercing him.

“I thought you said you’d wait.”

“I did wait. Until Kwon Siyul got off work.”

Woo Hyunse cleverly avoided Kwon Siyul’s implied meaning. His smiling face seemed especially annoying today. Still unable to avoid him, Kwon Siyul trudged up the steps and plopped down opposite him.

“I thought you’d give me a few days.”

“Isn’t a day and a half considered a few days?”

Isn’t “a few days” usually about a week? Kwon Siyul openly glared at Woo Hyunse before hanging his head low. He wondered if Woo Hyunse had come all this way to rush him into making a decision. While Woo Hyunse might insist this was “a few days,” for Kwon Siyul it had barely been one. It was a difficult problem to solve in such a short time.

“Did you come to ask about that?”

“No.”

“Then why?”

“Just because. I wanted to see Kwon Siyul.”

At those words—”wanted to see you”—words without reason or cause, Kwon Siyul’s heart ached momentarily. He tilted his head and rubbed his chest with his palm. The strong heartbeat that had bounced like a ball hitting the floor disappeared in an instant, but its echo lingered for a long time.

The area around the convenience store was quiet. The bar where Kwon Siyul worked closed only at dawn, and there was no one in sight, having scattered long ago. This alley was a solitary path. Woo Hyunse was the only one who could face him here.

“Is it really such a difficult decision?”

Woo Hyunse broke the silence. Kwon Siyul scraped at the water droplets on the plastic bottle with his fingertips. It was indeed something to ponder over. Unlike someone who had lived a wild existence, he had led an extremely chaste life.

“Isn’t it different for everyone?”

“In that area, Kwon Siyul is more experienced than me.”

Kwon Siyul, who had been stretching his legs and tapping his sneakered feet together, suddenly raised his head. Looking directly at Woo Hyunse, he pointed at himself out of habit.

“Me?”

“You said you’ve slept with men too.”

“Ah. …Right.”

This damned mouth. He should have zipped it closed before it spat out such words. Kwon Siyul pressed his hand against his lips as if to punish them.

“I never had such tastes.”

“Liar.”