LM 50

Woo Taeju hesitated. Even in the dim lighting of the alleyway, his face turned visibly red. He cleared his throat and slapped his cheeks. It wasn’t the reaction Kwon Siyul wanted. He had hoped Woo Taeju would vehemently deny such a thing. That would have made things a lot easier.

“Ah…I guess I was too obvious. If I’d known, I would have confessed first. You figured it out before I could.”

“…”

“You’re right, hyung. I like you.”

Woo Taeju was as direct as Kwon Siyul had been. He looked down at Kwon Siyul with a serious look in his eyes and confessed. His courage was really admirable.

But for some reason, Kwon Siyul couldn’t understand it. Someone like Woo Taeju probably had a line of people, men and women alike, wanting to date him. Their first meeting hadn’t been great, and Kwon Siyul didn’t think he had any qualities attractive enough for Woo Taeju to fall for. He tilted his head to one side, clearly confused.

“Why?”

“It was love at first sight. You looked lonely sitting alone after rejecting everyone else…The more I looked at you, the more I was drawn to you…I wanted to take care of you. Ah, I’m not usually like this. You’re the first person I’ve ever wanted to take care of.”

Woo Taeju stumbled through his words. It sounded similar to what Kwon Yuwon always said about Kwon Siyul. That he couldn’t help but worry about him, as if he was a child wandering alone on a dangerous street. Even now, while away, Kwon Yuwon still sounded like a worried parent when texting Kwon Siyul.

Perhaps Woo Taeju’s feelings were the same as Kwon Yuwon’s desire to take care of him. But whether it was pity, concern, or genuine affection, Kwon Siyul couldn’t accept Woo Taeju. That was because he already had someone in his heart.

“Thank you. But there’s something I didn’t tell you. This is about me saying I didn’t have a partner earlier.”

Woo Taeju was visibly tense, clenching and unclenching his fists. His lips were pale from how hard he was biting them. He stared intently at Kwon Siyul, then bowed his head and glared at the ground. But at the mention of Kwon Siyul’s partner, he jerked his head up.

“I do have someone I like.”

Kwon Siyul himself didn’t know when he had fallen so deeply. Whether it had seeped in like a drizzle or struck him like lightning at some point in time. While he wasn’t sure of the timing, one thing was absolutely certain.

Kwon Siyul liked Woo Hyunse. His voice, his warm hands, his gentle smile, his strong embrace, the cold, sharp scent that filled not just his nose but his entire being when he buried his face in Woo Hyunse’s solid chest.

He couldn’t help but be drawn to Woo Hyunse’s thoughtfulness—always keeping drinks on hand for Kwon Siyul even though he didn’t drink himself, or coming to pick him up and drop him off in the deep of night. Even their awkward first meeting and the difficult nights were bearable because it was Woo Hyunse with him all along.

“So I can’t accept your feelings.”

“…”

Woo Taeju’s expression hardened. His gaze wavered. He sighed softly, “Ha…” and bowed his head, scratching the back of it. Kwon Siyul felt sorry for him too. But he couldn’t leave things ambiguous and give false hope to the other party. That wouldn’t be right.

Woo Taeju took a deep breath and lifted his head. He hid his gloomy expression and smiled, showing his teeth. But the corners of his mouth kept drooping, and he repeatedly stroked his chin with his hand. His voice trembled slightly. “You’re really not giving me any chance,” he muttered, his voice tinged with disappointment.

“Still, hyung, please keep hanging out with me.”

“Will that be okay?”

“We agreed to be friends, right? That’s…separate from rejection.”

In Kwon Siyul’s eyes, Woo Taeju was the first person besides Kwon Yuwon that he could call a friend. He didn’t want to lose that over a confession.

“I thought you’d never want to see me again. It would be awkward, after all.”

“No way. I’m not that terrible. Well, even if we can’t pretend this never happened, I genuinely want to hang out with you. Just treat me comfortably like before, hyung.”

He added with a playful tone. Kwon Siyul smiled brightly, clearly relieved. He didn’t want to lose the new friend he had just made, so this turned out to be a good outcome.

“It’s cold out here, you should go in first. You looked like you might be coming down with something earlier. …I’ll just have a smoke and then come in after you.”

Woo Taeju took out a cigarette pack and held the iron door open for Kwon Siyul. With a lighter heart, Kwon Siyul waved goodbye, saying he’d see him later, and immediately slipped inside.

The iron door closed with a heavy sound. Woo Taeju was left alone, putting a cigarette to his lips. As he lit it and inhaled, the smile he had shown Kwon Siyul earlier completely disappeared from his face.

With a face as cold as the winter night, he took a deep drag and exhaled slowly after a beat. It was a habit reminiscent of Woo Hyunse.

Woo Taeju muttered a curse, “Shit,” and leaned his back against the building wall before slowly crouching down. Was the confession too sudden? If he had approached more gradually, would he have had a better chance? He exhaled smoke filled with regret for acting too hastily. He chided himself for being swept up in the moment.

It was an exhalation as heavy as a sigh.

* * *

The body that had been fluctuating between hot and cold at work became perfectly fine upon arriving home, as if nothing was out of the ordinary. The fever reducer bought at the convenience store became unnecessary.

Without even taking it out of the bag, Kwon Siyul washed up in warm water first. While lying sprawled on the sofa playing a game, he heard the front door open. Kwon Siyul immediately jumped up. His reaction speed was like that of a dog who had been waiting all day for its owner.

“Welcome home!”

He was especially glad today. Perhaps it was due to the sudden realization of his feelings in the building’s alley. He rushed toward Woo Hyunse, who was in the middle of taking off his coat after entering and hugged him around the waist. Standing on his tiptoes, he even kissed Woo Hyunse’s chin repeatedly.

Compared to the past when he would simply greet Woo Hyunse with a “You’re home” while barely peeking his head out, this was an incredible welcome. It was like a small, fluffy kitten that had been brought home but was too shy to come out, finally wrapping its puffed-up tail around its owner’s feet and rubbing against them.

Surprised by the enthusiastic hug, Woo Hyunse paused for a moment, then dropped his coat on the floor and lifted Kwon Siyul off the ground by cupping his bottom. Startled by his feet leaving the ground, Kwon Siyul let out a high-pitched “Woah!” and clung tightly to Woo Hyunse.

“Why are you being so cute all of a sudden?”

Woo Hyunse returned the kisses twofold, kissing Kwon Siyul’s flushed cheeks, fair forehead, round nose tip, and plump lips as he kicked off his shoes. The shoes that were always neatly placed now lay on their sides, kicked away, but neither of them cared.

After receiving kisses all over his face, Kwon Siyul buried his face in Woo Hyunse’s neck. There was a sharp scent, suggesting he had been smoking. Just as he had caught a whiff of a different scent in the alley, Kwon Siyul wrinkled his nose and sniffed, wondering if it was possible he could detect a new scent from Woo Hyunse.

“Do I smell bad?”

“No. Just…the smell of cigarettes.”

“I forgot the deodorizer.”

“You don’t need to spray it. The cigarette smell on you is fine.”

Strangely enough. While cigarette smell on others was spicy and stale, even that was a pleasant scent on Woo Hyunse. It was sweet and stimulating, intoxicating. It made Kwon Siyul want to try smoking himself.

Woo Hyunse carried Kwon Siyul across the living room with long strides. They soon reached the sofa. He didn’t put Kwon Siyul down. Instead, he sat Kwon Siyul on his thighs and supported his lower back with interlocked hands.

“Speaking of cigarettes. Should I try learning to smoke?”

It was meant to be a light-hearted comment, but it earned him a stinging flick on the forehead. Kwon Siyul squinted and rubbed the center of his now-reddened forehead. The face before him was deliberately stern.

“Don’t even start things that are bad for your health.”

“But you smoke, sir.”

“I’m already a lost cause.”

“That’s not fair. I’m an adult too. I’ll start smoking from today onward.”

Feeling wronged, Kwon Siyul stubbornly got up. Certain that there would be cigarettes in the coat Woo Hyunse had thrown off, he turned to go toward it. But before he could take another step, he was caught and plopped back down on Woo Hyunse’s thighs.

This time, his back was against Woo Hyunse’s chest. Woo Hyunse wrapped his arm around Kwon Siyul’s lower abdomen and pressed his chin firmly on top of Kwon Siyul’s head.

“No. Kwon Siyul should live longer than me.”

“What about you, sir? You’re older than me, shouldn’t you take better care of your health?”

Woo Hyunse chuckled, clearly amused. The vibration traveled down Kwon Siyul’s head. Kwon Siyul raised his hand and oddly scratched his chest area. While it was his head that was vibrating, the voice that penetrated his ears rippled from below like waves.

“I was born healthy, so don’t worry about me.”

“I wasn’t worried…”

How could he worry about the health of someone who devoured him every time they had sex? It was an absurd statement to Kwon Siyul, who secretly prayed for Woo Hyunse’s stamina and virility to decrease. He tried to explain to the other man what exactly was on his mind, but seeing the hand slowly traveling down his body, he swallowed his words.

The hand fondled his thigh, exposed by the short, loose pants, and then dug into the inner part. Having showered and worn only thin pants without underwear, Woo Hyunse’s fingertips immediately brushed against Kwon Siyul’s center.

“Nngh…”

As a reflex, Kwon Siyul closed his legs, but then his earlobe was gently bitten. When he moaned painfully, Woo Hyunse gently caressed the soft flesh of his inner thigh with his large, pan-lid-like hand.