LM 65

About a10 minutes’ walk into the mountains from the orphanage, there was an abandoned reservoir. It was a place where new summer grasses grew thickly over the dead weeds of the winter season. The plants, though not reeds, were so tall that when children buried themselves in the grass, even the tops of their heads would be hidden from sight.

The wire fence put up to keep people out had rusted to the color of iron-rich soil, with small holes made by occasional trespassers who secretly threw trash or came to fish.

Every summer, two or three people drowned, and rumors spread that it was due to vicious water ghosts, so villagers rarely ventured to this place. Kwon Siyul was one of them. Even when orphanage kids went there for courage tests, Kwon Siyul refused to go near the place, enduring insults and beatings rather than joining them.

The only time he’d been there was when Kwon Yuwon had once taken him by the hand, saying they’d just look from a distance away in broad daylight and then tell the other kids they’d gone.

For some reason, Kwon Siyul now found himself standing in front of that reservoir. As was typical of dewy autumn, the fallen leaves underfoot were damp and slippery. The humid air, the fishy smell of stagnant water, and the eerie cries of animals from somewhere crawled over his skin like insects. The mist rising from the reservoir billowed just like the white skirt of a woman.

Not knowing why he was there, Kwon Siyul stared blankly at the reservoir. Though there was no wind and the water was calm, the fog that settled on its surface was incredibly thick.

Something touched his shoulder with a soft ‘thud.’ Feeling startled, he turned around. From the dense fog where he couldn’t see an arm’s length ahead, a figure suddenly materialized out of thin air. Recognizing the familiar face, Kwon Siyul lowered the hand clutching his chest and sighed in relief.

“Make some noise next time. You scared me.”

Kwon Yuwon was behind Kwon Siyul. He was grinning as usual, then turned his head toward the reservoir. For some reason, his hazy profile filled Kwon Siyul with unease. Fearing Kwon Yuwon might dissolve directly into the mist, Kwon Siyul quickly grabbed hold of his hand.

“Why aren’t you going in?”

“What?”

“I asked why you’re not going in.”

Kwon Yuwon said something uncharacteristically absurd. Not understanding the joke, Kwon Siyul laughed and replied, “Why would I go in there?”

“Then I’ll go in first.”

With that, he shook off Kwon Siyul’s hand and strode into the water. He didn’t care that his sneakers were getting soaked and his pant legs were getting wet. Kwon Siyul reached out hurriedly, but his fingertips only managed to graze Kwon Yuwon’s clothes, missing by a hair’s breadth.

“Yuwon, are you crazy? Get out of there right now!”

Despite Kwon Siyul’s loud shouts, Kwon Yuwon didn’t look back. He waded into the water, and the waters parted ways for him as if he were walking directly on flat ground. Kwon Siyul wanted to jump in too. He needed to yell and grab Kwon Yuwon by the collar to drag him out.

But his feet seemed rooted to the ground, not budging an inch. His body felt heavy as if paralyzed in a nightmare. He tried to shout “Yuwon!” but his voice was stuck in the back of his throat. It was as if a very fine net had entangled his arms, legs, and throat.

His eyes burned hot before tears began to pour out. He struggled and thrashed, but his feet remained glued to the ground.

Meanwhile, the fog slowly devoured Kwon Yuwon. Even his head, which had been above water, gradually submerged.

He needed to hurry, to crawl there if necessary, but he couldn’t understand why his body wouldn’t obey him. Kwon Siyul collapsed to the ground, scratching at the earth and crying. He looked around, trying to call for help, but not only could he not make a sound, there wasn’t even an echo, as if the air had vanished all around him. Only wet, rotting leaves caught under his nails piled up like a mountain in front of his knees.

“…Kwon Yuwon!”

He opened his eyes with a gasp. The pounding sound was like thunder. Clutching his chest, Kwon Siyul abruptly sat up. The sound of his rough breathing reached his eardrums. The sheets wrapped around his hands were damp with the moisture of his own sweat.

The phone alarm was blaring. Usually, he would have been annoyed, thinking it was too early to get up, but today he was more grateful than ever. Kwon Siyul fumbled for his phone on the nightstand and turned off the alarm with both hands.

“A dream…”

He bent over, catching his breath. The fishy smell still vibrated in his nose as if he hadn’t escaped the reservoir yet. His shirt clung to his skin, presumably from sweating in his sleep, making him feel uncomfortably damp, as if he had been pulled out of water just now.

Calming his rapid breathing, he raised his head. It was the familiar bedroom. Only then did he let out a sigh of relief. It was all just a dream. The foggy reservoir, Kwon Yuwon walking into it—all of it.

The space beside him was empty. He remembered Woo Hyunse coming in briefly at dawn. He had moved Kwon Siyul from the sofa to the bed and indulged his childish request.

Still lying down, Kwon Siyul felt around beside him as if searching for the vanished warmth. The sheets felt cooler than usual under his palms. He buried his nose in the sheets hoping to catch a lingering scent, but there was no trace of the other man on them.

It would be so nice if he were here beside him right now.

The feeling of damp fog still clung to his back. As if shaking off the nightmare, Kwon Siyul swung his legs off the bed. His body felt heavy, so he sat like that for a moment before staggering toward the bathroom. He struggled to remove his sweat-soaked clothes and turned on the shower. The rising mist reminded him of the fog in his dream, making him shudder involuntarily.

Aren’t dreams supposed to be the opposite of reality? The nightmare was just an illusion created by his anxious mind, fueled by not seeing Kwon Yuwon for a long time and seeing news reports about drugs. Even as he tried to comfort himself, the chill on his spine wouldn’t go away.

He increased the water temperature and stood under it for a long time. Only after his entire skin had turned a rosy peach color did he leave the bathroom. After checking the clock, he realized he’d be late if he didn’t hurry. Kwon Siyul hastily dried his hair with a blow dryer and threw on whatever clothes he could find. As he was about to rush through the living room, he paused, noticing something unfamiliar on the dining table.

He unconsciously turned toward it. There was a covered dish and a note. The handwriting, neat but with sharp, knife-like endings to the vowel strokes, was unmistakably Woo Hyunse’s, which Kwon Siyul had seen in passing before.

“Eat before you go.”

Lifting the cover revealed a perfectly toasted bread, pale green grapes, and eggs, all beautifully arranged. He must have come in at dawn and left before Kwon Siyul woke up, but when did he prepare this? His heart swelled, and despite knowing he should hurry, Kwon Siyul couldn’t move his feet.

“This isn’t the time.”

Kwon Siyul took a bite of the toast and, as if suddenly remembering something, picked up his phone. With a click, a photo of himself biting into the toast appeared on the screen. Not bad for a hasty shot. He sent the picture to Woo Hyunse and eagerly typed out a message.

[Thank you, hyung. The toast is really delicious. I’m in a rush so I couldn’t eat it all, but I’ll finish it when I get back.]

He pressed send. Even after sending the message, Kwon Siyul hesitated with the phone in his hand. There was something else he wanted to add.

Kwon Siyul typed “I l…” then deleted it, then “I love…” and deleted that too. It wasn’t as if he didn’t know how to spell it, but he hesitated before finally completing the sentence “I love you.” However, he didn’t send it. Even though it was just words, saying it felt incredibly embarrassing.

He still lacked the courage. Thinking that the day would come soon when he could say those words directly to Woo Hyunse, Kwon Siyul popped a grape into his mouth and hurriedly left the house. The slightly damp, cooled bread tasted sweeter and more savory than any bread he had ever eaten before in his life.

Perhaps due to the unsettling dream, Kwon Siyul kept making mistakes at the restaurant. He put in an order for tomato pasta instead of oil pasta, and even threw forks and knives into the trash can. Only after splashing cold water on his face and slapping his cheeks could he finally regain his scattered wits.

Today, time seemed to crawl toward the end of his shift. It wasn’t just because it was slow. Kwon Siyul would take an order, glance at the changing room, clean a table, then peek at the changing room again. More precisely, he was concerned about the phone he had left in his locker. He was curious about how Woo Hyunse had replied to the photo he had impulsively sent, and above all, he wanted to know if Kwon Yuwon had contacted him.

Before work, he had called Kwon Yuwon. He had little hope that Kwon Yuwon would answer. As expected, it went to voicemail, so Kwon Siyul bombarded him with text messages instead. “I had a bad dream, is everything okay?”, “Please let me know if anything’s wrong,” and so on. He hoped KwonYuwon would at least check the messages.

Perhaps because it was nearing the end of the year, everyone seemed to be in a hurry to leave despite the late hour, citing prior engagements. The kitchen had finished early, and the manager had only shown his face briefly when they opened. Without any performances scheduled beforehand, Woo Taeju and Yang Hye-na hadn’t come in either.

“Well then, Siyul, I’m heading out first.”

The bartender, who had plans for the next day, finished cleaning up earlier than Kwon Siyul. Coming out of the changing room and wrapping his scarf around his neck, he bid Kwon Siyul farewell. Kwon Siyul was tying up a garbage bag and bowed his head as he straightened up.

“Give me that. I’ll throw it away on my way out.”

“No, your hands will get dirty. I’ll do it myself.”

“I’m going that way anyway. Hand it over.”

Feeling guilty about leaving Kwon Siyul behind, the bartender insisted on taking the garbage bag. Before Kwon Siyul could protest, he quickly walked out of the restaurant, waving playfully through the small glass window.

“Geez,” Kwon Siyul muttered, scratching the back of his head as he finished the rest of the cleanup. Having tidied up bit by bit throughout his shift, there wasn’t much left to do. He carefully lowered the blinds, left only the bar lights on, and dashed to the changing room. He took out his phone from the locker first.

But after checking his messages, he hung his head. Disappointment hit him hard. There were no messages from anyone except Woo Taeju. The photo he sent to Woo Hyunse was marked as read, but there was no reply, and the messages he sent to Kwon Yuwon still had unread numbers next to them.