LM 85

“Hyung, are you living with Woo Hyunse now?”

The name coming naturally from Woo Taeju’s lips felt strange. Kwon Siyul, his cheeks flushed from the alcohol, slowly nodded his head. Having already cried like a child after the concert and confessed that the person he liked was Woo Hyunse, he felt there was nothing left to hide.

“I went to ask about you the other day because I couldn’t get in touch. I wondered if he might be holding you captive.”

“You went to see the CEO?”

“Yes. I nearly died though.”

Wondering what could have happened, Kwon Siyul’s already large eyes widened further. Woo Taeju simply frowned, rubbing his neck area. He exaggerated, saying the spot where he’d been grabbed still hurt a lot. Kwon Siyul wondered if Woo Hyunse had tried to strangle him. Though it was hard to imagine now, considering how he was at first, it wasn’t impossible.

“Did you two fight?”

“Not exactly,” Woo Taeju said as he poured wine into Kwon Siyul’s empty glass. He then filled his own glass and downed it in one go as if it were merely water.

“I was one-sidedly beaten. It’s embarrassing, but I’m no match for him. That Woo Hyunse, he’s practically an MMA fighter who just never competed.”

“His ears used to be cauliflower ears too. All the blood’s been drained and they’ve been reshaped, so there’s no trace left now.” He added, touching his own earlobes.

“I just came out of that confrontation with a hurt neck.”

“Really?”

Kwon Siyul had worried there might have been a knife fight. When Kwon Siyul expressed concern, Woo Taeju insisted it was fine now and opened his shirt collar to show him. Perhaps due to the dim lighting, his neck looked unblemished. Woo Taeju pointed to his skin, saying there had been a dark bruise here. He mentioned his neck had been swollen too, causing him trouble for a few days.

Kwon Siyul was curious about what Woo Taeju could’ve said to make Woo Hyunse react so violently. He considered asking, but seeing Woo Taeju’s expression darken as if recalling the moment, he decided to keep quiet about it.

“Hyung, I’m going to study abroad.”

“Suddenly? Where to?”

“Canada. I was originally planning to go after graduation, but the timing has been moved up.”

It was a completely different world from Kwon Siyul’s. Is this good news? Kwon Siyul briefly wondered whether to congratulate him or encourage him for the hardships he might face in a foreign country, before choosing the former. Woo Taeju came from a wealthy family, so he’d probably live well and enjoy himself wherever he went without worrying about money.

“Congratulations. That’s…good, right?”

Feeling unsure, his statement ended as a question. Seeing Kwon Siyul’s serious expression, Woo Taeju laughed heartily.

“I guess…we should see it as good news. Hyung, if you ever get tired of life in Korea, come visit me. Free accommodation, free food. Oh, I’ll even send you the plane ticket.”

“That’s very kind of you. I wonder if it’s okay for me to just receive it when I haven’t done anything for you.”

Someday, he might get to fly, but it felt like something that would happen in the distant future. Or maybe he’d never be able to leave Korea. He used to dream of traveling to far-off places across the sea. But now, it was time to wake up from those dreams.

“Just don’t bring Woo Hyunse with you when you come. That’s all.”

Kwon Siyul chuckled. He could now laugh at such jokes. Perhaps he had gained a tiny bit of peace of mind after confirming Kwon Yuwon was safe. But contrary to the laughter escaping his lips, his solar plexus felt sore as if something was weighing on it, and he pressed it firmly with his fingertips.

He felt suffocated. Even taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly didn’t help—it felt like dark water was lapping just below his nose.

Woo Taeju swirled the wine glass in his hand. He moistened his dry lips with the alcohol, then his mouth moved as if he had something to say. As the music changed to the next song, he hesitantly began to speak.

“Actually…meeting you today, hyung. It was to sort out my feelings.”

“Sort out your feelings?”

“Yes. I confessed to you before, remember?”

Kwon Siyul nodded. Of course, he remembered. He also remembered how Woo Taeju had persistently approached him even after being rejected, unable to let go.

“I used to believe that no tree would remain standing after being hit ten times. Naturally, I didn’t want to give up on you just because of just one rejection.”

“But,” Woo Taeju emptied his glass. When Kwon Siyul tried to refill it, he shook his head and grabbed the bottle himself. This too seemed like part of his attempt to clear his mind. Just as Kwon Siyul had once refused Woo Hyunse’s offer to wash him and entered the bathroom alone. He poured more wine than before.

“That only works when it’s a game.”

“A game?”

Woo Taeju, who had been staring at the glass in front of him, looked up. He met Kwon Siyul’s gaze and smiled faintly.

“I thought about it a lot. I didn’t want to lose like this. What should I do, what can I do—I couldn’t sleep properly for days thinking about these things. But no matter how much I racked my brains, there was no answer. There was nothing I could do.”

Kwon Siyul listened silently. Woo Taeju closed his eyes for a moment, recalling the feeling of helplessness from that time. His eyelids trembled slightly.

“If I were to try even once more, let alone ten times, it wouldn’t be your neck on the line, but mine.”

“…”

“So I decided to give up. I didn’t realize it before, but I’m quite selfish. I’m the kind of bastard who puts his own safety before love.”

Woo Taeju rested his chin on his hand and curled his lips upward. It was his usual smile, but perhaps due to the lighting, it looked a bit bitter.

“Oh, I’m leaving after my birthday. I’m having a birthday party, and you must come, hyung. I’ll contact you about it.”

As if he had never been serious, Woo Taeju grinned mischievously. Kwon Siyul’s tense expression relaxed as well.

Would Woo Hyunse really allow it? Still, since Woo Taeju would be going abroad for a long time, Kwon Siyul felt bad about turning him down. He nodded quickly.

“Of course, I should go. When’s your birthday?”

“That’s a secret. I’ll tell you later. It wouldn’t be fun if I told you now.”

Woo Taeju leaned back, promising to reveal it another time. Kwon Siyul didn’t press the issue.

The half-empty wine bottle was suddenly empty, and Yang Hye-na, who had fallen asleep, stirred and opened her bleary eyes. A staff member cleaning other tables approached and gently informed them that closing time was near. It was time to head home.

Since the drinking session ended earlier than expected, it wasn’t too late when Kwon Siyul arrived home. He had assumed Woo Hyunse would naturally be at the office. However, the living room lights were brightly lit. Could there be anyone other than the homeowner on the sofa?

As Kwon Siyul hesitated at the entrance, Woo Hyunse looked up. He was wearing glasses and holding a tablet, apparently in the middle of work.

It was a familiar scene for Kwon Siyul. When he was confined to his room, he had seen Woo Hyunse working from home.

Kwon Siyul unconsciously gripped the heat pack in his pocket tightly. He kneaded the now lukewarm pack like a soft rubber ball, wiping away the cold sweat on his palm.

“Did you have a good time?”

“Yes. You’re home early today.”

“Why are you standing there? Come in.”

Woo Hyunse put down his tablet and stood up. He took off his glasses, placed them on the table, and walked steadily toward Kwon Siyul. Why did Kwon Siyul feel guilty when he hadn’t done anything wrong? His lips felt dry, and he bit them as he took a step back.

“I heard you met Yang Hye-na.”

“Yes. …And one more person came.”

Feeling preemptively guilty, Kwon Siyul volunteered the information. Woo Hyunse quietly reached out and fiddled with Kwon Siyul’s collar.

“Who?”

The image of Woo Taeju touching his neck flashed through Kwon Siyul’s mind. It seemed there was nothing to gain by mentioning it. He thought about just saying “a friend,” but then decided to be honest, since there was nothing to hide. However, as he hesitated, a large hand gently gripped his chin and lifted it.

“Who?”

The hand was on his chin, but it felt like his throat was being squeezed. His Adam’s apple bobbed with tension. Would he end up with bruises like Woo Taeju?

“Taeju.”

Woo Hyunse didn’t seem surprised. He seemed to have known already. Perhaps the bodyguard who accompanied him had reported back, or maybe Woo Taeju had told him directly.

Kwon Siyul’s head naturally lowered. The hand gripping his jaw tightened. His head was forcibly tilted back. The suddenly activated sensor light hurt his eyes. With his eyes squinted and half-covered, and the backlight casting shadows, Kwon Siyul could barely see Woo Hyunse.

“Siyul,” Woo Hyunse called softly. He sighed deeply, removed his hand, and buried his forehead in Kwon Siyul’s shoulder. The hand that had seemed about to leave marks on Kwon Siyul’s chin now gripped his forearm. It was as if he was preventing Kwon Siyul from running out the door, holding both sides roughly.

“I’m trying to be lenient so you don’t feel suffocated, but you should be more selective about who you meet.”

As if throwing a tantrum, he rubbed his head against Kwon Siyul’s shoulder and then looked up. Their faces were close enough for their noses to touch. Kwon Siyul wanted to move away. If only the hand that had traveled from his forearm up his back to cradle his head wasn’t there.

“Woo Taeju is not okay.”

“Are other people okay then?”

At Kwon Siyul’s unexpected question, Woo Hyunse quietly stared at him. Kwon Siyul met his gaze unflinchingly.

“No.”

The hand that had been tangled in Kwon Siyul’s hair slid down like a snake to the front of his neck. His Adam’s apple was lightly pressed by the ample palm, and long fingers wrapped around his neck. Kwon Siyul’s lips parted slightly, trying to draw in the air that was suddenly becoming more and more scarce.

“None of them are okay.”

Suddenly, Kwon Siyul was reminded of a roe deer he had seen as a child. On a winter day when the snow was piled up to his knees, a dead roe deer was found in the mountains behind the orphanage. A sturdy snare, recently set, was caught around its thin ankle, which was covered in frost-like fine snow. The deer must have struggled desperately to escape, as the coiled wire had cut through fur, skin, and muscle to bind the white bone.

Unexpectedly, this hand now seemed like that snare. The trap that had cut into flesh and exposed bone as white as snow now seemed to loom before his own neck.