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LM 86
by Emerlyn“The documents?”
Kwon Siyul woke up from a nap, startled by the sound of the phone ringing. He quickly answered, and it was Woo Hyunse asking him to bring some documents he had left at home to the office for an evening meeting.
“Did you eat lunch?”
“Lunch…”
After checking the clock, Kwon Siyul realized it was well past lunchtime. He wasn’t particularly hungry, and since waking up this morning, all he had consumed was a sip of water. He was about to lie and say he had eaten, but he stopped himself. He would find out anyway when they saw each other next. Kwon Siyul shook his head slightly, even though he knew the other man couldn’t see him.
“No, not yet. I just woke up.”
“Perfect. I haven’t eaten either. Let’s eat together.”
“Okay. Where are the documents?”
“In the second drawer of the study desk. I’ll send someone.”
“I can go by myself.”
Kwon Siyul knew he could find it with his phone if he just gave him the address. He was thinking of taking a walk while he was at it, but Woo Hyunse laughed and told him to come comfortably. Knowing he had no right to refuse, he obediently said “Yes” and hung up.
“Study.”
The study was an unknown space to Kwon Siyul. It was where Woo Hyunse often went to work, and although it wasn’t locked like Bluebeard’s forbidden room, Kwon Siyul had never set foot inside it. One reason was that whenever he happened to glimpse it from the outside, the books filling one side seemed to be of a type unfamiliar to him.
Thinking he should gather the documents before the person Woo Hyunse sent arrived, Kwon Siyul turned toward the study. The doorknob turned smoothly with a click.
Dry air greeted him first. The room was as dark as early evening, but a thick beam of light pierced through the center. Dust danced around in that light.
Woo Hyunse’s scent lingered faintly in the air. Kwon Siyul took a deep breath, savoring Woo Hyunse’s fragrance as if filtering it in. Suddenly realizing what he was doing, he opened his eyes with a bitter smile on his face.
A massive bookshelf occupied one entire wall. A recliner, a low table made of thick glass, and a long-necked stand lamp looked perfect for comfortable reading.
The neatly organized bookshelf had some gaps here and there, and Kwon Siyul noticed a stack of books on the table. Judging by the bookmarks sticking out, these seemed to be the books currently being read.
Kwon Siyul glanced halfheartedly at the bookshelf and walked up to the desk. The desk, positioned in front of the window, was neatly arranged with an all-in-one PC, keyboard, and mouse, all aligned at precise angles, reflecting its owner’s personality.
Carefully, he brushed the desk and sat in the chair. His feet didn’t touch the floor, perhaps because the chair was adjusted to Woo Hyunse’s height. He thought about adjusting it but decided against it, not wanting to leave any trace of his visit behind.
In fact, there wasn’t much to see on the desk either. Just some scattered files and a sealed envelope. Oddly, unlike the neatly arranged files, the envelope was precariously perched on the edge of the desk, as if about to fall into the trash can.
“The second drawer…”
As he leaned down, he accidentally bumped the envelope. Worried it might fall, he quickly reached out to grab it. That was when he noticed the sender’s address stamped on top. The word ‘Wedding’ stood out in particularly bold lettering. He desperately hoped he had seen it wrong, but cruelly, the letters printed on the paper remained unchanged.
Before he could process his thoughts, he found himself opening the envelope. His hand holding the envelope trembled slightly. He fumbled several times trying to untie the string wrapped around the button due to his shaking hands. Even after finally managing to untie it, he hesitated to open it immediately. He didn’t want to see it. At the same time, he desperately wanted to see it.
No.
It wasn’t for him to see. Even if he looked, reality wouldn’t change. Kwon Siyul took a deep breath. This was a box that shouldn’t be opened. It was obvious what would come out if he did. He exhaled slowly and put down the envelope. Deciding to leave this place altogether, he abruptly stood up from the chair. In his haste, he didn’t even think to rewrap the string he had untied.
“Ah—”
As he rose, he accidentally caught the corner of the envelope. The rather thick envelope fell to the floor with its mouth wide open. He frantically reached out to catch it, but couldn’t grab a single piece. Postcard-sized papers fell to the floor like autumn leaves.
Hurriedly kneeling on the floor to pick up the papers, he cut his index finger on a sharp edge. The cut was deep and long diagonally. He winced and pulled his hand away, but the stinging pain, as if a saw had scraped his skin, had already begun. Bright red blood began to well up on his finger in droplets, then dripped down.
Kwon Siyul quickly put the injured part in his mouth. He knew he should be careful not to stain the papers with his blood.
Before he knew it, Woo Hyunse’s lingering scent and the smell of dry paper had disappeared, leaving only the pungent metallic odor on his tongue and nose. Kwon Siyul looked down at the papers with his finger in his mouth. They were beautiful cards. There were various colors. The lettering embossed in gold was elegant, and the quality of the paper was luxurious.
These weren’t just one or two wedding invitations. They were samples sent by vendors. The A4 paper that spilled out of the envelope had “Wedding Checklist” printed on it.
“…”
Kwon Siyul picked up one of the invitations with his uninjured hand. It was too beautifully printed to pass by without opening. It was an invitation with dark green paper layered on a white background, with English embroidered in silver foil. Kwon Siyul silently read the message inside, word by word.
“We, the two of us, in the presence of our cherished guests,
Are about to bear fruit to the love we’ve nurtured
While facing each other for a long time.
If you bless this beginning,
We will cherish it as our greatest happiness.
Please come and brighten the place
Where we will progress from you and me to us.”
Us.
With someone other than me.
That word etched itself in his eyes more than any other. The dry air in the study became humid. Water started rising from his toes and soon submerged him up to below his nose. The water surface that had been lapping just below gradually rose. Even when he lifted his head, his ears, nostrils, and eyes eventually sank underwater. No matter how hard he tried to push air into his lungs by inflating his chest, he couldn’t breathe well.
Had he wanted him to see this, and that was why he told him to go into the study?
The pure white sclera of his eyes turned reddish. Even with his mouth open, there wasn’t enough air coming in. It felt as if someone was gripping his throat, slowly applying pressure and blocking his airway.
From you and me, to us.
Or from us to you and me.
Kwon Siyul stared blankly at the high, distant ceiling. His vision blurred, then cleared, then blurred again. His temples felt hot and damp, but he didn’t bother to wipe them.
Something was approaching with steady steps from that dark place. So close that he would have to face it no matter how much he avoided, hid, or turned away.
* * *
“Hyung, shall we go on a trip?”
“A trip?”
Woo Hyunse turned around. Kwon Siyul nodded, sitting in a dining chair. They had just finished eating. Because he had no appetite, Kwon Siyul had only picked at his food like a bird. Woo Hyunse had moved beside him and personally fed him with a spoon. That way, he had managed to empty half a bowl of rice.
“To Jeju Island. I’ve never been there.”
“Don’t people usually go there on school trips?”
“I went to Gyeongju.”
Jeju Island had been a candidate, but Gyeongju was chosen due to budget issues. How disappointed he had been after being excited about finally riding a plane. He had promised to go to Jeju Island with Kwon Yuwon later, but they kept postponing it due to busy schedules, and he had never been there. He had only looked at it with envious eyes whenever it appeared on TV.
“What about overseas? If you want to see the ocean, the Maldives or Hawaii would be nice too.”
“Jeju Island is enough. I want to eat meat noodle soup too…We can’t eat meat noodle soup if we go somewhere else, right?”
Woo Hyunse looked at Kwon Siyul quietly. It was a searching gaze. Kwon Siyul hid his cut finger in his fist, pretending to be nonchalant. Sweat formed on his palms, afraid that pheromones containing his true feelings might leak out unknowingly.
It had been a while since he had expressed a desire to eat something, if nothing else. It seemed to be a pretty good excuse, as Woo Hyunse, after observing him for a while, withdrew his gaze and gave permission willingly.
“I have a villa in Jeju. I’ll have it prepared.”
“A villa?”
Woo Hyunse shrugged lightly at Kwon Siyul’s wide-eyed question. As if a villa was something every household had, like a washing machine or refrigerator.
“Yes. One in Yangju, one in Jeju.”
“You really are rich, hyung.”
“Enough to feed you for life even if the business fails, Kwon Siyul.”
“Wow, that’s reassuring.”
“So don’t think about going anywhere else and stick close to my side.”
Woo Hyunse kissed Kwon Siyul’s forehead with a smacking sound. Kwon Siyul smiled weakly. His insides no longer bubbled like carbonated water whenever the other man kissed him, but Woo Hyunse failed to notice the difference.