LM 91

He leisurely looked around the floor and headed to the men’s shoe section. If it were for his own use, he would have scoured the market, but this purchase was a gift. For Woo Hyunse.

He had researched online which brands might be good, but this department store didn’t have the brands he had in mind. Ordering online would take too long, so Kwon Siyul entered the most expensive-looking store among those visible.

“Welcome. Are you looking for any shoes in particular?”

Ah, Kwon Siyul hesitated. Although he had come along with Woo Hyunse before, somehow he felt embarrassed trying to choose and buy something alone in a place like this. He glanced at the bodyguard hovering in the distance, then back at the employee.

“I don’t know much about shoes. It’s for a gift.”

“Ah, I see. Then, the size…?”

“300.”

“Size 300 is usually custom-made…Just one moment. We’ll show you the models we have in that size right now. If you prefer a different model, you can order it. Delivery takes about a week.”

“Just show me the models you have here.”

The employee acknowledged and checked the inventory before bringing a catalog over to Kwon Siyul to peruse. Among the many pages, there were only a few shoes that fit Woo Hyunse’s foot size.

What shape were the shoes he had dirtied? He hadn’t observed them closely, so the image in his memory was vague. Instead, Kwon Siyul recalled the other shoes in Woo Hyunse’s shoe rack. Far from wingtips, they were all either black or dark brown. All neat and simple.

Most were ordinary shoes that didn’t look particularly expensive at first glance. Not just the shoes, but the shirts, ties, and even the cufflinks were utterly plain.

Yet when Woo Hyunse wore all of these together, he shone as if under a spotlight. It was truly a peculiar thing.

Among the few options, there was one shoe that seemed somewhat similar to what Woo Hyunse usually wore. Kwon Siyul pointed to the page with his finger.

“Please show me this one.”

“Certainly. Just a moment.”

While the employee went to fetch the shoes, Kwon Siyul sat down and skimmed through the catalog again. Although he had made up his mind, looking again, this one seemed good, and that one didn’t look bad either. He considered calling the bodyguard to ask what design Woo Hyunse liked but decided against bothering someone so far away and closed the booklet, letting go of any lingering thoughts.

The employee quickly returned holding a large box. Standing in front of Kwon Siyul, he opened the lid to reveal the shoes neatly placed inside. As expected of new shoes, they gleamed under the light.

Kwon Siyul took out one shoe as if entranced. He even touched the sole. It was the size of a battleship, easily covering the entirety of his palm. Nothing about Woo Hyunse was small. His height, shoulders, chest, hands, and even feet were all larger than life. Come to think of it, even his phone, despite being the largest model in its series, looked like a child’s toy in Woo Hyunse’s hand.

“…”

He was lost in thought for a moment there. Kwon Siyul snapped back to reality and put the shoe back in the box.

“I’ll take these.”

“Would you like gift wrapping?”

“Yes.”

“There’s an extra charge for wrapping. Is that okay?”

“Yes. Please wrap it beautifully. As beautifully as possible.”

“Of course. I’ll do my best.”

The employee took out wrapping paper and skillfully cut it. When finished, it looked quite presentable as a gift.

“Would you like to pay in installments?”

Kwon Siyul opened his wallet and hesitated for a moment. There were two cards inserted. One was given by Woo Hyunse to use, and the other was in his own name, made when he opened his salary account. After fidgeting with both cards, he pulled one out.

“No. I’ll pay in full.”

It was Kwon Siyul’s own card. A large sum was charged at once. Half of the balance in the account was gone after that charge, but he didn’t mind. This was what he had been saving for in the first place.

He left the department store carrying the shopping bag. After walking a few steps, he sat down on a nearby bench. The load in his hand was heavy. Although he had always been able to carry this much weight easily, he had grown accustomed to the comfort and lightness while with Woo Hyunse. Even the slightest discomfort reminded him of the person who had always made sure he was comfortable.

Kwon Siyul closed his eyes for a moment, then looked around after organizing his thoughts. As expected, the bodyguard was standing nearby. He walked toward him with the shopping bag.

“Please take me home.”

Bus, subway, taxi—all this was too bothersome. Kwon Siyul made the request somewhat shamelessly. The guard replied with a short “Yes” and led the way. Kwon Siyul shook his head when he offered to carry the shopping bag. Although he had asked for a ride because the weight of mere shoes was heavy, after all, this was a gift for Woo Hyunse, he didn’t want it to be touched by someone else’s hands, even for a moment.

Kwon Siyul got into the back seat of the car parked in the lot and leaned against the backrest. Despite having an empty stomach all morning and well past lunchtime, he wasn’t hungry. He seemed to have eaten well enough in Jeju Island.

Even though it was a weekday afternoon, the roads were completely jammed. Judging by the growing sound of ambulance sirens, there seemed to be a traffic accident nearby. In the stationary car, Kwon Siyul blankly stared out the window. It wasn’t snowing. The day was bright and clear.

For the first time, Kwon Siyul disliked this kind of weather. He wished for a cloudy, gray day with heavy snowfall.

He cast his gaze far off into the distance. A large electronic billboard on a building was displaying the weather forecast. The text quickly scrolled by, saying it would be clear during the day but snow would fall in various areas from late afternoon. Pleased that the weather would at least eventually become what he wanted, Kwon Siyul wore a faint smile on his face.

The congested road showed no signs of clearing. Though the silence wasn’t awkward, Kwon Siyul tugged at his collar, feeling suffocated again. This hadn’t happened on the island, but from the moment he set foot on the mainland, it felt like something was stuck in his esophagus and windpipe. It was slowly tightening around his neck. Before his breath was cut off, he opened my mouth as if exhaling air.

“Do you like games?”

The bodyguard glanced at Kwon Siyul through the rearview mirror. Kwon Siyul wasn’t looking ahead. With his gaze fixed outside the window, he continued speaking as if in a monologue.

“Not particularly.”

“I really like games. My brother bought me a console, but I get dizzy playing that, so I prefer mobile games. More than monster-hunting games, I like old ones like Tetris or Bubble Bobble.”

Only Kwon Siyul’s voice gently echoed in the car. Kwon Siyul paid no mind to the guard’s silence.

“Among those, I like block games the best. When you match three blocks of the same shape, they pop. After playing for a while, I can tell at first glance whether I’ll clear the level or not, you know?”

Playing so often, Kwon Siyul could tell from just the block composition whether he’d succeed or fail. Since the game had a limited number of lives, if it seemed impossible, he’d refresh the screen to change the block arrangement. Until he felt he could clear it. After that, he’d usually succeed.

“But…”

The car moved. Kwon Siyul had no idea if the guard was listening to him or not. It was fine even without a listener. Even if it was like talking to a wall, the point was to let out the words bottled up inside.

“Why couldn’t I recognize it this time?”

Was it because it wasn’t a puzzle? Because it wasn’t a game he’d played before? From the moment Kwon Siyul saw his face, heard his voice, from our very first meeting, he should have never looked back. He shouldn’t have asked for help. He should have refused all the coincidences and inevitabilities that brought them together.

If he had run away knowing how scary the world and people were, he wouldn’t have come this far. He shouldn’t have made the journey. He should have lived without knowing.

“It was a lost game from the start.”

His voice faded. Kwon Siyul rested his head on the seat and placed the shopping bag from beside him onto his lap. Even just one box felt heavy enough to bruise his thighs blue. It wasn’t so much the physical weight as the pressure of its meaning.

“And I, not knowing that…”

Kwon Siyul recklessly went back to the game. “Not knowing that no matter how many blocks I broke, I could never move to the next level.”

He shifted his gaze to look at his feet. They were hidden inside sneakers. These were also new shoes Woo Hyunse had bought for him. Over them, Kwon Siyul imagined the closed-toe slippers he had briefly worn in Jeju Island.

Saying he shouldn’t be cold, Woo Hyunse had held his chilly feet with his warm hands and put them into the slippers. Not just one foot, but both. Wearing the shoes he had put on him, Kwon Siyul now had to prepare to walk alone. And he had to put shoes on Woo Hyunse too. So that we could walk as you and I, not us.

The security guard said nothing. Kwo Siyul also fell silent. There was much to do when he got back. He was already feeling a bit tired.

He had originally  thought he’d have a lot to sort out since he’d lived there for a while, but as he went through everything, most of it turned out to be things he’d received from Woo Hyunse. No, it wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say all of it. Clothes, underwear, other necessities, and even electronic devices—all bought by Woo Hyunse and given to him.

From among these, Kwon Siyul picked out the items that had originally belonged to him. An old hoodie, a phone with a cracked screen, a backpack with worn straps, and a pair of sneakers that he used to take good care of but now looked particularly worn out. Compared to what Woo Hyunse had given him, they looked utterly shabby.

After throwing away his toothbrush from the bathroom, all the sorting was done. Embarrassingly, it took less time than eating a meal, despite his initial determination. Though it felt like he had stayed for quite a long time, during that period he had been living surrounded by things Woo Hyunse had provided, with nothing of to call his own.