TE 4

But doing that would kill not just the man, but Park Hee-jung as well.

The memory was still vivid in Seo-ha’s mind – that other ‘aunt’ who was caught by her father being intimate with a man she had brought into the house.

That woman whose hands were tied and whose mouth were blocked with a piece cloth couldn’t even scream when she saw a transparent plastic laid out in the same room where she had an affair. It was as if she knew that plastic would be her coffin.

Seo-ha remembered how that woman was ultimately laid on that plastic and literally “butchered.”

While Seo-ha neither liked nor disliked Park Hee-jung, she appreciated the current peaceful atmosphere. Though Park Hee-jung’s affair wasn’t commendable, Seo-ha didn’t believe it warranted such a cruel death.

Of course, she still remembered her father’s sermons declaring that adulterous women should rightfully be stoned to death.

Ignoring the man’s words, Seo-ha entered a small booth tucked away in a corner of the church.

“Come in.”

Ignoring the man’s bewildered gaze at the tiny booth, Seo-ha opened another door on the opposite side and went in first.

Inside the small booth, a partition prevented people from seeing each other’s faces when entering from opposite doors. However, like venetian blinds, there were shallow gaps that allowed one to see if someone entered from the outside.

Fortunately, ‘Tae-beom’ didn’t ignore Seo-ha’s request and came inside.

The tall man had to stoop halfway to enter. Settling into the chair, he clicked his tongue.

“Does Protestant Christianity normally have confessionals?”

“My father’s church does.”

A short “Ah” of comprehension came from the man whose face she couldn’t see. At his knowing tone, one of Seo-ha’s eyebrows arched upward.

“That’s usually considered unorthodox…”

“Be careful, this is my father’s church.”

Even knowing they were alone, the man’s comment frightened Seo-ha. Even she, who was called Pastor Moon Seok-ho’s greatest treasure and most cherished daughter, wasn’t allowed to speak carelessly about her father’s church and teachings.

The more she dealt with him, the more incomprehensible this man became.

He must know how dangerous this world is, and working under her father should make him even more careful with his conduct, yet he acted as if he didn’t care if he died tomorrow.

“So, the pastor’s daughter will hear my confession in place of the pastor himself?”

“I’m giving you a chance.”

Though his voice was more sarcastic than appreciative, Seo-ha stood her ground.

She couldn’t understand why he mocked her efforts. While it might seem foolish to a non-religious person, for Seo-ha, who had lived her entire life under a cult leader’s rule, this was her best attempt to help.

After all, church members who entered the confessional always emerged with tears in their eyes, acting as if they’d been born anew.

Though Seo-ha wasn’t a pastor, she couldn’t very well call her father to hear this man’s confession. That would surely send him straight to hell without even a chance for repentance.

“Listen. You’ve committed a grave sin.”

Seo-ha tried to offer a chance to this garbage of a man who showed no will to repent. Not so much for his sake, but to save Park Hee-jung, the current mistress of the house. And to erase the filthy scene that kept replaying in her own mind by watching this man become renewed.

“The Bible considers adultery one of the gravest mortal sins among many transgressions. Exodus explicitly commands against adultery, and Hebrews states that God will judge adulterers.”

“…”

“Additionally, in Matthew and Luke…”

Seo-ha had never tried to persuade or convert anyone in her life.

She rarely had deep interactions or lengthy conversations with anyone. The only people she regularly saw or briefly conversed with were church members, Secretary Kang Jin-ho who frequently visited their house, and the housekeeper.

So she had no way of knowing what expression the man wore or what he thought of her efforts as they faced each other without seeing faces.

Naturally, she didn’t realize how abnormal this approach was.

“Hey, are you listening?”

“Listen, ‘hey,’ or whatever you’re calling me.”

“…”

“There’s no such person here.”

More than his voice, which was hard to distinguish between displeasure and playfulness, something else startled Seo-ha.

Through the partition gap, she saw a small light. At first, she just blinked, not understanding what the light was or where the “tsk” sound came from. But when the acrid smell hit her nostrils, Seo-ha realized.

“Hey!”

“I told you there’s no such person here.”

The man exhaled tobacco smoke and spoke in a languid voice mixed with air.

“Ki Tae-beom.”

Briefly stating his three-syllable name.

In the enclosed space, the smoke was thick even through the dim lighting.

Though she could suppress a cough, she couldn’t hold her breath. With each inhale, the smoke traveling from her nose to her lungs made Seo-ha dizzy and short of breath.

“Non-smoker?”

“It would have been nice if you’d asked before lighting up.”

Though she hadn’t meant it as a joke, the listener found it amusing and gave a low laugh. Then, as if doing her a favor, he whispered:

“I’ll do it, the confession.”

Seo-ha didn’t believe this man, delinquently smoking in a confessional, would sincerely confess his sins and repent. She was beginning to realize she had done something foolish, whether driven by stubbornness or an attempt to change the current situation.

“Never mind, it’s getting late anyway…”

So she planned to ignore Ki Tae-beom’s casual offer to confess.

“I committed adultery with a married woman.”

However, the man cut off Seo-ha’s words and forcefully confessed his sin. In quite a solemn voice at that.

Seo-ha, who had been about to stand, awkwardly straightened her posture.

“With Pastor Moon Seok-ho’s wife, who provided me employment, inside the pastor’s church and home.”

She had known he was brought into the house but hadn’t known they had been intimate.

Seo-ha felt another headache coming on but clasped her hands tightly to avoid touching her forehead.

“Then I was caught in the act by the pastor’s daughter.”

Seo-ha took a deep breath. The cigarette smoke filling the tiny booth made her dizzy and short of breath. The smoke seeping through the partition gaps felt like the man’s breath.

The thought made her skin crawl.

Since that day, it was as if Satan had possessed her – the slightest trigger would make her recall Ki Tae-beom’s body embracing Park Hee-jung.

The man had confessed his sin. Now it was time to grant absolution and end this.

Feeling her throat go dry with thirst, Seo-ha opened her mouth.

“But an even greater sin is…”

Before Seo-ha could speak, Ki Tae-beom’s confession continued languidly. Apparently, he had more sins to confess.

Seo-ha swallowed dryly and waited for Tae-beom’s next words.

“That now I want to embrace the daughter of the woman I committed adultery with.”

Was this what it felt like to have your mind go blank?

His words wouldn’t register in her mind.

“It’s alright to embrace an unmarried woman, isn’t it?”

But very slowly, as his words sank in, the thought that entered her mind…

“Or perhaps you’ve dedicated your virginity to God?”

Wasn’t shame, humiliation, contempt, or disgust, but an utterly sacrilegious and sensual thought.

This man named Ki Tae-beom had caressed Park Hee-jung’s body. Each time he thrust himself into her, her thighs and buttocks had moved like spasms, and without showing any strain, his firm forearms had lifted the woman’s naked body.

Each time he repeated the back-and-forth motion, veins bulged on the backs of his hands as he gripped the woman’s buttocks.

The woman’s ecstatic expression and moans at those moments…

“…I’m going crazy.”

Weren’t Park Hee-jung’s.

In Seo-ha’s memory, the woman’s face started as Park Hee-jung’s but gradually transformed into her own.

It was an unbearably sacrilegious fantasy.

A loud noise accompanied the chair rolling on the floor. It was from her abruptly standing up.

It wasn’t Tae-beom who had made the improper confession who left the confessional first, but Seo-ha. She couldn’t stand to be in the same space any longer with this man who, having developed a taste for such filthy acts, now dared to reach for her.

She planned to take a taxi home alone.

However, as Seo-ha passed the black sedan parked in front of the church, she suddenly realized:

‘I came out with nothing.’

She had left without her bag, let alone her wallet. And the distance from the church to home was not walkable.

Seo-ha stood still, biting her lower lip hard, when she smelled the acrid cigarette smoke again. Turning around, she saw Tae-beom standing in the doorway with a new cigarette between his lips, smirking.

“Let’s get in the car now.”

The man inhaled deeply on his cigarette until his cheeks hollowed, then exhaled the gray smoke. Despite the distance between them, Seo-ha felt as if the smoke was blown right in her face, making it hard to breathe.

This shouldn’t keep happening, these lustful thoughts that kept invading her mind without her permission.

“Don’t be afraid.”

One must avoid fornication. One must achieve purity to become a righteous child of God.

She tried to recall the Bible verses her father had drilled into her head since childhood about the importance of maintaining virginal purity as a proper maiden.

But once certain thoughts took hold of her mind, there was no way to control them.

“I may have a taste for adultery, but rape isn’t my style.”

She imagines using her memory of Ki Tae-beom embracing Park Hee-jung.

Imagining him embracing her instead.

In ways her father forbade, ways that would prevent her from becoming God’s righteous child.