BHB 77

“… Shit.” Yeowon irritably threw his phone onto the sofa and sat down next to him, “Fuck, I’ve become a total loser.”

Before, he had a truckload of friends who would come out whenever he called, and he was never lonely as he always surrounded by friend

“I met Seungha hyung. With Youngjae.” Yeowon, not wanting to lose to his stubbornness, initially resisted but soon answered honestly. 

Then, as he always did, he comfortably leaned against Lee Taegang while keeping his eyes on the TV and continued speaking, “Did I tell you? That I met Seungha hyung at Youngjae’s villa.”

He added while gulping down the beer, “That hyung lives there.”

“…”

“Youngjae and hyung were already acquainted. So the three of us had a drink together.” Yeowon finished his beer and crumpled the empty can in one hand, throwing it toward the nearby trash can. 

When the can drew a parabolic arc and went straight into the trash can, Yeowon snapped his fingers and looked at Lee Taegang as if to say, did you see that? But Lee Taegang wasn’t looking at all and was staring straight ahead with an expressionless face. 

Sensing something odd about the suddenly subdued atmosphere, so different from his earlier pressing questions, Yeowon abruptly brought up the topic.

“Actually, I’ve been meaning to ask you.” He put his leg on Lee Taegang’s thigh to get his attention, as if telling him to look at him. 

“Since when have you and Seungha hyung been on bad terms?”

“…”

“Why didn’t I know? I only found out recently when you ran into Seungha hyung. That you two don’t get along.”

‘Huh?’

When he asked again, tapping Lee Taegang’s thigh with his foot, Taegang’s gaze finally turned toward him. It wasn’t a pleasant look. The atmosphere had shifted to something off-kilter again.

“Why didn’t I know?”

“Because I hid it.”

“What?”

“That I hate that bastard.”

“Why?”

“Because you wanted it.”

“I wanted what?”

“You wanted him and me to be friends.”

‘…That was true.’

Everyone would want the people they like to get along with each other. Especially if, like him, he only has two people he genuinely cares about.

“No, what I mean is why did you start disliking that hyung?”

“…”

“Is there something I don’t know?”

Lee Taegang remained silent for a while, as if unsure whether to speak or not. Sensing intuitively that something had happened, Yeowon nodded slightly.

“What exactly—”

“Do I have to like everything you like?”

Lee Taegang’s sudden answer that cut off Yeowon’s words was remarkably childish. So childish and so unexpected that Yeowon’s words got stuck in his throat.

“What?”

“Do I have to like everything that you like?”

“…Ha. W-who said you had to?”

“I’m like this.”

“…”

“I hate everything you like.”

Finding this nonsensical, Yeowon stared at Lee Taegang with rather serious eyes. With a face that looked dumbfounded to the point of appearing stupid.

“What does that mean, no, ha, I’m so dumbfounded I can’t even speak.”

“…”

“Anyone would think I forced you to, like, made you do it. Like I forced you to become friends…”

“I hated that bastard from the beginning.”

Yeowon truly lost his words at Taegang’s cold, sincere statement and look. Lee Taegang’s emotions, as if he truly despised him from head to toe, as if his teeth were chattering with hatred, began to surface plainly. In his confronting eyes, emotions that had been suppressed all this time were revealed, creating a strong, distinctive atmosphere.

“I hated how you kept calling everyone ‘hyung’ at the end of every sentence.”

From the first reason, Yeowon was so surprised he almost choked on his breath.

“And the way you would giggle while saying ‘hyung, hyung.'”

And the second reason? It was so childish he couldn’t even laugh, but he was starting to feel something was off.

“And that fucking annoying comment about liking him as much as me.”

Each sentence he spat out lodged directly in his ear. ‘Lodged’ was the right word. It was that shocking. Yeowon moved his lips and darted his eyes around confusedly. It was an attempt to grasp the situation, and the more he chewed over each of Lee Taegang’s words, the more his simple mind reached one conclusion.

No matter how much he thought about it, no matter how much he racked his dull brain in that short time, there was only one thing he could infer from those answers.

“… You…”

“…”

“Don’t tell me you’re jealous?” With a face close to shock, he asked quietly. 

Lee Taegang grabbed his ankle that had been resting on his thigh and yanked it forcefully toward him. Caught off guard, his body was pulled along naturally, bringing Lee Taegang’s face right in front of him.

Though it was a face he saw every day, when those artistic features came so close, Yeowon couldn’t maintain his composed demeanor and stupidly blinked repeatedly. As he tensed up instinctively, thinking their lips might touch, yet another unexpected line hit him.

“What else would it be?”

“…”

“You idiot.”

For a moment, breathing became difficult.

The reason was clearly shocking, but he couldn’t find why his heart had started beating wildly. His brain was obviously malfunctioning already. Not surprising, given that he was already a blockhead.

In truth, the feeling of jealousy between himself and Lee Taegang had always been very ambiguous. After all, jealousy exists not only between lovers but naturally between friends too. Even among men who’ve abandoned all subtlety, jealousy is proportional to the weight of affection.

Come to think of it, the first time he felt jealousy was when Lee Taegang entered middle school and started hanging out with boys who only knew how to study. He disliked Lee Taegang’s cold attitude, acting as if they moved in different circles now, and those unfashionable model students who loitered around him with their workbooks and vocabulary notebooks. He pretended not to care and respected it, but the memory of his inner bitterness was still vivid.

He’d often felt minor jealousy on other occasions too, but that emotion had never hit him as a shock. Knowing how important Lee Taegang was to him, he considered it natural. He believed that anyone with friends would understand the feeling of losing their closest friend. He thought it was just one of those common emotions. So even when he felt jealous, he had never been consumed by that emotion enough to hate others, nor had he ever disliked someone enough to hate them.

Yes, it’s an emotion that friends can commonly feel toward each other, just varying slightly from person to person. Lee Taegang must be the same. It wouldn’t make sense otherwise. If not that… What else could it be?

Yeowon suddenly sat up and strangely glared at Lee Taegang, who was peacefully sleeping next to him. Unlike him, Lee Taegang was calm. He thought his statement had been quite shocking, but the person who had made it nonchalantly turned off the TV, said he’d shower first, and went into the bathroom. After showering, he roughly dried his hair as usual, lay down as if it were his own bed, and fell asleep.

Yeowon, who had been silently watching this sequence, only showered and lay down long after Lee Taegang had fallen asleep. Since then, he’d been lying awake like this. The one who dropped the bomb was at peace, while the one who received it couldn’t settle down.

“Stop freaking out and go to sleep.”

At these words from Lee Taegang, whom he thought was asleep, Yeowon was startled and lay back down, pretending to sleep. Feeling foolish, he got up again and looked at Lee Taegang. He hadn’t done anything wrong, so why?

“What did I do?”

When Yeowon responded curtly, Lee Taegang slowly opened his eyes, turned his body slightly, and propped his head up with his arm. It was quite an arrogant pose.

“You want to?”

“What?”

“Is that why you’re staring at a sleeping person?”

‘Is that all this guy has in his head?’

“Are you the one who woke up because you wanted to?”

“I can’t sleep because you keep moving around next to me.”

“Then go home and sl-, sleep there.”

“Don’t want to.”

“Why?”

“Because you’ll sneak out and drink with someone again.”

“Why is the conversation going there? Are you monitoring me?”

“Yes.”

“Who are you to do that?”

“How do I know if you’ll spread your legs for some guy after getting drunk?”

“Your words are getting nasty again?”

“That’s what they say. Once you taste the back hole, you can’t go back to the front dick.”

“Oh, are you asking to be penetrated?”

“Big talk.”

Lee Taegang let out a cynical laugh and suddenly pulled Yeowon’s arm, switching their positions. In one swift move, he reversed their posture, mounted on top of Yeowon, and gazed at him intently. His black eyes rippled like a dark sea. As if they would swallow him whole.

His handsome face sometimes looked pretty too. Despite being hidden by his bulk, occasionally he looked refined and pure, like a young master who had never gotten his hands wet. Whenever he said things like that, Kim Myungjoo would pretend to gag. He’d insist it was love blindness and make a fuss about them dating.

Yeowon suddenly had that thought and casually flicked his long, wavy hair that hung down. The close distance and the intimate setting of the bed created a strange tension, but Yeowon looked up at Lee Taegang casually and opened his mouth, “Why were you jealous?”

His long hair touching his cheeks bothered him, but Yeowon liked his cumbersome hair. He liked his handsome face that suited long hair even more.

Even though he brought up the subject that had already passed, Lee Taegang showed no surprise and likewise brushed Yeowon’s disheveled hair away. With a gentle touch that contradicted his irritable words, “Because you seemed closer to that hyung than to me?”

When he asked as if coaxing a younger sibling, Lee Taegang burst into a smirk.

“Am I a child?” Lee Taegang lowered his face and bit the tip of Yeowon’s nose while responding curtly. 

Yeowon pushed him away slightly, feeling ticklish, and asked again,”Then what?”

But even after pushing him away, he stubbornly came back and bit the corner of his mouth like a child.