BHB 80

“Thanks for the drink.” As he spoke, shaking the two canned drinks that came out from the vending machine, Jeon Chaemin nodded and glanced at the cans with seemingly curious eyes. 

Reading his gaze, Yeowon casually added, “One is for Lee Taegang.”

“…Oh. You came with Taegang…”

“Yes. Are you here to prepare for exams too, sunbae?”

“Uh… well, something like that.”

“I see. Good luck.” Yeowon was about to turn around without hesitation after exchanging brief pleasantries.

“Um, Yeowon.”

At the sound of him calling his back, Yeowon licked his lips with a “tsk” and tried hard to hide his annoyed expression. Honestly, he had expected Jeon Chaemin to stop him. Yeowon turned his head to look at Jeon Chaemin. When he gestured with his head as if asking what he wanted, Jeon Chaemin, who had been hesitating cautiously, opened his mouth carefully.

“…Could we talk?”

“Now?”

“Ah, no. Whenever you’re free. Anytime…”

“What about?”

At this specific question, Jeon Chaemin looked around with a face that showed a hint of blushing. He was on guard, wondering if there might be any eavesdroppers.

“That… About what I said before.”

Both his cheeks deepened with blush. Yeowon, feeling twice as burdened, wearily rubbed his face. “Before… I think we already talked about everything.”

When Yeowon cut him off decisively, Jeon Chaemin urgently shook his head, “Yes, it’s natural that you can’t believe it. You… you saw that scene… and I suddenly… said such things…”

“Then it’s all—”

“But it’s true … I really… ever since you enrolled… from that time on… I’ve been watching you.” Jeon Chaemin was confessing with all his might, fidgeting with both hands. 

Yeowon finally couldn’t hide his uncomfortable expression and roughly ran his hand through his hair. “Even if you suddenly tell me something like that…”

“Oh, I know. That you’re not… that kind of person. That’s why… I’ve just been watching… I know you’ve only dated women all this time…”

“…If you know all that, why are you telling me this now?”

If it was since enrollment, considering the time spent in the military, it had been quite a long period. Setting aside the fact that Jeon Chaemin and Lee Taegang had that kind of relationship, he couldn’t understand why he was doing this now.

At the direct question, Jeon Chaemin, seeming like he was burning up inside, kept moving his dry lips and spoke with difficulty,”…I, I can’t give up…”

“…”

“I tried to give up… I did…”

“…”

“Being with you, because I like you so much…”

“…”

“…It’s harder to give up than to keep liking you… so…”

Faced with emotions deeper than he had expected, Yeowon touched his forehead. Although it wasn’t his first time receiving a confession, it was his first from a man, so he couldn’t grasp how to handle it. It felt like the deepest and most heartfelt confession he had ever received, making it even more perplexing. Moreover, it was from someone he had never dreamed would like him.

If anything, he had considered him a rival in love.

Of course, having come to like Lee Taegang, he realized he could possibly be interested in men too, but that was limited to Lee Taegang. When rumors about him and Lee Taegang circulated, he had been the one who shuddered with disgust. 

After hesitating for a long time, Yeowon spoke quietly, “…I’m sorry.”

Feeling that he should be respectful to someone who said they liked him, regardless of who they were, Yeowon conveyed just one sentence without any other excuse.

The meaning of those words would have been sufficiently conveyed. Leaving behind the frozen Jeon Chaemin, Yeowon turned to walk away without elaborating further.

“… Is it…” But the other person seemed to have more to say and urgently stopped him once again. “Is it… because I’m a man?”

Seeing the quite persistent person before him, Yeowon couldn’t hide a long sigh and firmly replied while holding the nape of his neck. “I’ve just never thought of sunbae that way.”

“… So it’s because I’m a man…”

“I’m sorry.”

“…”

“That’s all I have to say.” Yeowon gave a final nod as a farewell and turned to walk away again. He could still see Jeon Chaemin standing there, but a rejection needed to be clear.

Returning troubled after going to buy just one drink, Yeowon felt a vexing emotion rising from inside him as soon as he saw Lee Taegang, who was quite focused. It seemed like he was the root cause of all this. HIs beginning to act pathetically, receiving a confession—everything. HE felt an irrational surge of irritation.

In reality, he had become entangled with Jeon Chaemin because of Lee Taegang. If only he hadn’t seen that scene. If he hadn’t seen the two of them like that, he wouldn’t have given him a second glance. He couldn’t ignore him because he kept wondering about that person, caring about what kind of person he was.

Yeowon handed the can he was holding to him as if throwing it, then gathered his coat and belongings. At this sudden action, Lee Taegang’s focus immediately broke, and his attention poured toward Yeowon. 

Yeowon could see his sharp eyes becoming cold behind his glasses.

“What are you doing?”

Even the initial pointless waste of time at the library was all because of Lee Taegang. 

Yeowon, feeling spiteful for no reason, closed his bag zipper and replied lightly, “Going home.”

“Let’s go together later.”

“No. Why should I waste time because of you?”

If Lee Taegang hadn’t been caught by him having sex with Jeon Chaemin, he wouldn’t have been concerned about Jeon Chaemin. And he wouldn’t be so confused because of his feelings for Lee Taegang.

Even if Jeon Chaemin confesses that he likes him, all he can think about is the image of the two of them sleeping together. That’s why he couldn’t understand the confession, and because he still knew that there was something he didn’t know between the two of them, the confession felt even more unsettling.

“You’re being nice with your words again.” Lee Taegang took off his glasses and pressed down on his eyelids as if his eyes were tired.

“I’m leaving first. See you later.”

“Let’s go together.”

“I said no.”

“Why did you suddenly get in a bad mood and come back? Did something happen?”

‘Yeah. Something happened. Jeon Chaemin, who you slept with, likes me. But all I can think about is the image of you and Jeon Chaemin sleeping together. Jeon Chaemin didn’t like you, he liked me, but why did you two sleep together? Why did you sleep as if you were so crazy about each other? Did you like Jeon Chaemin? Or did you sleep without any feelings, like you do with me? If so, are you and Jeon Chaemin just people you can fool around with without any thought, and are we no different?’

The fact that he’s having such pathetic thoughts is annoying. He wasn’t this kind of guy. He was definitely not the kind of guy who would dwell on the past and act so pathetic.

“… Nothing happened. I’m just leaving because there’s nothing to do anyway.”

When Yeowon didn’t budge, Lee Taegang took a deep breath and began to pack his things. Yeowon frowned as he saw him trying to follow him.

“Just finish up and come.”

“It’s okay.”

“Don’t do this because of me, just let me go first―”

“Don’t act like it’s something new.”

“What?”

“It’s not like this is the first time I’m doing this because of you.”

“…”

“Just go home together.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“What?”

“… I mean, why do you keep doing this because of me.”

‘Why are you doing this because of me….’

It was an extension of the conversation they had earlier. He was already giving meaning to the guy’s direct statement that he had come to this university because of him. Things that he had taken for granted now felt new, and he was questioning each one, asking “why.” It was something that people who liked someone would do at least once. It was a pathetic thing to do, expecting things even though they were always the same.

It’s fucked up.

He shouldn’t have realized it. He shouldn’t have known that he was feeling something more than friendship for Lee Taegang.

From then on, he began to give meaning to things that had been taken for granted.

Yeowon, unable to bear the sudden surge of heat, grabbed the guy’s wrist. The emotions that suddenly erupted were so intense that they were hard to control. Emotions were scary. They made him unable to control anything. To the point where he felt self-loathing.

“What the hell pushed your buttons.”

The library building had 10 floors, and the 8th floor was a video room. Everyone could borrow classic movies or movies and works that they couldn’t see now and watch them in a private video room. It was created to improve the students’ cultural level, but there were rumors that it was being used for a different purpose. It was said that couples frequented it.

Of course, there had been times when they were caught, and the chairman had issued a strong warning. He said that if they were caught, they would be immediately reported to the police and expelled. And after that, they were never allowed to enter alone, male and female. Of course, male-male and female-female didn’t matter. There were times when the narrow-mindedness of social perception was helpful like this.

As soon as he entered the video room, Yeowon locked the door and pushed Lee Taegang against the wall. Lee Taegang’s breathing also became rough at Yeowon’s actions that were fueling the fire. But as if he couldn’t shake off his doubts, he repeatedly asked Yeowon, who was recklessly kissing him and unbuckling his pants.

“It’s fun to see you acting like a slut in heat… but what’s the reason, really.”

“… Just shut up.” Yeowon took off the guy’s pants in one go and put his hand inside his briefs. He could feel the guy’s warm dick, which had already started to get hard, in his palm.

“You’re already hard.” Yeowon chuckled and bit the other person’s lips, causing Lee Taegang to wrinkle his nose in a pleasing way as if stimulated.

“You really want to get fucked?”

Lee Taegang chewed on him as if warning the provocative Yeowon. The touch of his hand directly caressing his dick became bolder, and he abandoned his attitude of just watching and grabbed Yeowon’s buttocks as if he would tear them off.

“I’m the one who’s going to fuck you today.” Yeowon smiled mischievously and pressed his own half-hard lower body against him. 

When their heights didn’t quite match, Lee Taegang, as if he had been waiting for it, matched his eye level and immediately twisted his head and swallowed his lips. Yeowon moved languidly to stimulate the two intimately touching dicks, but Lee Taegang moved roughly, thrusting his hips.