GBH 119

Song Yi-heon genuinely worried about Song Min-seo as he left. The child who seemed to leave without any lingering attachments only asked him to take care of Song Min-seo, and he couldn’t deceive her.

He wanted to give up everything, but like returning home, his sense of responsibility for Song Min-seo moved him.

He got up heavily and knocked on Song Min-seo’s door. Despite knocking repeatedly, there was no permission from inside, so he leaned against the wall and waited. This was a common occurrence. Although she was said to be improving with treatment, Song Min-seo was still recovering and slow to respond to external stimuli. Or she might be deliberately ignoring it.

This time it seemed to be the latter, as Song Min-seo casually came out wearing a long coat. Although she wasn’t wearing makeup like she used to when she was an actress, her curved eyelashes and delicate nose line adorned her plain face beautifully.

Seeing her like this reminded him of how much Song Yi-heon resembled her.

As Song Yi-heon stood blocking her way, Song Min-seo met his gaze.

Song Yi-heon, whose eye level had been similar to hers at the beginning of the year, had grown much taller, and Song Min-seo had to look up at her son. Her long straight hair, which she had spent most of her preparation time combing, flowed down with her head movement.

“… I have something to talk about.”

This time, Song Min-seo kept her mouth shut.

As she improved with treatment, she was able to live a normal life, but she rarely spoke. She would only speak briefly in short answers when necessary, and since the doctor’s opinion was that she was normal, it seemed she was choosing not to speak because she didn’t want to.

She returned to her room without giving permission to enter. Seeing her sit at the round table, it seemed she wanted to talk while sitting down, so Song Yi-heon closed the door and followed her in.

Not knowing what to say, Song Yi-heon was rubbing his hands under the table when she rarely initiated the conversation. As always, it was a one-sided announcement.

“I’m going to live on my own when I enter university.” Song Yi-heon’s restless hands stopped.

“You don’t need to clean up after me anymore.”

“No, that’s not… okay.” He awkwardly added the polite ending in front of her, trying to imitate Song Yi-heon, but soon found it ridiculous.

“Why would you clean up after me?” Her expression and tone remained indifferent, but there was a strange hint of mockery.

“I’ve never been a mother to him anyway.” Song Min-seo spoke as if the Song Yi-heon in front of her wasn’t her son. 

She seemed to know that the Song Yi-heon in front of her wasn’t her son. Song Yi-heon’s eyebrows raised crookedly.

If Se-kyung had noticed that Song Yi-heon was a different person with her sensitive nature, Song Min-seo was more intuitive.

“He can’t call my name.”

It was the day when Lee Mi-kyung had tried to have her kidnapped and confined in a mental hospital. Song Yi-heon, who was returning home with Se-kyung, tried to stop the thugs, and when he was pinned down by a thug after rolling on the lawn, he shouted.

‘Song Min-seo-! Wake up! Run away! Song Min-seo!’

He called out Song Min-seo’s name loudly. It was an urgent situation. He shouted her name to wake her up from her unconscious state, and Song Min-seo vaguely came to her senses. Although she couldn’t open her eyes due to the drugs, she was aware enough to know that Song Yi-heon was calling her name.

Song Yi-heon’s sharp call of Song Min-seo’s name briefly jolted her to consciousness.

From that day on, Song Min-seo no longer believed Song Yi-heon to be her son. It might be an excessive suspicion. However, the Song Yi-heon she had given birth to was starved for affection and always called her “mom.” He was not a child who would ever call Song Min-seo by her name, but would shout “mom” until his throat was sore.

Then where did the child she had given birth go? Did the chairman take him away? She constantly thought about finding her son’s whereabouts.

It wasn’t easy. The wrong medication and alcohol had made her head murky, like a soup that had been stirred for too long. Her memories were cut off like broken film, became blurry, and she often forgot things as soon as she turned around.

One day she would remember a strange man pretending to be Song Yi-heon in her house, and the next day she wouldn’t remember giving birth to a child at her glamorous age of 21. When she took her prescribed medication, she became lethargic and sleepy, unable to move a finger, and when she didn’t take the medication, she had seizures because she couldn’t accept the reality of aging while stuck at home.

Sometimes she wondered if she was truly crazy for suspecting her son to be someone else.

If it weren’t for the man who stayed by her side until the end, even though he wasn’t her son, Song Min-seo might not have regained her sanity.

“Pretending to be a mother now is crazy.”

When she was able to string her thoughts together enough to be lucid, she realized that she had no right to assert any rights regarding Song Yi-heon. The very attempt to find the son she had neglected was presumptuous, so Song Min-seo chose to keep her mouth shut.

It was closer to repentance, knowing that maternal love wouldn’t suddenly appear this late. As she had done so far, she stoically endured the tangled reality. She made no attempt to improve. It seemed that only by doing so could her missing son forgive her even a little.

Something about her detached demeanor seemed to touch Song Yi-heon.

“Your son… has left.”

He painfully revealed the truth. He told her everything that had happened between him and Song Yi-heon last winter. Like a confession, he sometimes paused as if it was difficult, but over a long time, he conveyed everything up to Song Yi-heon’s final farewell from the night before.

“……”

Song Min-seo was able to listen to his words without denying them because her mind wasn’t fully sound. Her thought processes weren’t yet properly established, allowing her to believe unbelievable stories. 

She listened without batting an eyelid and briefly told Song Yi-heon what he should do. “Live.”

Song Yi-heon chewed on the inside of his mouth.

“Just live without getting entangled anymore. Forget this place and go live well somewhere else.”

“But-“

“I’ll take care of my son. Don’t interfere anymore.”

Song Min-seo drew the line. She thought the man in front of her had done enough. If there was anything left to do for her son, it was right that she should do it. And she wanted to do at least that much. Song Min-seo drew on the guilt of the unfamiliar man before her.

“… At least let me keep this last promise.”

They neither comforted each other nor alleviated their guilt. They didn’t elicit sympathy with sentimental pleas. Since the person they needed to forgive had left, such things held no meaning.

Only commemoration and regret lingered in the silence.

* * *

“Haa-“

His breath rose white in the air. He tilted his chin up, following the breath that spread like mist into the sky. The painfully bright sky without a single cloud made tears well up in his pale eyes. As Song Yi-heon was rubbing his eyes to wipe away the physiological tears, someone grabbed his hand to stop him.

As his blurry vision cleared, Se-kyung’s bright smile, wrapped in a navy blue scarf, took the place of the dazzling light. 

Song Yi-heon’s gaze fell around Se-kyung’s shoulders, and he asked while adjusting the collar of her coat, “Who are you trying to impress, dressing up like that?”

Song Yi-heon was also wearing a black coat instead of his usual long padded jacket that was like a school uniform, but Se-kyung’s black long coat seemed different, perhaps because of the different style.

“Well. I can only think of one person.” Se-kyung chuckled and unwrapped her scarf to put it around Song Yi-heon’s neck.

“Let’s go.”

The two walked past the café they usually went to. The bus stop was a 15-minute walk away.

Even on a weekday morning in the crowded Seoul, there were people scattered at the bus stop. Perhaps because schools were on winter break, about half of the passengers waiting for the bus were students. Song Yi-heon’s school was also on winter break, and the next school day would be the graduation ceremony.

It had been so long since he’d ridden a bus that Song Yi-heon curiously looked around at the bus stop with its electronic display. Then he lightly kicked Se-kyung’s shoe.

“Have you ever ridden a bus?”

Se-kyung, who had been checking the electronic display for when their bus would arrive, briefly furrowed her brow.

“In elementary school. I think it was third grade… I remember it was for a field trip or something. Using public transportation in groups and writing a report, something like that.”

It had been a long time since Se-kyung had used public transportation without a chauffeur, so he recalled his childhood memories.

“I should get a driver’s license.”

In a few days, he will become an adult. Without any particular sentiment, Song Yi-heon just blew out another breath.

Their destination was in the eastern part of Gyeonggi Province. They got off the express bus and transferred to an intercity bus at a stop near the subway station. By the time their ears were sore from sharing earphones, one in each ear, the cityscape outside the bus window had changed to fields, and the horizon where sky met earth spread out before them.

They got off in the quiet countryside and stopped at a convenience store that stood out against the rural landscape.

Having lived as a high school student for the past year, frequenting school stores and convenience stores like sparrows to a mill, Song Yi-heon had mastered the snacks that kids would like. He skillfully chose a couple of drinks and snacks and placed them on the counter.

While waiting for the clerk to scan the barcodes, Song Yi-heon took something he found in the corner of the counter and pushed it towards Se-kyung.

“Buy this.”

It was the first time Song Yi-heon had asked him to buy something for him. Se-kyung willingly opened his wallet, but what Song Yi-heon had put on the counter was just a single strawberry-flavored Chupa Chups lollipop. Feeling it would look odd to just buy one lollipop, he tried to pay for the snacks and drinks too, but Song Yi-heon bodily pushed him aside and handed his card to the clerk.

Se-kyung, who had been frowning disapprovingly, had some thought and went around the shelves to find the container of lollipops. The large container, like a paint can, seemed excessive, but Song Yi-heon didn’t stop him.

A large nameplate, carved like a work of art, was attached to the wall forming the main gate.

‘Memorial Park’

It was the memorial park where Kim Dong-su said he had placed Kim Deuk-pal’s remains. When he received the note from Kim Dong-su on the day summer school ended, he thought he would never have a reason to come here in his lifetime, but indeed, one never knows what life will bring.

As they walked through the sprawling memorial park, looking around, Song Yi-heon muttered so Se-kyung couldn’t hear.

“These guys without money found a nice place.”

Although they had paid a premium price for a prime location when Kim Deuk-pal died, as the organization was still intact and had no financial worries then, they must have struggled to maintain Kim Deuk-pal’s grave site after the organization collapsed.

On the hillside carved into terraces, rectangular tombstones reflected light at each level. They lined up at the very back row as Kim Dong-su had written.

Song Yi-heon, who had been walking with his back bent, examining the tombstones, strode forward when he spotted a place where trees were planted.

“It’s here.”

Song Yi-heon quickly checked the tombstone and looked around, while Se-kyung, who had been curious about whose grave they were visiting, read the deceased’s life engraved on the tombstone.