LM 107

The streetlight’s glow seeped into Kwon Siyul’s eyes. They swelled up, filled with moisture that wet his eyelashes before rolling down. He had barely cried this entire time, but Woo Hyunse ruined it all. Tears flowed steadily as if his tear ducts were broken.

He cleared his choked throat with a “Why.”

“Why, why are you saying this now? Why only now? Why?”

Woo Hyunse once again used kindness as a weapon to stab him repeatedly. This was why Kwon Siyul couldn’t reduce even a spoonful of the affection he held for the other man. No matter how much he struggled to distance himself, his feelings only grew deeper, never diminishing even the slightest bit.

He wanted to hug him. At the same time, he wanted to push him away. Unable to do either, Kwon Siyul collapsed on the spot.

Love me more.

Love me enough that you don’t even think about marriage.

I can love you so much more.

If only you’d do that, I wouldn’t let go of your hand even until the moment I die.

Unable to voice any of these thoughts inside him, Kwon Siyul could only cry. He didn’t want to show such a pathetic sight, but his eyes wouldn’t dry no matter what. That single utterance of love had burst open the floodgates inside of his eyes.

Now he understood. That sentence was the one thing he had been desperately longing for all this time.

“I really hate you, hyung.”

Unable to express other resentments or coldly reject him, Kwon Siyul just whined like he did on the first day Woo Hyunse had confined him. He didn’t return the words of love. That was Kwon Siyul’s way of maintaining his pride.

Woo Hyunse knelt down and sat face-to-face with him. He reached out his hand very cautiously, like a child who had done something wrong. Kwon Siyul turned his head sharply, refusing. Woo Hyunse, his fingers curling in the air, tried hard to meet Kwon Siyul’s gaze.

“I’ve never been in this situation before, so I don’t know what to do. What should I do next? Senior Kwon Siyul, tell me.”

As if trying to soften the mood, Woo Hyunse called Kwon Siyul ‘senior’ like he did once in bed. His desperate voice indeed sounded like a child asking for guidance.

He shouldn’t give in now. Recalling all the hardships he had endured, Kwon Siyul clenched his fists tightly. He bit his bottom lip painfully, struggling to steady his wavering heart.

But.

Kwon Siyul glanced up at Hyunse. The other was anxiously watching his lips, waiting for what might come out of them. His steadfast gaze seemed to pierce through Kwon Siyul’s carefully hidden inner feelings.

Usually always smiling with composure, wasn’t this expression, like a rain-soaked puppy, unfair?

Wiggling his toes, wet from splashed rainwater, Kwon Siyul uttered in a tiny voice, “Well, for now…” He knew he couldn’t keep Woo Hyunse kneeling on the cold floor forever.

“Come in.”

“Let me stay the night.”

Woo Hyunse brazenly demanded. Kwon Siyul obviously said no. He had offered him a place to stay until the rain stopped, not an invitation to spend the night. It felt awkward to spend the night together in a relationship that was difficult to define anymore. As Kwon Siyul shook his head, Woo Hyunse added with a smile, “I won’t do anything.”

How many times had he said that and then tormented him all night? Even as he looked at him with disbelief in his eyes, Woo Hyunse had already strode into the room. His head nearly touched the ceiling. He was so tall his crown grazed the bulging light fixture.

Kwon Siyul could have kicked him out if he wanted, but looking outside, it was still drizzling. Kwon Siyul let out a deep sigh. He wasn’t heartless enough to send someone away who had been completely drenched earlier.

Just one day would be fine, right?

Just one night.

Letting him stay didn’t mean he had completely accepted Woo Hyunse. The wounds he had received were still too vivid to erase everything over a single sentence, not even scabbed over yet.

There was no spare toothbrush at home. The other man also needed bottled water. Tap water was fine for Kwon Siyul, but he couldn’t offer the same to Woo Hyunse. As Kwon Siyul put on his coat to go out briefly, Woo Hyunse suddenly grabbed the hem of his coat. As if Kwon Siyul might leave him behind.

“Where are you going?”

“To buy a toothbrush. I don’t have one for you.”

“I’ll go get it.”

“Then let’s go together.”

There was only one umbrella. Kwon Siyul looked back and forth between Woo Hyunse’s broad shoulders and the umbrella. Not wanting to get the already wet person wetter, he offered it to him.

As they walked in the rain, the umbrella was consistently tilted toward Kwon Siyul’s side. Kwon Siyul kept glancing at the other man’s shoulder, which was getting soaked and turning a darker shade. Even when he pushed the umbrella handle toward him saying he was fine, Woo Hyunse shook his head.

“I’m already soaked anyway, so it doesn’t matter.”

The way to the convenience store felt both long and short. Unlike earlier when it was unstable and fluctuating, Woo Hyunse’s body scent had now settled into a calm state. That subtle fragrance mixed with the hazy mist left by the rain, seeping into the skin like moisture.

Arriving at the convenience store, he put a new razor and toothbrush in the basket. Kwon Siyul glanced at Woo Hyunse’s back, then, thinking his underwear must be soaked too, grabbed a new pair as well. Giving him hid would be uncomfortable, and more importantly, the size wouldn’t fit him. Would his calf even fit through one leg hole?

As he laid out the items at the counter, Woo Hyunse put down the bottled water and drinks he had been holding. Kwon Siyul lowered his eyes. It was the yogurt drink he often drank.

“You don’t drink that, hyung.”

“I do now.”

“Didn’t you dislike sweet things?”

“…I guess so.”

Woo Hyunse looked down at the drink and chuckled. Kwon Siyul’s gaze lingered long on the corners of his mouth that rose easily.

“I must have gotten addicted in the meantime.”

As if to prove it, Woo Hyunse opened the drink after leaving the convenience store. He gulped it down coolly but still wrinkled his nose. Even though he made excuses about the carbonation being strong, there was no way could fool Kwon Siyul. That was the expression one made when forcing down something unpleasant.

“See? You don’t like it.”

Puhaha—Kwon Siyul finally couldn’t hold back and burst out laughing. Seeing Woo Hyunse furrow his brow after stubbornly taking a sip of something he disliked, it was impossible not to laugh.

How long did he laugh like that, clutching his stomach? Tears even formed in his eyes. Feeling a sharp gaze prick his cheek, he wiped away the tears and turned his head. Woo Hyunse was quietly looking down at him.

He had seen smiling faces countless times, but this was a bit different. More gentle, sweet, and the eyes peeking through the slightly smiling gaze seemed capable of melting a person. The body scent enveloping him wasn’t like a winter forest anymore, but closer to a sweet honey fragrance.

Ahem, Kwon Siyul cleared his throat and reined in his laughter. His ears were burning. He covered them by flipping up his hood.

“Give it here. I’ll drink it.”

Woo Hyunse readily handed over the drink. Kwon Siyul deliberately gulped it down. It had been a while since he’d had this drink. The taste hadn’t changed one bit from the first time to now. It was still as sweet as ever.

Perhaps because they had shared a laugh at the convenience store, being alone with Woo Hyunse in the small room wasn’t as awkward as before. Kwon Siyul was watching the muted TV when he turned his head at the sound of the bathroom door opening.

Woo Hyunse came out after showering. Seeing his wet hair, Kwon Siyul suddenly wanted to grab a hair dryer and dry it for him. Every time he did that before, Woo Hyunse would narrow his eyes and smile contentedly, like a cat sunbathing on a sunny floor.

But they couldn’t use a hair dryer at this late hour in the inn. People would bang on the walls complaining about the noise, or sometimes even come directly to curse and gesticulate. Though he kept pretending to forget that they weren’t in that kind of relationship anymore, to Woo Hyunse who was looking at him as if expecting something, Kwon Siyul shook his head.

“Just dry it with a towel. We can’t use a hair dryer here.”

Woo Hyunse rubbed his wet hair with the towel, his touch tinged with regret. It would dry quickly anyway since his hair was short.

Meanwhile, Kwon Siyul diligently laid out the bedding. He had tried to get more from the innkeeper, but they were out. So with only two blankets total, he gave the fluffy top blanket to Woo Hyunse as a mat. He placed his own blanket about a pillow’s distance away from Woo Hyunse.

Despite buying new underwear, it didn’t fit Woo Hyunse. Left with no other choice, Kwon Siyul found some baggy pants he had tucked away as they were too big for him and handed them over. Even on Woo Hyunse, they clung tightly around the thighs.

Kwon Siyul tried his best not to look in that direction. But the firm legs and the unavoidable outline of the lower body kept enticing him.

Taking advantage of the moment Woo Hyunse turned away, Kwon Siyul shook his head and sharply pinched his own thigh. The stinging pain immediately snapped him back to his senses.