LM 34

Kwon Siyul closed the door with a slight smile. He wanted to wait until the car left, but he couldn’t make Kwon Yuwon wait for much longer. He took a few slow steps backward, then turned around when he heard the car engine start.

For some reason, he looked back again after just a few steps. The car was still idling there.

He saw Kwon Yuwon sitting at a table outside the convenience store. There was a green soju bottle on the table. Sensing something was up, Kwon Siyul walked a little faster. Before arriving, he liberally sprayed pheromone deodorant to completely mask Woo Hyunse’s scent.

“Why are you drinking alone? Couldn’t you have waited a bit longer?”

“You’re here. Why so late? I thought you were nearby.”

“I ran here, you know.”

It seemed Kwon Yuwon had planned to drink alone—there was no paper cup for Kwon Siyul. Kwon Yuwon glanced inside the convenience store, sighed, and offered his own cup to him. Kwon Siyul took it without hesitation and drained the soju inside.

“Why the sudden drinking? Your limit is only half a bottle.”

Kwon Yuwon, who had been looking up at the sky with his head tilted back, straightened up. He stared at Kwon Siyul for a while, then laughed hollowly.

“Isn’t it hard for you, working until dawn every day?”

“It’s manageable. Why? Are you having a tough time lately?”

Kwon Yuwon had been working to support himself since high school. He’d done as many odd jobs as Kwon Siyul. For Kwon Yuwon, who usually completed any job without complaint no matter how difficult it turned out to be, to show this much concern meant this matter had to be quite serious.

Kwon Siyul grew worried. Kwon Yuwon rarely confided his troubles in him. It might even be that he’d already done something.

Kwon Yuwon silently refilled the cup. He filled half of the large paper cup and downed it. His face contorted as he chewed on some snacks. It turned out it wasn’t just from the bitterness of the alcohol that made him grimace.

“I was thinking about the past.”

“When we were at the orphanage?”

“No, when I was doing deliveries. The sucking up was awful, but the money was good. I thought we’d be able to buy a house soon.”

Kwon Siyul nodded his head, refilled the empty cup, and drank it down just like Kwon Yuwon. It had been the easiest job on his body and the best-paying one he’d ever had. But if asked to do it again, he wouldn’t be able to jump in without hesitation. The first person he thought of was Woo Hyunse. The man who gave him a stable job and told him not to do anymore drug deliveries.

“The pig contacted me.”

Kwon Siyul’s hand froze in mid-air as he reached for a snack. It was a memory he didn’t want to recall. The cramped stall, what he had almost endured on top of the toilet. The plump belly, the fat hands pressing on his neck, the boar-like breathing—these memories surged up and nearly overwhelmed Kwon Siyul. Goosebumps rose on his extended neck like barnacles.

Kwon Siyul raised his stiffened eyes. Kwon Yuwon, about to grab the paper cup, instead grasped the neck of the soju bottle and took a swig from it. His eyes were clouded.

“There’s a big job…He wants me to do it.”

“I thought you hadn’t heard from him. When?”

“I got the call today.”

Kwon Siyul’s appetite vanished. He looked at Kwon Yuwon with a blank expression. Kwon Yuwon didn’t look away. Of course, he wouldn’t know the details of what Kwon Siyul had gone through. Unlike Kwon Siyul, it hadn’t left a deep scar on him. It had only been an attempt, like stepping in filth while walking down the street.

“…Remember when that bastard stopped giving us work for a while? What was the pig’s condition back then?”

Kwon Yuwon’s neutral expression rapidly hardened. Kwon Siyul filled the cup with soju and offered it to the other man.

“You can tell me now.”

Kwon Yuwon stared at the cup, then abruptly flicked his wrist. Without touching the snacks, he hung his head like a criminal and mumbled something. Kwon Siyul couldn’t hear well, so he leaned across the table.

“I can’t hear you. What did you say?”

“…He said to hand you over. If I handed you over…he’d pay double.”

Kwon Siyul had guessed it would be some ridiculous demand, but he never imagined it would come to this. There was a reason Kwon Yuwon had stubbornly refused to reveal it even when asked about the cause. To steady his reeling mind, Kwon Siyul poured a large amount of soju into the paper cup and downed it in one go.

“That crazy fucking bastard, really.”

“Of course I refused. You’re not some object to be handed over. I told him off, fully prepared to cut ties. But this time, he didn’t say anything like that. He just cleanly asked me to do the job. It’s not even difficult. Remember the ‘throwing’ we used to do? It’s that.”

“…”

“At first, I wasn’t going to do it. How could I trust him? But the advance payment…The money after finishing the job is several times what we’ve earned so far.”

“Yuwon…”

“If we do just this one job, we can leave this place. We can get a lease deposit and live together.”

The soju bottle was already empty. His insides were burning, and he suddenly felt the need to drink more. In the past, Kwon Siyul might have trusted Kwon Yuwon to handle it well and would have agreed to follow along with whatever he decided. But strangely, now his words stuck in his throat like glue. The idea of stepping back into that world felt unsettling, yet at the same time, he didn’t want to let Kwon Yuwon do that job alone either.

“Can’t you not do it?”

Kwon Yuwon, who had been staring at the ground while speaking, suddenly looked up. He seemed very surprised as if he hadn’t expected Kwon Siyul to try to stop him.

“I just can’t trust that pig bastard. Let’s just work hard and earn money, even if it’s tough. We’re not starving, so there’s no need to take any risks.”

“Kwon Siyul. We need money.”

“Let’s earn it slowly,” he said.

Kwon Yuwon slammed his fist on the table with a loud bang. His hand was so tense that veins bulged on the back of it.

“Do you think we can save money just doing part-time jobs at bars? It’s impossible. Other bastards at least have parents to support them, but we have nothing, and you know it. We only have each other in this world. How long will it take to save for a lease deposit or buy a house with pennies? Prices go up overnight. How can we save that much in a world where dust gathered is still just dust?!”

“Yuwon.”

His voice grew louder with excitement, then began to tremble with emotion. Kwon Siyul called his name again to calm him down, but his sharp gaze remained pointed. Though they had been together since before they could walk, Kwon Siyul didn’t know how to stop Kwon Yuwon when he was excited like this.

In the past, Kwon Siyul would have quickly yielded and given Kwon Yuwon total control, saying to do as he wished. But this time, he didn’t want to. He wanted to stop Kwon Yuwon. He looked at him straight on, not avoiding his gaze.

“Still, let’s not do it. I don’t want you to do that. One dangerous experience is enough to last an entire lifetime.”

“…”

“If it’s really hard, I’ll work alone and you can rest. You might be tired. If you don’t like the inn, let’s look for somewhere else. We can look into loans for a lease deposit together.”

Kwon Yuwon was silent. He pressed his fingers against his eyes, as if they were throbbing.

“Yeah. Even if we get company jobs, we probably can’t earn enough to buy a house in Seoul. But if we save hard, we could gather a lease deposit soon, right? There are two of us. Or else it doesn’t have to be here. I saw on the news that the lease deposit here could buy an apartment in the countryside.”

Kwon Siyul rambled on purpose, wanting to change Kwon Yuwon’s mind somehow. Kwon Yuwon pressed his temples, then stared blankly at Kwon Siyul.

“…You’ve changed quite a bit.”

After scrutinizing Kwon Siyul for a while, Kwon Yuwon finally spoke. Kwon Siyul opened his eyes wide and pointed at himself with his index finger. At this gesture asking if he was different from before, a whistling laugh escaped Kwon Yuwon’s lips. His hard expression softened.

“Yeah. Before, you’d always agree when I said to do something.”

“I tried to stop you from doing deliveries at first too.”

“Will you give in if I insist this time too?”

“No.”

Even if Kwon Yuwon threatened to go their separate ways if Kwon Siyul refused this job, or said he’d leave if Kwon Siyul wouldn’t do it, unlike before, Kwon Siyul wouldn’t give in. He would try his best to stop him. He had a bad feeling about this whole thing. The pig wouldn’t have promised such a large sum for an easy, comfortable job.

They still had no money. Even though they both worked late into the night, compared to when they were delivering drugs, they were barely scraping by now. Still, Kwon Siyul didn’t want to go back. It wasn’t about turning over a new leaf.

It was just…

Kwon Siyul fiddled with the damp paper cup. He could still feel the palm on his lower back as if it was still there. The caressing touch had been warm and subtle.

He wanted to stand proudly before Woo Hyunse. Though he had nothing but his balls and was full of shortcomings, at the very least, he didn’t want Woo Hyunse to one day turn on the news and see him being arrested  by the police for participating in illegal activities.

Kwon Yuwon puffed up his chest, then exhaled like a kettle releasing steam. His puffed cheeks deflated. Wanting to drink more, he shook the empty bottle over his open mouth. Only a drop or two fell down. He smacked his lips and wiped them.

Though Kwon Siyul had joined in, Kwon Yuwon had drunk beyond his limit. His cheeks and under his eyes were reddish, and he hiccupped slightly. His pronunciation was also getting slurred.

“Yul, I really want to live well with you.”

“I know.”

“It’s so sad that in this wide land, we don’t have a home where we can lie down comfortably. Before we get older, I want to earn money quickly and live in a nice apartment, sharing rooms with you.”

The heat cooled quickly. He truly had a fiery temperament. Boiling up in an instant, then cooling down just as fast. Knowing Kwon Yuwon better than anyone else in this world, Kwon Siyul simply nodded his head and listened to his laments without comment.