LM 54

“What kind of joke is this?”

Kwon Siyul laughed awkwardly, still hoping it might turn out to be a prank. He wished Kwon Yuwon would laugh back, asking why he wasn’t falling for it. But Kwon Yuwon’s eyes trembled like his lips. Soon, they filled with tears.

“I really wish it were a joke.”

Then all those scents that had been coming and going like waves…

At Kwon Yuwon’s confirmation, Kwon Siyul opened his mouth but not one word came out of it. Ridiculously, Woo Hyunse was the first person to cross his mind. While Kwon Yuwon had said living as an omega was the worst thing in the world, Kwon Siyul’s heart pounded at the thought that he could now directly smell Woo Hyunse’s scent.

But his feelings were complicated. He couldn’t decide whether to be happy or miserable. Unable to laugh or cry, Kwon Siyul shut his mouth tightly and checked the IV drip. While he couldn’t understand the other complex terms, the word written in large letters inside the parentheses was clear and vivid.

Suppressant.

The reality Kwon Siyul faced was written right there.

After finishing the IV, they left the hospital. The raging fever had gone down completely with just one injection. If not for the occasional unfamiliar scents he caught, he might have doubted whether he had really differentiated, as his physical condition had seen such a great improvement. The dizziness, nausea, queasiness, and inability to regulate body temperature had all disappeared. He could be considered to be perfectly fine.

He was actually in better shape than before, but Kwon Yuwon beside him kept his head bowed like a criminal who had committed a serious offense. They sat on a nearby flower bed to rest for a while, and when Kwon Siyul mumbled that he was thirsty, Kwon Yuwon darted to the vending machine like a bee and quickly brought back a drink.

Kwon Yuwon remained silent, staring intently at the ground. After trying to start a conversation a few times without response, Kwon Siyul fidgeted with his fingers and skimmed through the guidebook given by the hospital. It contained basic information he already knew about, along with methods for managing pheromones, things to be cautious about during heat and rut, and how to find suitable suppressants.

“…Should I die?”

After a long silence, Kwon Yuwon finally said something. While Kwon Siyul, who had actually differentiated, seemed unbothered, Kwon Yuwon was agonizing as if he were attending someone’s funeral. Kwon Siyul looked up from the booklet. He stared at Kwon Yuwon, wondering what nonsense he was spouting. Glaring at the ground with eyes wide open, he didn’t seem to be in his right mind.

“Yes, that’s right. I should die. I’ll just die.”

“Why are you suddenly talking crazy?”

“Because of me, fuck, because of me…!”

Kwon Yuwon raised his fist and started hitting his own head violently. Despite knowing each other for over a decade, this kind of harsh self-harm was a first. Startled, Kwon Siyul jumped up to stop him. Even when he grabbed Kwon Yuwon’s wrist, his strength was so great that he pulled Kwon Siyul’s hand with him to hit the back of his own head. Unable to handle this superhuman strength, Kwon Siyul hugged Kwon Yuwon tightly to stop him from harming himself.

“Get away!”

Kwon Yuwon pushed with all his might. When Kwon Siyul tumbled to the ground, Kwon Yuwon seemed more shocked and reached out his arm. But he couldn’t grasp it. He was sobbing. Then he fell into a sudden heap onto the ground.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Kwon Siyul. I’m sorry. Sorry…”

He was apologizing excessively for just pushing. Kwon Siyul dusted off his pants and got up. As he tried to approach the other man, saying he was fine, Kwon Yuwon prostrated himself on the ground, banging his forehead repeatedly.

Fearing that Kwon Yuwon might end up in the emergency room bed this time, Kwon Siyul quickly lifted his upper body and held his shoulders. In that short amount of time, he had hit himself so hard that his forehead was red, and blood was beading where it had scraped against the ground.

“What are you keep apologizing for? At least tell me why you’re acting like this. Did you take out a loan shark? Or gamble? It’s okay even if you did. We can pay it back together.”

“Fuck, fuck…!”

“Kwon Yuwon—Kwon Yuwon!”

Only when Kwon Siyul shouted did Kwon Yuwon come to his senses. He looked at Kwon Siyul with tears streaming down his face. His hand gripping Kwon Siyul’s clothes was trembling like an aspen leaf.

“It’s all my fault!”

“What exactly…What’s the problem?”

Wrinkles formed on Kwon Yuwon’s chin. He bit his lip hard before explaining to Kwon Siyul in the midst of hiccuping sobs.

“Siyul, your differentiation, it’s because I’m a dominant, hic, they say you differentiated because of me…!”

Kwon Yuwon wailed like a child. He opened his mouth wide, tears gushing out as he sobbed uncontrollably. He kept crying even as passersby stared, repeating only “I’m sorry” as if it was the only thing he could say.

Kwon Siyul sighed, rubbing his mouth. Something immediately came to mind. Kwon Yuwon had mentioned it before. That being near a dominant alpha could unluckily cause someone to differentiate. If so, it looked like the culprit wasn’t Kwon Yuwon.

“No, Kwon Yuwon. Stop crying.”

He tried to say it wasn’t Kwon Yuwon’s fault. That the person he was currently seeing was a dominant alpha so that influence might have been more significant. But Kwon Yuwon, still hugging Kwon Siyul, wouldn’t let go and continued rambling.

“The doctor, hic, the doctor!”

Though his words were broken by hiccups as if he was about to pass out, Kwon Siyul understood what he was trying to say. A beta differentiating wasn’t something that happened from just a day or two of pheromone exposure.

It took 10 or even 20 years of being together for it to accumulate, which was why late  differentiations sometimes occur in beta family members when there was a dominant trait present. The longer the exposure time, the higher the possibility of differentiation.

“I, fuck, I did this to you…! My fucking trait did this to you…!”

Naturally, the person Kwon Siyul had been with longest in his life was Kwon Yuwon. So even if he hadn’t met Woo Hyunse, he was destined to differentiate someday.

Though he hadn’t wished for it, the water was already spilled. How to clean it up? It didn’t matter who was the cause. Knowing he couldn’t go back to before differentiating, he didn’t even feel angry about it.

It felt like just tripping while walking down the street. It hurts, but it’s something that can happen in life, and you just dust off your knees and it’s over just like that. Like Kwon Yuwon had experienced, there might be annoying, troublesome, and sad times ahead, but those were issues to deal with when they came.

“I’m fine.”

“How can you be fine? How?! You’re not even an alpha, but an omega!”

“I really am fine. And even if I had known I would differentiate, I would still have lived with you.”

“No. I’m not okay. I should die even now…”

“Kwon Yuwon!”

When Kwon Siyul slapped both of Kwon Yuwon’s cheeks with his palms, making a loud clapping noise, Kwon Yuwon’s eyes widened. Pressing on his dry cheeks, he pouted.

“Don’t blame yourself. It’s absolutely not your fault. I’m not even suffering. I know it’s a shitty life because you told me that, but so what? Now that I’ve differentiated, I’m thinking at least I’ll smell good without showering.”

At Kwon Siyul’s calm attitude and the joke he added at the end, Kwon Yuwon’s tears subsided somewhat. However, his sniffling hadn’t completely stopped. Kwon Siyul sat Kwon Yuwon, who was still breathing in gasps, on the flower bed and offered him a can. Even after drinking the beverage, Kwon Yuwon continued to cry.

“I’m really fine, I tell you. If it was truly terrible, I’d be hugging you and crying too. Look, I’m not crying.”

Kwon Siyul pointed to his clear eyes, doing his best to console Kwon Yuwon. The guilt Kwon Yuwon felt seemed far greater than the shock Kwon Siyul had received. Kwon Yuwon bowed his head as if trying to burrow it into the ground, and filled nearly thirty minutes with apologies.

By the time the apologies became tiresome, Kwon Yuwon’s breathing had calmed. Still, he didn’t raise his head. Looking at his behavior, one would think he had committed an unforgivable sin.

“Are you done crying now?”

“…I’m fucking embarrassed. I’m sorry.”

“If you say ‘sorry’ one more time, that’ll make it a hundred times.”

“Sor-“

“Stop.”

When Kwon Siyul firmly objected with a raised hand, Kwon Yuwon closed his mouth. The constant refrain of apologies was enough to make one’s ears bleed.

Although Kwon Siyul sat next to Kwon Yuwon to console him, it was a cold winter day with freezing ear tips and nose. Even in broad daylight, the cold air attacked through gaps in clothing, with the ability to chill a person to the bone. Fearing frostbite if they stayed out any longer, Kwon Siyul, aiming to change the mood of the conversation, exaggeratedly shivered, “Ooh, it’s cold,” while rubbing his arms and stamping his feet.

“Hey, we’re turning into frozen pollack. Shall we go make some soup?”

When Kwon Siyul joked while sniffling, the dejected Kwon Yuwon suddenly stood up. Saying they should hurry, that they might catch a cold, he grabbed Kwon Siyul’s hand and pulled him up.

Now that’s more like the Kwon Yuwon I know. Kwon Siyul grinned and grasped the hand Kwon Yuwon held out to him. As if Kwon Yuwon had absorbed all the shock Kwon Siyul should have felt, his heart was surprisingly calm as a result.

“As much as possible, don’t reveal that you’ve differentiated.”

“Why?”

“There’s nothing good about it. Just pretend to be a beta. That’ll be easier. At this level, it’s hardly noticeable. It seems like you’re recessive…Tsk, should’ve asked the doctor.”

Though Kwon Siyul thought they would spend the night catching up, Kwon Yuwon turned into a strict teacher, drilling Kwon Siyul relentlessly. He forcibly kept Kwon Siyul awake as he nodded off from drowsiness, making him learn how to control his pheromones.

If even for a moment pheromones leaked out, Kwon Yuwon would harshly scold Kwon Siyul, saying that with such a weak mind, he wouldn’t be able to survive this harsh world. He fully utilized his experience as a military instructor to put Kwon Siyul through the wringer. Kwon Siyul was educated in a half-asleep state, not too sure if he was in the inn or if he had re-enlisted in a training camp.

Thanks to this Spartan training, by the time the dawn light began to brighten the room hazily, Kwon Siyul could control his pheromones like someone who had differentiated at least a week ago. Kwon Yuwon also brainwashed him to take suppressants daily like vitamins. He even bought a whole box from the convenience store, not just individual pills, and dumped them into Kwon Siyul’s bag just in case of an emergency.