TIN 4

The room with a hand-sized window was the dormitory shared by the Oceans employees. It was small enough to barely fit my body, but having a private room was a stroke of luck. The other employees had to sleep with the same blanket, cramped together in the large shared space.

At first, I also shared a room with the other employees, but at night there were those who would grope me, so my sleeping arrangement was changed. To be precise, it was because every time I couldn’t endure it and flipped them over that I was forcibly isolated. The boss said they had never seen such a stubborn guy like me, and instead of firing me, chose to lock me up in the tiny room.

If it had been another employee, they would have been fired. However, the boss seemed concerned that something might happen to me in that environment—like those subhuman scum damaging my value as merchandise or reducing me to a rag through constant abuse.

Others might think I’m lucky. Being able to wake up in the morning without stranger’s semen sticking to me is certainly better than being mauled by beast-like coworkers at night. Even the shared room was more comfortable than the alleys I used to roam as a child, but there were times when I would have preferred the alleys.

For example, right now. Lying under the worn-out blanket, gazing out the wide-open window. If I close my eyes, the suffocating air makes it impossible to even turn off the fan, so I focus on the outside air through the palm-sized window.

‘I can’t make a sound.’

The cramped room reminds me of the time I hid in a small box, holding my breath. The day when my whole life fell apart and I had to part with the person I had been with all my life. The last words the woman who bid me farewell whispered as she closed the lid.

‘Don’t get caught…’

The earnest whisper conveyed two meanings – don’t get caught being hidden here, and don’t get caught revealing your identity. The worry that bound me like a spell even carried a strong warning in the final words.

‘Live.’

The tears welling up in her pale blue eyes were the last image I had of that woman. The salty taste of the tear that fell on the corner of her lips, but in the box isolated from the world, not a drop of water or a ray of sunlight entered. After closing my eyes, struggling for insufficient oxygen, I had to try hard not to get dizzy from the endless shaking.

‘They said they saw someone like that person at the outskirts of the city.’

“…the outskirts of the city.”

I desperately wanted to dash out right away, but unfortunately I was not in a position to go outside. Oceans employees were not allowed to step a foot out of the store without the boss’s permission.

‘The only thing for sure is that she has blue eyes.’

The information I obtained in exchange for a kiss was something I had been consistently requesting from Theo for the past year. After learning that Theo was part of a gang, I had started buying information from him, grasping at any straw. At first I was skeptical, but as Theo kept coming back with news of a woman with blue eyes, my hope grew.

Someday I’ll be able to meet her. I knew it wouldn’t be easy from the beginning, so I wasn’t disappointed by the repeated failures. This is the person I’ve spent my entire life searching for, so there’s no way I could give up now.

‘Why do you keep looking for that person, anyway?’

I couldn’t explain my relationship with that person, so I brushed off the question, reminding him that we agreed not to ask about such things. Fortunately, Theo also seemed to have asked out of genuine curiosity, and quickly lost interest. If he had been more insistent, I wouldn’t have asked him to help me find her in the first place.

‘…Are you afraid of the dark?’

The stream of thoughts led all the way back to a scene from my childhood, where someone had asked me that question. The golden-hued eyes looked incredibly innocent, but the words coming from that mouth were anything but humble.

‘You’re a coward.’

Even though the person was a head shorter than me, yet his expression of disdain was so natural. It wasn’t irritating, but rather intriguing, especially when he followed up with an unexpected question.

‘How do you stop being scared?’

He asked this while staring at me intently, as if trying to figure me out. When I didn’t answer, he climbed onto the bed and gently prodded me.

‘How can I help you not be scared?’

That’s when it started. The child began sleeping in the same bed as me. Occasionally holding my hand with their tiny palm and patting my back.

‘Good night, hyung.’

“…”

I took a deep breath and pulled the blanket up to my chin. As always, just the thought of that maple leaf-like hand made my unease subside. I could almost feel the warmth of his little body and the sweet scent of his breath.

At some point, I must have finally fallen asleep.

***

A few days passed. During that time, Wang Wei had summoned me a few more times, and I had consistently reacted in a similar way. By then, the amusement seemed to have disappeared from his face. I could only hope that his interest in me would vanish as well.

I still hadn’t gone to the location Theo had mentioned. Theo offered to have someone bring the woman directly to me, but I didn’t want her to be kidnapped. She wasn’t someone I wanted to treat that way, and I could already anticipate what Theo would ask for in return.

Today, I absolutely had to go to the outskirts. It was about time that person should have arrived, so I thought I could ask to be taken out for just an hour. I figured if I handed over the tips I’d saved up and paid the usual fee, it might work out.

“Bada!”

As I walked into work with these thoughts in mind, as always, I was greeted by Lingling, who was, as always, sitting at the counter. As soon as she spotted me, she leaned forward, beaming brightly. Today she was wearing a teal cheongsam, and her nails were painted in a matching blue tone.

“Did you know? Today’s the day.”

“What day?”

I absentmindedly fiddled with the buttoned strap as I reflexively asked. The weather wasn’t great, and for some reason my throat felt particularly stuffy today. Regardless, Lingling nodded her head and lowered her voice conspiratorially.

“The day the VVIP customer is coming.”

“Ah, I see.”

I had made some comment, and she was referring to that customer from last time – the one who said they buy people. Not that it was particularly interesting news to me.

“Did you overhear the boss’s call again?”

When I casually asked, Lingling made a disgruntled expression. Her blatant chin-resting posture made it clear her enthusiasm had waned. It was both cute and amusing, so I smoothed my collar and added lightly,

“You’re gonna get in trouble.”

“Trouble? Me?”

Lingling outright scoffed, as if the very idea was laughable. Well, it was Lingling after all – the one who enjoyed the boss’s favor. There was no way she’d get in trouble over something like this.

“You’re so strange, Bada. Aren’t you even a little worried?”

Lingling pulled out a cigarette, lit the tip with a match, and took a puff. A faint sweet aroma wafted from the exhaled smoke.

“Worried about what?”

“You should be worried. The boss has selected candidates, and you might be one of them.”

That could be a bit of a problem. Setting aside what kind of preferences the customer might have, I wasn’t ready to leave Oceans yet. I still had a lot of information to obtain from Theo and the customers.

“As if there’d be some fool who’d buy me.”

Though, if someone really was willing to pay that price, there wouldn’t be much I could do about it. Since I had no choice in the matter, I’d have to find another way to deal with whatever situation arose.

“Well, from what I see, there’s nothing but those kinds of fools around here…”

Lingling briefly wore a look of disdain before taking another drag of her cigarette. She absentmindedly tapped the ashes into an ashtray, then exhaled the smoke and murmured,

“Didn’t you say you grew up in a junkyard, Bada?”

“It was an alley, not a junkyard.”

“Same difference. There’s plenty of trash in alleys too.”

It was a mind-boggling logic, almost making me want to laugh derisively. If Theo had said something like that, I would have just brushed it off as nonsense, but since it was Lingling, I offered at least a minimal response. Nodding, as if urging her to continue, Lingling scrutinized my face and muttered.

“Maybe it’s because you were born on the streets. You seem indifferent to everything, like you could just disappear somewhere without a trace…”

Should I correct her that I wasn’t born on the streets? No, since the place I grew up in was at least an alley, there’s no need to nitpick. Though I’m tempted to tell her that Theo, who meddles so much, was actually the one born on the streets.

“Your name is Bada, right? And the sea water flows wherever it wants.”

Lingling traced undulating waves in the air with her cigarette-holding fingers. It seems she must have picked up some information about the sea somewhere. Occasionally, when Lingling learns something new, she can’t help but relate it back to me. It’s a surprisingly innocent quirk of hers.

“You sure studied up a lot, for someone who’s never even seen the sea.”

“And you talk like you’ve seen it, huh?”

Lingling responded without malice, then glanced at the monitor in the corner of the counter. Her expression suddenly darkened, and she took a deep, drawn-out drag of her cigarette, her cheeks hollowing out.

Wondering what had caused that reaction, I soon got my answer when I saw her face turned cold as she spoke with a look of resignation.

“Honey, you’ve got a call at room 3.”