TIN 58

Throughout washing my hair and body, Joo Do-hwa’s pheromones lingered in my nose. The sweetest scent that felt like it could melt my brain didn’t disappear even after washing several times. This had never happened before. I suddenly understood the power of an extremely alpha male.

In the end, I left the bathroom unable to erase his pheromones. Judging by the state of things, it would take at least a few days for it to disappear completely. Pheromones couldn’t be classified solely as a scent, so they weren’t the type to vanish just by washing.

While I was washing, someone had come and gone, as the messy bed sheets had been neatly changed. A warm meal was also prepared on the bedside table—opening the lid revealed it was a thin porridge. Did Joo Do-hwa order this too? As soon as I thought that, irritation welled up.

“Capricious bastard…”

There was a limit to causing harm and then offering help. What tune am I supposed to dance to?

As much as I wanted to refuse it out of disgust and pettiness, I had no intention of being stubborn about precious food. So, sitting awkwardly on the bed, I emptied the bowl of porridge completely. The not-quite-cooled porridge was hot enough to scald my mouth, but I didn’t want to put in the effort to blow on it to cool it down.

I hid the envelope I had taken to the bathroom back under the mattress. At first, I thought about running away like this, but in my current state where I could barely take two steps on my own, it seemed impossible. Furthermore, given how dizzy I felt, there was a possibility I might faint after taking just a few steps.

“…”

As soon as I lay down and covered myself with the blanket, the consciousness I had been barely holding onto drifted away. I thought I had slept for quite a while, but it seemed it wasn’t enough to replenish my depleted energy. Unable to resist the overwhelming drowsiness, I fell into a deep sleep.

＊＊＊

I didn’t know how long I slept. I kept my eyes closed, feeling sleepy no matter how much I slept, and even in the intermittent dreams, scenes of nodding off kept repeating. Sleeping in bed, dozing off at a desk, and finally, as I was sleeping on a sandy beach, someone gently asked, ‘Sleeping again?’

The voice asking was so achingly familiar that I managed to lift my heavy eyelids despite the drowsiness. Through my blurry vision, I saw a woman with long hair. Clear eyes as blue as the sky looked down at me with a faint smile.

‘What if you fell asleep in a place like this?’

‘…’

I opened and closed my mouth, fishlike. I wanted to call out to her, but unable to find the right way to address her, I couldn’t say anything. So when I silently reached out my hand, the woman lifted me up swiftly.

‘Oh my, you’re covered in sand.’

The hands brushing off my back and bottom were full of affection for me. Even while scolding me, the woman adjusted my body in her arms as if to comfort me.

‘Were you that upset about it?’

I didn’t need to ask what she meant. I knew what she was referring to. I just reached out and gently stroked around her eyes.

‘I want blue eyes too.’

Those eyes as blue as the sea were more desirable to young me than any jewel. Why aren’t my eyes blue? I would often whine about this disappointment.

‘Hmm…you want blue eyes?’

At such times, the woman would smile bitterly and rub my cheek. It was always a warm smile, but the drooping corners of her eyes seemed somehow wistful.

‘There are prettier colors in the world, you know?’

‘What kind of pretty colors?’

How could anything be more beautiful than this? I was asking, not understanding what she meant. That was when the woman lowered her voice with a rather secretive air.

‘Look, like the sea reflecting the sunset over there…’

The clear voice gradually began to fade. The hands embracing me, the warmth of our contact, the fragrant scent—all disappeared before I knew it.

It may sound ridiculous, but I woke up feeling like I was being watched. More precisely, I should say I sensed a presence. In the surroundings that had been as quiet as a mouse, it felt like someone was there. Unable to shake off this strange sense of discomfort, the overwhelming drowsiness slowly receded.

“…”

I slowly lifted my eyelids and stared blankly into space. First, I saw the white ceiling, then felt the blanket covering me up to my neck. After blinking a couple of times, I finally noticed someone standing next to my bed.

“…”

“…”

Our eyes met. The gaze that met in mid-air was sharp and clear, unlike his usual bored look. His eyes, with their brilliant gold-like color, were repeatedly hidden and revealed by slowly blinking eyelids.

“…Ah.”

Right, there was such a beautiful color. The proof of a dominant alpha, as if containing the whole world within, like a creature made by God.

“What kind of dream did you have…”

It turned out to be Joo Do-hwa. The brief realization soon turned into emptiness. I had such a futile wish when I was young. This sudden awareness was the reason.

“You wake up with that face.”

“…”

I slowly rolled my eyes and then stared blankly at his face. Unlike me, who had become quite haggard, he looked as immaculate as ever. His voice was gentle, his appearance normal, and his attire particularly neat. It was hard to believe he was the same person who had been so aggressive last night.

“How did you come to this room?”

Joo Do-hwa, looking at me intently, asked gently. It was an out-of-context and abrupt question for someone who had just woken up. If he had asked if I was awake, it would have made sense, but asking how I came to my own room when I wasn’t even confined elsewhere?

“…I just walked here.”

I forced out my voice, which kept getting hoarse and wouldn’t come out well. His fine eyebrows furrowed at this. He probably found my monstrous voice horrifying, but his response was nonetheless impassive.

“You walked?”

His disapproving eyes asked. ‘Can you even walk?’

“Your assistant supported me.”

“I see.”

It was an unimpressed response, and he didn’t seem to care much. However, his following words were quite sarcastic.

“You’ve gotten quite close after seeing one cock.”

“…”

What nonsense is this again?

Why does he talk like this? With a voice as sweet as dissolved sugar, he only says vulgar things as if he’s licking a mop. I didn’t think he was like this when he was young—how did he end up this way?

“I guess Henry found that pretty too.”

I didn’t even want to ask what ‘that’ was. I had no intention of clearing up the misunderstanding or responding in any way. So I just kept my mouth shut, but he looked down at me with somewhat unpleasant eyes.

“…”

“…”

The silence… seemed particularly long. His gaze, staring at me intently, flickered with an unreadable light. I started to remember he got angry like this yesterday too. Just as I was thinking this, he finally spoke.

“Don’t you have anything to say to me?”

“…Anything to say?”

I wondered if I had done something wrong again. What could someone who had only slept all day have to say? If anyone should have something to say, it should be Joo Do-hwa with his displeased expression.

“We had sex yesterday.”

He said this nonchalantly and tilted his head slightly. The corners of his mouth curled up, twisting as if amused.

“Or was it rape?”

“…”

I had nothing to say. It was ambiguous to say it was, and equally ambiguous to say it wasn’t. As I couldn’t bring myself to say anything, he added in an indifferent tone.

“Well, I suppose you’re used to it anyway.”

It should be me, not you, who feels bad. But I didn’t understand why the man in front of me was making this expression. Since he was someone who showed incomprehensible whims, I couldn’t tell what he wanted from me.

“I looked for you. I went to your room but you weren’t there.”

He was the one who disappeared first, yet his tone seemed to blame me. His voice trailed off, almost sounding affectionate, but as usual, the words coming out of his mouth was anything but.

“But during that time, you even got support from another man?”

“…I said it was Henry.”

“Isn’t Henry a man?”

I felt bewildered. His reaction seemed almost like jealousy. Even knowing that it was no different from an obsession with an object, I found myself wanting to ask about it.

“…”

Why was he so obsessed? It seemed strange if it was directed at his ‘brother,’ and equally strange if it was directed at me, who wasn’t his ‘brother.’ Either way, I wasn’t someone who deserved such attention from him.

“…Why were you looking for me?”

However, unable to ask any of these questions, I clumsily changed the subject. I had a feeling that if I probed too deeply into his thoughts, I wouldn’t be able to handle it.

“I have something to give you.”

Joo Do-hwa answered surprisingly readily while rummaging through his pocket. Then he took something out and held it out to me. As his hand suddenly came closer, I instinctively squeezed my eyes shut.

“I’m not going to eat you.”

His voice, like a breath, whispered irritably. He seemed a bit exasperated. Only then did I squint and look at the object held out in front of me.

“This.”

“…”

The object held between his neat fingers was a smooth, rectangular card. I wondered why he was suddenly giving me this, but he spoke nonchalantly.

“Use it as much as you want. If you prefer cash, you can withdraw it and use that.”

As soon as I heard the word ‘cash’, a conversation came to mind. Last night, when he was inexplicably irritated, I had blurted out in frustration, ‘If you’re not satisfied with that, then you give me that money.’

“…”

So, it was payment for sex.